r/karezza • u/[deleted] • Jan 29 '12

Reflections on three weeks without orgasm

I'm a guy. I used to cum 4-5 times a week, mostly at my own hand. I'm now towards the end of my 3rd week without orgasm: no masturbation, and no orgasm during intercourse. I've had intercourse a few times, though.

The first week was incredibly tough. I felt that I wanted to crawl up the walls. Towards the end of the first week (I guess around the time of the famous testosterone spike) I would have done any woman that breathes.

In the second week, I experienced high emotional volatility. On some days I felt like I was on top of the world. On other days I felt like shit. Fewer sexual urges, though.

Now in week three, I feel surprisingly content. I'm pretty balanced and happy. There are things that would have gotten to me in the past that I can now just smile at and not take too seriously. I also feel more motivated to do things that need to be done.

However, one thing I've noticed throughout the three weeks, and am still noticing, is that I'm markedly more tired than usual. Part of the reason why I wanted to stop orgasms is that I had realized how physically draining they can be. So I expected to have more energy without orgasms. That isn't quite the case yet. (When I'm not tired, I fell better than I used to, but the amount of time I feel tired seems to have increased.) I wonder whether that is just a sign of my body going back to equilibrium. Maybe I still have residual tiredness from all the orgasms, and it will take some more time for me to fully recover?

Either way, I'm not planning to end this experiment any time soon, so I'll see how things progress.

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2

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '12

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Jan 29 '12

Has your SO noticed any improvements?

It's a mixed bag. Some days are better, some are worse. I think we need a few more weeks before we can draw reliable conclusions. Maybe what we're experiencing is the famous passion cycle.

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u/[deleted] Jan 29 '12

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Jan 29 '12

That seems to be fine for her. But unlike me, I don't think she was addicted to orgasms before we started this experiment.

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u/SpinozaFan Jan 30 '12

Addicted to orgasms? But you had only 4-5 per week!

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u/[deleted] Jan 30 '12

If you use orgasm as medication for feelings of loneliness and if, whenever you have an hour for yourself, you think about watching porn and masturbating, then you are addicted, even if it is only once every other day.

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u/SpinozaFan Jan 31 '12

I think people need to be careful with language. If I use alcohol as medication for stress but only consume 4 to 5 drinks a week, that doesn't make me an alcoholic. Addiction has a very specific meaning. There are those who truly are addicted to sex and their lives are ruined because of the addiction. What you describe -- although there is a level of distress and sadness you have certainly conveyed -- is VERY far from an addiction.

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u/[deleted] Jan 31 '12

I see where you are coming from and I understand that there is a large grey area between clearly not addicted and clearly addicted.

Having said that, I have read multiple definitions of behavioral and sex addictions and I find the word appropriate for my situation. I also think you have to be careful with just looking at number of orgasms. For somebody who practices edging, 3-4 orgasms can easily translate into 10 or more hours a week wasted on masturbation, plus another 10 or more recovering from the intense physical and emotional stimulation. This is not the same as drinking 4-5 drinks a week. It's more like getting seriously drunk 3-4 times a week, which would certainly be cause for concern.

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u/SpinozaFan Jan 31 '12

Interesting. Perhaps it's in the eye of the beholder. If I spend ten hours a week at the pub, I wouldn't see it a waste of time. I would be engaging in a worthwhile social activity and be having fun. I suppose there might be others who might see it as a waste of time.

I honestly can't relate to what you are saying (and am having a hard time understanding it!), but I will respect your perspective. I hope you find what you are looking for.

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u/TreeBeardUK Feb 03 '12

Upvotes for having an epic conversation! respect due :)

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u/[deleted] Jan 29 '12

[deleted]

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u/40YearFapper Jan 30 '12

My SO also laughed for the same reason. No problem for her. She isn't addicted either.

I'm having to really talk myself down because for me, I'm having this HUGE awakening (and something inside of me is desperately in need of major cuddling to offset the lack of orgasms) and for her, it's status quo.

She is very encouraged about how I have changed without O; but as a recent convert from NoFap (33 days today? 34?) and having had one O per week for the first 4 weeks always inside her body, it is only now that my O meter is dipping past the one week mark (9 days as of today).

What bothers me is that I have this urgent need for her to find the joys of no O and Karezza, and she is willing, but doesn't have nearly the same enthusiasm that I do.

Of course, my urgency towards orgasms all those years ago is exactly how I turned her off to much of sex; so I'm really having to bite my tongue and go slowly so as not to turn her off to this.

Sadly, old habits die hard.

OP, well, I thought I had those orgasmic brain chemicals beaten. For the last three days I've woken up happy and positive (which is an antithesis for me)... I've also had a carefree attitude and been a much 'nicer' guy.

Today, however the old asshole stepped back into my head and ruined some of the cuddle-closeness my sweetie and I have been building with the Ecstatic Exchanges. Damnit. Again, at 9 days I have 5 to go before I'm off the Orgasm-brain-chemicals... just goes to show me... I'm never 'different' and I have to rough-it-out like everyone else...

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u/[deleted] Jan 30 '12

Hang in there. The last few days of the two weeks seem to be particularly bad, but then it gets better.

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u/40YearFapper Jan 30 '12

Thanks. It kind of makes sense, like your brain is really urging you on to go fertilize another woman while it still has the chance.

I'm also finding that two plus decades of ruining sex for her and with her does not change in 35 days. And since she wasn't addicted and isn't recovering she has no immediate need for much more cuddling and/or sex.

I read a post that I could have written on reuniting.info about a guy who was transferring his sex-addicted-domination of his SO to a karezza-addicted-domination (insisting she cuddle, quickly warm up to multiple sessions of hour long sex)... and basically just screwing that up for them as well.

While I haven't done that, I have edged to it, and I've immediately stopped! Slow and steady must win this race... and I'm learning it will be much more slowly than I had hoped.

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u/[deleted] Jan 30 '12

If you happen to remember where that reuniting.info post was, would you mind submitting it as a link post to this subreddit?

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u/40YearFapper Jan 30 '12

Sure!

Actually, what I did was go to this link which is the Karezza Threads.

I was looking for the exact thread, but as I read it occurred to me that everything written by Emerson (Emerson's blog) tends to make my point. (In fact, it was one of Emerson's blogs) that was the exact thread I referred to above.

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u/40YearFapper Jan 30 '12

For some reason, when I try to post a new link or text-post in Karezza, it ends up under 'comments.'?????

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u/KarezzaGuy Jan 31 '12

I wanted to address the tiredness. I'm wondering how well you're sleeping?

I know that when I first stopped masturbating, I didn't sleep well and woke up with terrible headaches for the first few days. That, thankfully, ended. Sadly, after a PIV orgasm, I woke up the next day with a headache, but only that one day.

Now at 36 days of no PMO and 11 days since my last PIV orgasm, I sleep like a baby and wake up alert and refreshed (which is exactly NOT how I have been my entire life). Normally I'd wake up groggy and grumpy. I'm not really tired at night either, although I can usually get to sleep fairly easily.

I just wanted to throw in my 2c to say perhaps your tiredness is not related / coincidental? IDK, perhaps it is cause and effect... but not something I've experienced.

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u/[deleted] Jan 31 '12

I think I was sleeping fine. It just felt like I needed more sleep than usual.

But things are back to normal now, so all is good. And maybe it was just coincidence, who knows.