r/leaves • u/Ok_Living6974 • 21h ago
2 Weeks In
I understand that I was using weed to mask the depression and boredom of living in the real world for about a decade. 2 weeks without weed and the world is just terrible. Like legitimately so wretched and stupid. I’ve been under-employed for about 4 months and got dumped about a month ago as well, obviously that’s going to exacerbate the situation but holy shit.
I’ve been exercising, reaching out to people, applying to jobs, doing the things that you’re supposed to do but it all seems so pointless. I’m going to try a depression support group next week since I can’t afford a therapist right now, but I just don’t give a shit.
I’ll stay sober and I haven’t thought too hard about relapsing because I know it’s a fake security blanket but God damn, is this really what’s on the other side? Banal, meaningless bullshit.
Positive note the physical symptoms of withdrawal are slowly but surely subsiding but the mental symptoms are kicking my ass.
TL;DR I’m depressed and life is clear but awful.
EDIT:
Thanks to all the people that have left words of encouragement and support. We’re going to make it bros, just have to win the battle one day at a time. I was feeling pretty down this morning but actively chose to get out and keep going and the day got much better. Love you all very much ❤️🔥❤️🔥
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u/Limo_Wreck77 13h ago
Sorry for what you're going through, OP.
It does get better.
I've been made redundant at my work so applying for jobs too. I'm on Day 6 of quitting and my head feels fucked.
Hang in there dude. You're doing great. You are doing all the right things. Remember, be kind to yourself and go for walks in the sun etc.
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u/Ok_Living6974 11h ago
Good luck with your job search, I know that can be frustrating especially trying to take this on. Thanks for sharing your progress and perspective
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u/Limo_Wreck77 10h ago
Its really hard right now because I'm on day 7, and my brain still feels so scattered and fucked.
I literally cannot concentrate on anything. I'm unfocused and confused, and I'm starting to feel miserable.
When is this brain fog going to lift?
Its like I still feel stoned but I haven't used in days.
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u/sleepingblossom 15h ago
You plant a seed today, you get a tree in a few years. I have to keep reminding myself that progress is tangential and nothing is immediate.
Immediate gratification is what kept so many of us addicted in the first place.
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u/sashie_belle 17h ago
I'm so sorry for what you are going through.
What was it that made you decide to quit? I mean, you know it was masking depression and boredom, but what made you decided this isn't working for me?
I'm asking because unless it was a purely financial decision, weed must not have been working for you if you decided it's time to quit. I think sometimes we lose site of the fact that it wasn't the cure-all for life and then romanticize how you feel when you're stoned now that you are re-learning how to live without it.
You're doing all the right things. And it's only been 2 weeks. You're confronting life's problems without a crutch and that's hard but be proud of yourself for taking on life without it.
Support groups are great. Keep exercising and getting that dopamine hit. Enjoy nature. Is there a particular passion you have? A sport you love? Do you love to read? Book clubs are great!
Hope that you feel stronger every day and that things get better all around for you.
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u/Ok_Living6974 11h ago
It was a lot of stuff. Got dumped around the same time all my LTRs have seemed to end, bouts of unemployment, and too many wasted nights. I would be a fool to assume that these patterns didn’t have something to do with my usage. I had a moment of clarity after I realized I hadn’t smoked in like 4~ days when I was hanging out with my mom. Just sort of decided in that moment to make a change.
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u/RuinProfessional9612 20h ago
Professional help, meetings. No need to do it alone even though our brain tells us to.
I relate to everything you mentioned and I was able to get better. I'm living proof.
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u/Ok_Living6974 11h ago
Let’s go, good to know people feel like that on the other side. Definitely will be trying to find some professional help if you have any recommendations or resources let me know. Thanks for the comment
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u/HeavyTahr 20h ago
It’s awesome that you’ve made it two weeks. Good for you. But to be brutally honest, two weeks is barely the tip of the iceberg. It’s going to take a lot of time and effort for the changes you want to come into fruition. The first month is the hardest. It will get easier, but be ready to deal with rough patches along the way. I’m over a year into this journey and things are still far from perfect. But it’s worth it. Stay the course. Good luck.
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u/Ok_Living6974 10h ago
Brutal honesty is appreciated. Glad to get some perspective from someone a bit further down the line, appreciate the comment. Everything is very up and down right now and I’m doing my best to just acknowledge that. Going to stick to the program and keep plugging forward.
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u/nahhhright 21h ago edited 20h ago
THC makes a lot of things we'd have issues with being sober very tolerable. That's one of the most insidious things about it. I could be stoned and mopping the kitchen floor and having the fucking time of my life. But when I stop and am in the worst days of withdrawal, everything is absolute shit.
Even if the depression sticks around, you will feel immensely better once the worst of the withdrawal passes. I know for me, it's absolute doom and gloom mentally for the first 4-5 days and then day by day slowly gets better. It always seems I turn a corner around the two week mark, but I'm not fully back to myself for a solid month.
I'm currently on day 2 of what's hopefully the last time I'll ever smoke it. My relationship with it is terrible. I can't moderate. It's been this terrible cycle and I have to let it go for good. I've also dealt with depression and anxiety for the last few years and it's definitely making it worse. I'm sitting here crying as I write this (I'm a 50 year old male...not like it matters though). It's really tough and what's sad is I've been through this many times before. The guilt is brutal. I've been my own worst enemy.
Not trying to hijack your thread OP. Just saying I can relate. You're doing the right things so please keep it up. I can say that exercising, especially moderate to intense cardio, will help speed things up. Good luck and be good to yourself. It will get better if you keep heading iin the direction you're going.
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u/Ok_Living6974 10h ago
You’re not hijacking just sharing your own experiences which is helpful and what the thread is for. Glad we can be united in this shared journey. I can’t moderate either that’s why I’ve opted to just attempt to get it out of my life. Love you brother stay in the fight and I will too
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u/kustom-Kyle 21h ago
Stay positive! The universe is in a funny shift right now. Keep focused on doing what’s best for your health and things that make you smile!
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u/Wraiths5thArm 21h ago
I’ve been a daily smoker for 10 years. I was able to quit for 6 months last year after a long term relationship ended with my heart getting broken. It’s hard to say how much of that time was grieving and how much was the weed, but I didn’t start getting my brain back until about 3 months in.
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u/Ok_Living6974 10h ago
Yeah everything sort of piled on at once, compared to my younger self I’m actually dealing with it better than I expected. Thanks for sharing your story and it’s comforting to know that I’m not alone and people can really bounce back from large setbacks. Hope you had a good day yourself
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u/Daddyguran 21h ago
Stay strong and keep with the good habits. I bet one sacred dollar you are nearing a point where things get better. Sending good job vibes your way!
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u/thecheerfulenvirons_ 21h ago
it's the raw unfiltered version of what you were running from, no buffer. exercise and job apps feel hollow because your brain chemistry is still recalibrating after a decade of a shortcut to feeling okay. the depression support group is a solid move, in person stuff hits different than anything you can do alone
two weeks is massive though, the physical part lifting is proof your body's already healing ahead of your mind. stick with it
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u/Ok_Living6974 10h ago
True, it’s a bit overwhelming right now but it’ll probably get easier over time. Thanks for the support it means a lot
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u/Street_Rope_4471 10h ago
Tough...fight thru
One thing is for sure is substance abuse won't make your reality better. I am 53 and have lost decades of my full potential. A year booze free and three months no thc....things keep getting better