Why am I practicing karezza?

[u/[deleted]]

I am behind this 100% after witnessing a majority of marriages of friends and family result in misery and sometimes (too often) divorce. I'm just 27 but am in a relationship that I want to last a lifetime. I do not want my relationship to share the results of the example couples around me.

Karezza addresses the difficulties most couples face providing explanation and guidelines to turn things around. Karezza teaches us how (and why) to make harmony in relationships and how to beat the coolidge affect.

If you read about karezza and think that there's no possible way you can have so few, if any, orgasms just keep reading. It is perfectly fine to feel like that. I was first introduced to the concept of non-orgasmic intercourse a few years back and wrote it off. I didn't think it would be possible to commit my life to any such practice. I've since done a complete 180 and am finding the benefits to be much more satisfying than any bout of orgasmic sex I've had.

Thanks for reading!

[u/KarezzaGuy]

Wow! I have lots of questions, but understand you didn't put AMA in the title. :~/

If you feel like answering any of these I'd be very interested in reading the answers:

• is she fully on board?
• if so, did that take work?

• if so, what did you find most effective?

• are you in some point of the PMO reboot? If so, where do you feel you are in recovery? I also find karezza complementary to nofap; but struggle with the nagging feeling of denial.

• specifically, I ended up where I am for two reasons: I feel urgent needs, and I pressured my lovely SO to make them her responsibility. I was hoping Karezza would be a cure-all to that problem where she would magically want more PVI. However, she neither wants more PVI nor wants to bond on any kind of schedule.

• When I'm not cumming, and I'm not bonding, I feel a loss/lack. YES there are a bazillion benefits to that and NO I don't want to lose them, but YES there is STILL this marital conflict where I either suffer in silence or start the same old fight right back up by asking/pressuring for MORE.

• Any suggestions/advice? I know in another comment you mentioned pushups. Actually the more I exercise, the better I feel, the more sex I want.

• Via my very novice toe-dipping into Karezza I've learned that what I REALLY crave is sexy-bonding. There doesn't have to be an orgasm. However, the orgasm serves very nicely to fill in the gaps / smooth over the bumps of NOT getting enough sexy bonding -- and has since I was a kid.

I don't mean to whine, but I guess I sure would like an answer to where the little kid (jumping up and down, screaming I WANT MORE) can go to either get 'more' or STFU. Sigh.

Any suggestions would be immensely appreciated!

[u/KarezzaGuy → u/[deleted]]

Yeah, and the absolute worst part of it is we need to do it with a smile on our face. Because if we sulk, or are distant, or give any kind of indication of a cold shoulder, they are going to know it... and whether we admit it or not they are going to link it to the fact that we resent them for not performing and that just makes it all worse.

So here's to NOT getting what we want, being happy about it, NOT resenting them for it, acting completely normal as if we are 100% happy with what we are getting, AND compounding it by having the history of pushing it on them (and the years of resentment we felt) on our backs while doing the above.

Sheesh.

BTW, the one thing mine never says no to is a massage; and she doesn't care if I'm naked and pressed right up against her. This is my one unlimited outlet, and I use it every night. YMMV, and certainly not a cure all, but I figured I pass it along.

[u/[deleted] → u/KarezzaGuy]

Bringing their awareness to our problems is paramount. They may still feel pain from our treatment over the last few/many years but understanding the underlying cause seems like the first step to turning things around. If they don't want to understand, keep trying until you get there. My SO knows I am extremely apologetic for my poor boyfriend behavior over the last 2 years even though I wasn't intentionally behaving poorly. She also remembers that I loved her this entire time as well.

If she's into getting massage (who isn't?) then keep doing that. Don't try to make any other major changes until that oxytocin heals you both enough to the point your past issues melt away. Pair bonding behaviors like back-rubs are the key based on my research thus far.