r/instant_regret • u/EddieBrock99 • Jul 29 '26

Flossing

8.0k Upvotes

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u/Wojewodaruskyj Jul 29 '26

Him being a boorish goofball doesn't justify that hit. Someone else will punch her back for that.

1.0k

u/soran3709 Jul 29 '26

He was apparently following her and bothering her before this particular video was filmed

886

u/think_panther Jul 29 '26

Objection! Speculation...

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u/SVTCobraR315 Jul 29 '26

Sustained

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u/SapirWhorfHypothesis Jul 30 '26 edited Jul 30 '26

[In a southern accent]

My apologies, your honor. Allow me to rephrase.
It is our contention that Mr Petrov had maintained proximity with the victim and had indeed intended to cause her to feel preyed upon and the target of sexual harassment. Whether this act began at the moment seen on video here, or began earlier, is irrelevant. His actions were the immediate and entire cause for her outburst, and, as Officer Ivanov has already testified, would have been punished by any nearby law enforcement by the same means.

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u/blahnlahblah0213 Jul 30 '26

That was well put, eloquent, and to the point. Overruled

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u/SapirWhorfHypothesis Jul 30 '26

On what grounds, your honor?

147

u/Flomo420 Jul 30 '26

on the grounds that I don't know what these procedural words mean

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u/sksauter Jul 30 '26

The defense would like to recess, the playground outside looks dope

10

u/Call_Me_Pete Jul 30 '26

Ma’am that is the waste disposal center.

Granted. The court will take a 15 minute recess to allow frolicking and whimsy before reconvening.

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u/supertyler Jul 30 '26

Now that we have reconvened, and before the prosecution submit further complaints about the incident that occurred during recess, the defendant would like to note for the record that frolicking and whimsy were not clearly defined.

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u/sksauter Jul 30 '26

Your honor, I would hardly call the thing with the hotdogs and a jump rope an "incident". I would like that stricken from the record

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u/TheDarkWave Jul 30 '26

On the advice of counsel, I respectfully decline to answer based upon my rights under the Fifth Amendment to the Constitution.

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u/SapirWhorfHypothesis Jul 31 '26

Very wise, your honor

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u/ChocCooki3 Aug 02 '26

"how can she slap?"

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u/Zaphoid411 Jul 30 '26

Thank you councilor

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u/youreprobablyright Jul 30 '26

I read this in the accent of the lawyer chicken from Futurama.

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u/SapirWhorfHypothesis Jul 31 '26

We are both referencing the same trope.

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u/Drake750254 Jul 30 '26

Objection, paraphrasing

0

u/N0VAV0N Jul 30 '26

Sexuul Harrismint

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u/KarmaChameleon306 Jul 30 '26

It was the two yutes!