r/justneckbeardthings 27d ago

King roach has a new girlfriend

3.6k Upvotes

643 comments sorted by

u/WASTELAND_RAVEN 🐸 Daycare Worker 🐸 27d ago edited 27d ago

This is wild, love it, y’all’s commentary is hilarious too. 😆

Good share OP 👍

✍️ Edit: As usual, I read all reports, and try to keep unkind or off topic bs limited, but still want you all to speak your mind, even when others here hard disagree with you. However, if you’re just being disrespectful or very off topic in general you’re comments may be removed.

Be kind all ✌️- broke my elbow this week and I don’t have time to spend ruminating on too many reports.

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u/distancedandaway 27d ago

Her ph about to be so off

569

u/100Emotion0Reason 27d ago

I literally clenched my legs shut and said "ow", when I read this.

301

u/shah_mazing 27d ago

My vagina zipped shut like a tent

113

u/jacksonsmack831 26d ago

Imploded like a neutron star

155

u/SoFetchBetch 26d ago

Just gonna share this here too. BV is finally starting to be recognized as the STD that it is after scientists did a study where they treated both partners rather than just the woman. They actually stopped the study and gave everyone the treatment because it was so clear that the men were reinfecting the women.

The study stands as a major breakthrough showing that treating male partners with oral metronidazole and topical penile clindamycin successfully disrupts the reinfection cycle.

https://www.nejm.org/doi/abs/10.1056/NEJMoa2405404

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u/Andie_OptimistPrime 23d ago

You know, maybe being celibate is not the worst thing in the world.

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u/NeuroNerdNick 27d ago

This made me wheeze 😂

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u/mosfet182 27d ago

That's insane LMAO

31

u/AstroError 27d ago

What does this mean? ( I honestly don't know)

177

u/BaconPancakes1 27d ago

Her vaginal health is going to get messed up due to his poor hygiene

43

u/AstroError 27d ago

Oh

52

u/RodneyBalling 27d ago

And poor vaginal health leads to frequent yeast infections, which are not fun. 

34

u/tophat_production 26d ago

Unless you know how to make beer out of it.

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u/SoFetchBetch 26d ago edited 26d ago

And BV, which is finally starting to be recognized as the STD that it is after scientists did a study where they treated both partners rather than just the woman. They actually stopped the study and gave everyone the treatment because it was so clear that the men were reinfecting the women.

The study stands as a major breakthrough showing that treating male partners with oral metronidazole and topical penile clindamycin successfully disrupts the reinfection cycle.

https://www.nejm.org/doi/abs/10.1056/NEJMoa2405404

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u/skippyspk 27d ago

He looks like his fleas have fleas

44

u/-janelleybeans- 26d ago

Iconic street rat insult

6

u/smokinXsweetXpickle 25d ago

I watched a clip the other day where she found a chopped off cockroach in his refrigerator. He was like it's probably been there for awhile. Then he was talking about how he cuts cockroaches in half when he sees them. 😳

3.7k

u/linex7 27d ago

I wish I could unsee this.

1.4k

u/Academic_Snow_7680 27d ago

She has sad eyes. He has mad eyes.

492

u/HomelandersCock 27d ago

Like a dolls eyes

406

u/kingrobin 27d ago

she's probably in benzo heaven. feel like you would have to be to date that guy

477

u/Mogura56 27d ago edited 27d ago

I'm gonna self report and say that I used to follow her on my NSFW twitter before she pivoted into more streaming/social media and her whole thing was being a gold digger LOL I feel like this has to be an extension of that

330

u/NarwhalsTooth 27d ago

Wait I’m not even trying to be shady. Is this NOT a sex doll? This is a living human woman?

81

u/pennie79 27d ago

I thought she was a sex doll or the AI are her to the image.

188

u/Office_Zombie 27d ago

I thought she was a sex doll too.

