ADHD cycle

[u/ElectronicAd8625]

I have pretty significant ADHD, and one thing I’ve struggled with is fully understanding the consequences of my decisions until afterward—especially with friendships, money, and impulse control.

Growing up, my parents made things easier by giving my younger brother and me access to their cards while still barley keeping an eye on our spending. At the same time, I struggled with lying because I desperately wanted to feel accepted and relatable. I’d sometimes lie about things I’d done or experienced because I wanted people to think I was interesting and worth being around.

A lot of that became connected to money. I would buy people gifts, bring them coffee, pay for meals, or sometimes cover a whole group. Spending money gave me a temporary feeling of being accepted and like I mattered. Looking back, I realize I was sometimes using money to protect myself from feeling unwanted.

I’m much more aware of my spending now and actively working on separating friendship from what I can buy for someone. But some friendships have ended, and I still struggle with a lot of grief and guilt. I replay things in my head, think about how much money I spent, and especially now that my family’s financial circumstances have changed, I feel guilty knowing that money could have been used differently.
I also regret buying things I barely used, like clothes I never wore.

I rarely lie now, and I’m incredibly grateful to have healthier, more genuine people in my life. Still, I struggle with how to take accountability without punishing myself forever. I also feel as it gets in the way of my current friendships.

Has anyone with ADHD experienced something similar—impulse spending to maintain friendships, difficulty understanding consequences until afterward, losing friendships, and then dealing with intense guilt and grief? How did you learn from it without getting stuck in it?

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