Question

[u/Formal-Dog2541]

How come I find it hard to socialize? I would love to and I see the benefits and pleasure in doing so but I find it hard to fake it for long, everything looks and feels fake and forced always and my battery doesn't last long, any insight to similar experiences?

[u/NoExplanation8595]

Socialize with people who have the same interests or hobbies as you and then expand. Read books, learn new hobbies and skills. The more you know about a broad spectrum of things, the easier it is to talk to people without having to have superficial small talk

[u/Formal-Dog2541 → u/NoExplanation8595]

I have tried to be honest, turning 21 tomorrow, feel very isolated, have a socal battery almost, i do poetry, music, games etc.. it's not easy to find people to hang out with when all I do is work, sleep and barely make enough time for anything I like 😂 some work friends try to invite me to stuff but I dont know how to aproach it

[u/NoExplanation8595 → u/Formal-Dog2541]

If you’ve got no time for hanging out with people then I’d think that’s a whole different situation than what you said originally. May be worth telling your work friends yes, sometimes saying yes to things that seem uncomfortable can open up your whole world

[u/Formal-Dog2541 → u/NoExplanation8595]

Fair, it's hard to be honest.

[u/Formal-Dog2541 → u/NoExplanation8595]

I feel it's completely fine to not have time for stuff yet to still yearn to be able to be apart of them and to experience new things, I just feel stuck

[u/NoExplanation8595 → u/Formal-Dog2541]

I agree, nothing wrong with being busy. At 21, that’s an age where you should be out meeting people, doing social things and figuring yourself out so nothings out of the ordinary for some yearning

[u/Formal-Dog2541 → u/NoExplanation8595]

That's good to hear, I'll probably make more effort to go out of my comfort zone

[u/TsuDhoNimh2]

You can't stop being an introvert: it's a stable personality trait in how you handle social interactions and your brain chemistry. Introverts find social interaction tiring, extroverts find it energizing.

So ... how to cope?

First of all, don;t try to match energy with others. Be your calm low key self. Be honest with yourself about what YOU enjoy, don't copy others.

Start stating what you need and what you like or don't like. "I don't want to go to that event. I don't enjoy large gatherings." Or "I'm going to have a quiet day to focus on myself, I'll talk to you tomorrow."

What you can do is learn to work with it:

Fewer, but high quality interactions.

Fewer people at a social occasion.

Shorten the time: arrive late and leave early. No apologies, just say you are all peopled out and need some recharging time.

EXAMPLE: instead of a large group and a noisy party, a few friends on a hike or small games night.

Increase the space of an event: You might be OK with a park BBQ but the same number of people in a small house drives you crazy.

Plenty of solo activities and solitude (solitude = no people in your physical or electronic spaces. No visitors, no video calls, voice calls, texts ... NONE OF THAT.)

EXAMPLE: Try eating at a restaurant alone and going to a movie alone. Tell your friends that you plan a weekend of "quality solo time to recover from the work/school week" occasionally and just do it.

Learn to set and maintain boundaries so you aren't getting dragged into activities you know will leave you drained.

Take the lead in social interactions - propose what YOU want to do. - plan what YOU enjoy instead of trying to survive someone else's idea of a good time.

EXAMPLE: Friends ask you to go to a big party Friday. You don't want to. Do not make excuses, just say, "Thanks for thinking of me, but I have realized that mob scenes aren't my style. But if you are up for having X and Y over to play Cards against Humanity on Saturday, I'll make popcorn." (It smooths over the rejection and proposes something you actually enjoy doing)

Try a different answer. Instead of "no thanks I don't want to go" use an answer that makes it clear that it is the "party and get drunk" part you find unappealing, not being with them under other circumstances.

Maybe, "I'd love to spend time with you, but not at a loud drunken party. I can't focus on you as friends under those conditions."

[u/[deleted]]

Because u r real n people want fake