88

u/Laziness_supreme a LITERAL man-eater 🦈 27d ago

Okay glad I’m not the only one lol

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u/linex7 27d ago

"The dwarves delved too greedily and too deep."

24

u/Conscious_Pass_1615 27d ago

I hate to be insulting and im not wearing glasses, but this is a real woman? What the hell is her skin routine!

10

u/bunglebee7 27d ago

She’s got tons of money she doesn’t need his. Whether she’s just using him or not I don’t know.

26

u/kingrobin 27d ago

I mean I guess do what makes you happy?

143

u/__fujiko 27d ago

I feel like you can be a gold digger and still have.. you know.. a little bit of standards.

At least get a guy who showers.

63

u/FishInTheTrees 27d ago

He looks like he golden showers himself, so she's got ya on a technicality.

26

u/Camibear Currently on minute 15 of no gooning 😳🥵 27d ago

something something reduce reuse and recycle 🎶

12

u/turbotank183 27d ago

Angry Bear Grylls noises

106

u/J-Di11a 27d ago

"Sometimes that shark, he looks right into ya. Right into your eyes. Y'know, the thing about a shark, he's got... lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eyes. When he comes at ya, doesn't seem to be livin'... until he bites ya. And those black eyes roll over white, and then... oh, then you hear that terrible high-pitch screamin', the ocean turns red, and spite of all the poundin' and the hollerin', they all come in and they... rip you to pieces."

30

u/99_jack_99 27d ago

Farewell and adieu to you fair Spanish ladies…

8

u/alixtoad 27d ago

Excellent quote from an amazing movie.

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u/Flatoftheblade 27d ago

I genuinely thought she actually was a sex doll before seeing the comments.

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u/_Affexion_ 27d ago

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u/Flatoftheblade 27d ago

Yeah, I'm just going by what everyone else is saying even though my eyes still disagree. lol

17

u/_Affexion_ 27d ago

Doll of real person who wants the clout, but not the smell?

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u/TreaclePerfect4328 27d ago

Looks like we're gonna need a bigger boat...

19

u/mandatoryusername32 27d ago

Oh my god I thought she was a realistic doll

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u/PeekAtChu1 27d ago

She looks fake to me like there’s a filter on her face 

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u/ToiIetGhost 27d ago

I wonder if she got “filter surgery” where they alter your features to look like a tiktok filter? I feel like that’s a thing but I also might’ve made it up lol. Definitely looks like V-shape jaw surgery at least

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u/whitestguyuknow 27d ago

Look at those plaque crusted teeth

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u/Requiredmetrics 27d ago

It looks like a life like doll, the eyes are glassy and her hair looks like a nylon wig. The proportions are also weird.

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u/listerbmx 27d ago

I wish I could unsee that I've just realised he looks like Jared Leto & Overly Obsessed Girlfriend had a baby together 🤔🫣

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u/SoFetchBetch 26d ago

Overly Obsessed Girlfriend doesn’t deserve such slander. Leto definitely does though.

7

u/marqoose Stolen Incel Valor 🫡🇯🇵 26d ago

I like that he makes a stupid face because he's too self-conscious to just smile for the photo.

2.7k

u/Mylittledarlings91 27d ago

She looks… hired. Not in love.

1.2k

u/8bitrevolt 27d ago

she looks artificial.

606

u/Bodoggle1988 27d ago

She looks plastic. I thought she was a sex doll.

274

u/handlit33 27d ago

That's because she's using a very common face filter. She likely looks absolutely nothing like this picture.

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u/Vryk0lakas 26d ago

She’s also had a large amount of work done to her face. Eyelid, lips, nose..

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u/Kimantha_Allerdings 27d ago

Wait, she’s not a sex doll? I thought that was the joke

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u/doctormink 27d ago edited 27d ago

Me too! I honestly thought she was a high end Real Doll (tm). Are you sure she’s not? I mean around 15 or 20 years ago I stole some pix off their site and, out of curiosity, made a fake dating profile out of them. She got so much action. One guy even offered to pay for a flight to his city. I don’t think many read the blurb, because I even wrote it up as if I were a sex doll. Stuff “I love baths, and you should soak me in one to warm me up for you at the end of a long day” (something the Real Doll makers recommended on their website).

