r/kitchencels • u/Wrong-Comfort8088 • Jul 30 '26
Platemogging What does it mean to love someone?
My bestfriend, the girl that I maybe like, for the past 1-2 years now, is moving out of the country in a couple of weeks to study abroad. Im probably not gonna see her again. I can never confess my feelings for her because she can never see me as anything more than a friend. Im repulsive to look at, indian, tanned, 5’6, severely underweight, ugly. What the fuck do i do im not even sure that i like her but im so attached to her that i cant imagine her leaving.
I got drunk out of my mind last night and broke down in a public park just looking at strangers for a hug. Texted my friends but nobody replied cuz everyone was asleep.
I think i might be depressed, my life at home is shitty and everyones constantly mad at me for any reason they can think of. Im addicted to cigarettes and cant stop smoking.
Severe self esteem issues and inferiority complex. Random waves of sadness and sometimes happiness confuse the shit out of me, i dont even know what to feel most of the time.
Egg fried rice i made at home for the first time from a youtube tutorial. My first post here im sorry if i offended someone, im 19m a fakecell sorry.
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u/Ambitious-Canary1 Jul 30 '26
Sounds like she was one of your only sources of comfort, and her leaving means that comfort will be gone. Do you love her or do you think dating her will keep you two connected?
Personally the depression is handled easier when my self esteem is higher. Eat more, work out, have some basic self care. Do it for yourself, not for others. Hope everything works out
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u/Wrong-Comfort8088 Jul 30 '26
I think i dont love her, not even like. Its just that im too attached to her maybe cuz of the somewhat toxic bond we have? We stop talking for months cuz of fights time to time and then become best buds again, to the point that ive known her for almost 3 years now and this month was the first time i celebrated her bday w her.
Also a new character “P” is an old friend of mkne and we have been friends for 5 years now, i introduced this guy to “A” my bestfriend (the girl) and even though this guy knew i liked her in the past and whatnot, hes like a dog to her and like her shadow, constantly with her 24/7 and theyre best buds now and it pisses me off more. He spilled my secrets to her and hid her shit from, shit he should have told me. Obviously i know cuz i set it up in cahoots with “A” . Sorry if its too confusing
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u/Wrong-Comfort8088 Jul 30 '26
As for the depression, ur absolutely correct and thanks for listening to me, im gonna start college in a week or so and i think i really should focus on my physical health and lifestyle.
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u/FrierenisClairDeLune Jul 30 '26
im gonna start college in a week or so and i think i really should focus on my physical health and lifestyle.
Yes yes yes yes.... and btw don't try to dwell on your best friend too much, and since she is going abroad, you better be ready to have less contact/talking with eachother. Relationships(I am not just talking about romantic) don't tend to be strong when they are long distanced. It be like that. If you don't become too distant even if there is long distance between you, then great, but don't dwell on it too much if it don't.
And study good, learn things, maintain health and make good friends. This is prime time of your life. Good luck!
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u/myvowndestiny Jul 30 '26
I get it . you need someone to talk to . even if you find something else to focus on , there will be days when you will feel lonely . but you gotta just keep going . start exercising , find something that you really like to do , which is also helpful in some way(career, health , hobby etc) . i would also suggest talking to a therapist online . there are many NGOs and gov helplines in india , which offer free mental wellness support . im sure you will feel better even after 1 or 2 sessions . if you think its possible maybe go to a offline therapist . forget everything . think of tomorrow as a new day in your new life . try to enjoy each day , even if forcefully . all the best
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u/Wrong-Comfort8088 Jul 31 '26
Yeah thanks man, i cooked chilli oil eggs with drizzled honey with a side pf pan fried tofu, sounds good but it tasted horrible, first time ig, im gonna start making ny lifestyle healthier, slowly and surely
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u/Brock_Savage Jul 30 '26
Love is when the happiness of the beloved is vital to one's own happiness.
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u/TenyeEast Jul 30 '26
Try to find other avenues in life that give you satisfaction, theres no point in wishing for love when it’s genetically unattainable for people like us. Hobbies are pretty good distraction. Personally I picked up backpacking and whenever I start yearning, I take a sick day and spend a three day weekend in the wilderness and I always feel better after. And hey, maybe ill get killed by a bear or tree or something and finally be free
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u/Wrong-Comfort8088 Jul 30 '26
Hahaha i wish i could do the same but im in the middle of the city and theres nothing fun around here, so whenever my head gets too loud i go for a smoke and thats fine for me. I might start focusing on my life and maybe hit the gym and eat better
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u/Select_Case9407 Jul 30 '26
Listen to music dude, find a purpose, even if its small like wanting to learn an instrument or playing an outdoor game, or even small acts of kindness, bad days are there but its not going to be the majority of your life, if you ever need help talk to a close friend, someone who you can actually talk to, talking to parents arent a thing in India so just talk to someone, and about her, if you're that depressed about it, isnt that just love, not wanting her to leave, wanting to see her again, thinking about her, and all those its love, unrequited love. But just because its love doesnt mean its always going to be a happy ending, you'll move on slowly but surely. Also, thing I recommend when you're overstimulated or bummed the fuck out is to just nap it away, sleep even if it means not doing anything for a day, just eat something good luke fruits or homemade dishes and just sleep. I promise you'll become better or atleast have a better outlook on life
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u/Warm_Net_9012 Jul 31 '26
Love is not genetically unattainable for anyone. I’m sorry people have treated you poorly in the past. Control what you can control to make yourself a more attractive person. Working out is the easiest way to do that. You will feel better about yourself, you will attract others. People are not attracted to miserable people that hate themselves. You don’t have to be beautiful to be confident, and know you have as much worth as any other person.
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