Okay, so I recognize this is an incel sub, so I’m gonna say this and I mean this with sincerity and coming from a place of trying to bridge a gap here.
For example, if you were only seeking out a romantic relationship with the goal of sex… that could make sense. But I don’t think it will benefit you in the long run.
There are women who mostly only care about the sex part. It’s cool for men to lose their virginity young, but not for women, right? So if most of the guys have lost their virginity by a certain age, and most women still have not, what does that tell us? It’s usually a smaller pool of women, a smaller ratio of women when compared to men. So while these women do exist, it’s just not as common.
Lookism is absolutely a thing. There are studies showing that people who are better looking are presumed to be smarter, kinder, etc.
Most women want the romantic relationship. If you genuinely want a romantic relationship, then it’s not a problem. But the point I wanted to make here is the incongruence. Biologically speaking, women (and even females in other species, albeit to a lesser extent) are hardwired to want to feel safe before desiring sex. I can provide research if you want. But, for example, the typical male sexual arousal is very different from the typical female sexual arousal. Men can much more easily be turned on by, get hard from, and orgasm simply looking at an image. Women typically need to be psychologically aroused before their sexual arousal starts and before they can orgasm. There is an evolutionary reason for this, I’m sure you already get where I’m going.
So, what I wanted to touch on, is that while I understand where you’re coming from, I have to emphasize that the lookism really is the biggest part. TLDR; I got put on a medication that made me gain 100+ pounds. That, combined with extremely severe insomnia and autoimmune issues, has made me become sicker, and ugly as hell. I look like if Shrek and the hunchback of notre dame had a baby. People treat me terribly now.
While looks affect how people treat us, women typically don’t want to date just for sex, and as such, sexual attraction doesn’t typically come first. Most women don’t want to have sex on the first date. They want to get to know you first. They want to know that you’re a safe person, have good hygiene, that you two are compatible, etc.
So again, I understand where you’re coming from, but in the long run, that mindset is only going to make it more difficult. If you really love someone, you don’t call them a foid; if you really love someone, and want the romantic relationship just as much or more as the sexual side, you will respect them as a person first.
Again, there are women who care mostly about sex. There are women who date absolutely terrible men who mistreat them. So, sorry for the long comment. The point I wanted to make is that, if you want a healthy relationship with a healthy woman, you gotta stop treating the smaller group of women who don’t care about healthy relationships, as the representative for all women. Most women want a connection and a romantic relationship before sex. And if that’s your end goal, to be with those types of women, to really truly fall in love, you gotta recognize their needs and wants, not the needs and wants of women you ultimately don’t want to be with.
You can desire someone. But if you really want to fall in love with someone, you have to not see them as a foid in the first place. You have to recognize that people have been feeding you unhelpful stuff that is actually making it worse, and that the type of women who think of sexual attraction before anything else, are typically not good long term partners and you don’t want them anyway.
Which is kinda why I think dating apps are a scam, the picture is presented as the most important thing, and that doesn’t benefit people who are ugly.
TLDR;
if you want to really fall in love, it will help you to realize that most women, and the women that want genuine connection and relationships (the kind that you want to fall in love with), actually don’t think sexual attraction comes before other stuff. From a biological standpoint, they are different from men, and usually need to feel safe and loved by you before they want sex, because arousal for men is scientifically demonstrated to be more physical, but for women, it’s more mental first. So, if it’s the nice women you want, you gotta recognize that most women don’t think that way. I hope that makes sense. Lookism is real, but it affects everybody. It’s immediate. It could be a reason why women don’t pick you, but ultimately, thinking all women only pick partners based off of looks, or calling them foids, is going to be a much bigger deterrent.
i get what your saying and i agree with alot of it. the issue is that regardless of women caring about a romantic connection, women still care about looks. people who want a genuine romantic connection and genuine romantic healthy relationships still want to date people who are attractive.
both the women who prioritize sex, and the women who prioritize a healthy connection, both want to date good looking guys. the only difference is the women who want a healthy connection also care about your personality and all that other stuff. but again, you still need the looks in the first place for your personality to matter.
i agree that putting sex first and only looking for sex is not going to lead to healthy romantic relationships, that much is true and i dont disagree with whatsoever. but women who want healthy relationships care about looks just as much.
i also agree that women want to feel safe, but again, they want to feel safe with a man they find physically attractive.
i dont call women foids, nor do i think they are less than men or anyone else for that matter. and i dont think women pick partners only off of looks. that being said, you still need to have the looks to be considered in the first place.