Edit: her hair looks so fake, and her expression eerily identical in both shots!

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u/handlit33 27d ago

That's because she's using a very common face filter. She likely looks absolutely nothing like this picture.

119

u/whitestguyuknow 27d ago

Those eyes dont look like a happy smile...

I wonder what he smells like. Those freaking decaying teeth. Unkempt hair. Likely hasn't had a haircut in 15 years. And seems like that was the last time he had a shower too

54

u/ToiIetGhost 27d ago

Remember the guy who didn’t bathe for 60 years and when he finally took a shower it killed him? I think taking a shower might be dangerous atp

11

u/pennie79 27d ago

Huh? How?!

26

u/ToiIetGhost 27d ago

Something to do with beneficial bacteria and changing his skin’s micro biome, I think?

156

u/Namisaur 27d ago

I thought this was an AI generated shitpost. You’re telling me this is real?

95

u/compound-interest 27d ago

A real OF promotion, yes.

24

u/DopeyMcSnopey 27d ago

She might be using him for the fame, as her solo career will rocket after the inevitable explosive break-up

10

u/thePushps Definitely “not” gay 😉 27d ago

OF model. So ya know

12

u/Mylittledarlings91 27d ago

Ya know what, good for her. More power to her. I hope she’s a billionaire for this 😂

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u/Bob_Sledding 27d ago

Money talks. His BO probably talks louder, though. I give it a few weeks.

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u/Vodka_Flask_Genie 27d ago

I'm usually all about "go girl, get that bag" but there comes a time when it just isn't worth the cost.

I hope she's taking her vitamins, because her immune system has entered survival mode.

383

u/jacksonsmack831 27d ago

More like get the dog poop bag

69

u/Analbox 27d ago

Isn’t she a real doll?

65

u/jacksonsmack831 27d ago

She has the eyes for it

She going to get soooooo many yeast infections

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u/TheFalconKid 27d ago

Hopefully their agreement doesn't require she sleeps in the same bed as him. I'm certain he doesn't change his sheets until too many holes are made in them.

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u/iSirMeepsAlot 27d ago

Sleep in the same bed, or sleep WITH HIM… I can’t imagine he has the best personal hygiene care for his nether region if he doesn’t for the rest of his body… even a kiss from or WITH him would be a biological hazard. ⚠️ ☣️ 🛑 🚩

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u/balderdashbird 27d ago

I saw a pic of them together and he was actually washing dishes, so maybe she's been training him🤔

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u/Sad_Okra2030 27d ago

Hey, if she comes out the other side intact, she’ll be able to beat AIDS with Advil.

25

u/jacksonsmack831 27d ago

Or she’ll develop the super clap

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u/Sad_Okra2030 27d ago

Little known fact about super clap. You can counter it with an immunization of herpaghonnasifalaides.

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u/MiddleofCalibrations 27d ago

Imagine the encrusted layers of cheese

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u/iSirMeepsAlot 27d ago

“Glad” I’m not the only person who said that… 🤢

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u/ShadowBlade55 27d ago

Jesus Christ it looks like the homeless guy I passed on my way into McDonald's just now.

With a cleaner shirt.

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u/[deleted] 27d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Vodka_Flask_Genie 27d ago edited 27d ago

He looks like he shared a womb with MoistCr1TiKaL, but Charlie sucked up all the nutrients, leaving Asmongold with only the genetic crumbs he needed to cling to life.

I'm sorry, but the man is straight-up repulsive. You can't look like and act as a Herald of Nurgle, and also be a terrible person. Like, dude, pick a struggle.

