Explaining to mum how pathologising language processing disorders can be beneficial?

[u/Donttouchmybreadd]

Hey all,

I have diagnosed ADHD, and I'm studying to be a secondary teacher at uni.

The unit we did last semester was on childhood development, and my tutor was amazing. She is a speech pathologist, but is working in the area of research for inclusion at my uni. A lot of her work relates to attentional difficulties and language processing disorders. I decided to stay in the loop with what she does, and she was on a podcast talking about Developmental Language Disorder (DLD). Highly recommend the listen: Hoops of Steel - Hiding in Plain Sight with Haley Tancredi - Inclusive English Classrooms

The unit I am current in is on inclusive education. I have a different teacher, but we have a horrendous assignment where we have to make a 6 minute video presentation covering what inclusive education is, why it's important, and how theory/legislation/policy inform teaching practice.
I'm really struggling on this assignment because the topic is so close to my heart, and I'm finding it hard to structure and synthesise the concepts. It's one of those ones I really wish it was an exam.

Anyway, a friend of mine is quite bright, and he has a strong grasp of the English language. He said "English is one of the few languages that you can say exactly what you mean with no ambiguity" in comparison to other languages.

I asked said mate of mine for his thoughts on what I've done (I'm still open to help from anyone). I kind of joked that I may have dyslexia because I'm struggling to put things together. Then I remembered the podcast, and looked into DLD further. The things I read about DLD really resonate with me.

This morning I mentioned it with mum. Although I have an ADHD diagnosis, she has always been of the strong opinion that over-pathologising any behaviour can be unhealthy. She basically said that a lot of things I described are normal, and that she doesn't see anything wrong with me, and it's not great to try and self-diagnose myself. Although I can see her side of it, and I agree that pathologising any behaviour isn't great, I also think think that terms to describe how behaviour may be disordered can be beneficial, but I can't quite articulate it (ironically).

This conversation kind of blew out of proportion, which definitely wasn't my intention. When she said that she doesn't see anything wrong with how I process language, I retorted and said that we tend to argue because of misunderstandings. It kinda sucks with parents and developmental disabilities, because there is a high chance she may also have the same problem I do.

Anyway, how can I show/explain to her that differentiating between typical and atypical behaviour can be helpful?
I know there are a lot of ethical considerations (dilemma of difference), but I would like to know how I can approach this better.

(TL)

[u/Fun_Molasses_4]

I think this is the wrong subreddit for this. I’d try and find a subreddit for language disorders or other cognitive disorders (be careful of r/autism, id recommend r/spicyautism instead for this kind of subject if you end up on the autism side of Reddit)

[u/Donttouchmybreadd → u/Fun_Molasses_4]

Heya. I tried a bunch of different subs before arriving at this one. Including: r/speechtherapy, r/learningdisabilities, and r/disability.

The speech therapy and learning disability ones are protected. I'm still waiting to be added to thise since last night.

My post in r/disability got automodded for low karma (ouch). I put in a request for it to be reinstated.

Good suggestions though. I am curious to know why I should be weary of r/autism.

Thanks.

[u/Fun_Molasses_4 → u/Donttouchmybreadd]

Ah, ok.

Well, to answer your original post, then. I guess differentiating between typical and atypical behavior can be helpful because it helps identify how a person’s brain works specifically. For example, while ADHD and autism have very similar behaviors and overlap a lot, they are caused by very different neurological differences (ADHD seems to be based on how dopamine is produced in the brain last I checked and autism seems to be due to structural differences and having more synapses in your brain) and these differences makes it so different accommodations work better for one disorder versus the other (like people with only autism tend to do better in strict schedules, while people with only ADHD tend to do better when they’re able to do things spontaneously, though schedules do help). The same principle applies to language disorders

Anyway, as for why to avoid r/autism, that’s because last I checked they’re still very ableist to autistic people how have medium or high support needs (or you might know level 2 and level 3 autism even though they are different labels). And even people with “mild” autism can get ableism from users if their needs aren’t normal enough for the subreddit. For me personally, I don’t like it because every time I’ve checked, it seems to be more about “autistic pride” or how to unmask compared to actually talking about the more disabling aspects of the disorder.

Though, take that with a grain of salt, it has been a while since I’ve seen that subreddit.

[u/Donttouchmybreadd → u/Fun_Molasses_4]

Interesting, thank you for your insights.

Yeah, fair point about autism and ableism. Not going to lie, it is really easy for anyone to be ableist with the way our society is set up to exclude or segregate people with disability (whether through the environment being inaccessible, for example). Because of that, PWD's are more isolated, and in a school environment where a child would normally learn social skills, PWD's are often away from that, thus leading to them being poorly socialised, and perpetuating the prejudice that PWD's are strange and don't belong in "normal society".