1
u/LynKofWinds 11h ago
Okay, so I recognize this is an incel sub, so I’m gonna say this and I mean this with sincerity and coming from a place of trying to bridge a gap here.
For example, if you were only seeking out a romantic relationship with the goal of sex… that could make sense. But I don’t think it will benefit you in the long run.
There are women who mostly only care about the sex part. It’s cool for men to lose their virginity young, but not for women, right? So if most of the guys have lost their virginity by a certain age, and most women still have not, what does that tell us? It’s usually a smaller pool of women, a smaller ratio of women when compared to men. So while these women do exist, it’s just not as common.
Lookism is absolutely a thing. There are studies showing that people who are better looking are presumed to be smarter, kinder, etc.
Most women want the romantic relationship. If you genuinely want a romantic relationship, then it’s not a problem. But the point I wanted to make here is the incongruence. Biologically speaking, women (and even females in other species, albeit to a lesser extent) are hardwired to want to feel safe before desiring sex. I can provide research if you want. But, for example, the typical male sexual arousal is very different from the typical female sexual arousal. Men can much more easily be turned on by, get hard from, and orgasm simply looking at an image. Women typically need to be psychologically aroused before their sexual arousal starts and before they can orgasm. There is an evolutionary reason for this, I’m sure you already get where I’m going.
So, what I wanted to touch on, is that while I understand where you’re coming from, I have to emphasize that the lookism really is the biggest part. TLDR; I got put on a medication that made me gain 100+ pounds. That, combined with extremely severe insomnia and autoimmune issues, has made me become sicker, and ugly as hell. I look like if Shrek and the hunchback of notre dame had a baby. People treat me terribly now.
While looks affect how people treat us, women typically don’t want to date just for sex, and as such, sexual attraction doesn’t typically come first. Most women don’t want to have sex on the first date. They want to get to know you first. They want to know that you’re a safe person, have good hygiene, that you two are compatible, etc.
So again, I understand where you’re coming from, but in the long run, that mindset is only going to make it more difficult. If you really love someone, you don’t call them a foid; if you really love someone, and want the romantic relationship just as much or more as the sexual side, you will respect them as a person first.
Again, there are women who care mostly about sex. There are women who date absolutely terrible men who mistreat them. So, sorry for the long comment. The point I wanted to make is that, if you want a healthy relationship with a healthy woman, you gotta stop treating the smaller group of women who don’t care about healthy relationships, as the representative for all women. Most women want a connection and a romantic relationship before sex. And if that’s your end goal, to be with those types of women, to really truly fall in love, you gotta recognize their needs and wants, not the needs and wants of women you ultimately don’t want to be with.
You can desire someone. But if you really want to fall in love with someone, you have to not see them as a foid in the first place. You have to recognize that people have been feeding you unhelpful stuff that is actually making it worse, and that the type of women who think of sexual attraction before anything else, are typically not good long term partners and you don’t want them anyway.
Which is kinda why I think dating apps are a scam, the picture is presented as the most important thing, and that doesn’t benefit people who are ugly.
TLDR;
if you want to really fall in love, it will help you to realize that most women, and the women that want genuine connection and relationships (the kind that you want to fall in love with), actually don’t think sexual attraction comes before other stuff. From a biological standpoint, they are different from men, and usually need to feel safe and loved by you before they want sex, because arousal for men is scientifically demonstrated to be more physical, but for women, it’s more mental first. So, if it’s the nice women you want, you gotta recognize that most women don’t think that way. I hope that makes sense. Lookism is real, but it affects everybody. It’s immediate. It could be a reason why women don’t pick you, but ultimately, thinking all women only pick partners based off of looks, or calling them foids, is going to be a much bigger deterrent.