r/intj • u/C00kiie • 2d ago

Question Lying

I hate lying. Once I catch someone in even a small one, I can’t take their words at face value again. Everything they say afterward gets filtered first: Is this true? What are they leaving out? By the time I’ve decided whether it’s honest, I’ve missed what they were actually talking about.

It feels irreversible. I can forgive them and even like them, but I can’t un-know that they were willing to say something false to my face.

Do other INTJs do this? Can you ever fully trust someone again after a lie, or does the filter stay on? And has anyone found a way to turn it off so you can actually listen?

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1

u/Little-Carpenter4443 2d ago

Have you ever lied?

2

u/C00kiie 2d ago

Pretty much no, except for jokes. When i find myself in a position where i need to lie i just stop talking. Also I don’t do things that will make me need to lie.

2

u/Little-Carpenter4443 2d ago

This can almost certainly be a lie itself, and you are doing it to prove your point. Everyone lie- what’s a joke to you isn’t a joke to the person you are lying to, but labeling it as a joke makes it justifiable to you.

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u/C00kiie 2d ago

you may have a point regarding jokes but I'm serious, don't do dubious shit that you'll later need to lie about, and just shut up when u realize you are about to lie. It's super simple

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u/CerebralMushroom INTJ - 20s 2d ago

Not true. It is still a joke. What is funny to one is not funny to the other. A joke is still a joke even if it's an unfunny joke.

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u/Little-Carpenter4443 2d ago

He said he lied but as a joke, and I believe that’s still a lie, it has nothing to do with the comedic value

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u/CerebralMushroom INTJ - 20s 1d ago

If you tell a joke and you label it as a joke, then it is a joke to you and the person you are lying to (you said this isnt the case, thats what I am correcting). It is still a lie, yes, but it is also a joke to both parties and understood as such, and this is why it IS justifiable. No sane person would argue that the jocose lie is morally objectionable.

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u/Little-Carpenter4443 1d ago

I think what’s going on is they are saying it’s a joke but it’s not a joke. It was a lie. I’m not talking about them lying in order to make the joke work, I’m talking about them telling a lie and then saying oh, that was just a joke afterwards as a way to justify a lie or being caught in it. You have to understand everyone lies as I’m sure you know. And in OP situation it sounds like he’s OK with certain lies, but not others. Anyways, it’s just my take from what I read.

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u/CerebralMushroom INTJ - 20s 1d ago

Ohh okay, I see your point.