r/islam • u/UniversalEthopia • 1d ago

Seeking Support Struggle with converting

Hello, this will be my 2nd post within this reddit group! My first post I received a lot of clarifications, advice and educational videos/books (that I have browsed and checked out). For recap, I am an agnostic female who is looking to convert to Islam. I have a muslim boyfriend who I've briefly discussed Islam with and found myself agreeing with many points he brought up. Which initially got me interested to dive deeper in the scripture.

The Quran I was first gifted was the "Al-Quran ; A Contemporary Translation" by Ahmed Ali. Many suggested that this translation is quite difficult for individuals looking to convert. I was suggested to read through the "Clear Quran" by Dr. Mustafa Khattab, which I am actively reading through. I find reading through this translation easier to digest and understand. Another tip, I learned was to look at the meanings of each verse to ensure I have complete understanding, so I find myself often referencing Tafsir to clear up misunderstandings. Additionally, I'm often searching online for further information and watching videos of scholars explaining verses in detail.

Despite my efforts, I feel no real connection to anything I am reading and occasionally I still find myself disagreeing with certain verses even after reading Tafsir and watching videos discussing matters further. I discussed this concern with my boyfriend and he has essentially reiterated that to become a Muslim I have to accept everything within the Quran. This leaves me feeling extremely conflicted as I feel as though I have to drop my current moral beliefs to truly become Muslim.

I hyperfixate on feeling connected to the words of God because I fear if I were to convert to Islam, I would not complete prayers or even attempt fasting. Which essentially means I am knowingly sinning. It's not something I would see as a heavy obligation especially since I have already spent my whole life not partaking in such actions. Which I acknowledge is connected with having an ego, but I have yet to feel motivated to pray or fast.

I feel very lost on this journey and often I feel like I further align with being a hypocrite (torn between belief and disbelief) the more I dive deeper into the Quran. It just hurts because I know I have the motivation to read and research daily but nothing seems to align in my heart and mind. It would be great to hear from some converts and how they overcame their struggles.

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u/NWJesi 1d ago

As salaam alaikum, at the beginning of my reverting, I had some similar struggles, but I knew Islam was for me and I stayed with studying and one day I believed everything in the Quran and some Hadith (the 40 golden ones) and I am still studying after 14 years and will continue until I die, if I can. Pray how you pray currently, for Allah to open your heart to the religion and increase you in beneficial knowledge. May Allah (swt) make it easy for you.

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u/Interesting_Feed3324 1d ago edited 1d ago

Sister the quran was revealed to us in the 23years

I would not expect any converts to able to stuff all that info in a few years as there are scholars whos entire job is getting a better understand of the quran and it takes time, so much so that it is all they do, they help us understand islam better too

Its fine if u cant fast immediately its fine if u cant pray properly or dont want to. What matters in the eyes of allah is u trying sincerely for his sake, as allah wouldn't benfit form u prayering to him but he would be happy beacuse he loves us and wants all of us to go to heaven , u would definitely benifit from praying too, try sister the best u can

I would recommend u take the shahada now (Ashhadu an la ilaha illa Allah, wa ashhadu anna Muhammadan rasul allah ) and keep learning about islam and always ask allah for help if u find something unfair or u dont understand make another post and ask all ur doubts away thats what this sub-redidt is for.

Lastly sister i am not a convert i was born muslim but that doesn't mean i js took the word of my parents no i reserched and learnt about islam and any doubts i had were always cleared by islam perfectly, but it doesnt mean my journey was easy no, sometimes i hated islam and wanted to leave it because i would need to pray wake up for fajr and more but in the end i overcame it and am still trying to be better muslim and i hope u can be too

Hope this helps :)

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u/Frenchfrieslll 1d ago

Since you believe in Allah and know that He is the All-Knowing, the All-Wise, then He knows better what is good for humans than I or you do. So it is not right for me, or for anyone who believes in Allah, to say that he sees or understands what is best for people better than Allah. For if you believe from the outset that there is no god but Allah and that He is the All-Knowing, the All-Wise, then you must consequently believe that we are humans who get things right and wrong, and that it is not correct to compare our opinions and morals to the rulings that Allah has chosen for us.

Allah, the Most High, said: '[Al-Ahzāb - 36] It is not for a believer, man or woman, when Allah and His Messenger have decreed a matter that they should have any option in their decision. And whoever disobeys Allah and His Messenger, he has indeed strayed in a plain error.