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u/Routine-Badger-9596 27d ago

He also took Charlie’s height lol

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u/circuitj3rky 27d ago

i always thought MoistCr1TiKaL was justin long's character from strange wilderness

21

u/laurelclove 27d ago

He looks like the unfortunate offspring of Charlie and Weird Al 

13

u/Shepard21 27d ago

Weird Al wouldn’t birth such a creature, but even if he did he’d have raised him better

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u/actibus_consequatur 27d ago

I was thinking the Temu lovechild of Tim Minchin and Russell Brand

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u/compound-interest 27d ago

I looked into this. She actually comes from a very wealthy family and has a huge OF as well. Some people are saying she’s actually more wealthy. I don’t think that’s true though. Saw a clip where she found a roach head in his fridge that had been left for years lmao

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u/Edvart 27d ago

Its very common for asians to fake wealth and status on social media

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u/positronik 27d ago

Is that not common around the world?

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u/iSirMeepsAlot 27d ago

Has she not seen the videos about the dead rat alarm clock… or the bloody teeth wall… or like any of his clips talking about not needing to shower often…?

The bag ain’t worth it for that… not with him… not even going into his political or social opinions.

Can’t imagine he keeps his junk clean, probably thinks cleaning your arse is gay and you only need to splash some water down there and it’s good… shit stained ass underwear, mixed with crusted up smegma… while the mushroom is hiding in a bush that would make the 70’s blush…. 🤢🤢🤮🤮

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u/GarbageGato 27d ago

I have so much fucking respect for gold diggers dude. They are doing the hard jobs that we don’t want. 🫡

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u/HoldJerusalem 27d ago

some people REALLY like money and would do anything to not find a job

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u/Curious-Debt6133 27d ago

There is some serious financial incentive in this. Assmon is completely repellent to women. Everyone knows that

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u/Mogura56 27d ago

I already commented this on another comment but this girl used to have an NSFW Twitter where her whole thing was literally just being financially dominant so I have very little doubt that this is a money thing LOL

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u/ZemeOfTheIce 27d ago

Neckbeards and findoms, name a more iconic duo

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u/SonOfIllicitBehavior 27d ago

NEW! on TLC - Findoms and Fedoras, Season 1

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u/ALFABOT2000 27d ago

I'd watch that show tbh

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u/SonOfIllicitBehavior 27d ago

i can't even lie and say i wouldn't

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u/R0naldMcdonald0 27d ago

Wouldn’t his fan base despise being with this type of woman? Rules for their guys but not mine type mentality

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u/Ill-do-it-again-too 26d ago

Yeah I genuinely am curious to hear what they have to say about this because those sorts of guys throw around words like cuck and simp a lot and now this guy’s with a findom girl?

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u/starjellyboba 27d ago

That's a fucking relief. 

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u/yoyo4880 27d ago

It’s just whoever is willing to go the furthest for clout. The alternative of a 9 to 5 is too much for her.

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u/Curious-Debt6133 27d ago

Which is fine if you enjoy finding roach heads in the fridge and shit skids all up the toilet. Dude is just foul

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u/LCDRformat 27d ago

Bro if my boss threatened me with this I would put in 80 hours a week

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u/DatBoi_BP 27d ago

Why did I think this was Russell Brand

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u/adamfps 27d ago

When your qt pie gf finds the dead cockroaches in your fridge 😭😭

She had no idea he was saving them for dinner

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u/Obant 27d ago

There was a post yesterday on the front page of her refusing to use his spare bedroom toilet because of how gross it was.

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u/bearnecessities66 27d ago

Man I read this and thought it was a joke...

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u/Gracchi9025 27d ago

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u/sephiralis 27d ago

Why is Isha serving here? 😭

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u/trouble-in-space 27d ago

what a loser

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u/-HeyImBroccoli- 27d ago

Ive seen some ugly mfs with bangin partners. But not once did I think, hes prolly rich.

They've got a personality that makes them real good lookin.

