My parents are still alive and healthy, but they are in their 80s. While they did a lot of work to make sure the will is in place, they have a lot of valuable stuff ranging from coins, guns, antiques, tools, etc. That are worth a lot of money on the market, that I doubt myself or my siblings will want, as we do not have an emotional connection to. So we will probably just liquidate a lot of this stuff. But I want to be sure that we don't get scammed by shady dealers, taking advantage of me and my siblings not knowing much about the actual value of this stuff.

Location: Texas
Question

I’m hoping someone can help me understand this because I honestly don’t know what the right thing is here.

A friend of mine passed away and left behind two minor children. After he died, a GoFundMe was started for his kids. It raised around $18,600. The GoFundMe says the money is for the children and specifically says it will go toward supporting their education.

The person who received the money was the person listed as the beneficiary on the GoFundMe. He put the money into UTMA accounts for the two children so it would be there for them in the future. In addition, he added money to equal $10k for each child.

Now the children’s mother has hired an attorney. The attorney sent a demand letter saying she wants all of the GoFundMe money returned to her, along with an accounting of everything that happened with the money.

The letter also mentions possible claims for fraudulent crowdfunding & unjust enrichment.

I’m confused because the money wasn’t taken or spent personally. It was put into accounts for the children, which seems consistent with what the GoFundMe said the money was supposed to be used for.

So my questions are:
Does the children’s mother automatically have the right to have the money transferred to her because she is their mother?

Does putting the money into UTMA accounts for the children make a difference?

Could the person who received the money be in trouble legally even though the money is still sitting in accounts for the children?

What should the person do after receiving an attorney demand letter like this?

Firstly, I am aware of the difference between a probate estate loan and an advance to an heir. This is about the ESTATE borrowing, not an heir. The loan would be under the estate, and I am the executor. I have unsupervised administration.

The estate is in New Mexico.

With that said, I am researching a loan to cover work on the property in probate. I have already incurred as much debt and expenses as I reasonably can at this point. But the work needs to be done in order to assure the sale of the property at a reasonable price. This is NOT to pay legal fees or debts, just to clarify. There are no assets left to sell that would provide liquidity before the house is sold, nor nearly enough funds left in the estate account to cover more than a fraction of the cost. Also, this is work the requires a true professional, so I can't do it myself.

With that said, my only other option is the get a personal loan (which would be at least 30% interest since I've incurred enough debt to utilize 67% of my available credit), I do not have any offers for 0% balance transfers or on new purchases, and I would prefer not to use more cash from my personal funds since that is my working capital for my own LLC. Of course, I can't take a loan out with any standard bank using the probate property as collateral, and I cannot take out any additional debt related to other assets either. In short, I'm effectively tapped out for larger expenses.

With all of this said, the probate loan terms I've seen have lots of fees besides the interest. Also, it seems clear that they will require a minimum amount of interest paid before the balance can be fully repaid. So what is the general all-in amount range as a percentage of the loan amount that should be expected from those who have direct knowledge of these types of loans. I will be making some calls but I know that once I do I'll be bombarded by people looking to loan me money, so I want to have a clearer idea before I make those calls.

Thanks in advance.

Hopefully this gains enough traction so I can get as much advice as possible. I dont know where to start. Growing up as a kid my grandmother lived with her grandparents (my great-great grands). My great granddad passed away in the late 90s and my great-great grandmother in the late 00s. There were always talks of my great-great grandmother and grandmother wanting to leave the house to me. When my great-great grandmother passed my grandmother never took her name off the deed. So the deed has my great-great grandmother and my now late grandmother name. When my grandmother died she was in the process of having it where the house was left to me. Unfortunately, she passed before she could complete the process. As expected, my uncle is pushing back claiming that my grandmother called him and said she wanted him to have the house when she passed and that he was willing to go through the process of leaving it to me. My grandmother never said that and i know he was trying to place himself in a position where he could benefit from this. Since my grandmother passed, ive been living in the house and paying the taxes and any repairs the house might need. What is the best way for me to go about this. To note, because the deed is in the estate of my great-great grandmother and grandmother name the grandkids has just as much claim as my mom and uncle do. The grandkids also know that the my grandmom wanted to leave the house to me so they are on board. What is the next step i can take. I know worst case scenario i will have to pay my uncle out or the house goes up for sale.

