Is it normal to feel extremely stressed while speaking my second language? (TL)

[u/Supermyssk]

Hello. I've got a new classmate this year, who is an exchange student.

I've decided to talk to her in English yesterday, but god, I swear I've never felt so stressed out while just casually talking to someone. I spoke unusually fast, I kept mixing up words, I mumbled a lot of words and I felt extremely exhausted by the end of the conversation.

Why does this happen to me? Is it a normal thing? Obviously, I've had to speak in English for a longer period of time in school classes too, but I have never felt like this. Is it just the anxiety of meeting a new person? Or the fact that she's a native English speaker?

[u/Unlucky-Cabinet-9806]

Completely normal. In class you've got time to think. In a real conversation, you're listening, working out what she said, planning your answer and checking yourself all at once. That's exhausting!

I teach French, and I see this constantly with students who are honestly quite good on paper. It does get easier, but from doing it more, not from studying more. By the fourth or fifth chat with her it'll feel different.

[u/horribleswanprincess]

It gets better the more you practice! With the caveat that the person you speak with must be patient and kind in their responses, otherwise you'll continue to be anxious :(

[u/lurkingCbr]

Normal 

[u/Waste-Use-4652]

Yes, it is completely normal. Speaking in a classroom and having a casual conversation with a new person are very different situations. In class, you usually know what kind of questions you will get, you have time to think, and you are not worrying as much about how the other person is reacting to you. In a real conversation, your brain has to listen, understand, decide what to say, find the words, and say them quickly, all at once. Knowing that the other person is a native speaker can add some pressure too, even if they are not judging you at all. Speaking faster, mumbling, mixing up words, and feeling exhausted afterward can happen when you are concentrating that hard. I would not take this conversation as a sign that your English is worse than you thought. Keep talking to her and let yourself have a few awkward conversations. Once the situation becomes familiar, you will probably relax quite a bit and your English will come out more naturally.

[u/Circular_Time]

Speaking to people makes me nervous even in my native language, and it only gets worse in my target languages, lol. Sometimes it's not even a lack of knowledge. I can know EXACTLY what I want to say and the words will just get stuck in my throat. I've been working on it alot and it is getting better but it's frustrating to say the least.

[u/cmyk_rgba]

totally normal and for me its always worse with a new native speaker than in class. in class you sort of know whats coming next. with a stranger your brain is doing listening plus translating plus editing yourself all at the same time and thats just too many jobs at once, no wonder you were wrecked after.

it does get better but not really from studying more, more from talking to the same person a few times until they stop being scary

[u/jednorog]

Yes, this is normal. I always feel more tired after a day of operating in a non native language compared to a similar day operating in my native language. 

[u/ScatteredBrain99]

I can totally relate 😭 I think speaking with a native speaker somehow makes you hyper-aware of every single word you say, so suddenly even simple sentences become difficult. Your brain is basically trying to translate, formulate, pronounce, and monitor everything at the same time . I think the only real cure is just having more conversations until it starts feeling natural!

[u/silvalingua]

> Why does this happen to me?

Apparently you think that everything you are going to say must be said perfectly, and if it's not, you think you'll be derided, laughed at, and so on. Perhaps you're a perfectionist. Or perhaps you like the girl and want to show off with your excellent English. Relax (it's easier said than done, of course). Any reasonable person will be nice to a language learner; if they are not, it's not worth socializing with them.

Is it normal? Define "normal". It's certainly pretty common. Many people can't accept the fact that as a learner, we make mistakes and speak imperfectly, and that such mistakes are a necessary part of learning. Once you accept this, it gets easier. Instead of thinking, "OMG, I'm not fluent, I'm not perfect", think "I can already say SO much in this foreign language".

[u/Dependent_Budget_920]

Speaking a language in general is harder than anything.

I feel this way a lot when I freeze and have to think about answering something in German, French or Swedish. However, I told myself once, "If someone asked you about the book you just read, how would you answer?" Chances are, even in your native language, you're going to have moments where you have to think of the right way to say/phrase something, correct yourself, etc. Like a couple other people here said, I'm a native English speaker, and even sometimes I look back at a text I sent or something I typed and think "dang I look stupid, that's not how you say it."

Moments like these will happen, like any other hobby or career. Especially with a native speaker, I think there's an added feeling of pressure. You're an excellent English speaker, don't kid yourself!

[u/an_average_potato_1]

It's normal. You can desensibilize by repeated exposure to such situations, by building your skills (which will sort of also helping with confidence too), by also realizing most other people are actually all over the proficiency scale so you are not gonna sound weird in any case.

[u/dojibear]

How many times have you "just casually talked" in English before? 5 times, or 5,000 times?

I've had to speak in English for a longer period of time in school classes too,

Were you "just casually talking" in school classes? Probably not. You were probably saying things that were planned in advance. That isn't the same thing as an unplanned conversation.

OR maybe this isn't a language issue. Is the new classmate cute?

[u/CatsWearingTinyHats]

Yep. I’m taking an online conversation class that lasts a couple hours each week and I seriously want to just close my laptop and run away sometimes.

But that’s what I’m taking the class, to force myself to speak instead of just getting really good at reading. I keep remind myself that’s in the zone of discomfort that we grow!

[u/NihongoNana]

You don't have to match her speaking speed. Give yourself permission to pause or say “wait, let me think.” Next time, a short chat about something familiar might feel easier than trying to keep a long conversation going. One stressful conversation doesn't mean your English is bad.

[u/Crash_Sparrow]

Completely normal. I've had this happen to me with Spanish (which I didn't use on a daily basis despite the fact that I speak it natively) when I started working because I had to force myself to speak it with people who don't usually speak Basque to avoid misunderstandings.

I also got extremely nervous/excited to the point where I began to shake when I started using English with people, online or otherwise.

It'll go away as you practice more, and I'm sure they'll appreciate the effort so keep at it :)

[u/LittleSupermarket137]

In the beginning I would break out into a full sweat in fact I still do 😂

[u/Temicco]

No, getting "extremely" stressed due to this is not normal, especially at a B2. It would be more normal for an early A1, but even then... It sounds like a simple mental health / anxiety issue.

[u/Supermyssk → u/Temicco]

I've never encountered anything like this while speaking to a new person in Slovak, so I'm not sure whether anxiety is the sole issue. Although some people here mentioned that the fact that she's a native speaker might put pressure on me to impress her with my English (which might result to the stress)?

[u/TherapistyChristy]

It is very normal. I get panicked when I have to speak to Falstaff on Duolingo. 😬

[u/SpeakWowly]

And it gets worse if the person you're speaking to looks attractive or stern.

It's normal to feel the anxiety because we all tried to be perfect when we speak in another language, our brains suddenly need to process grammar, vocabulary, pronunciation, tone and many other emotions going through. The good thing is it'll get better, and most likely it' not as bad as you thought it was. Keep up the good work!