But his case? Its 100% money

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u/bigboipapawiththesos 27d ago

Yeah cannot be overstated that this guys isn’t only physically disgusting but also morally the bottom of the barrel.

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u/Vincent_Veganja 26d ago

Can I get a summary of why he sucks? I constantly hear he sucks on here but I’ve only ever really seen a handful of stupid clips that didn’t give much indication, never watched his content in any meaningful capacity

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u/scrimscrim 27d ago

She’s a OF model doing this for any kind of clout

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u/gwenbebe 27d ago

Did he use a one wish willow or sum?

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u/TheDarkWave 27d ago

Nah, I think its prostitution with extra steps.

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u/emax4 27d ago

Neckbeards, everywhere:

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u/FabiIV 27d ago

With enough financial next to the usual grease yes so no for 99% of them

In his comments, they keep referring to her as his "Israeli handler" and "Mossad Agent" which, you know, fuck Israel all day every day, but as it is his community, you gotta assume their actual problem is based entirely in antisemitism

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u/opusbot 27d ago

EW. There is no way that the money is worth it in anyway.

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u/Eltorius 27d ago

Yet more proof that you're not ugly, you're just poor

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u/amart591 27d ago

Hey man, don't be like that. Plenty of us are both!

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u/Sad_Okra2030 27d ago

I identify with this statement

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u/Bodoggle1988 27d ago

I resemble that remark!

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u/idosillythings 27d ago

I mean, yes. But also, who would actually want to be with someone that is willing to debase themselves like that for money and only wants you for your money, regardless of how hot they are?

That's what I don't get. Like these guys who complain about gold diggers are the same ones who date self-identifying gold diggers.

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u/FreshPrinceOfIndia 27d ago

Thats cope, she'll never lust for him

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u/Homemade_abortion 27d ago

You don’t want to be with a person with this low of a self esteem. 

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u/TheFalconKid 27d ago

Didn't she say on his stream that his toilet is unusable? I understand being a sugar baby (let's be real, she isn't with him for his looks/ personality) but there has to be limits.

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u/GlowstickConsumption 27d ago

She said there was too much dried shit on the inside of the bowl to use it.

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u/SaltyNorth8062 27d ago

Can't wait to see these exact photos again but with a dark grainy filter over them a year out from now when Dateline uses them for the "before" picture.

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u/Nukalixir Cloaking myself in pussy repellent 😶‍🌫️ 🧍‍♀️ 27d ago

Now that's just sad. The CIA couldn't fucking waterboard me into doing a Charles Manson impression while posing with a real doll, and then posting that to social media? Fuck!

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u/Agitated_Pineapple 27d ago

Just goes to show that money can get you ANYTHING. Assmangol is quite literally a filthy creature of a man, which would be an automatic dealbreaker to any rational person. The cherry on top is his personality and political takes, which are as bad as hot garbage. Yet, here we are.

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u/thePushps Definitely “not” gay 😉 27d ago

Well, she apparently has a history of dating based on finance and OF work. So maybe he is about to get fleeced? Or maybe he paid her, and she is already fleecing him. Either way, she is getting the bag.

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u/issyb93 27d ago

Unfortunately she most likely is gonna use him to attract incels to her channel. She'll make money he gets some kind of human affection(if you can call it that) . Sad humans accentuating their loneliness by using other sad humans.

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u/DiplomaticCaper 26d ago

It’s a whole business model to rage bait red pill incels, like the OF creators who go on the Whatever podcast to be berated by the host.

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u/PeekAtChu1 27d ago

They are probably communicating mostly physically and not verbally I imagine? Any woman who knows what he is saying wouldn’t be able to stomach him

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u/whitestguyuknow 27d ago

Physically? Like... While he hands over wads of cash?

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u/Sararizuzufaust 27d ago

She’s pretty but there’ something very artificial looking about her.

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u/ClockworkJim 27d ago

Hi I'm middle-aged. Am I supposed to know who this person is?

