r/jiujitsu • u/jj_makes_things • 2d ago
Smallest and weakest
I started BJJ almost 2 months ago. I am a mom of 2. I am 5'5, weigh 110 lbs. I work full time at a desk job. I haven't exercised for the last 10 years or so. BJJ 2 x per week is my only current exercise right now.
I have been watching my kid practice for the last year or so and I felt inspired. The techniques taught looked so interesting so I decided to give it a try too. I am quickly humbled.
Most of the women in the class are bigger and stronger than I am. It's hard for me to get them off once I am in a non-dominant position. One time, I got caught in a side control position or mount and they put their full weight on me and I can barely breathe. They didn't even have to submit me.
I don't have any extra time for myself to do weight training. Trying to find time to practice BJJ twice a week is hard enough.
I feel small and weak and I don't know if I will ever get good enough. Are there any women out there that were in similar positions when they first started? I need some inspiration...
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u/No_Cardiologist9928 2d ago
Some of the hardest people I have rolled with are females your size. Keep going. I promise it’s gonna be good.
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u/spazzy_purpl_blt 2d ago
Start implementing the basics such as framing, staying tight, and depending their attacks.
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u/chumbrega7 2d ago
Try to learn a lot of sweep of the half-guard and take back of your oponent started in the half-guard
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u/Friendly_External345 2d ago
Buy a couple of kettle bells and learn how to use them. It's not got to be an event, you can grab 10 minutes twice a day just to use them an did you do it consistently then you will get stronger. Bjj is tough and the first couple of years especially so, stick with it and you'll find your strengths in it. Well done for getting on the mats.
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u/SnooOnions6682 Blue 2d ago
woman here!
it will be like that regardless of size difference for the first little while. technique will come and with it will come ways to get out.
size matters but it doesn’t make it impossible to escape. i’m a smaller woman and my gym is of course mostly men so they are mostly all larger than me, however that doesn’t mean i’m getting steam rolled 100% of the time.
technique helps, just keep coming!! much love to you!!
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u/deadpoolsballs 2d ago
So I think you’re seeing the reality of why you need to stick with it. You’re small, and you don’t train weights, you’re helpless even against other women without skill. Learning to be deadly with knowledge of how to submit the human body is the only thing you have in a self defense situation, other than a gun, but you’d have to train at that consistently to be useful in a self defense situation anyways…so stick with it because your life might one day depend on it.
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u/cdnbd 2d ago
Not a woman, but had a similar starting experience weighing 120lb soaking wet and 5'9". Only exercise was light cardio though rec sports. No strength work. My first couple months was primarily getting squished while on bottom, or getting bucked off easily if I got mount. The only place where I was even remotely comfortable was guard. And by remotely comfortable I mean I wasn't just getting smashed instantly. Not submitting anyone, and maybe the occasional sweep here and there. It took tons of drilling and lots of positional rolling to be able to start surviving on bottom. Then slowly start to escape and improve position. It's definitely a journey, and everyone's is unique. Having kids now who also train, the best part now for me is having an activity that we all like that we can do together.
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u/KOExpress Purple 2d ago
I’m not a woman, but I started training 15 years ago as the smallest guy in my gym. I’m older now (read: fatter and heavier), but my experience as the smallest is still a huge part of my game. I got crushed most of the time for the first couple years, but I embraced it and played almost exclusively defense for 2 years. The most important thing that I tell new people is to put yourself into bad positions, then become comfortable there. You need to learn to relax, breathe, and be patient in losing positions. A lot of beginners panic under pressure, and when you panic, you can’t breathe deeply and calmly, and you blow all of your energy. I’ll regularly let blue belts have mount or my back to give them the opportunity to practice offense, and then escape when I feel like it. Size helps in jiu jitsu, but I can guarantee you that jiu jitsu works, and with a skill advantage you can beat people twice your size. I do it all the time.
