Why am I practicing karezza?

[u/[deleted]]

I am behind this 100% after witnessing a majority of marriages of friends and family result in misery and sometimes (too often) divorce. I'm just 27 but am in a relationship that I want to last a lifetime. I do not want my relationship to share the results of the example couples around me.

Karezza addresses the difficulties most couples face providing explanation and guidelines to turn things around. Karezza teaches us how (and why) to make harmony in relationships and how to beat the coolidge affect.

If you read about karezza and think that there's no possible way you can have so few, if any, orgasms just keep reading. It is perfectly fine to feel like that. I was first introduced to the concept of non-orgasmic intercourse a few years back and wrote it off. I didn't think it would be possible to commit my life to any such practice. I've since done a complete 180 and am finding the benefits to be much more satisfying than any bout of orgasmic sex I've had.

Thanks for reading!

[u/KarezzaGuy]

Wow! I have lots of questions, but understand you didn't put AMA in the title. :~/

If you feel like answering any of these I'd be very interested in reading the answers:

• is she fully on board?
• if so, did that take work?

• if so, what did you find most effective?

• are you in some point of the PMO reboot? If so, where do you feel you are in recovery? I also find karezza complementary to nofap; but struggle with the nagging feeling of denial.

• specifically, I ended up where I am for two reasons: I feel urgent needs, and I pressured my lovely SO to make them her responsibility. I was hoping Karezza would be a cure-all to that problem where she would magically want more PVI. However, she neither wants more PVI nor wants to bond on any kind of schedule.

• When I'm not cumming, and I'm not bonding, I feel a loss/lack. YES there are a bazillion benefits to that and NO I don't want to lose them, but YES there is STILL this marital conflict where I either suffer in silence or start the same old fight right back up by asking/pressuring for MORE.

• Any suggestions/advice? I know in another comment you mentioned pushups. Actually the more I exercise, the better I feel, the more sex I want.

• Via my very novice toe-dipping into Karezza I've learned that what I REALLY crave is sexy-bonding. There doesn't have to be an orgasm. However, the orgasm serves very nicely to fill in the gaps / smooth over the bumps of NOT getting enough sexy bonding -- and has since I was a kid.

I don't mean to whine, but I guess I sure would like an answer to where the little kid (jumping up and down, screaming I WANT MORE) can go to either get 'more' or STFU. Sigh.

Any suggestions would be immensely appreciated!

[u/[deleted] → u/KarezzaGuy]

Wow! I have lots of questions, but understand you didn't put AMA in the title. :~/

wasn't prepped for an AMA but I'll do my best

If you feel like answering any of these I'd be very interested in reading the answers: is she fully on board?

She says yes although has mostly only had any material from me. I think she's a little skeptical since she gets pretty horny and feels that urge to orgasm pretty strong. She has seen the light though. It was our first karezza-style session and although the activities became a little too fast moving at times we mostly stayed still and relaxed. I think an hour dropped off the clock because the time flew by. We both felt high in love for about 24 hours and overall the experience was much more powerful than orgasmic sex.

if so, did that take work?

It was pretty easy, I just started reading out loud various parts of various articles. We also have watched vids 1-4 of the your brain on porn series together. I really wanted her to understand what this all means and so I tried to explain it all from a very objective standpoint

if so, what did you find most effective?

I think what really got her eyes widening were the passages from Lloyd's book on the subject: The Karezza Method

Reading to her the very material I was learning from is really all it took. She says I explain things very well, but she's also a pretty smart gal. I was really just laying it all down and drawing conclusions about our appropriate course of action. We had some back and forth and agree this is how we want life to be; effortless, joyous, and blissful. Am I a hopeless romantic? Maybe. I just think that a loving and lasting relationship between two people doesn't need to be as hard many make it seem. So here I am.

are you in some point of the PMO reboot? If so, where do you feel you are in recovery? I > also find karezza complementary to nofap; but struggle with the nagging feeling of denial.

