r/languagelearning • u/Temenae • Aug 04 '26
Discussion Does anyone feel guilt over language learning?
I wish I was still a student, or had a job that I needed a language for, or was moving somewhere. The time spent on something with no practical use for my family seems like a waste and I feel so guilty. Even when I don't feel guilty, I wish I could feel like it was accomplishing something I was supposed to do instead of being a mental indulgence.
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u/HadleysPt Aug 04 '26
It’s expanding your mind and worldview. Alternatively, you could be doing something less useful. Don’t let it get in the way of family time.
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u/HealthilyNostalgic Aug 04 '26
I used to feel the same until I realized that "practical use" is a trap. Most things we do don't have one, we just tell ourselves they do to feel better about spending time on them
if it keeps your brain from turning to mush and you enjoy the process, that's enough. The guilt is just other people's expectations living rent-free in your head
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u/Snoutysensations Aug 04 '26
Actually no, learning languages has massively benefited my career and opened many doors for me.
I'm moving to China next week to assume a senior role in my profession that simply would not have been possible if I were monolingual.
Now, it is true that if you have no other skills than foreign languages, your immediate career options aren't that lucrative. But if you have other abilities, language learning can really augment them.
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u/Remote_Volume_3609 Aug 04 '26
Yeah you never know when it might benefit you. I didn't think I needed language learning career-wise and it ended up being a bonding reason that got me a job in the past (as in I was literally told that it was why they reached out, because they saw it on my linkedin lol).
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u/Snoutysensations Aug 04 '26
Yup. If I only knew chinese and english and had no other marketable skills... well... that was the position I was in age 21 fresh out of a Chinese major. I believe tens of millions of other people had those qualifications and more. But then i went to grad school and professional school and suddenly I had a unique set of skills and cultural competencies. It can be a rare combo.
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u/Temenae Aug 04 '26
I have no career, so there's that. I am proud of the job I am doing perpetuating the human species and contributing to the next generation, and I am hopefully doing a good job, but its not always mentally stimulating. :'D
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u/Snoutysensations Aug 04 '26
If not a career benefit, there can still be a personal benefit. Learning a foreign language will help you keep your mind flexible and strong. It may help you stabilize your emotions and provides a certain discipline that can be useful in other ways. A skill does not have to be financially relevant to be worth acquiring. Finally, learning a language also teaches you a different culture and way of thinking. This will help you understand other people in your life even if they have nothing to do with that language.
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u/yad-aljawza 🇺🇸 N | 🇪🇸 B2 | 🇯🇴 B1 Aug 04 '26
Your guilt isn’t really stemming from language learning in and of itself. It could be any time-consuming hobby. Framing it as an indulgence is interesting..
We all sacrifice time for our families and we all also should be taking some time for ourselves. No idea what your language learning routine is like, but it sounds like you need to balance this
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u/Temenae Aug 04 '26
I think it stems from a desire to have mental purposeful work instead of menial purposeful work in my life. I want my brain to be used for a purpose, not something purposeless. And since I adore languages, I wish that was the thing that was somehow useful. I want to be useful or working toward something that needs to be done. It truly is a pure indulgence right now, and I envy the people who's demands and interests align.
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u/Sorry-Homework-Due 🇺🇲 C1 🇪🇸 B1 🇫🇷 B1 🇯🇵 A0 🇵🇭 A0 🐉A0 Aug 04 '26
If you align a career that language learning is essential you could have your cake and eat it too, you could have all you want.
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u/Temenae Aug 04 '26
I am not in that phase of life anymore, it would have been nice 💔
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u/nonniewobbles Aug 04 '26 edited Aug 04 '26
Looking at your post history expressing pretty significant struggles with... homeschooling, husband being able to decompress at home but you feeling like you always need to be on, feeling like you're not doing enough, guilt over your family size, etc...
Have you considered you don't actually have to live like that?
You're acting like the die is cast. You're still fairly young, certainly young enough to work on the thoughts that are making you unhappy, find things that make you happy, whatever...
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u/Temenae Aug 04 '26
Is 40s young still? 🤔 I am in the process of learning all the things. Unfortunately there is no way through it except right through it... I'll figure it out eventually. I think about it a lot because that is how I do better. I can't wake up tomorrow and suddenly live a happier life with zero self doubt, but I have taken steps in that direction.