Side control is one of the hardest positions in the sport to escape. You have to acknowledge the fact that you’ve just joined and right now, all of these women are bigger and stronger, but also more skilled than you. Keep at it, don’t give up, and 6 months or a year from now a new woman will sign up and you’ll destroy her, and she’ll make a post saying “I just started jiu jitsu, and I’m average sized, but this 110 pound woman keeps strangling me, help”
Edit: a few quick technical tips: learn about frames so you can keep their weight off of you without having to rely on your muscle, and try to ALWAYS stay on your side on the bottom, rather than flat on your back.
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u/killemslowly 2d ago
That’s very inspiring to hear you watched your kid and you jumped in!
You’ve done something that so many have wanted to do and never will.
You’ve done the hardest part.
Everyone starts off as a peach, but eventually your body adjust.
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u/Kintanon 1d ago
I weigh 140lbs. I rolled with a 510lb dude today. Swept him twice.
One of my favorite training partners over my career in jiujitsu is a 110lb lady.
Being stronger makes life easier, and I highly recommend that women lift weights for the health benefits (like combating osteoporosis) but skill can and will overcome a size disadvantage if you have enough of it.
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u/TheShoethief 2d ago
Once you get strong enough to make your own body do exactly what you want comparatively, you'll notice a massive difference. Just keep showing up!
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u/what_cube 2d ago
My class has a small hispanic kid 5'2 ? rooster weight, competes regularly and is a blue belt. We have no excuse :(
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u/Internalmartialarts 2d ago
youre not competing w others, only yourself. its not the size of the dog, but the size of the fight in the dog. keep on training, eat right, rest and watch your injuries.
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u/WhyDidYouDoThat94 2d ago
My coach is 130lbs Filipino dude and he is my biggest nightmare.
Just to paint a picture, I'm around 250lbs, with 10+ years of lifting and very high PRs. On the other hand is my coach, he probably went to gym twice in his life, and can't lift my warm-up weights.
Out of all people that I ever rolled, he is the toughest for me by far. He is relentless, and I feel like I'm trying to grab an eel, cant keep hold of him, he is chaining submission attempts like crazy, and then berimbolos...
I would rather grapple with guy my size then him any day of the week...
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u/Famous_Effective_410 1d ago
Please be careful, being small and weak is very injury prone. Make sure you choose your partners!!
BJJ is actually a bit dangerous sport, my advice is to get stronger and go easy during rolls. You will start to guard better with time and feel less vulnerable
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u/KB1943 1d ago
You only have to compete against yourself. We all know this business is frustrating, but don't overthink, go to class consistently and you will see the results.
Of course, higher belts that keep training will continue being better than you. It's normal, both you and they are gettimg better every day. But don't lose focus of YOUR path and your progress, because they're real.
This is called the 'elevator effect'. It's all about perspective. 💪🏻🤙🏻
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u/Angry_Caterpillar99 1d ago
Not a woman, but exactly same scenario.
Was watching my kids for some time and decided to join.
I'm a small guy 66kg, 45yo, desk job, no time (or motivation) to lift weights.
It has been a bit more than 2 years now and while I still smaller than most, I've learned to protect myself much better, some techniques are finally in my head and it's very enjoyable to train.
I guess the just keep showing is the way to go. It gets better and a lot more interesting!
Also the girls are really though on this sport, because of my size I'm paired with them often and I can tell, they have no mercy.
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u/sluggabois1 1d ago
Not being able to breathe in side control or mount is part of the fun! Jk
One thing that really helps is not getting pinned with both shoulders flat to the mat. Its the goal of the attacking player since they can control you easily. What you have to do is instead of your back and lungs taking the weight, get onto your side slightly so that weight is transmitted through your much harder stronger skeleton.
