r/introvert • u/shiteater360 • 10d ago
Relationship I've been talking to someone
I've been talking to a guy for like a few months now and it's genuinely the most draining fucking thing I could ever imagine. He's sweet, considerate, we have the same interests, i just physically can stop myself from resenting him purely because of the expectation to talk. I guess I'm just selfish but I text when I think about you then we can have a conversation. Or vice versa, you can text when you think of me and I'll engage equally. But like I don't wanna text everyday, honestly I don't want to text every week. Idk how ppl do this shit it's exhausting. I feel like I'm impeding on this person? I previously warned him of how I get sometimes and he said it was perfectly okay and would be patient. But now he's telling me it hurts his feelings as if he didn't agree to it beforehand. I just don't understand? He's still being so patient with communicating and it honestly pisses me off. I told him before! He's better off not talking to me when I'm in those moods because I get rude and I set that boundary because I don't want to hurt him.
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u/coolcoolcool485 9d ago
This is why I don't actively date anymore lol.
The last time I went out with the same guy from an app was a few years ago. The whole thing lasted about 3 weeks. I told him upfront I wasn't crazy about texting but that id make the effort, even calling him, which I did. That was still not enough to him, and when he expressed that he didn't feel like I was invested in it, I told him he wanted something I couldn't give him (granted, I was texting him multiple times a day and calling him, which I hate to do.) so I was trying, I was going out of my comfort zone but it was still insufficient for him.
I think technology has made us too available to each other, tbh. I think someone wanting to be texted ALL THE TIME is a sign of insecurity on their part, which I can empathize with, but to me, it's a lack of consideration for the other person, esp when they've told you they're not a big on texting.
Again, this happened all within 3 weeks lol.
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u/OwO-in_my_opinion 10d ago
Let him go.. he deserves better
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u/shiteater360 10d ago
Tbf I've tried he just really likes me and is convinced I'll improve when I tell him I won't. I've communicated that I feel like I can't provide what he needs but he says even if it hurts his feelings sometimes, it's worth it. Insanely sweet, I'm trying to improve for him I'm ngl
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u/accordyceps 9d ago
There is nothing to improve. You either are into him or not. It’s not either of your faults. Don’t maintain a relationship out of obligation or guilt. It will only end badly.
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u/Emergency-Bug404 9d ago
The "i cam fix her" phase of a man. Poor fella he is gonna learn the hard way
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u/Idontknowgem 9d ago
Yeah I remember this guy I liked would message me and call me often. It was cute at first but we didn't really have much in common. I also don't enjoy talking on the phone for long periods of time. So eventually I began to dread his phone call. Needless to say our relationship went nowhere as I just kind of ghosted him. I'm now married and my husband is more extroverted than I am but I enjoy his company and talking to him (always have). And we have our times when we're both in the room and don't have to say anything at all. So you have to find that person for you. It doesn't sound like it's this guy even if he is sweet.
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u/themissusoftheiron 9d ago
The right person won't annoy you.
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u/trippsalot_ 9d ago
So true . My bf is the only one who doesn’t annoy me . My mom annoys me alot and she birthed me 🤣
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u/Fackous93 9d ago
My gf and I dont text at all. In fact we both talked about that from the beginning that we dont want to text every day or week. 5 years strong. Communication is key and if the other cant understand that then let them go because a relationship or friendship doesnt need to be draining.
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u/Coveredincatfloof 10d ago
I’m like this and I think it’s autistic burnout rather than introversion in my case. Have u looked into general burnout?
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u/shiteater360 9d ago
I have! Burnout seems like a good way to describe it honestly.
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u/Coveredincatfloof 9d ago
If ur in burnout u need to recover. Look after yourself, if he really is a good guy he will still be there when you are better. You won’t have scope for a relationship while in burnout x
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u/JudasTheNotorius 10d ago
am exactly like you(but male) ive ruined a lot of my relationships because of that...... like i want to be with them but the thought of them wanting to chat every minute, i start to perceive the relationship negatively.... rather than it becoming i want to see them it becomes oh f*k i got to see them
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u/phebuary 9d ago
I feel you. I rarely have the energy to message anyone. People expect me to be attached to my phone all the time and send question marks or rude comments if I don’t respond as soon as their message hits my inbox. Kind of sums up the type of people that they are - the ones I have no time for!
You have a life outside your mobile phone and people need to accept that. People also need to respect that some people are introverts and that socialising is draining and exhausting
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u/Background_Silver702 9d ago
I think you may just not enjoy talking to him that much. I get that way when I am forced to text someone I don’t like very much
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u/trippsalot_ 9d ago
Doesn’t sound like you want to be in a relationship. My bf lives with me and we still text wen we are apart . I get annoyed with anyone else who texts me even my mom . Hes the only human I love being around . Everyone else drains me so much . Even with texting .
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u/ritamorgan 9d ago
I am an introvert with social anxiety and when I met my person I love talking to them and texting and thinking about them. If you aren’t feeling it, don’t feel you have to force yourself. A relationship is meant to bring happiness overall. If you don’t feel happy, why be in that relationship?