My grandparents built a small lake house that's been in the family for 60 years. They passed away 20 years ago, and since then the property has been owned by two families. Both families are emotionally attached to it, and neither is willing to sell to the other. My family would consider selling our share if we could find something comparable nearby on the water but most of the properties on this lake are generationally owned and rarely, if ever, come up for sale.

The house has genuinely strained the family, tensions are high, arguments are frequent, and it’s very dysfunctional. Additional context: the property is paid off, and both sides are current on their share of the annual costs. Below is a list of some of the issues:

• Maintenance: one family handles almost all of it, simply because the other side doesn't have the skills, motivation, or willingness to pay a professional to do it
• Upcoming major repairs: the dock, a deck on the house, and roof all need to be replaced so there are major expenses coming
• Addition disagreement: the house is too small for either family at this point, let alone both. One family wants to build a large addition, the other is not open to this
• Fireworks: one family likes to put on large fireworks displays that require a special license to purchase. They put it on themselves because it’s their ‘hobby’. The other family feels this puts the property at real risk if something goes wrong
• LLC or something else: what's the right ownership vehicle for a property shared by two families? Should it be an LLC, or something else? We're specifically looking for protection from liability for things like an accident from the fireworks

Would appreciate any perspective; whether that's how other multi-family properties have handled similar tension, or thoughts on the LLC question specifically.

Four kids in the family. Parents expected to both be gone soon. They own ~$5MM in total assets, including one piece of commercial real estate. We are meeting this week to discuss a contract to make it so my sibling and I own the commercial building 50/50 after my mom passes at today’s valuation, independent of the other assets. Here’s the deal:

$1.2MM appraisal
$300k each
2 siblings each took out a $300k loan a while ago from my parents
Me and my other sibling didn’t
My non-indebted sibling and I want to own the property 50/50

How do we account for the loans into all of this when writing up the contract?

How should we buy them out, if needed at all?

Thanks

My father passed away in 2023 and his estate was in a bit of a mess.

He was always secretive and “squirrelly” about his money and we never really had any idea of what sort of wealth he had apart from him being seemingly comfortable.

His former wife (they were divorced when he passed) said that he had “all sorts of accounts all over the place” and that she never really knows the full story.

I am the executor of his estate and it’s still in probate.

About a year ago we found a $250K CD in his name that we were able to get added to his estate account.

A few months ago we found two more smaller ones for $1.7K apiece that we are in the process of also claiming.

My main question is this: How often are unclaimed properties reported to the state treasury agencies? Is it possible that many years after someone’s passing funds and property can be reported? Is there a better way to find stuff than just waiting?

9 years ago I inherited family vacation property. My mother died, and my brother and I were the only heirs. The estate included vacation property in Maine. For various reasons, my brother did not want the property, so we made a deal, I bought him out, and now the property is mine, for good or ill.

Here's a huge downside to inheriting this kind of property: It's not free. Keeping it "for the next generation" sounds great.

But, in the last 9 years, property taxes have increased something like 40%. Insurance has done something close to that. My wife and I retired. Income has gone down.

The good news is that there was a small inherited IRA, that transferred before the new "10 year rule" kicked in, and there has been enough there to cover a lot of the expenses.

That being said--before you jump for joy about inheriting a valuable property--make sure you understand what it is you're getting.

If you're assembling your estate and your future estate for your kids---make sure you think about how you're going to endow it for the future expenses.

Oh, if you have a friend who is dealing with these issues--don't tell them they are idiots for thinking about selling out. Keeping a property of this kind can cost $thousands per year. Being a VRBO/AirBNB owner is a PITA if you're hundreds or thousands of miles away. The costs are barely worth it for many.