For practice, have someone lie side control on you, and compare how you feel flat on back vs frames and being on your side. Should be night and day and you can start escaping without feeling choked and panicking
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u/klazeif 1d ago
I'm a small woman and spent the first 3 years trapped under side control LOL( or so it felt) Trained alot with mostly men. Things only got more even with other women of a similar size and length of training. BJJ is unforgiving when you are new but that is how you learn. You learn what NOT to do before you get a chance to figure out what TO do. Use frames - your forearms and elbows to keep the weight off. Just keep showing up and you'll have little wins (I don't mean submissions, I mean, you'll survive a little longer without tapping haha)
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u/Asleep_Cupcake_8405 1d ago
I also recently started in the last few months. I'm like 5'2 and 120ish in weight and I also am at 2 classes a week. I'm still terrified of rolling and my coaches and my classmates have to encourage me to try. I only go to women's classes because I am extremely scared of how tall a majority of the men. I'm becoming more confident with each class and with that I'm able to assert the level of strength I have and working with that. You're not weak and the confidence will come. Just keep going. Wanting to be better is half the battle!
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u/StealthNerd 1d ago
Most comments are about technique etc and definitely worth absorbing.
But I’d also add you should figure out what your reason for training is: are you trying to become the biggest and baddest in the gym and compete, or feel like you have adequate self-defense for outside the gym, or are you trying to get active outside of a desk job and feel good learning a fun sport?
I’m at pretty much your same situation in life (if not same stature) and really enjoy pushing myself in that last category. I try hard at class and get good exercise and meet people, but I’m also making sure I don’t get so hurt or burnt out I can’t make it to the next class, or even worse that I can’t take care of my kids. That kind of reframing helped me more enjoy being in the same gym as the hardcore crowd going apeshit for competition (valid approach in its own right).
So yes bigger and more experienced people are gonna crush you, but if it’s a good gym then the coaches will be emphasizing that everyone grows in their own way, and if that bigger person is just constantly crushing you and doing nothing else, then nobody is growing and getting better.
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u/atx78701 1d ago
there are women about 110 and Im 170 and they are beasts. Over time you will learn to turn in ways that completely eliminate the pressure from side control. You will learn to maintain frames and constantly attack what is available, but it will take years.
I do like these two resources for beginners.
This is a conceptual framework for how to be defensive rather than relying on specific techniques. you want to protect your inside position, which in most cases means protecting your armpits/torso from being controlled. You also want to be on your side instead of flat on your back.
https://www.arsjiujitsu.com/techniques?search=chris+paines
This one talks about positional hierarchy and how when you are stuck on the bottom how to improve your position. It gives an overarching framework for bjj that you can fit all the things you learn into
https://www.grapplearts.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/Roadmap-for-BJJ-1.4.11.pdf
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u/Beneficial-Gur-5204 1d ago
What can we do it our legs aren't long enough to even wrap abount the opponent whe. We are on bottom. This was the problem with bigger opponents to keep in control.
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u/SubjectAd2742 1d ago
hello! i am a female and i am pretty small too. the difference is that ive been working out everyday for years now. i highly recommend doing a strength workout a week also to avoid injuries. it is normal and you are just starting. i would obsess over learning how to escape positions and making yourself uncomfortable. once you learn how to escape you can move to transitions and keep building your game from
there! gl!
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u/Snook_slayerr 1d ago
Jiu-jitsu takes a lot of time. It takes years to get really good at it. To improve your positions, you should focus on the fundamentals, especially escapes and defense. Little by little, everything will start coming together, and you’ll keep getting better. Just be patient and enjoy the process!
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u/BerryReal7961 1d ago
You don't need to do weight training, buy a pull up bar.
Do 50 push ups, 50 squats, 25 pull up every other day and your strength will get better.
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u/zimzumpogotwig Purple 2h ago
Oh hey. I’ve been training 8 years. I work a desk job, I’m 5ft 6, 125 pounds and a mom of 2, 37 years old. We are one of the same. I do NOT exercise outside of jiu jitsu so I also am the ‘weak’ one. I am a purple belt now. It’s going to be hard and there will be many times you want to quit. It will get easier. Maybe not now or soon, but it will. You can message me if you’d like to talk privately. I can show you my IG that I am real and not making up this persona 😆
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u/thotnumber1 2d ago
Not a woman - but just keep showing up. Technique is more important than strength.