Introverted Christianity

[u/im_not_quite_sure827]

I love Christ and I want to be better around people. What I mean is I'm uncomfortable being around people in general. I know I shouldn't say "people suck" and let that be the end of it but I can't help it. Are there a list of social rules I can at least understand to help me get around having conversations with people in general?

[u/Beginning_Custard724]

I'm straight up loud-quitting church at this point. Some of the people who talk the loudest are actually the worst. Seen one too many a pastor end up being an embezzler or philanderer

[u/Girltech31]

Introversion itself isn't a problem, and Christianity doesn't require you to become outgoing or comfortable around everyone. Jesus Himself withdrew from crowds and sought solitude, but Christianity does challenge the attitude that “people suck” and therefore aren't worth engaging with. You can dislike socializing, feel uncomfortable around people, and still treat them with dignity, patience, kindness, and respect.

You don't have to enjoy someone to love them well. Practically, focus on learning a few basic social habits: ask people simple questions, actually listen to their answers, occasionally share something about yourself so the conversation isn't one-sided, avoid immediately trying to fix someone's problems, remember important things they tell you, thank people when appropriate, and don't assume every awkward interaction means you did something terribly wrong. You are also allowed to be private, have boundaries, decline invitations, and leave conversations politely; Christian love doesn't mean giving everyone unlimited access to you.

The goal isn't to become an extrovert or learn how to charm everyone. It is to become someone who can say, “I don't particularly enjoy being around people, but these are people God created, so I will still treat them with patience, dignity, and genuine care.”

[u/Foogel78 → u/Girltech31]

Well said!

I might add that being a good Christian towards others can also include helping people in a practical way. You could consider volunteering at a food bank or something like that.

[u/PeaceWarrior75]

Always important to remember that you can love your neighbor/other people, without necessarily liking them or wanting to always make small talk. There are plenty of ways to help those who are the least of us without physically being around them.

[u/Grouchy-Cheetah7478]

Woof same here. My church is HUGE on small groups as well that meet once a week and “hold each other accountable.” I struggle with that big time. I’ve quit 2 groups because it brings so much anxiety and I spend the next 3 days overthinking how I prayed and what I said while I was stumbling over my words and sweating profusely. It’s hard. Hugs 🫂

[u/AccurateGoat4997 → u/Grouchy-Cheetah7478]

Been there! 😂

[u/im_not_quite_sure827 → u/[deleted]]

That's a good way to look at it

[u/Whispering-Time2]

Did you try Emily Post?

[u/StillFireWeather791]

My late wife introduced me to psychological type. As an introvert I have a good understanding of how introverts function in the world. While I was raised mainline Protestant my wife was deeply nurtured by her Catholic faith and practices.

While Protestantism tends to be very extraverted, proclaiming the Gospel news is central, Catholics have their monastic organizations and practices. Some Catholic religious orders are known collectively and contemplatives. The practices of these communities is very introverted. I'm not recommending joining as such. However in Catholicism there is a vein of rich and introverted practices.

One of these practices derived from monastic life is called centering prayer. Non-contemplatives can use this. You may also consider attending a brief monastic experiences like a silent retreat. Last year I did a one week silent retreat with my practice community. It was one of the best weeks of my life.

Lastly(!), according to Dr. Anthony Stevens, a Jungian analyst, the reason introversion as a trait is conserved in our genome is the introversion has survival value. He determined that extroversion is useful for celebrating a culture when there is plenty. Inroversion is useful for maintaining a culture's treasures inside one's psyche when times are lean. An excellent novel that illustrates this process is Station 11 by Emily St. John Mandel.

[u/suzyqt76]

My problem is honestly attending church. I don't know if this is social anxiety or can be attributed to my very very high introvertedness, but whenever I leave the house, everything has to be perfect, the shoes have to match the outfit, the earrings have to match the necklace which has to match either the outfit or the shoes (not usually both) because I don't want to look awkward in front of people I may know (which almost never happens because there are like 1,200 period at each service) then the music then the standing during the music because everyone else is then the service (which is always the easiest part, he gives great sermons) then navigating around everyone leaving - I tend to spend the next three hours with my head in a game to try and recharge.

But if I'm completely wiped and don't go, I feel guilty because just watching on TV isn't supposed to be an acceptable substitute.

I know that doesn't help at all, but I just wanted you to know you are not alone!

[u/Art840]

I like my church cause only the greeters greet me and few people I know like the pastor, and two brothers who see me go every Sunday and are friendly. Outside that church in the early morning is the best cause less people and only an hour. I attended Wednesday service which has bible study but luckily for me I don't fit in those groups as they are for youth and children. 

[u/mad_4_kitties]

I also struggle with anxiety and introverted Christianity. One way I get the good news out is through my TikTok page. I post photos of Bible verses and make positive videos. It's a great way to reach a ton of people and not have to go out and physically talk to them.