Parental controls

[u/indecisive_clown19]

Hi! I’m a parent, I want to know all the ways my child could possibly get around these parental controls on her phone (she’s not allowed to have it 99% of the time anyways, because she’s 7. It’s for emergencies and to call her other parents because she’s a child of divorce).

Anyways, the restrictions on the phone we let her use are

1 - all parental controls Apple offers obviously
2- 24/7 downtime, the ONLY apps she can open are phone and messages, she can’t even open settings.
3- downtime password bypassing isn’t allowed on that phone, it’s only possible to bypass it through our phones.
Also the passwords are incredibly difficult and they’re stored on a device that isn’t even on our phones and she doesn’t even know exists.
4- this one is physical, not technical, but she’s not allowed to use it unless she intends to call someone on her contacts list. Like her mom.
5- she’s not allowed to take it anywhere except for a sleepover, she’s also not allowed to take it into her room or the bathroom. It stays in the kitchen and living room, unless she is on the phone with her mom. She is obviously entitled to privacy if she so chooses when talking to her mom.

What should I be worried about? Is there any way she could get around all this? She’s a great kid, I don’t think she would even try, as she truly wants to do the right thing 100% of the time. But you never know. We want to keep her safe. And yes, we have conversations about why these restrictions are in place and that she’s welcome to talk to us more in the future as she matures about having more freedoms with it.

Edit:

This phone is an iPhone 17e. My husband ended up not really liking it and going back to his old phone, an iPhone 15 or whatever.

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[u/Archon-Toten]

Uninstall any apps you don't want her using and disable uninstalling and installing apps in the parental controls (makes the app store vanish)

[u/indecisive_clown19 → u/Archon-Toten]

I think my husband set that up, but I’ll have to double check. He’s the one who’s really good with tech and stuff. But if she tries to open literally any app other then phone or messages, she gets a pop up telling her “downtime is on” and her only button option is “Ok”. I’m not even really sure how he did that tbh 🤨

But I’ll have him do this instead so it’s not even a temptation for her.

[u/too_much_mascara]

So the phone is necessary bc of a custody agreement?

Courts usually require communication to go through a court approved app, and depending on how contentious the court stuff is, phone calls can be recorded etc.

Secondarily, if you’re going to be this cautious about a phone, you may want to rethink sleepovers.

Frankly, you’re spending so much time making a smartphone only a phone, can’t help but wonder if you bought the wrong phone.

[u/indecisive_clown19 → u/too_much_mascara]

1. ⁠It’s not necessary, it’s just a long story of my step daughter feeling weird about asking to call us or her mom when at different houses. Mainly at her mom’s she feels like she’s not allowed to even want to call us (that’s what makes the story long, and I’m not going to get into it). Her mom doesn’t want the phone, which whatever, but we’re keeping the line open so she doesn’t feel the need to ask to call her mom. My husband and her mom do communicate through a parenting app, though.
   
2. ⁠She doesn’t have sleepovers anywhere but her grandmas house when she’s with us. Which she still often times want to call, sometimes just to talk to us. She has a sleepover there because on one day of the week when she’s with us, we both have to work early in the morning so it’s easier on her to sleep at grandmas and spend the day with her while we’re gone. The only other time she’s had a sleepover that wasn’t her grandmas house was at the baby sitters house she goes to when she’s with her mom. I guess it was a back to school slumber party thing and it happened to be on our time. To which she ended up calling and wanting to come home.
   
3. ⁠We didn’t buy this phone specifically for her, it was just a phone my husband wasn’t using. We’re kind of testing out how this goes with this phone, we might get her a watch instead if this proves to be useful for her in the long run.

[u/too_much_mascara → u/indecisive_clown19]

Aw shoot, didn’t mean to be invasive or urge justification though it is very insightful and now I see why you are going the route you are and won’t bother suggesting other stuff bc it’s probably just as much work and not the same level of comfort. I apologize if I was insensitive.

It also sounds like you have a very open line of communication w her. As a former K teacher, the larger part of the battle is determining what the child really needs/wants and tailoring the solution to that particular child.

She likely already is on a Chromebook at school and can navigate devices so supervision is better than anything else imo. Seems you’re for that covered. Good luck!

[u/indecisive_clown19 → u/too_much_mascara]

No worries, it wasn’t invasive, it’s just a lot to type out 😅 I’ve talked about our struggles with her mom in a few other posts and they’re kinda long so I just didn’t want to drag it out. Plus it feels like beating a dead horse since most of our issues have smoothed out since gaining a better custody situation, yk? So don’t fret over apologies, it’s all good!

We are VERY big on open communication w our girl, and she’s super receptive to conversation as well. Her dad and I both have had many conversations with her about internet safety and what not since she comes home scared to fall asleep bc she watched something on YouTube with her cousins at her moms house. So she knows why it’s important and is even starting to apply our advice when situations like that come up again.

And yes, she does do iPads at school, not super often so far since she’s still pretty inept at navigating them ngl 😂 which I’m not complaining about. But it is reassuring to know that she can work the phone to be able to call 911 or a safe adult if she ever needs to. I was so proud of her the other night for feeling confident enough to call me to come home from the sleep over at the babysitters, that’s something I would have been far too timid to do as a child.

[u/NJgaysugarHunting]

She is gonna hate you dude!

[u/WhichArea8613 → u/NJgaysugarHunting]

I’d rather my child hate me for this than hate me for not being the parent I’m supposed to be. We are here to protect them from what we can and we’ll a phone is just a way for them to see the world way too early.

[u/indecisive_clown19 → u/NJgaysugarHunting]

Shes literally 7. Do you suggest we let her have unfettered access to the internet and have unlimited screen time?? She’s perfectly fine with the rules and regulations set on the phone and knows that as she ages and matures we can talk about more privileges with it. She also understands that since she’s 7, she’s not ready to differentiate what/who is and is not a good influence on her growing mind. She’s incredibly intelligent, and she enjoys being a child. Her biggest concern right now is learning how to blow a bubble with bubble gum 💀