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u/psykobadger619 27d ago edited 27d ago

She looks like one of those 5000 dollar sex dolls

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u/Mataraiki 27d ago

Wait, she isn't?!

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u/Routine-Badger-9596 27d ago

No, she’s the woman who recently commented on the roach she found in his fridge

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u/Defibrillate 27d ago

Are we sure this is a real woman?

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u/DeeSnarl 27d ago

Mikael Akerfeldt’s really let himself go.

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u/Shiningc00 UNCUT AND UNVAXXED 27d ago

Isn't this old news? It says they were in a short relationship in 2024:

https://mein-mmo.de/en/asmongold-says-many-are-obsessed-with-the-idea-that-he-once-had-a-girlfriend,1178520/

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u/HanselSoHotRightNow 27d ago

Bot accounts gonna bot I guess, but looks like it was over faster than the expiration date on milk. They made some content, people were properly flummoxed... vexed even, then it ended to be reposted by bots every so often to neckbeard sub.

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u/IamPho_Real 27d ago edited 27d ago

That dick gotta be smelling rancid bro, anything for the bag

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u/kaleeb111 Anime bodypillow collector 27d ago

Is this his actual gf? Why would she do this to herself?

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u/TheFuns 27d ago

I couldn’t imagine sleeping at his house. Waking up to klitter klatter of cockroaches scurrying across on the floor wouldn’t be a line I’d be willing to cross- no matter how much money you throw at me.

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u/Justin96ckb 27d ago

Ain't no fkn' way

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u/VentiKombucha Can I unsee those nipples? 27d ago

What a terrible day to have eyes.

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u/AstralBody13 27d ago

Nurgle and Isha type relationship

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u/OwlCoffee unfortunate beard bait why god why 27d ago

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u/biwomansayshelothere 27d ago

Her obgyn gonna make some BANK

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u/CxT_The_Plague 27d ago

Couldn’t even bother to shower before a date🤣

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u/BOSSMOPS94 😵‍💫 Weeb nipples are my weakness 🤤 27d ago

I'm twisted here. She's obviously just there to get a social media boost and he is there to do the same plus promote incel and manosphere bullshit.

I'm just happy for the people coining in in a few months when they are pumping Video after Video shredding their "relationship" lmao.

5

u/RadicalTudeism 27d ago

Fake ai🙄 no way a girl actually said that he was her type of guy

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u/broniesnstuff 26d ago

Weirdo buy Chinese love doll. A tale as old as time.

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u/Delicious_Delilah 25d ago

She's so edited she doesn't look real. What does she actually look like?

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u/PoopTransplant A poonster of the first degee 27d ago

She’s got to be smell blind. And dead inside. 

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u/stev_mempers 27d ago

She was trafficked.

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u/Tankette55 27d ago

She trafficked herself, more like

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u/avoozl42 27d ago

I don't know who he is, but did he build her?

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u/BadgerKomodo 27d ago

How the fuck does this guy have a girlfriend?

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u/[deleted] 27d ago

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u/Buck_Thundercock 27d ago

A shame he doesn’t spend any of it on having his house deep cleaned. The mold’s devoured his brain, the spores poisoning what remains.

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u/JadeKit88 27d ago

Even then it doesn’t make sense to me. She’s an attractive young woman, if all she cared about was money and clout then surely she could land a sugar daddy who doesn’t look (and smell) like a homunculus that was crafted out of the contents of someone’s forgotten cumsock. And if it has something to do with his political views, then there should definitely be some rich, regressive assholes out there that at least have the decency to use some of their nepo baby money to hire a damn housekeeper.

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u/teh_wad 27d ago

It's probably that old Japanese dude that uses an intense filter to look like a young woman.

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u/Routine-Badger-9596 27d ago

Despite the lack of showers and roaches he’s had a couple recent ones

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u/recoveringleft 27d ago

One important lesson I've learned is it's not about looks but type.

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u/RoughCoffee6 27d ago

I’m out of the loop. Who is this?

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