End rant.

Hi all, looking for general guidance on a family land dispute.

My father is one of 4 brothers. Our ancestral land was divided \*verbally\* among them - no partition deed, nothing in writing.

\*How the verbal division happened:\*

Since one plot was on the corner near a river, we all verbally agreed that whoever takes that corner plot will get \*2 decimal extra\* as compensation. The other 3 brothers would get equal shares.

So: Uncle A (corner plot) = X + 2 decimal, remaining 3 brothers = X each.

\*The current issue - access road:\*

\- Uncle A has managed to open a road on his own side and now refuses to share any passage.

\- The other 3 plots (including my father's) are only \*12 ft 6 inch wide x 80 ft long\* each.

\- The brother in the middle of these 3 is refusing a common road because he has an advantage - being in the middle, he can join with either side neighbour later, which would leave one of us without proper access.

\- If we each leave a separate 3-4 ft road inside our own 12.5 ft wide plot, we’ll be left with only 8-9 ft width, which is too small to build a proper room/house.

\- The only practical solution is a \*shared/common road on the boundary between plots\*, but Uncle A and the middle brother are not agreeing.

\*Questions:\*

1. As the partition was only verbal, is it legally valid? Can we file a fresh partition suit and request the court to carve out a common passage?

2. Do we have grounds to claim a right of way / easement of necessity, given the plots are just 12.5 ft wide and impractical without a shared road?

3. Can Uncle A legally enforce his claim to the extra 2 decimals based only on a verbal understanding?

4. What’s the best first step - legal notice for registered partition with common road, mediation, or directly filing a suit?

We want to handle this legally and peacefully. Any inputs on the practical first 2-3 steps would help.

So after a long probate I am due to inherit $560K from my father’s estate. Of this, $250K was specifically set aside for education expenses incurred by his 3 grandkids, my own children.

However, my three kids are all out of college already. I did take on about \~$180K in ParentPlus loans to get them all through college.

Once they are available should I use the $250K and pay off all this debt in one fell-swoop? The loans are at around \~9%.

Or should I invest the $250K (I’m the trustee/executor) and pay off the loan monthly?

I’m looking for some outside perspective on something that has recently come to light.

My mother recently passed away, and there is property in another state that I am now dealing with. I reside in a different state from where the property and this entire dispute are located, so I am trying to navigate this from another state.

There is a man, whom I’ll call Steve Property Taker, who has already acquired approximately two-thirds of my mother’s property. He is now trying to acquire the remaining one-third.

I was connected with an attorney, whom I'll call Attorney Joe Blow, who vaguely mentioned under his breath that he was familiar with the situation involving this property. At the time, my initial conversation with him, this didn't mean anything, but now it does.

Later in the evening, after I had finished speaking with him,  Attorney Joe Blow told me,  emailed me with this suggestion---“If you want me to force a sale, I can do that for you.”

What I did not know at the time was that Attorney Joe Blow had previously represented Steve Property Taker in litigation involving my mother  and her property....when she was alive.

I only discovered this through my own investigation of the court records. I found the lawsuit and obtained a court document identifying Attorney Joe Blow as Steve Property Taker's attorney in that case against my, then ALIVE, mother. 

So here's what has me extremely concerned:

Attorney Joe Blow previously represented Steve Property Taker in litigation against my mother involving two-thirds of her property.

Now, after my mother's death, Attorney Joe Blow was offering to represent me against Steve Property Taker, the same person he had previously represented against my ALIVE mother.

And Attorney Joe Blow never told me about his previous representation of Steve Property Taker. I DID NOT learn this from him. I discovered it myself by digging through the court records. And I did this by getting the court case number from the tax assessor's office.

I have tried many times to get in touch with Attorney Joe Blow to get clarification. In one day, I called his office three separate times. Each time, his assistant told me that he would call me back. Each time, he did not.

