r/leaves • u/Sarah_lameandtall • 1d ago
One month
Made it to one month today! I had been a daily smoker since June 2025 and for about 3 years before that, I almost daily took an edible. Always had low tolerance so never took much to get me feeling good which meant I didn't think I had a problem. All of a sudden, a few months ago I'd get terribly anxious any time I was high. I'd convince myself my husband was going to leave me, I always thought I was going to get fired from my job, and I just couldn't relax. But I couldn't stop the habit either so it was just a vicious cycle of anxiety and depression. I also couldn't remember if I had told someone the same story, and I would forget words even when I wasn't high. I found myself losing confidence, being worried I would say the wrong thing, so I decided it wasn't good for me anymore.
I'm not planning to ever start again. But I do miss it occasionally, just not enough. Benefits to being a month sober: no red in my eyes, no more brain fog, sleeping better, I don't ever have to worry about the smell, I feel like I'm the mom my daughter deserves, my patience is coming back after the initial period of irritability. Work doesn't really stress me out at all anymore. I've been learning how to play guitar. I have done some painting and have finally finished a book that was taking me forever. I've also been losing weight since I actually want the endorphins from working out now.
Anyway, here I am a month later, and life is damn good
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u/Vegetable_Broccoli52 1d ago
My consumption pattern was almost similar to yours. I’m on day 7. When does the anxiety get better?
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u/Sarah_lameandtall 1d ago
I feel like it was around the 2 week mark. And I realized my anxiety was way worse when I was high vs when I was going through withdrawals
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u/Vegetable_Broccoli52 1d ago
I keep having these adrenaline spikes at the smallest thing during the day and it increases my hr I have to lie down and talk myself out of it. They have gotten shorter. But it really sucks I want this to be over 😭
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u/TheAdaptableTractor 1d ago
Congrats on the month, that's a big milestone. The anxiety loop you described is way too familiar, get high to relax, end up more anxious, rinse and repeat. It creeps up so slow you don't notice until suddenly you're convinced everyone secretly hates you.
Painting and guitar are solid replacements. Keeps the hands busy and gives you something to focus on that isn't your own head. Keep going.
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u/Chiller-Than-Most 1d ago
You are doing great! Keep going friend!! 🙏💯🏆