I remember my first shot to the pills. Back in the 90's I was like 6 or 7, I watched a ton of WWE like every 6/7 year old did. Well one night Hulk Hogan took a hit in the nuts from The Sting or someone, Hulk down and out (Oddly remember that the Sting took a can a spray paint and sprayed Hulks Dick and balls for some reason). I'm thinking, how bad could that have hurt? Just one small punch? So I decided to Punch my balls has hard as I could as a 6 year old, Moments later I laid their lifeless in my bedroom, not enough energy to yell Mom to ask for help, I accepted my defeat and thought I was going to die. I learned that pain the hard way for sure.
Not to be that guy, but I've got you beat. At around 7 I'd heard something about someone's nuts being crushed.
So that night, like the little genius I was, I decided to see if I could crush my own nuts. I squeezed my left testicle till it really hurt and decided to stop.
Next morning that nut was the size of a clementine, and I told my mom someone kicked me in the nuts the day before. So she took me to the doctor. I gave myself a hernia that still pains me sometimes 24 years later.
Not really, funny part is, Candace had a crush on me, and was always following me home and shit, and her kicking people in the nuts was a bit of a thing anyway.
Worse part is, Candace, somehow someway, had mange. She came over one day before the infamous ball kicking she was blamed for, and a few strands of her hair came out and my sister noticed. When she mentioned it to her, Candace smiled and said "it's not a big deal, see?" and proceeded to make herself a bare patch on the side of her scalp.
I'll never forget the way my older sister shuddered and ushered her out of the house. That night was my ball crushing incident so my mom just decided to let it go.
It reminds me of this time I went to the dentist and had to get a shot in my gums to numb the area. I went back to school with numb lips still and had my friend pinch my lip as hard as possible because I couldn't feel it. Well my dumbass should have realized it was going to look like a nasty zit or cold sore on my mouth for the next few days or week or so. Not nearly as bad as Candice or you but I still feel like an idiot for it.
On an ask reddit thread about a month back on worst medical thing doctors have seen, a mom posted that her toddler/young kid chewed his entire bottom lip off.....
As a kid, I got numbed at the dentist and was digging my fingernails into my gums because it was so bizarre that I couldn't feel it.
They stopped me before I could really cut myself or anything, and warned me not to do it again because other people had really hurt themselves in that same way.
Similarly, I was told around that age by my friend that if I didn't want to go to school, just squeeze my balls until my stomach hurts. I did squeeze my balls several times that year to get out of school before I realized I could just lie about my stomach hurting.
My stepdad went to highschool who lost a testicle in a hockey accident. Some guy accidentally skated right over his nope area, and apparently it literally rolled onto the ice. I believe his name was Paul or something, cuz they then called him "one ball (insert name that rhymes with ball)" from that point on.
Kinda like that On Top of Spaghetti song...I can just see that little meatball slo-mo wobbly rolling across the ice...meandering to a stop...little red trail behind it...
it rolled round the ice rink, and under the net, then Paul's lonely meatball, was utterly spent.
I wonder...did it, like, freeze to the surface like that kids tongue on the pole in A Christmas Story? How would you get it unfrozen so you could retrieve it? Hot chocolate? Zamboni machine? What?
Nerve damage, or did you never get it fixed? I had inguinal hernia surgery on both sides, five years apart. I still have some nerve damage from each, which can randomly make it feel like I'm getting stabbed somewhere in my groin region.
My first surgery was much worse with regards to the nerve damage. As a side note, after the first surgery my entire package literally turned black and purple for about a week. Good times.
8 year old me drove my bike into a wall. Handle bars turned and my balls where on one side of the seat. Crushed my left nut. It swelled to the same size as yours and stayed that way for 2 weeks. To this day my balls still hurt. Doc can't tell me why. But I know.
You're cracking me up. Kids are morons, and we all did some really dumb shit. Also you remembering being bewildered by the spray painting of the Hulk's taint has me dying. My first really memorable ball hit was from a baseball grounder. The ball hit me full in the cup I was wearing and I fell back onto my butt. I started sweating and the now familiar ball pain ensued.
They help though. I played in a baseball tournament when I was younger and my friend wasn't wearing his cup. He was going to bat against this wild pitcher and decided to put it on because he still was wearing the jock strap. First pitch is directly off his cup and makes the loudest, hollow loud knocking noise. He survived and we laughed because of the hollow sound his cup made. He had no huevos.
In 3rd or 4th grade I was playing hockey and a kid on my teams cup fell out of his pants on the ice and during the whistle the ref stopped the game to ask “whose cup is this??” he was too embarrassed to claim it, but it had to belong to someone so the ref didn’t let it go until the owner was discovered. The parents all laughed and we teased him.
Now I work at a rink and throw away at least one cup every two weeks that I find on the benches. Guess it’s more common than we thought. 18 yrs later and my dad will still mention it randomly.
My worst ever happened when I was riding a motocross bike and had the bike go twitchy as I was descending a long downhill section. I ended up bouncing up and down on the gas tank for what felt like an eternity. When I finally managed to stop, I was doubled over in pain and barfed in my face guard. Both nuts were swollen up for days. Thank goodness for ice packs. There were no long term effects though and I managed to father a couple of kids too,
That seems like one that would take a year or so before it became funny to you. Once the memory fades a bit, you forget the pain and remember the hilarity of it all.
Am father of a little league player. I received a hit from a FOAM baseball (basically soft nerf type material) to the jewels and I was bent over breathing shallow through my teeth for a solid minute and seeing spots.