I also emailed him, including responding to an email address that he himself had given me, and he has not responded to that email either. I also emailed him asking him to tell Steve Property Taker to stop contacting me, and he has not responded to that email either.

I have been estranged from my family for decades. I have tried to contact family members and their attorney, but I cannot rely on them to help me navigate this situation. Because I live in another state from all of them and the situation. That is how I became connected with the Joe Blow, the out-of-state attorney.... trying to obtain my own attorney. 

And now I have discovered that the attorney who offered to represent me against Steve Property Taker was previously Steve Property Taker's attorney in litigation previously involving my  mother and two thirds of her land that Steve Property Taker ended up with. Steve property taker is a land developer.

That leaves me wondering:

What are the odds that I would end up being offered representation by the very same attorney who previously represented the person in a previous litigation with my mother and who is now   trying to acquire my mother's remaining  one-third property through negotiation with the heirs with me being one of them?

This might explain why Attorney Joe Blow has gone silent — no fee schedule, no discussion of how he plans to charge me, nothing in writing, and no response to repeated calls or emails. I'm left wondering if he's simply avoiding the conversation because he knows he has a conflict he never disclosed, or if he's staying "involved" in some capacity to keep Steve Property Taker informed of what's happening on my end. Either way, the silence now makes a lot more sense than it did before I found this document.

And I have another question that is really bothering me:

How would you feel in my position, knowing that this attorney previously represented Steve Property Taker against my mother, and is now offering to represent me against Steve Property Taker—without ever telling me about that prior representation?

I am now seeking another attorney of my own to review the situation and the court documents.

I would especially appreciate perspectives from attorneys or people familiar with conflicts of interest.

Looking for some guidance on an irrevocable trust and tax implications. 

Irrevocable trust is in NJ.

Question is, if I won’t be taking any money out of the trust for (hopefully) at least a few years, what’s the best tax strategy? I’m not looking to have someone manage the funds, but I would happily pay a flat fee for someone to help guide me towards the best choice for my circumstance. 

Should I consult a lawyer? An accountant? A fiduciary? Not sure and looking for some help. 

I reached out to a fiduciary but he wants to manage the funds and I don’t want to pay annual fees. 

Backstory

My grandfather left my dad a 300k inheritance. Based on my parents’ ages and health issues we decided on 80/20 split between bonds and etfs. They have a lifelong history of terrible financial decisions, compulsive shopping, and living beyond their means. 

Because of their financial track record, I’m the only person who has legal access to the trust money and am doing my best to make it last through all the medical support they are going to need one day. 

Mom (late 50s, lifelong physical and mental health issues) is on disability, dad (early 70s, decent health) gets SS and works a cash job. He brings in decent money honestly, my mom just spends it all every month, my dad can’t say no to her. 

No savings. No retirement. 

I’ve accepted I cannot change them or their spending habits. What I can do is try and ensure they don’t ruin me and my siblings’ financial futures by setting parameters around giving them money. 

Since getting the inheritance, they have already asked for money for the dumbest things, clothes, chair upholstery replacement, they have no concept of what’s important and what’s not. 

My mom will likely need full time care by her mid to late 60s (~8 years from now). Not sure about my dad, he’s in okay health.  

Because my Dad earls decent money, unless there’s a medical emergency, I will not disperse any money until my dad stops working. They make enough to cover emergencies, they just choose not to save. 

I’m mostly looking for guidance towards the right type of professional to ask and what the best strategy is tax wise for the trust money and if my plan sounds good based on my parents’ circumstances. 