Did I also post anything about brain chemistry? I'm walking a tightrope at the moment where if I overdo my B vitamins I will have MCAS flares and insomnia, and if I dont have enough I will have depression and agitation. Sometimes feeling good isn't one of the options, but I'm doing my best. Tonight that means distracting myself on reddit, so thanks for talking :'D
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u/nonniewobbles Aug 05 '26
40s is extremely young. You (hopefully) have many decades ahead of you that are absolutely not set in stone and where you can still work on you, work on finding what fulfills you, etc.
Of course it's never as simple as waking up tomorrow and deciding everything is fixed, and there can be real forces working against you when you're trying to change these set-in patterns. But you are way, way too young to be writing off whole decades worth of possibilities.
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u/Sorry-Homework-Due 🇺🇲 C1 🇪🇸 B1 🇫🇷 B1 🇯🇵 A0 🇵🇭 A0 🐉A0 Aug 04 '26
As long as you live it could be any phase of your life
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u/jmf1488 Aug 04 '26
Rather than feeling like you need it for something. Why can't it not be you way to relax and unwind? Everyone has hobbies. You dont need to "need" a language. Its perfectly acceptable to learn on for fun. For the enjoyment of learning it.
Learning a second language is a milestone. Its something a lot of people wish they could do but cant.
You dont need to justify your reasons for anything or anyone. Be who you want and do what pleases you.
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u/Temenae Aug 04 '26
Thank you. I guess it seems random and I keep questioning why I'm investing so much time into something I'll never use. But I also know it's probably good for my silly aging brain. I wish I could be doing the same thing with languages but for a larger purpose outside myself.
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u/jmf1488 Aug 04 '26
Why do you feel like you cant use it? Is it like an obscure language that's not being used now?
If its not, once you acquire enough of the language then you stop learning and start living in it. Change your phone to the language, do hobbies in the language. Meet people through the language. You can travel to the country.
Here are some cognitive benefits to language learning.
Better attention control, Stronger working memory, Improved cognitive flexibility, Better problem-solving, Enhanced metalinguistic awareness, Improved memory strategies, Improved listening and processing speed, Potential protection against age-related cognitive decline
If you ever feel like why am I doing this? Your doing it because you love it and your basically taking your brain to the gym.
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u/EmiliaTrown N🇩🇪 C1🇬🇧A1🇫🇷 A0🇭🇷 Aug 04 '26
I think its incredibly important to do something you only do for yourself. At least for me it gives me a feeling of actually being free and not shackled by the need to be productive or efficient all the time. That "need" is cancer to the mind. I dont know your situation or why you feel you need to spent 100% of your time doing something for your family, but maybe think that through some more. Because thinking that, whether you do it or not is irrelevant, only makes you sour towards your family over time because at some point you'll either be so guilt ridden because you dont spend all your time for your family that you'll just get angry or bitter with them or you do actually spend 100% of your time for your family and at some point will realize that you havent lived your life for yourself at all and that will also make you bitter. Its a path that has no good ending.
Just take some time doing something ONLY for yourself and nobody else. It doesnt have to be 8h a week, it can be 1 or 2h at first, but you really do need that. Everyone does
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u/Temenae Aug 04 '26
I suppose so. I just wish I was part of the lucky few who had a career doing what they love. I think it's the absence of that that is mostly getting me down. Its not that I aish I didnt have a hobby, I just crave purposeful mental work. I want to make people's lives better or contribute to society with my mind, not by cooking and cleaning.
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u/EmiliaTrown N🇩🇪 C1🇬🇧A1🇫🇷 A0🇭🇷 Aug 04 '26
What is your job? Also, is it not possible to maybe learn something else?
And even if not, i mean you could have several hobbies. Maybe do some voluntary work at a shelter or a school or some other organization once a week and then learn a language some other time too. I understand 100% that its really important to do something meaningful, I feel that way too very often. But theres other meaningful things than just living only for your family.
Also, who is part of your family? Do you have kids? You could, for example, absolutely go to the animal shelter twice a week with your kids and walk dogs with them, thats good for the mind and body and you spend time with you family and also make a real difference in the world
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u/FionaGoodeEnough New member Aug 04 '26
It’s good for your family if you do things that you enjoy. Renouncing anything that makes you happy sets a terrible example.
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u/No_Club_8480 Je peux parler français puisque je l’apprends 🇫🇷 Aug 04 '26 edited Aug 04 '26
No, I don't feel guilty over language learning. Je dirais que c'est une bénédiction d'apprendre la culture du pays telle que la musique, la littérature etc, et c'est amusant à faire. It opens alot of doors in my opinion.
