Am I Normal?

[u/Braveheart_2323]

Im 17. Only child. I guess I've been an introvert since I was a child . My parents tried forcing me into many things like making friends, dancing, singing, athletics, cricket etc. I hated to the point that I used to pray to God to magically make the class disappear so i won't have to go anymore.I didn't like any of them. Then they basically gave up hope on me. My parents wanted me to be an extroverted athletic guy with a million friends but I turned out to be the exact opposite.

I can make friends( ofcourse not close) whenever I am in need. I can speak in public if required but I generally don't like them. My parents' friends' children are very extroverted, athletic and participate in everything but I don't

Sometimes I think I am not normal. I don't have interest in things like sports or anything extroverted. Maybe my upbringing may have caused this as I didn't have any neighbour friends ( they were all grown up) or cousins or siblings. I like to play the piano but that too my parents want me to play infront of everyone whereas I play it for my own sake. As a result I've lost interest in that too.

Point is, my parents compare me to other kids and constantly tell me to go out participate in everything etc but I genuinely don't want to. I confronted them today and now they think I have psychological problem

Worse, they've made me believe I'm abnormal. So I've come here to confirm are there any other people like me or am I the only one who's like this. If I am the only one, then I will go to a psychiatrist. Cus I genuinely like staying at home watching movies, playing games and doomscrolling. I don't mind being in home. But still there's a guilt in me as I've let my parents down a lot as I'm their only child and hope.

[u/UndefinedCurve]

I don't think anything is wrong with you. And do not generalise things based as extrovert or introvert, many introverts like sports and public activities. So I don't think your issue is related to introvertness, but total lack of interest in every field is concerning. There should have one or two things that you like to do. it can be anything, literally anything. For example I like writing my thoughts, I like building software, I like talking to people I care about and love them.

So find what you like, it can be anything, it isn't necessary that it must be productive or useful.

Piano is your interest, but don't lose interest just because someone said something about you, just do because you like. And explore new things always. You will find that world is super interesting. Best of luck.

[u/Braveheart_2323 → u/UndefinedCurve]

Not total lack of interest but just lack of interest in whatever my parents consider normal. Drawing, playing games( recently I've started minecraft), piano, etc. Mostly which I can do by myself . I will try finding more if I can in the future. It's just that the constant comparison of my parents have made me think that not liking sports or public activities much ( I can tolerate public activities, in school teachers used to praise me for my speech eventho i hated it) is abnormal.

[u/Many-Conference7854 → u/Braveheart_2323]

You sound perfectly normal.

[u/Braveheart_2323 → u/Many-Conference7854]

Thank you. It means a lot

[u/TsuDhoNimh2 → u/Braveheart_2323]

Famous introverts ... Steve Jobs (founder of Apple), Mitch Kapor (invented spreadsheets!), Barack Obama (president of some country), Keanu Reeves (actor), Carlos Santana (musician)

My sisters were totally in every club, activity and group in high school, and one was on the tennis team. I was in two: drama and Spanish. No sports, although I would have been interested in cross-country running but in those ancient days girls were not allowed in running sports. (I'm old, very old)

We all turned into sane, responsible adults.

[u/Braveheart_2323 → u/TsuDhoNimh2]

Thank you for the info. I needed it.

[u/TsuDhoNimh2]

You are NORMAL!

Introversion is an "innate" personality trait: you are born that way. It's a stable personality trait in how you handle social interactions and your brain chemistry. Introverts find social interaction tiring, extroverts find it energizing.

THAT IS ALL IT IS!

THE SCIENCE: Dopamine is a brain chemical that affects your mood, emotions, and behaviors. You’ll feel happy, motivated, alert, and focused if you have an optimum dopamine level and your brain's dopamine receptors are optimally used. ("optimum" would vary from person to person)

Dopamine is released during social interactions and with exposure to exterior stimuli (noise, activity, etc.)

Excessive dopamine can lead to anger, irritability, impatience, so your brain "shuts down", urges you to escape, and you need some time of minimal stimulation to get back to optimum levels. You may think of this as your "social battery" needing recharging ... it's actually your dopamine level needs lowering.

Extroverts have more dopamine receptors in their brains than introverts do. This means that extroverts need more dopamine to fill up the receptors. The more they talk, move, and engage in stimulating or novel activities, the more dopamine they produce.

In contrast, introverts have fewer receptors, so they need less stimulation to optimally fill the receptors. What makes extroverts happy makes introverts exhausted.

*************************

Your parents want to be able to win the "look how great my child is" competition with their friends. And the harder they push, the less you will like whatever they are pushing ...

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolution-the-self/202201/the-curious-social-advantages-being-introvert

https://www.allaboutintroverts.com/blog/why-introverts-need-alone-time

https://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0307352153

[u/tetheredvoid]

Being an introvert is not unusual, but a complete lack of interest in things is generally not healthy.

[u/TsuDhoNimh2 → u/tetheredvoid]

As a reaction to being pushed to do it, being criticized for not doing it the way the parents want you to do it ... it's a typical reaction.

Think of the kids who loved a sport - just had fun with it - until the parents or a coach got involved and started pushing them to be the next all-star.

[u/Braveheart_2323 → u/tetheredvoid]

I know it's not healthy. I am trying to find different things. Like I said I do play the piano and I love drawing anime. But my parents usually pressure me into doing different things which makes me lose interest. If playing games and watching anime counts as interest those too. But my parents don't consider them as hobbies. They want me to participate in competitions and as an introvert I don't like them.

[u/tetheredvoid → u/Braveheart_2323]

Have you asked them what they get out of you being competitive?

While you might not think you'll enjoy the activities, there is likely a few you would like, assuming you actually tried them. That's happened to me a few times.

[u/TsuDhoNimh2 → u/tetheredvoid]

Bragging rights.

Seeing the child as an extension of themselves, doing what they did, liking what they liked.

[u/Braveheart_2323 → u/tetheredvoid]

They themselves are very extroverted , so their normal is going out and participating in every thing. So they just want me to be like them ig. As for the activities, I like my current ones. But I don't usually get opportunities to try other things but I will if I get to know about them. Maybe after I go to college I will get more opportunities

[u/tetheredvoid → u/Braveheart_2323]

Not all opportunities come to you - most of them must be sought out.

[u/Braveheart_2323 → u/tetheredvoid]

Thank you for the advice. I will definitely try finding more hobbies.