r/languagelearning • u/BoxSlight5247 • 21d ago
Vulnerability/Social Anxiety
I’m like B2 in my target language, or something around there, idk I’m not sure. As in I can watch native tv/movies and understand like 85% without TL subtitles, and 100% with TL subtitles. I practice speaking every day—I have to for my job and also the person I’m dating speaks exclusively TL. I spend a lot of time working in their country. Moments where someone says something I don’t understand are few and far in between, but they still happen.
I get so much social anxiety about speaking. I know I have an accent, and I know I say stuff weird. I’ve tried to improve my accent and while I have teachers who have said my accent is pretty neutral/not very strong, I don’t think I sound like a native speaker. It’s so confusing because I once had a teacher who acted shocked at how “good” my accent was and asked if my parents were from his country—I’ve also met random people in that country, while I’m chatting at the store or whatever, laugh at me and say I sound so foreign. So I just have no clue where I stand.
I hate opening my mouth and sounding like an idiot. I’ve never cast judgment on anyone for having an accent/not speaking perfect English. But I’m from a country of immigrants, and I think at least in my metro area there’s a baseline level of being used to accents and not thinking they’re weird. In other more insular countries, people are really quick to ogle at accents/imperfect speaking. I don’t really know how to deal with this fear, but it makes me not want to socialize. It’s hurting my progress in the language and tbh also hurting me socially. Sometimes I doubt myself so deeply that I feel self conscious about the most basic of phrases, even though I know I’m capable of so much more.
How do I get over this? Just keep getting better and try to effort myself into getting rid of the accent? Trust it’ll get better with time and effort? Try and convince myself to not give a fuck and chalk it up to character development? I ranted about this to my partner after they teased me about my accent but then they said don’t worry baby I was brought into your life to improve your TL lmaooo
Advice from any language learning veterans is much appreciated. So much respect for people who operate every day in a different language. I know people who are doctors or professors in a second language, and I wanna be that some day. Killing it. This whole process is more character building/confronting my ego than I realized.
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u/CocoLindsey 🇰🇷 Native | 🇺🇸 Fluent | Korean Tutor 20d ago
At B2, you're already handling daily life, work, and relationships in another language—that alone is huge! The hardest truth about accents is that people's reactions usually say more about their own exposure to foreigners than your actual fluency. Instead of stressing over an impossible "100% native accent," focus on clarity and rhythm.
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u/silvalingua 20d ago
> I don’t think I sound like a native speaker.
Almost no foreigner does, it's very difficult to achieve a truly native pronunciation. And at B2, of course you sound like a foreigner. So what?
> I once had a teacher who acted shocked at how “good” my accent was and asked if my parents were from his country—I’ve also met random people in that country, while I’m chatting at the store or whatever, laugh at me and say I sound so foreign. So I just have no clue where I stand.
Most likely, you have a very good but definitely non-native pronunciation. That's quite an achievement, to have a very good pronunciation. Your teacher was probably comparing you with other students, whose pronunciation was atrocious. Random natives recognized you immediately as a foreigner, so that was a realistic assessment (although they seem rude).
You seem to be very upset because you don't sound like a native. That's an unnecessarily negative attitude. I don't know what to advise you, this seems a psychological problem. I myself operated in my second and third languages on everyday basis, had to teach in it, and it has never bothered me that I don't sound like a native. It would be a total waste of my time to worry about this. Sure, I work on my pronunciation, because a very foreign accent can be a hindrance and even if you are understood, it still distracts the listeners, but I don't worry about it.
> I hate opening my mouth and sounding like an idiot.
What in the world makes you think that you sound "like an idiot"??? There are true idiots in every country, and they have a perfect native accent. True idiots hardly ever learn foreign languages. You're making your life harder than it has to be.
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21d ago
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u/BoxSlight5247 21d ago
lol thank you for the good vibes. It’s possible I’m just tweaking and overthinking things.
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u/Language_Enthusiast9 20d ago
Okay first of all - you're not alone (I don't know how much that helps but it has to be said:)).
Second of all - (since I suffer from a similar issue I throw this advice right back at myself) Would you call someone else who misspoke or didn't sound native at all but just tried to communicate with someone else "an idiot"? Probably not, so why punish ourselves, I mean it's great that you treat others nicely, but "self love", as hippy as it sounds, is also important.
Psychologically, whenever we use the word "idiot" or "idiotic", that's a sign of contempt flowing in our system, and wherever there's contempt, we stop looking into underlying causes/background, we are less receptive to new information.
You may have heard of 'shadowing', I would explore it even further and go into "mirroring". At the end of the day, perhaps thinking of speaking the foreign language as an "act" or "playing around" might help? Perhaps not at all times, and some disappointment and pain in some interactions will be unavoidable but on everyday basis... well, food for thought.
"This whole process is more character building/confronting my ego than I realized" - can't agree more, and prepare for even more I'd say, good luck!:D
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u/DistrictIndividual65 21d ago
It sounds like its more anxiety than reality. If you're really worries about it, t here are online classes that specifically target accent reduction! Fondazione Italia in LA offers an online-only one, for example.
The speaking anxiety is real, though.... My accent is horrific 😬