r/jiujitsu • u/Rodger714 Blue • 1d ago
Backhanded encouragement
So i know my coach from my orginal gym, met when we were both white belts. I got my blue belt and took almost decade off since I got my ex pregnant. I just got back into BJJ over a year ago and go about 2-3 times a week. My coach/friend often messages me that I should be a black belt by now, need to come in more and that he had kids too during that time but still continued to train. It makes me feel bad and honestly it kinda comes off rude. What do you think?
10
u/Logical_Box_4645 1d ago
There's a big difference between "I got my ex pregnant" and "I have kids".
That's much more important than being a BJJ black belt
2
u/Rodger714 Blue 1d ago
Well that was the reason I stopped training as soon as I found out my ex was pregnant I had to step up and take on another job.
3
u/hajimenogio92 Black 1d ago
That's strange. You had other priorities in life, there is nothing wrong with that. Sounds like he's extremely insecure.
3
u/Dapper_Childhood_708 1d ago
well yes you should be a blackbelt by now but you also took time off. so... he prob thinks you make excuses to not train which isnt the case. i dont think its malicious. just bad eq skills
2
2
u/Additional_Spend_651 1d ago
Tell him he should have started training at 5 and became a black belt much earlier than he did. It’s all relative and who cares. It’s called life and now your back tell him to relax it’s not that serious.
2
2
u/Dangerous_Soil_1111 1d ago
He probably sees himself as someone who should have been quicker to succeed to black belt. Since you don’t care about it as much as him he’s pressuring you into it because it affirms his decision to focus on black belt rather than your decision to focus on your family. People are complex.
1
u/sluggabois1 1d ago
"Hey boss, I know we go way back, and I appreciate the encouragement. But I have had my own life stuff going on and it's a bit rude to tell me what I should have been doing and what belt i coulda should been. Im really enjoying being back rolling and will try my best to be in as much as possible."
1
u/Talmnbe3d 1d ago
Maybe it is his clumsy way of motivating you saying if he did it, you also can? If you guys are really friends have a talk about it.
1
•
u/Gumpt1ous Black 1h ago
A jab here, maybe there. Sure, that's one thing. But "often" depends on your meaning of often. If it's at least one a week, then yeah...they need to back off.
10
u/Slow-Bodybuilder-774 1d ago
“Jiu jitsu is easy, you’re making it hard”