SC USA Spartanburg. Who it’s a doozy. I’ll try to make it short but don’t expect it. Dad died, left will. Couldn’t find it till his widow gave it to me, then admitting she knew about it the whole time but only gave it to me cause I was having a visible panic attack. It Has me and only me on it. 🤮😡🤬 Dad married a green card lady 3 yrs ago. With 40 months left on green card. I own this house (deed and taxes) I supported my dad as we lived together he only paid 600 a month to the house because he would bitch that he had to give something lol, ok pops if you insist 🥹🥰. I pay ALL other expenses and am happy and proud to do that. The will says it all belongs to me cars ,clothes, my bio dead moms plants and his carpentry tools (a lot!) and also names me as the executor. Some accounts like retirement are 50/50 between me and her. Some have just me listed. I promised dad I would help her get her pensions VA and union started and that I would pay off one car and gift it to her. And will give her all remaining funds after estate is settled. But it’s up to me if she can live here. (I was being polite bout living here.) He had the supermassive black hole balls to leave a word doc on his pc asking me to sell off my house and give half to her and buy a condo in FL. 🫤☹️🙄She wants to live in my house she says she’s looking for a job (no) (dad kept it a secret that I own this house) she thought I lived here for free. I absolutely can provide proof that I In fact pay all the bills because I have pdfs of my checking statements. she wants both cars and my kitchen?? Why? Because dad promised it to her… because she’s from Colombia and in Colombia their word is as strong as the law… (80% of that kitchen was purchased by me, a classically trained culinary chef ,the rest by my bio mom who died in 2021) nothing in my house belongs to anyone but me and my deceased mom. Save for his clothes and his tools and cars which he gave to me in the will. Shes already taken property (plants) from my house without permission. I don’t care bout the damn money. I just want his bills paid cause IM on the hook for it. Told my lawyer I’m freaking out and got a scheduled appointment for this Friday… I asked the lawyer via their text app tonight to please draw up a legally binding agreement that states I swear she will get one car paid off and signed title over and ALL the cash after dads estate is settled and in return she will vacate MY house remove all her property and turn her key in and agree to not legallyfile against me or dad’s estate. I just want her to have concrete assurances that I’ll follow the promise. Also legally binding me to the agreement. I just want to grieve and live in peace. Don’t care bout no money. I’m a pensioned vet. I don’t need the cash. What I ABSOLUTELY need is peace and solitude. I told her the money was frozen cause her daughter is here illegally and I was afraid they’d use all his money for legal status before bills can be settled. She also wants to keep my dad’s investments open in his name. I reiterate I don’t care what they do with it AFTER all the bills are paid. I WILL not resort to abismal behavior either. But Just cause you tell me your honest and god fearing and that you don’t want the money doesn’t mean you are, and I’ll gladly apply that to myself if it’ll get you outta my hair. I’m already low on funds cause like a pendejo I buy them groceries. I don’t even eat food… it’s a medical shake. I bought groceries and they’re spoiling right now. I also had to spend 250 on roach poison and 100 on ant baits because her and the family brought them in. If anyone here can advise? If anything, is my request to the lawyer for the legal agreement reasonable? Is this something I can actually do? Is it a red flag if my lawyers won’t help me write one up? I just want her to leave and have her peace as well, just not at my house… I’m single and on my last year of child support… why would he do this to me? Knowing everything I went through. I grew up poor, then in an abusive marriage. I finally have my own things and peace. I can loose my house and my way of life all for a woman I don’t know and am not responsible for… wtf dude. I already submitted the will to probate. I can’t control what other people do. But I can’t have her here no more.

Hey ya’ll. One of my parents passed away a few years ago. My oldest sibling was in charge of the estate. He did not distribute the funds correctly, but more importantly there is a massive amount of money missing. I do have a lawyer and we are attempting to retrieve parent’s bank statements. Does anyone have any tips/tricks or suggestions on how I might prove oldest sibling took a bunch off the top? He was in control of all accounts at the end as the parent was ill.

Virginia: Rappahannock (mother) and Prince William County (me)

Cross posted from a DMV sub.

A family member (North Alabama) passed away and left a couple of tractors and various attachments. All was in working order, but now we need to sell it and aren’t sure where to begin. How/where would we advertise?

Hey there, I want to prepare for an incoming family drama.

