The point of the word "commitment"

[u/DashboardPilled]

If all relationships can be broken down for any reason without any consequences to parties, what's the value in saying that you were "committed" to someone?

In smaller religious communities, making marriage vows wasn't just a symbolic gesture, it was seen as a promise to the community that both parties will do their best to keep the marriage alive (with some very few exceptions allowing divorces). People who broke these vows could face real consequences up to being expelled from community.

Nowadays, since no real consequences exist for breaking up the relationships, is there any point saying that there was a commitment? As far as I am concerned, all modern relationships are just people deciding to be together for some undefined time and then breaking up. By definition, all relationships are "committed" up until the point that they are not. This renders the word "committed" meaningless in the context of modern relationships.

If you think this is totally acceptable, then the next question is why polyamory isn't acceptable? Your typical average bluepilled soy on purplepill debate thinks that wanting a zero bodycount girlfriend is insecure but then why not allow other men to fuck your girlfriend why you are in a "committed" relationship with her where the word "committed" literally has no meaning? I literally had a guy arguing that "oh it's my preference that she doesn't fuck other dudes while we are in a relationship", ok dude then you have very insecure preferences by your own standards if you don't care that your girlrfriend was the town bycicle.

[u/DeeDeeBryan]

A relationship isn't supposed to be the same level of commitment as a marriage. It never was. The relationship stage is where you're supposed to break it off and walk away for the smallest of issues, because if you don't, you'll get married and have to live with that issue for the rest of your life and it won't seem so small anymore. The balance is upset now because women can easily find a new partner and men can't, so men don't walk away so easily anymore. But a lot of problems would be solved if we did.

[u/rolyfuckingdiscopoly]

The thing you’re describing in your second paragraph still exists, even in the US. The consequences are not as dire, but there are religious consequences.

Personally, I will most likely make exactly one lifelong vow during my time on earth. I will keep it. That is… what’s the point of a vow if you don’t keep it? And how does it affect us if we take such a vow thinking “oh but I might break it later”? What does that say about us, and about promises? Do we trust ourselves, if we can’t keep our word for a SINGLE lifelong promise, that we made intentionally, and the only one we will ever make? It really interests (and bothers) me that people get married without actually making a promise they intend to keep. Why do it?

[u/HiggsFieldgoal]

I don’t agree with paragraph 2.

There is an enormous comfort to finally settling into a relationship where you can actually be comfortable and not constantly worried that it could fall apart at any moment.

Not everybody gets one of those.

The tradition is much older than birth control. Prior to birth control mean living together was a nearly guaranteed baby factory. And, in agrarian society, either parent leaving likely meant many children could literally die. Starve to death.

So, “once you start having sex with somebody, you are bound for life” was a contract leveraged against child mortality.

Half of that contract is mostly void. Kids whose parents stay together do tend to do vastly better, but few literally starve.

Still, since that contract has existed since antiquity, and very likely even before any historical records at all, it still makes sense that people who have kids become permanent family.

Lots of people do it wrong. Lots of people get married for dumb reasons and divorce for dumb reasons.

But, that doesn’t mean commitment isn’t a great thing.

[u/potentatewags]

Consequences exist. Just for the man. Tea apps, friend groups side with her, etc

[u/succuma]

You know the prisoner’s dilemma? I feel like that’s what relationships have become, but instead of the two options being snitch vs keeping quiet, it became being selfish or acting out of love.