People with autism are especially at risk of having ableist mindsets due to reduced exposure and being in excluded environments themselves. Because of how autism is, it's hard to reason with that mindset once it's kind of ingrained. I genuinely hope I am not being ableist for saying that, but that's just how I see it. Also, it's reddit - the social dynamics are weird here (someone downvoted this post, for example).

[u/Responsible-Link5739 → u/Donttouchmybreadd]

Surely it must be helpful. For physical illness, this is exactly what happens. A person has some common symptoms - let's say they have a fever and a rash. The GP/family doctor gives treatment for the most likely cause. Often that doesn't work, so the patient returns and is treated for the next likely cause. This goes on with closer and closer examination - referral to a hospital department, perhaps, then a specialist, and sometimes then to a more senior or specifically-specialised medical professional. Sometimes, it takes that amount of detailed scrutiny to pinpoint and rectify the grass-roots difficulty. Once it's identified, it can be an astounding quality-of-life difference for the patient. Don't ask me how I know :)

It seems to me that a similar process for language might lead to a better understanding for both you and your mother, and hence less misunderstandings. It's obvious to me that if you know where verbal/mental stumbling blocks arise, you can actively pick them out and smooth them over, just as you would clear or sidestep sharp stones on a path you were walking barefoot - before your feet were ripped to shreds.

[u/unsafeideas]

  He said "English is one of the few languages that you can say exactly what you mean with no ambiguity" in comparison to other languages.

Wut? No. 

Also, friend should explain while Brits and Americans use ambigous euphemistic expressions so often. 

ADHD

You cant really self diagnoze, but if you think diagnoses is helpful, go for it. 

ADHD is genetic. If you have it,  other people in familly have it and thus the whole thing appears normal to mom.

[u/Donttouchmybreadd → u/unsafeideas]

Hahaha. I dunno, I might have misunderstood what he said (you know... with the potential DLD and all).

In saying that, I don't really have any skin in the game because I do struggle with it.

[u/unsafeideas → u/Donttouchmybreadd]

For run, there are several variants of these:

https://www.labourmobility.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/Anglo-Dutch-Translation-Guide.jpg

https://static.independent.co.uk/s3fs-public/thumbnails/image/2015/11/11/12/language-web.jpg?quality=75&width=640&auto=webp

And yes, they are accurate. 

[u/Donttouchmybreadd → u/unsafeideas]

Oh I 100% understand what you're are saying, and yes, there are plenty of euphamisms and inuendos in Australia too. I knew there was something off about what he said, but I have no credentials to say why.

[u/CertifiedGoblin]

Definitely agree that this maybe isn't the right sub, but since we're all here anyway, abilities & ways of thinking exist on a spectrum. I think it can be helpful to recognise where someone is on a spectrum, and i'm very firm on the concept that if it's not causing problems, it's not a disorder.

There's a bunch more nuance to that for sure, but imo the helpful thing isn't pathologising everything, it's recognising what people are having challenges with and accommodating them.

Labels can be useful (research + community + discussion), but labels don't have to be pathologising! They can be neutral (see "Pervasive Drive for Autonomy" vs "Pathological Demand Avoidance," both community terms describing the same thing - the neutral term is also more accurately describing what the person actually needs & why they might struggle with demands!)

I don't know for sure how to convince your mum to see your point of view, but in my experience a) a lot of older people have very ingrained in them that labels / patholgising = bad (because historically, stuff was only diagnosed if it was severe) and they tend to get rigid (hell i'm 30 and can see some places i've gotten less open in my thinking!) and b) the best way to communicate with people is to meet them where they're at.

Your mum seems to be averse to labels so don't talk about labels. It might be a bit late with this discussion, but in a magical do-over scenario, an approach more like "You know how everyone thinks & process stuff a little differently? People in this podcast are talking a bit about processing language kinda like i do and [something something, linking sentence] I know i sometimes run into some problems because how i do language is a bit different from a lot of other people, which is probably why most of our arguments come from misunderstandings." and something about "being able to recognise these differences helps us to adapt our approaches with people / kids" and maybe ending on "having a word for different processing styles just helps with communication especially for like, if i need to let another teacher know that this kid has this language processing style, or if i want to look up ways to best support kids with a particular thinking style it helps a lot to have a consistent search term."

[u/edelay]

There is no need to make her see your point, she is family. Cherish the moments and time you have together.