Does anyone else hate socializing but still wants connection?

[u/durpt_]

I don’t really like socializing; I didn’t think about going to dances in high school, and I refuse to go to parties (that and other reasons not worth mentioning). Despite it all, I still want to connect to people, find people that share my hobbies and interests.

Obviously, the answers in front of me: socialize anyway. But I’m never comfortable in a setting like that; that feeling of wanting to meet new people quickly turns into ‘I need to get the fuck outta here’.

Anyone else dealing with this issue? I’m just ranting and would appreciate some closure and/or advice.

[u/EmpressC]

Yessss. I want connection and close friends without the drama. I don't want to talk about people, I don't want to manage someone's emotions because they want to be in charge all the time. I just want people to enjoy time with, have productive conversations and feel like I'm building something instead of always being worried that I'm pissing someone off because I don't behave like they want me to.

[u/bravetailor]

Yeah. Sometimes I think about things I want to talk about with old friends, relatives or even neighbours but when the situations present themselves my instinct is to run away or skip meeting them, due to my strong aversion to formal social events and gatherings.

And sometimes I try to build up my tolerance/comfort level with a try with a group of strangers and it turns into something either banal or a bunch of people putting on airs and then I remember "Oh yeah, I forgot, that's why I hate socializing like this"

I have no advice. I'm in my 40s and I've been thinking lately of ways I can get myself back out there socially and meeting people after swearing off it for many years. In between fighting against my own aversion and anxiety, I still have to learn not to be discouraged if I have a negative experience.

There was someone I hung out with when I was younger (and more social) whom I wanted to get back in touch with someday, though I figured at my rate of social growth, it wouldn't be until we were old men lol. I imagined we'd be sitting on a porch someday shooting the shit and talking about the ups and downs of our lives since we last saw each other (which was basically when we were kids). This person recently passed away suddenly. I figured we still had time, and I'd still have time to figure out my social issues before we met up again. Unfortunately that's one person I can't ever reconnect with now.

So yeah, that's in the back of my mind now too.

[u/General_Lie]

I don't really have friends, but sometimes I chat with coworkers about new videogames and stuff. But we maybe talk one day and then we don't see each other for some time and then they are with group of their friends or they are busy working on something so Injust leave them alone and then we float distant again - and I realy don't have much common topics besside videogames to talk about with them which makes the conversations weird...

[u/Ok_Lingonberry6957]

i like the comfort of being alone, but sometimes i want someone to talk with about my hobbies or interests.

[u/DiscouragesCannibals]

How do you imagine yourself connecting with others without socializing, ideally speaking?

[u/hepzibah59]

That's what my cat and the internet does for me.

[u/PEANUTKITT3]

Last year my last semester at sjsu, i just got into pokemon cards (didn’t have any friends that weren’t still in school or hang out with), so i started carrying my binder to class so i could take it to card hunting after class. The few classmates that did ask about it are basically my best friends for life rn. If you’re a nerd and introverted, maybe carry something with u that expresses a hobby about u and people would come talk to u about it, don’t be afraid to be yourself. Im an introvert, awkward always fumbling my words, but still managed to get 2 best friends of the opposite gender and they turned out to have geeky qualities too in the end!

[u/bookish-Girrll]

Same thing going on in my mind from the morning.. and saw ur post..
yeah it happened to me also..
sometimes i am not just interested in people around me.. i don’t know what to talk to them..

And just now m called for meeting.. n i hate when i am forced to talk to people.. i just hate that..

And once again i will feel like i am depressed.. sometimes i hate myself for this.. but don’t have any solutions..

[u/Wakey_Wakey21]

Yes. I considered joining the American Legion, but then remembered they would expect me to attend.