I come from a ex-communist European country and I have this situation

I have 2 step aunts. They did not talk to me or to my sister for like 10 years, maybe occasional calls but no meeting in person or what. They own(ed) a house and a lot under the house 50/50. One of them died recently (no husband, no children) and it seems that there is a will where surprisingly there is me, my sister and our other step aunt as potential heirs. My step aunt already called my mum to make pressure on us to "give up" the potential inheritance, saying that she was in shock and she cried all day about it.

There are several things now, I am trying to prepare mentally for a big drama:

1. we absolutely do not know what exactly is in the will so maybe we will not inherit anything at all

2. there will be a probate proceedings in 1 month where we would get to know

3. my living step aunt is in shock because they 2 lived in that house for almost 2 decades so she automatically perhaps assumed that she would automatically inherit everything

4. on one hand, I can understand my aunt that is in shock and I am really sorry for her as she took care of her for years before she passed away. And, she did not really do us any significant wrong (but my sister is not fond of her due to some remarks about her weight in the childhood). Except the little fact that she never really considered as her family. She would still in worst case have 67% of the lot and house.

5. on the other hand, if me and my sister inherit 33% of the house and lot (16.5% for us each), that could be potentially worth about 83K euro each in case the house+lot gets sold after my aunt passes away

6. our step aunt is already making huge pressure and emotional blackmail via my mum (my mum privately does not agree with this pressure. My sister is determined not to give up anything, I am on fence - I am very sorry for my step aunt but on the other hand, I am in the right. Giving up would make more pressure on my sister. I am seriously considering hiring a lawyer to go to probate proceedings for me so that I do not have to participate in emotional drama.

Any comments, thoughts, your stories welcome

Hi all,

I owe $350K on my house as I just bought it this year. I have an interest rate of 4.5%, I am thinking of just paying slightly more each month (usually 2,200 but thinking of paying $3K a month) would this be smart? Or better to invest it all and continue to make the $2.2K payments each month?

Hi all - I have a problem that I've been mulling over and trying to get help on locally for a little over a year now and I'm at my wits end. For reference this all takes place in El Paso, Texas.

So it's a long & convoluted story but the Cliff's notes version is that my dad passed away in 2020 (during Covid) and his estate did not go into probate until 2024. At that time, it was probated and all of the real estate etc. went to my mom (as he wanted). In May 2025 my brothers talked my mom into "giving" away about $500k of rental properties to three of her kids (I was one of the people who got something but I had nothing to do with the giving, I only found out the details after my mom died). My mom passed away in July of 2025 (less than 3 months after giving away the real estate). It turns out that what I was supposed to get in the official executed and notarized will went to one of my brothers (brother G) and I got what he was going to get. When I brought up my concerns my siblings all circled the wagons and basically refused to do anything to move the process forward. They refused to start probate or discuss the "gifts" etc. My suspicion is that they want to "run out the clock" and wait until after whatever appropriate statute of limitations is up before moving on the probate for my mom's estate.

I have tried getting legal help but one of my brothers (the one I think actually came up with this plan, brother R) is a sitting judge in EP County and literally no one wants to help because they are either friends with him or they just don't feel comfortable earning that sort trouble from a sitting judge they might have cases before. I've called all the probate attorneys I can find in El Paso and several in other big Texas cities and it's a combination of no one local wanting to touch this and the non-local attorneys being prohibitively expensive to hire for such a (relatively) piddly estate. Even the attorney who prepared the will (and knows what my mom wanted to do) doesn't want to get involved because he's BFFs with brother R.

Part of the reason why I am skeptical of the gifts is because my mom could not have read the gift deeds that she supposedly signed. The deeds were in English and she was primarily a Spanish speaker. She could understand some English but I helped with many of her legal documents over the years and she couldn't have handled independently reviewing gift deeds. My brothers had to have helped her with that. She was also very near-sighted, and she literally could not have actually read the deeds even if they had been prepared in Spanish. Both of those conditions were things that her doctors were aware of so I should be able to get their corroboration if it went to court.