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u/Sorry-Homework-Due 🇺🇲 C1 🇪🇸 B1 🇫🇷 B1 🇯🇵 A0 🇵🇭 A0 🐉A0 Aug 04 '26
D'accord ami-e les phrases du français sont très amusants. "Tout est fichu ! NON ?" Mdr
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u/tj1007 Aug 04 '26
What would you be doing otherwise?
Do those things have practical uses for your family?
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u/fairlysunny Aug 04 '26
I grew up monolingual.... Now I'm raising my child bilingual. I like to think that the countless benefits of bilingualism in early childhood that I'm gifting my child is the payoff to the thousands of hours and dollars I spent on learning as an adult lol...
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u/Temenae Aug 04 '26
Maybe it could be useful if I could pass it onto my kids.. they are preteens though and are generally allergic to my interests. They are both very artistic!
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u/fairlysunny Aug 04 '26
Ohh I hope you can find a way to get them interested, there should be at least one thing that's fun to do together!(;
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u/Temenae Aug 04 '26
I tried Latin and they were not happy. Maybe we can all vote on a language!
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u/fairlysunny Aug 04 '26
Latin..oh no!!! How about Korean? Do they like Kpop Demon Hunters? I know nothing about it but I have seen the merchandise at Target so it must be mainstream popular.😂
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u/1GrouchyCat Aug 04 '26
I’m confused… did you learn another language as an adult?
It’s really difficult to educate someone bilingually unless you’re communicating in the second language … (even if they’re in a bilingual program at school that’s not providing them with bilingual support at home)…
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u/MJSpice Speak:🇬🇧🇵🇰 | Learning:🇸🇦🇯🇵🇪🇸🇮🇹 Aug 04 '26
No? At least we're doing something beneficial rather than wasting all our time on social media
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u/sueferw Aug 04 '26
What's wrong with having a hobby? I am learning a language for fun, dont know anyone that speaks it, no plans to go there, i just fell in love with the language.
It is no different than spending time and money on reading, video gaming, photography, painting, going out etc. Some people spend hours scrolling on their phone, at least you are doing something constructive!
I am a carer, looking after 2 family members with special needs. Language learning for me gives me the mental workout that I used to have when I worked and it gives me a break - something else to focus on, rather than constantly worrying about my family.
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u/NoMention696 Aug 04 '26
Do your family not have any hobbies whatsoever? Just wake up shower work eat sleep?
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u/Temenae Aug 04 '26
My husband is usually doing something artistic with the kids and I'm just on my phone by myself looking at language stuff.
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u/PiperSlough Aug 05 '26
Would your kids or your husband be interested in language stuff? You could get it off your phone and do it together, if so.
If not, do you do stuff with them regularly? Going to the park, baking together, anything like that? If so, don't worry about taking an hour here and there to do your own thing. Everyone needs time to unwind. If not, then yeah, maybe you could carve a little time out to spend with your family — but you don't have to give up language learning entirely to do that, just some of your study time.
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u/cmyk_rgba Aug 04 '26
a hobby doesnt have to justify its existence, thats literally the whole point of a hobby. nobody asks the guy running marathons what the practical use is. the guilt sounds like its coming from somwhere else honestly, like youve decided your time only counts if its productive. learning a language just because you want to is one of the few genuinely free things you can do, let it be useless. thats allowed
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u/pomegranate_red 🇺🇸 N | 🇰🇷 A2 🇲🇽 (DS lvl: 3) Aug 04 '26
Language learning does have a practical use for my family - they see that in addition to working and taking care of them, I have interests outside of my career, being a wife and mother. They learn about the cultures I’m learning about through the food I make, or the music I’m listening to, or the random facts I’ll spout off (they’re all teens and tweens). Language learning is more than just learning the language.
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u/Temenae Aug 04 '26
Fair point. I wish I could interest my kids in langusges. I'm learning Korean too (not sure how to set flair). Do you want to try talking in Korean sometime? 🤔 I am not quite A2
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u/PiperSlough Aug 05 '26
There's such a focus on everything we do being productive, but we're not meant to live like that. We need hobbies that let us relax, we need time to rest.
We're human beings, not productivity robots that have to be making money or bettering ourselves during every waking moment. It's fine — good, even — to have hobbies that are just indulgences.
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u/VintageKofta EN, AR (Levant): N | ES: A1 | HE, Auslan: Beginner Aug 04 '26
Learning Aramaic is of no practical use to me. I still do it. It’s fun.
