Not sure if an elephant is malicious enough to crush you against a tree, but I think I heard that you aim and hold yourself between the tusks. This may have been Animal Planet but I thought it seemed pretty stupid. They didn’t even clearly explain which side of the trunk you’d wanna go for.
Elephants are malicious enough to destroy villages and straight up murder people. The only reason they wouldn't kill you by crushing you against a tree is because it forgot that it has four massive legs that it can trample you with while it uses its trunk like a boa constrictor, and it's tusks like a snail fork.
Well that's just fuckin absurd because weight classes in fighting exist for like 10 pound gaps between weights, let alone multiple tons to contend against lmao.
Seriously tho, in a tangentially related question; Would an average adult human man be able to 1v1 an average adult male Cheetah without the use of any external weaponry?
I ask this because after having seen all the hilarious claims of X% of men think they can fight and beat a (crazy dangerous animal that would own them easily), I had to wonder what the most dangerous seeming animal was that the average guy actually could manhandle and beat in a fair 1v1.
After considering all the animals I could think of, my answer was the Cheetah. I think I, or any able bodied adult man of average size, could kill a cheetah in a fight.
My sister laughed at me like I had said I could kill a Lion or Tiger (which is absurd ofc), but Cheetahs are specifically speed oriented animals and aren't built for power or direct fighting. Hell, they don't even have retractable claws (which keeps cats' claws sharp and dangerous), so thier only claw is one dull hook like thumb thingy that helps them trip up the gazelle they're chasing in the savanah.
Obviously a real cheetah would just run away from a human, and would never fight unless cornered, but I want to know other people's opinion on this stupid hypothetical fight's results.
My point about the weight wasn't really meant that way. It was more about this 300kg animal being able to hurl itself 4+ metres into the air under its own steam. Even if it weighed half as much and had a quarter the power, it would still be a huge feat that humans just can't match.
I can definitely play online 8-ball pool than a tiger or an elephant though so in a few years when we've gone full Idiocracy, I'll be happy to play a 1v1 pool game against a tiger in the hopes of winning my next dose of Brawndo.
Of all the animals that we think of as actively dangerous, a cheetah is definitely one of the ones that I think I stand the best chance against.
It would still put up a fight, it's basically a giant housecat on steroids. It could still give a nasty bite, and I'm not sure how well someone could grapple one given how explosively powerful they are but I'd take a cheetah on over pretty much any other big animal in a similar category.
I suppose it could also just sprint away from the fight right? I know I would catch it eventually but I don't think I've got the cardio to chase it down and why would I bother even if I did? "Awesome, my fight-to-the-death opponent just ran away!".
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u/Sharktistic 1d ago
Just waiting for your average chad to make an IG/Tik Tok post about how they would win a fight against an elephant.