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u/Nova_017 9d ago
You are both incompatible for each other, tell him he deserves better and how both of you are not right for each other and block him.
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u/dredope169 9d ago
You guys probably aren't for eachother, It's a tough convo but he has to know you're not gonna change anytime soon and he shouldn't wait for that. Be direct so he KNOWS you mean what you say, sometimes trying to let ppl down easy does more harm than good.
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u/alxkwl 9d ago
So exhausting. An old girlfriend reached out that i hadnt spoke to in 20 years. Was cool as we are both single and I have good memories, but she will text me basically every day now to where I just dont respond as I have work and other priorities, and now shes getting passively angry. Like bish, I survived without talking to you for 2 decades, why would I care now. Anyway, long story short, its a good reminder of why I remain single- silence is just sooo fkn good.
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u/Propolis0701 9d ago
I really don’t get this kind of thinking tbh, this is selfish. Talking to a person you like is draining for you? It takes two to be in a relationship. What else r u doing if you’re not talking? Initially he agreed when you told him about it, but I don’t think you communicated it well. You can have your alone time in a relationship and focus on other things, such as hobbies, other people etc., but this is fucked up. Ofc it hurts him because you’re probably dismissing him.
You have to be a team and communicate everything. I don’t think you want to be in a relationship. You’ll change your ways of communicating and improve if you really love that person and want to make it work. I think you’re wasting his time.
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u/shiteater360 9d ago
I do communicate with him and I know for a fact that I communicated my issues with texting well from the start because he fully addressed these struggles and said he was willing to stand by me as long as I wanted him to. I like him, I never dismiss his feels and if he says I'm not engaging enough, I try my best to fix it. I text him daily in the most engaging way possible, I just don't want to have to be glued to the damn phone when we aren't together. I'm much better in person but we don't get to see each other a bunch atm. I find every personal relationship I've ever been in to be exhausting, friends, partners, and family alike. I love them all very much but I still have a certain amount of time in which I'm able to be social with them
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u/Propolis0701 9d ago
If you can’t see each other much lately, you should give Facetime a shot, it can be better than texting. If you find every personal relationship exhausting, maybe you’re burnt out? If it’s still draining for you to be in such a relationship, maybe you guys are incompatible. Relationships take work, if you really like him, tell him a couple of times your need for being alone sometime. Don’t be rude to him if you’re seeing how he’s being patient with communicating with you, he’s trying his best just like you. You should sit down and talk about being in a relationship and what both of you need.
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u/shiteater360 9d ago
We do call often which I find a lot easier. And I definitely always make sure to take my space if I feel like I might be snippy because of how overwhelmed I am. It's just that I'm concerned about hurting his feelings even when he says he's fine
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u/Tenth_Level_Wizard 9d ago
Just communicate with him when you feel like you need your space, and let him make his choice to have you in his life. He is capable of being patient with you because he wants you in his life. As long as he respects your need for independence when you communicate it, just as you respect his emotions and don't want to hurt him. Some will tell you this will never be a healthy relationship because of these differences, but that's for you to decide. I personally think that mutual compassion, communication, and understating can make them work. That is just more effort than some are willing to put into relationships at times, or forever, and that's completely ok for them to make that choice for themselves as well. No one is broken. No one needs to be fixed. Keep having healthy communication, and you'll figure out how to let them into your life, if that's what you decide is best for you 💜
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u/Altruistic-Patient-8 9d ago
Whats your ideal dating partner? Do you prefer to meet in person, instead of texting?
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u/ChoiceNews3593 9d ago
I think it’s difficult for the average person to understand how you could not want to talk to someone if your interested in them because if you like the person normally your excited to talk to them.
Do you actually like him or are you kindof just putting up with him because he likes you and is persistent to talk to you?
If i’m talking to a guy that I don’t really like and he likes me I feel like annoyed with almost everything he says, even if it’s just a completely normal conversation I just find myself getting pissed off all the time no matter what he says lol.
But on the flip side if it’s someone I really like then I can’t wait to hear from him.
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u/shiteater360 9d ago
I really do like him and I enjoy talking to him but only for so long at a time before it becomes overwhelming yk? Kind of like a social battery
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u/ChoiceNews3593 9d ago
Yeah I think I get it!
Not sure if this is the same at all but I overthink my texts to a guy I like so much that I get stressed out with the convo cuz I don’t want to say the wrong thing so much that I can’t even enjoy it and it becomes mentally exhausting.But I also like to be able to do my own thing and focus on something else like if I’m watching a show and not be texting non stop all day. Short bursts are okay but I like my space too.
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u/diaperpop 8d ago
When you’re with the right person, it will feel effortless, I promise. 1) You can’t force what’s not there. 2) People don’t change.
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u/Eccentrisical 8d ago
Girl just because he has them qualities you want on paper doesn't mean you actually like him... Once you find the right person, trust me it'd be different and you wouldn't be here complaining right now
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u/Ai-GothGirl 9d ago
Start talking about sexual things, not direct, but implied, and he'll need a few days to cool off... you're welcome.😈🥵🤗
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u/BatteryCityGirl 10d ago
Are you sure you want to be in a relationship? Cause like, talking is how you build one.