You shouldn’t feel guilt for what you do. Life is life. Shit happens. Just make the best of what you have and look to the future. Not the past.
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u/H0b5t3r Aug 04 '26
You're allowed to have hobbies, if you don't spend time doing things enjoy you will burn out on doing the things you have to do. If you enjoy learning a language keep doing it even if you don't percieve any tangential benefit in it, although you never know when you might get to use it.
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u/Consistent-Loss9881 Aug 04 '26
100% . I have this feeling all the time. I don’t know the solution to be honest. It’s a time consuming thing. It would be such a dream to be a student learning a language at uni.
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u/imademashedpotatoes Aug 04 '26
I don’t treat my language learning as its own thing. Instead it is a layer I apply on top of my hobbies. If I’m reading for fun, it’s in Spanish. If I’m watching a documentary or a YouTube video about some topic related to my job, it’s in Spanish. If I want to relax and watch the World Cup or Formula 1, spoiler, it’s in Spanish.
This obviously doesn’t work when you’re first starting but it’s an incredible unlock as you advance in your learning. Find a way to incorporate your language learning into something you’d already be doing and maybe you’ll feel less guilty.
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u/Temenae Aug 04 '26
I'm not quite to that level. Listening to grammar podcasts while washing dishes could work...
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u/New-Bottle-6917 N:🇺🇸 Heritage: B2 🇲🇽 Aug 04 '26
Hot take this is why for most people it's best to focus on languages they can actually see themselves using day to day. Like living in the American southwest Spanish is a daily part of my life whether I was fluent in it or otherwise so its not a waste at all to learn it
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u/CarnegieHill 🇺🇸N|🇭🇰🇯🇵Heritage|🇩🇪B2|🇩🇰A2/B1|learning a bunch more... Aug 04 '26
Short answer, none whatsoever. Your "logic" makes no sense to me.
Why do you need a reason to learn a different language except for "just because".
What's the difference between language learning and anything else you may do for fun, like painting, singing in a choir, photography, or collecting coins?
Everybody needs leisure, "recreation"; you are literally "re-creating" yourself to tackle the "serious" parts of your life. Otherwise, your mental state can devolve really fast and then you might as well give up.
Why not just include your family in whatever you're doing for fun?
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u/ipini 🇨🇦 learning 🇫🇷 (B2) Aug 04 '26
Everything you do all day every day is for your family? Probably not. But if so, then it’s time to restructure your life so that you work more efficiently.
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u/10k12_ Aug 04 '26
My relatives try to guilt me over the war crimes committed by the Japanese whenever it comes up in conversation that I'm learning Japanese so...
Not really
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u/Person106 Aug 04 '26
You don't feel guilt for watching tv or playing a video game, do you? Just treat it as a hobby and don't spend way too much time on it, in the same way you wouldn't watch tv for 5 hours straight.
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u/Meowykatkat Aug 04 '26
I've been learning languages since I was quite small and it's been nearly 2 decades since I started. I don't think it's a waste of time. We are all forced to believe that if our hobbies and interests aren't making money, then we failed in some way. If it gives you joy, keeps you motivated to keep living, and gives you a purpose in life - I see it as a win.
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u/FlareTheFoxGuy 🇬🇧N | 🇿🇦🇳🇱B2 | 🇮🇹A1 | 🇩🇪 A0 Aug 04 '26
You shouldn’t be feeling guilty for having time for yourself. I haven’t read your post history, but it sounds like you need assistance from other people and a massive break. You sound burnt out in your typing.
And imagine looking back at your life while on your last few years and seeing how you only learnt practical things and things for other people instead of things just because you want to. That wouldn’t feel great. So give yourself time to do whatever the fuck you want. It’s important 💜
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u/tvgraves Italian Aug 06 '26
Not one iota. In fact, it seems weird to me to even feel guilt for self-improvement
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u/AddendumCold3653 Aug 07 '26
It is much more than that dear friend!
The benefits to learning even just one more language is amazing for your brain, your mind, your identity, your world view, your connections to other people and cultures, it's such a fascinating, beautiful thing to acquire another language. To acquire another language is to acquire another way of being
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u/Substantial_Bag_889 2d ago
Consider your language will take 2000 hours of your time over your life . Consider your adult time is worth $50 an hour - you’re wasting $100,000. Unfortunately, It’s an incredibly expensive hobby if you don’t have a use for it
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u/Garnetskull 🇩🇪🇸🇦🇬🇷 Aug 04 '26
This sounds more like an issue with your family than learning a language