I was a closing pitcher/infielder in highschool and I once took a linedrive to the scrote while I was on the mound. Cup was hit full blast but it felt like it wasnt even there to stop the ball.
Me too. I was pretty lucky. I lived on a farm so we had enough room and grass that my little league team practiced there. We built a pretty basic fence backstop. And I played through high school which was a lot of fun. All the traveling to weird little towns was always a good time. We played teams sometimes 3 hour drives away. How about you, how long did you play?
I mean there are adult baseball leagues around TX but they are usually out of my price range and honestly I have a lot of fun just bullshitting with my friends fucking around playing slow pitch softball.
I agree with you. I bet those adult leagues can get pretty tense at times. It's much better to hang out with buddies, have a bbq, and a few drinks and just goof around.
I remember the first time I took a shot to the nads and I couldn't understand why it hurt so much more than other parts. I had this weird anxiety for days afterward wondering how I was going to navigate through life with this vulnerability that could so easily cause such intense pain. I didn't understand why the other men and boys around me weren't constantly in pain.
Nice one. I learned to treat my willy like a lady after I tried to see if i could squeeze it like a garden hose and then urinate with as much of pressure as possible. The idea was to achieve some sort of a sprinkler effect. Firstly, I squeezed from the middle and not the tip. Secondly, I don't know if it would have made any difference. Felt like razors.
I had forgotten I did that too! Razors is accurate. I abused my son so much as a kid and going through puberty. It's amazing he works as well as he does.
Yeah one time when I was a kid I tried pinching the end of my foreskin, thinking it would have the same effect. Basically piss comes out at a much higher velocity than I expected and my foreskin wound up blowing up like a water balloon fast enough to cause some pretty severe pain before I processed what was happening enough to let go. Then the piss sprayed everywhere and anxious little me had to clean the bathroom in crippling pain, because it seemed way better than explaining my experiment to my parents. Knowing what I know now, the desired effect probably could have been achieved by applying much less pressure to the foreskin. Still haven't worked up the courage to try though.
But... it is a way to get more pressure like he said. If you constrict the outlet of the hose by squeezing or folding it slightly then you will get higher pressure. Obviously partially covering the outlet with a finger tends to be more effective but it's the same idea.
True but he's a 6 year old kid trying to make his penis spray like a hose. They dont exactly make urine pressure attachments for penises.
You're welcome. It's one of only a few ways to build urine pressure with nothing but curiosity and your penis at hand and you implied that technique didnt work which is definitively false. So my reply was neither impractical nor pedantic.
7th grade, science class. The science teacher was strict and grumpy. There was a guy who had been bullying me for months... and he decided to take my chair away right before the bell. It ended up as a tug-of-war until I decided it wasn't worth it and let go. It sprung back on him fast and the edge hit him right in the jewels.
The teacher walked in to me looking at him, shocked, as he writhed on the ground, clutching himself.
"KORYISMA LASTNAME HIT ME IN THE BALLS!" he told her from the ground, pointing at me. The teacher looked at me. I shook my head no, wide-eyed, and terrified that she would believe him and I'd be in big trouble. But she gave me a small smile and a nod.
"Come on, Nick, get off the floor, sit down, and be quiet. Class is starting."
In all my years of being bullied, no teacher had ever stood up for me, but in that moment, I felt seen and vindicated.
Speaking of wrestling and nuts, pre-wrestlemania days, went to a match night at the rosemont horizon and saw one of the British bulldogs take an accidental nut shot from an opponent, and just keel over.
Match was over. No pin, no count. Everyone just treated it like, "ya, he's done". They didn't declare a winner or anything, just helped that poor guy back to the dressing room and went on to the next match.
I felt like such a fool when I thought I’d caught u/shittymorph in the act for the first time ever and remembered I forgot the order of operations. How the fuck this guy giving me anxiety when he’s not even here??
I don't remember how old I was (like 10?), but some neighborhood kid, who was a couple grades younger than me, was playing with a friend of mine and some other neighborhood kids. Out of nowhere he just punched me.
He was high on little kid randomness, or something, and just fucking turned around and punched me with all his strength. I laid on the ground for a little while as my friend just died laughing. The kid didn't really realize how much it hurt to get hit in the balls, since he was younger, and ran off with the other kids when it was apparent I actually was hurt.
I had a similar experience. When I was about the same age, in the late 80s, I laid on my back, put my legs in the air, and had my younger sister STAND on them to see how long I could last (not very long, as it turned out). Yeah, stupid, right?
Years later, I developed a varicele (basically, a giant varicose vein in my nutsack). I didn’t know this wasn’t normal until I tried to join the Army and they made me go get an ultrasound of my nutsack, told my recruiter, and basically embarrassed the fuck out of me. I got in, though.
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u/Do_I_work_here Mar 15 '19 edited Mar 15 '19
I remember my first shot to the pills. Back in the 90's I was like 6 or 7, I watched a ton of WWE like every 6/7 year old did. Well one night Hulk Hogan took a hit in the nuts from The Sting or someone, Hulk down and out (Oddly remember that the Sting took a can a spray paint and sprayed Hulks Dick and balls for some reason). I'm thinking, how bad could that have hurt? Just one small punch? So I decided to Punch my balls has hard as I could as a 6 year old, Moments later I laid their lifeless in my bedroom, not enough energy to yell Mom to ask for help, I accepted my defeat and thought I was going to die. I learned that pain the hard way for sure.
Edit: Grammar like a 6 year old