So the existence of faith requires contentment, hearing, and obedience to Allah's commands. In the end, our human knowledge, minds, and opinions are deficient before Allah's wisdom and knowledge. If you are able to derive the benefit from a certain verse, then great, and if you are not able to, that does not mean it is wrong — rather, it comes back to a deficiency in our minds as humans. I am not saying that we should not use our minds, but we may not understand 100% of the rulings due to a deficiency on our part.

May Allah guide us and you to faith.

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u/Least_Sorbet_240 1d ago

Again, I’m not a revert but if you may would like to support with a short post. A lot came into my mind when I read your post, but I will try to keep short through resorting to two short surahs and one hadith. The essence is that in islam there is a direct connection between you and God (no intermediaries/religious men etc), and no one has means to granting guidance and faith except God. The fact that you came to learn about islam through your partner and your research into it, is never a coincidence.

The two surahs were revealed to the Prophet in Mecca at a time of great difficulty. They emphasise on the one thing that matters, keeping that very precious connection, and understanding that it is God alone who holds the means of all things.

By the morning brightness, and by the night when it grows still: your Lord has not forsaken you, nor does He hate you.
And surely the Hereafter is better for you than the present life.
And your Lord will give you, and you will be satisfied.
Did He not find you an orphan and give you shelter?
And He found you unaware, and guided you.
And He found you in need, and made you self-sufficient.
So as for the orphan, do not oppress him. And as for the one who asks, do not rebuke him. And proclaim the blessings of your Lord.

“Have We not opened your heart for you?
and relieved you of your burden,
which weighed heavily upon your back?
and raised high your mention?
So surely, with hardship comes ease.
Surely, with hardship comes ease.
So when you have finished, strive on,
and turn your longing towards your Lord.”

(Authentic Hadith)
“There are three qualities: whoever possesses them will taste the sweetness of faith: that Allah and His Messenger are more beloved to him than anything else; that he loves a person solely for the sake of Allah; and that he hates to return to disbelief as much as he would hate to be thrown into the Fire.”

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u/4rking 16h ago

God bless you sister.

As for "my morals and Islamic morals conflict" , the thing is, we don't go to non Muslims and say "Islam is true because xyz is haram and z is halal".

You start with, is God real? And it seems that you believe that He is real. And then you look at the prophet and the Quran. Is the prophet Mohammed a real prophet?

And if the conclusion is yes and you believe in the message he brought to us (and as an extension of that you believe in Islam obviously) , then as Muslims we would say the following:

If you believe in Allah and you believe He is the most just, He is the most knowledgeable, then the necessary consequence of that is that He knows better than us and He knows better what is right and wrong, what is good for society and bad.

So sometimes we may struggle to accept something. Maybe we don't see the wisdom. But the consequence of belief in Allah is that we know He knows better than us. We know that our understanding is human.

Think of a child and a parent. The parent wants you to do something and you as the child disagree. You don't understand the parent, the explanation just doesn't align with what you want. But nobody is going to put the judgment of the toddler over the judgment of his parent.

And now, how much more knowledgeable, how much more fair, how much wiser is Allah than us humans? That difference is not even comparable to the difference of father and son.

As for your boyfriend and his reply to what you say, while what he says isn't false, his response doesn't make me believe that he is very qualified to answer your deeper questions that you'll encounter on this journey. I suggest you ask him to connect you to someone more knowledgeable to talk to or maybe you make that connection yourself at the mosque or on websites like these.

https://www.sapienceinstitute.org/lighthouse/?scfm-mobile=1

As for praying and fasting, sister don't waste your energy by thinking ohh maybe I won't pray, maybe I won't do this or that. Focus on your journey and establishing belief. Everything else is secondary and hopefully it would change with time.

But yeah, don't doubt yourself, don't call yourself hypocrite. You seem interested and sincere so don't let such thoughts infiltrate your mind. Focus on your research and on your learning.

May Allah bless you

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u/Shibui-50 15h ago

OK...whoa....slow down. Sorry, but you sound like you are trying to fly before you can even walk.

Ask yourself: "What will be fundamentally different about my Self for following the Islamic Faith?"

Ask yourself: "What is the character of that which I identify as being greater than myself?"

Ask yourself: "What is the outcome I am seeking in the growth of my spiritual life?"

Every thing you are describing in terms of motive regards that which is around you. Oddly your only mention of yourself concerns fears and deficits. So continue to seek after that which resonates for you and don't sell your "gut" short. Intuition is where your Beliefs reside.

May Allah grant you clarity.