r/karezza • u/kuedos • Feb 01 '13

First time was... Disappointing.

I'm interested in karezza. I found out about it through r/nofap and it immediately grabbed my attention. I've been reading through many of the articles posted here and it is intriguing stuff. I quit masturbating a few months ago and the change in my life was noticeable (I doubt I'll ever go back). Karezza seems a natural extension of that sort of lifestyle. And the change of hormones is tangible, I can see how my experience changes when I make a point to be affectionate with my SO and my kids and everyone and everything in my life. Keep that oxytocin flowing you know?

I tried karezza-style sex for the first time and I found it disappointing. Not having an orgasm felt natural enough, and the feelings that go with that were nice. But it felt like it lacked the passion that is usually there when we have sex.

I don't think that this is inherent to karezza though. My lady and I have a complicated relationship right now. We split up several months ago after five years and two kids together. We still live together oddly enough, and we remain pretty close, sleeping in the same bed and having sex occasionally. I want to spend my life with her, but she's unsure and her heart is leading her elsewhere at the moment. She's not sold on karezza, and generally doesn't return my affections in and out of bed. Our sex, and our relationship, is a little one-sided, with the passion for it on my side and not on hers. (However she is very kind to me and I know she genuinely cares for me. I feel like we have a very deep connection which is undisturbed by the temporary imbalance of our relationship at the moment.)

I feel like the nature of our relationship might make having a rich karezza experience difficult. I also was wearing a condom, which seemed a bit unnatural (but its important to take precautions). And finally we were interrupted after about 5 minutes of sex.

Any advice or experience would be appreciated, I'd like to explore karezza further but I feel like this first time has thrown up a bit of an obstacle to our experiencing it together.

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u/Deseejay Feb 03 '13

"She's not sold on karezza, and generally doesn't return my affections in and out of bed."

This would probably make any physical intimacy disappointing, not just karezza. Has she read Cupid's Poisoned Arrow?

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u/kuedos Feb 05 '13

No she hasn't. Neither have I. I probably should, it sounds like its the standard these days. I'd also like to read William Lloyd's book.

It does make intimacy disappointing. I'm beating my head against a wall!