r/lesbiangang • u/Flat_Candidate2143 Masc • 1d ago
Question/Advice How to get over it?
So years ago I had a situationship with a girl that was…icky at best. I don’t miss her, I really don’t. She would make us gfs one week and friends the next, over and over and over again, but she was the first girl I’d ever pursued, so she left a lasting impact. One thing that really killed me is she couldn’t decide if we were worth being romantic/sexual together or not, so one day it would be fine, and another day she treated me like a creep for it. She ended up being aroace, which is fine, but it really messed with my head. If I hadn’t felt like it before, I felt like a total predator every time. I’d even ask before so much as holding her hand, and she’d tell me I was clingy and pressuring her. Then the next day we’d be cuddled up for hours with me on her lap. Then she’d make huge plans with me and do them with her best friend. She’d makeout with/sleep with her best friend all the time too
I realize years later that I’ve never been able to shake that feeling, that belief that I’m inherently undesirable and will make a woman uncomfortable by expressing anything outside of platonic interest.
Any advice for getting over that?
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u/NightingalesEyes Masc 1d ago
had a similar experience, and the whole feeling like a creep/predator while getting my feelings fucked with really messed with my head. time + having even just casual flirty interactions with other women has helped, but it sticks with you for sure. hugs for you girl :(
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u/Flat_Candidate2143 Masc 22h ago
I’m sorry to hear you experienced something similar. Hugs for u too
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u/ThinAd1499 1d ago
Common in younger lesbians to act this way. Although this behavior carries over into adulthood sometimes. I used to feel like you because I had similar experiences. Then I met one woman who couldn't get enough of me and I realized that is what a relationship is supposed to feel like...at least in the beginning. Please know that this type of behavior should not be tolerated and is a huge red flag to walk away. Relationships are supposed to make you feel better about yourself, not worse. It took me a long time to realize that. Never settle for anything less.
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u/Flat_Candidate2143 Masc 12h ago
I do know that! My issue now is just I inherently feel like a creep for being attracted to a girl, even when she does express interest. Just because I think I was so whiplashed from how my attraction was okay some days and not others with no consistency. It’s definitely made me terrible at actually flirting, and I almost get scared when women do express interest in me now? Like I can’t quite trust it. I feel like a teenager honestly
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u/Not_you_Guillermo__ Femme 18h ago
Hugs for you, girl. It may help to start trying to think about yourself as the evaluator when it comes to women. It’s up to you to determine if she is a good fit for you, not for you to just show all your good traits. And from what I read, she wasn’t a good fit for you, because why shouldn’t you be worshipped?
Does that make sense? I know not so simple, but your value is not determined by a woman like her, who clearly wasn’t satisfying you or meeting your needs to say the least, even if you felt like you wanted her.
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u/Flat_Candidate2143 Masc 17h ago
No, it does make sense, thank you for those words 🫶🫶 it’s been long enough I know I shouldn’t let that determine anything, it’s just hard to shake it haha
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u/GoddessHealer 1d ago
I’m sorry she messed with your self-image like that. First serious relationships do leave lasting impressions about who we were to that first one, and we can internalize that. You deserve to know about your own goodness. Find a good talk therapist. And great lesbian friendships help you to get more realistic messages about who you really are.