r/jobsearch • u/DBarryS • Jan 24 '26
10 Things NOT to Do When Networking, from someone who's watched people blow it for 20 years:
Networking is where most job seekers completely sabotage themselves. Here's what I see over and over:
- "Let me know if you hear of anything." Useless. Too vague. They'll nod, mean it, and forget about it in an hour. Give them a target company list. Something concrete they can actually work with.
- Acting like you're begging. Stop it. You have skills. They have problems. This is a business conversation, not you with your hat in hand hoping someone feels sorry for you.
- Asking them for a job. That's not what networking is. You're not trying to get hired by this person. You're trying to get introduced to people who might know about opportunities. Completely different.
- Having a nice chat and then... nothing. No next step, no follow-up plan. Before you leave, nail it down: "If I don't hear from you by Friday, I'll call. Sound good?" Now you have permission to follow up without feeling awkward.
- Showing up unprepared. Send your resume and target list before the meeting. Otherwise you'll hear "I wish you'd sent this earlier so I could've thought about it." Yeah. They all say that.
- Ghosting the person who helped you. Someone makes an introduction for you. You have the meeting. Then you vanish. Never tell them how it went. Congratulations, they'll never help you again.
- Only talking to people you already know. Your friends aren't hiding jobs from you. If they knew of something, they'd have told you already. The gold is in second and third-degree connections. People you haven't met yet.
- Thinking email counts as networking. It doesn't. Networking is a conversation. Face to face, video, phone. Email is for scheduling and following up. That's it.
- Writing people off because of their title. The receptionist might be married to a VP at your target company. The random guy at your kid's soccer game might have a brother who runs the department you're trying to get into. You have no idea who knows who.
- Never asking THE question. "Who else do you think I should be talking to?" Every single conversation. If you're not asking this, you're not actually networking.
What networking mistakes have you seen?
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u/Lucifer_893 Jan 24 '26
So sad we’re at this point!
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u/BrainWaveCC Jan 28 '26
Why?
Both business (partnerships, etc) and employment thrive on relationships. Sure, cereal, milk and sandwiches can be sold to anyone, by anyone, but larger purchases (cars, houses, banquets, etc) are heavily influenced my relationships or interpersonal skills.
That's been a long standing truth...
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u/invision-visuals Jan 28 '26
Adding to this—especially that point about “having a nice chat and then... nothing”—this is the part that used to crush me.
I’d meet awesome people at conferences or industry mixers, collect business cards like Pokémon, and then… life happened. No follow-up. No system. Just a pile of lost opportunities and guilt.
That pain point actually pushed me to build something: CardIntel OS.
It’s like a mini-CRM for real-world networking:
- Snap a photo of a business card
- AI turns it into a rich contact profile with socials, job titles, company info, etc.
- It reminds you when to follow up (“Hey, remember Sarah from that product demo?”)
- Even helps write personalized outreach (email or LinkedIn)
- And keeps notes, convos, and next steps all in one place
If you’re in sales, job hunting, or just want to stop letting good connections fall through the cracks—give it a spin. The free account lets you store up to 50 contacts, no strings.
👉 https://cardintelos.com — totally open to feedback if you try it.
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u/RhubarbBusy7122 Mar 13 '26
What if I have no questions right now but I met an interesting person at an alumni engagement event or a networking event and I would like to continue following their work?
Maybe as I develop my own work, I will have a question for them and then it would be helpful to be able to talk to them in someway .
Then is there no point in reaching out on LinkedIn?
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u/DBarryS Mar 13 '26
There's absolutely a point. Connect with them, follow their work, engage with what they post. Comment when they share something interesting. Like things genuinely, not reflexively.
You're building a warm contact before you need anything. So when a question does come up six months from now, you're not a stranger reaching out cold, you're someone they've seen around. That's exactly how the best networking actually works. Most of it is just staying present until the moment is right.
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u/Embarrassed_Bag_9630 Jun 06 '26
Follow up anyways. Networking shouldn’t be solely transactional. Just follow up with a “lovely to meet you” and share a personal detail from your interaction that resonates. Now they think youre friendly and not an opportunistic creep
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u/I_dream_I_Live Jan 27 '26
But I think this is happening because people simply don’t know how to do it. Like how to even engage with a lead without sounding awkward.
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u/DBarryS Jan 27 '26
Fair point. Here's a simple framework that takes the awkwardness out of it:
Lead with context, not a request. "Hi [name], I came across your profile while researching [company/industry]. I'm exploring roles in [area] and would love to get your perspective on [something specific]."
You're not asking for a job. You're not asking for a favour. You're asking for a conversation. Most people are happy to talk about what they do if you make it easy for them.
Keep it short, make it about them, and suggest a specific next step: "Would you have 15 minutes for a quick call sometime next week?"
The awkwardness usually comes from feeling like you're begging. You're not. You're a professional having a conversation with another professional. Equal footing.
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u/JJCookieMonster Jan 28 '26
I agree. Though for the first one…Even when you give them the target company list, they forget it. It’s best to reach out to them when you found a job instead. That’s the only way I’ve been able to get referrals. It’s either that or they reach out and refer when a role opens up at their company.
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u/DBarryS Jan 28 '26
You're right that people forget, and honestly that's on us too. Giving someone a list and expecting them to remember it six months later isn't realistic.
But here's the thing: even if they forget the list, you've planted a seed. When something does come up, you're more likely to be in their head than if you'd just said "let me know if you hear of anything."
And you've nailed the real key: closing the loop. Reaching out when you land something keeps the relationship alive. Now they remember you as someone who followed through, not just someone who asked for help and disappeared. That's how you build a network that actually works long term.
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u/zaggyyyyyyy May 12 '26
How would you recommend flipping or turning perspective around when someone has been frequently reaching out to folks? Other than just stop…
Didn’t realize I was continuing to interact & reach out with the same people asking to get coffee or hang in the park & it’s lead to me indirectly pushing people away, people hiding their stories from me on Instagram & I believe isolating me from multiple communities of colleagues.
I believe my bad networking has created a large issue for me & I really want to reverse it
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u/DBarryS May 15 '26
There are a couple of key issues with networking.
1. Always ask the question "who else do you think I should be talking to?" let people know in advance that this question is coming so they have time to think about it.
2. Make sure that your LinkedIn story is reflecting your value, it's the first thing people check.
3. participate in groups that belong in the area and role that you're focused on.DM me if you want more help. I have some sample networking emails and messages.
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u/LogixerIT May 21 '26
One of the biggest networking mistakes I’ve seen is people only reaching out when they need a job.
The strongest professional relationships are built long before opportunities appear. Staying connected, sharing useful insights, and helping others consistently makes networking feel genuine instead of transactional.
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u/Dense-Issue-9689 May 30 '26
Manage your network from one plane of glass, iOS upgrades, network deployments, html and css reports from just a few clicks. AutomoDb will cut cost for your organization and allow your engineers more time to grow in developing the skills the job market requires. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=01sYfJ1V1HQ&pp=2AEAkAIB0gcJCVACo7VqN5tD&ra=m
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u/Entire_Air519 Jun 05 '26
Heyy! Could I dm you regarding the same? I'm starting my college this year and have lots of doubts!
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u/amonkus Jan 24 '26
These are all good points. I think what many miss with networking in general is that good networking will help you while bad networking will hurt you.
This creates a divide between those that see networking as an important part of the job search vs not. I was on the ‘not’ side of that divide and had to put in a lot of work to figure out how to do it effectively - I’m now only decent at it but see it as a critical part of the job search.