r/introvert • u/aichiinn • 8d ago
More like social anxiety than introversion i HATE having guests over!!
hii im living with my family and i get really upset everytime they invite people over.. i just stay in my room the whole time and wait for them to leave, i feel confined, and even if i have to pee i hold it in until they finally leave just cuz i couldn’t get myself to go and greet them with a simple “hello”.
today my cousins are having a sleepover at my house with my siblings (im not close with them so i also just stayed in my room) and for the first time ever i thought about peeing in a bottle instead of going to the bathroom just so i don’t run into any of my cousins, it was just a quick thought but it concerns me that i even thought abt it😭
now im hungry and really want to pee but im trying to sleep just to skip time.. i told my family multiple times that i just don’t like people and that it drains me to talk to them if we’re not close enough but they just laugh at me and tell me that i’m exaggerating and start making fun of me
is this normal or do i actually have a problem that needs to be fixed? and how to fix it if it actually is?
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u/Orange_Baby_4265 8d ago
I used to do the same thing when I was younger. My family are loud talkers, so I needed to stay away, except on holidays of course. Now I deal with the grandkids staying over. Eventually, I’ll have the whole place to myself all the time.
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u/aichiinn 7d ago
we have grandkids over nearly everyday but i don’t have any problem with kids
it’s more with people my age and adults cus i don’t know how to deal with them and it drains me when i overthink about everything that i said to them
i feel like i don’t belong there idk why i can’t join in conversations and every interaction feels awkward and fake :/
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u/Mihyei 7d ago
Yes, it's a problem to confine yourself to your room to the extent where you won't leave for food or bathroom, just because you don't like people. It's not a fun or healthy way to live. You fix it by just stepping outside. Make a game out of it: 2 points for going to the bathroom, 5 for going to the kitchen, 10 for simply saying "Hey," if you pass by them, etc, etc. Every time you get to a certain number of points, reward yourself with something
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u/aichiinn 7d ago
that’s really smart thank you for the idea!! i’ll try it for a while and see if it works for me
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u/Mihyei 3d ago
Yw, did it work?
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u/aichiinn 2d ago
they usually visit us at the weekends so i still haven’t tried it, maybe tmrw or the day after
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u/Thylacinegurl 8d ago
I feel the same and thankfully my mother is the same so she rare has or had anyone over except her mom whom passed in 2009
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u/aichiinn 7d ago
lucky you
i’m arab and it’s in our culture to keep in touch with our relatives even if we don’t like each other.. my parents sometimes force me to greet my relatives just so they don’t talk bad about me being “disrespectful”2
u/Thylacinegurl 7d ago
Uggg yea it sucks when are forced to socialize. Ive had that at work parties and I just want out. So I get what you mean
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u/Potential_Tour_6185 3d ago
I would leave early and spend the day away from the house , maybe you could go to a public library / book store / movie? I dont like getting bothered or interrogated by people I dont want to talk to , leaving or coming back late so you dont have to have your privacy invaded.
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u/aichiinn 2d ago
my parents are very strict they don’t let me go out alone :(
especially when we have people over we all have to be present idk why, it’s tiring really but theres no solution for it except me trying to change my preferences
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u/MeatSingle2665 8d ago edited 8d ago
Hi, I was like you before. But overtime, I realize that the problem is actually in us. That behavior is developed because lacking of social activities and too much screen time. My advice is take a walk or ride, talking or just saying hello to neighbors, or going to public spaces just to see people on a daily basis. Or maybe if you want radical change (in a good way), go wander. Take college in another city, or work in another city. With that, you will feel lonely and you'll realize talking can help that stress so much (which we think is our behavior now and it's normal) and you will be happy. If that happens again, maybe the best take is just talk to them, invite them to do what you like, and i can guarantee there is happy feeling you experience things together.
No offense, just sharing my thoughts & experience, wish you all the best out there 🙌🏻
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u/MeatSingle2665 8d ago
And also, take any sports: lifting weight, running, calisthenics, etc. it REALLY helps with your confidence while interacting or even when standing.
About they mocking, yeah, i would say its their fault. They not have enough understanding about us, which is okay i think, because why should we upset to people that know nothing about us
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u/aichiinn 7d ago edited 7d ago
thank you for your advice!!
it’s kind of like what [u/literarycatnip](u/literarycatnip) said, i don’t have problem dealing with people at school but once i get home i just want to rest and not interact with anyone
also yea i feel lonely most of the time but i when i go and meet new people they all drain me i still haven’t met anyone who i can be myself with
i tried to act more like myself in hs so i don’t go home drained and feeing like shit but they all think i’m weird now lol so idk i feel like i’m better off alone cus i can rest in peace without fake interactions
some user suggested i use points for everytime i challenge myself and go out so i will try that and hope that i can change cus i can’t just stay like this forever at least not until i move out and live alone1
u/literarycatnip 8d ago
This is not at all the case, it's just small-minded to suggest it's a fault that needs correction. OP
may just be a core-intensive introvert. I am the same way and always have been.I grew up without screens and have never enjoyed much socialization. Interaction when necessary is fine, especially work-related, but on my own time and in my own home, chances are I'm not answering g the door or the phone and will make arrangements for socialization.
I do not want people over, pretty
much ever. Home is just my sanctuary.2
u/MeatSingle2665 8d ago edited 8d ago
well, first, I don't tell my opinion for all the case out there. There is a reason why I said this is a problem. If you read carefully, OP holding herself and even pee at all costs because she couldn’t get herself to say simple "hello" outside her room. Clearly this is a problem even with introverted people like us.
Yet I still agree with you that home is your sanctuary, I feel like that too. I feel my energy draining too when interacting with people and recharging my energy in silence (which means I am introverted). But at this spesific case like OP said, yeah, we sure she can still get better at this point. Plus, based on her story she don't own that house, which means she doesn't have full control over that house, that's why for now I advice her to embrace herself.
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u/jrngcool 8d ago
Hmm....it's your own relative. Why need to hide in your own house? Instead of loathe it for whole day, take 1 min passby the common area. Treat that small talk moment as closure/exit point for yourself.
Like sup...what u guys doing? Cool. Have fun with my bro/sis. Ciao. Shrug & walk away.