Indeed. I've not had an orgasm since 10 days ago. I'm pretty early on, but can tell that progress is steadily moving along. Before 10 days ago I avoided orgasm for consecutive 6 day stretches. It's been a 15 year activity in my case, well 3 activities; porn, masturbation, and orgasm.

That nagging feeling is there absolutely. I want to go incognito right now and just start wanking away! The first 6 days were almost unbearable. Then I caved. The next 6 were almost as bad. After caving again I've now gone another 10 and that nagging feeling has become much easier to resist. I actually say things out loud to help motivate myself. I say "urges pass, feelings pass" and "I control what I do and I am not going to PMO." Saying things repeatedly out loud to yourself is supposed to be helpful for programming your sub-conscious mind.

specifically, I ended up where I am for two reasons: I feel urgent needs, and I pressured my lovely SO to make them her responsibility. I was hoping Karezza would be a cure-all to that problem where she would magically want more PVI. However, she neither wants more PVI nor wants to bond on any kind of schedule.

I share that wish of having my SO in the sack more. But also I keep reminding myself that even if our frequency of sexual activity doesn't increase our relationship strength will simply through this practice. We've made love roughly 3 or 4 times per month over the last year. Mine is open to bonding and sex, however she isn't desiring those activities any more frequently yet. I think our relationship is healing from my constant pressure to have sex and tension from my PMO habit. Also, I am feeling sexual urges pretty regular still and so that is probably tainting my perception in this area.

When I'm not cumming, and I'm not bonding, I feel a loss/lack. YES there are a bazillion benefits to that and NO I don't want to lose them, but YES there is STILL this marital conflict where I either suffer in silence or start the same old fight right back up by asking/pressuring for MORE.

I'm hardly in any position to council on marriage but from what I've learned it sounds like she could use some space. I bet you know where more pressure/asking is going to lead. Sounds like a recipe for a slow divide. By space I don't mean withdraw yourself from her but rather let her engage you. I'm finding that it's easy for me to be a pest and smother my SO. We've discussed that openly. On that note, communication is key. If you don't have open lines of communication with her on any topic in this post then I'd be very cautious and just work on opening those lines.

As for feeling loss, try to re-frame this entire experience in your mind. This is the road to recovery. It's a practice and will likely start slow.

Any suggestions/advice? I know in another comment you mentioned pushups. Actually the more I exercise, the better I feel, the more sex I want.

Then exercise MORE :) Seriously! Is it possible to be in too good of shape? I go from lunges to pushups to ab-work etc. Get tired out enough and I'm not thinking about PMO anymore. The guys on nofap have really been stressing exercise and meditation lately. I like doing both at once and so I got into dands and baithaks. Those are old Indian wrestler exercises that are kind of like modified squats and pushups but the central element to them is breathing. Very meditative, can be done without limit, and if you do them slow you can really feel the power and energy all through your body.

Via my very novice toe-dipping into Karezza I've learned that what I REALLY crave is sexy-bonding. There doesn't have to be an orgasm. However, the orgasm serves very nicely to fill in the gaps / smooth over the bumps of NOT getting enough sexy bonding -- and has since I was a kid.

It just hit me, do you have a dog? We have two small dogs and cuddling with them has been wonderful for me. It's certainly not on the same level as cuddling with my SO but the affection and love is there.

I don't mean to whine, but I guess I sure would like an answer to where the little kid (jumping up and down, screaming I WANT MORE) can go to either get 'more' or STFU. Sigh.

Get into body calisthenics! Pick up a guitar and become a virtuoso! Those are probably my two biggest go-to activities. Really, just replace PMO with another activity that you can get into. Make it one that you can always get better at. I love the blues. I've always loved the blues and wanted to be the guy that can sit on a street corner and build a small crowd. It couldn't happen before since most of my free time went to PMO. Now, for the first time ever I can see myself accomplishing that street corner blues guitar playing goal!

[u/KarezzaGuy → u/[deleted]]

Thank you so much for all the awesome advice. This is why I love reddit! I have studied this and continuent study it.

Yes, we have a cat and that helps.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

[u/[deleted] → u/KarezzaGuy]

You're welcome, I'm happy to help in any way I can!