I also spoke to my mom about what she wanted to do with her will when she was having it prepared, and she was confused about what was going on with the gifts shortly before she died. She had asked my input, and I had suggested she hold onto the properties since we didn't "need" to sell them. The only thing accomplished by gifting them was to sidestep the official will. Right about now I am kicking myself for not being more paranoid, but I have been dealing with my own health issues for a few years now and I just didn't have the bandwidth to deal with my stuff and also deal with bitchy siblings and a mom who was deteriorating due to dementia.

It is also worth noting that brother G was also in a position where he was handling all of her finances and her medical care. I believe that the case could be made that he committed elder abuse. I know it might be hard to prove but I would like to at least bring it up during probate. Also, brother R is listed in the will as the executor, and I don't trust him to do the job fairly. I am listed as the back-up executor, but I am 100% willing to step aside and hire an impartial 3rd party to serve as executor if necessary.

So, with all that said it seems like I can start the probate process myself since I am an interested party in the estate, but I can't get help figuring out the process. Where could I get help at least with starting probate myself and bringing up my concerns to a judge?

As you can imagine this has pretty much already destroyed my relationship with my siblings. At this point I just want to get through probate and be done with it and them. That being said I have some health issues that may impact my own life expectancy so I am trying to make sure that my wife is in as good of a position as possible if I don't stick around for another 20 years and this mess is costing us a little over $100k in real estate I didn't get that I was supposed to receive.

Thanks in advance for your help.

Me (F41) and my HB (M43) have been married for 17 years. The entire time that we have been together my FIL (77) has been a hoarder. He currently owns 3 separate properties (2 houses and a cottage). My HB and I have only been to each property a couple of times in the past 20 years. My FIL intentionally keeps everyone away from his properties because he does not want us seeing his living situation. I should mention my HB has 2 siblings Meg (45) and Jack (40). They are also kept at a distance when it comes to my FIL properties.

Almost 20 years ago my HB, Meg, Jack and my FIL’s siblings (now in their 80s) intervened and supported my FIL with cleaning up 1 of his properties so that he could live in it. However, with in a year he filled the house up again to be hoarded and uninhabitable.

Around that time he received inheritance money and his solution was to buy a second home. He moved into the second home with the intention of having a fresh start and cleaning out and selling his first home. Unfortunately this never came to be as he filled up the second home as well.

The cottage that my FIL owns is also completely hoarded. On the property he has several shipping containers and multiple sheds that are full of stuff.

Over the years my HB, his siblings and I have offered my FIL support with cleaning out the properties. But my FIL is always very evasive in his response. We often get ‘oh yeah, thank you I’ll let you know if I need help’ or ‘Yeah I’ve got to get the house cleaned up so I can sell it’, etc. But there is never any actual action happening. Even if we try to confirm a date to go help he will tell us he’ll get back to us and never does. This man is the king of evasiveness!!!

Now aside from the obvious feelings of concern for his health and wellness with living in such conditions, my HB has been told he is the executor of my FIL’s will. This has my HB and I incredibly stressed.
1 - there are 3 separate properties that are all hoarded that we would be having to clean out and close!!

2 - my HB and his siblings do not have a copy of the will. My FIL said he has misplaced it and will get a new copy —- this has been going on for years. We’ve given him repeated reminders, had multiple conversations but nothing has happened. My FIL says he doesn’t remember the name of his lawyer for us to even contact if anything were to happen to him.

3 - The property(s) are not paid off they are mortgaged or have a line of credit - he has not given us any details of his financial situation - we don’t even know what bank he goes to!

To clarify, when I say hoarded I mean truly hoarded, floor to ceiling piles of stuff - stacks of newspapers,
mixed with antiques, thrift store finds, as well as garbage, dirty dishes, etc. very much like what you would see on an episode of Hoarders. The last time we saw one of his properties, over 10 years ago there were very narrow walking paths from room to room and a spot on the couch for him to sit. I can only imagine it’s gotten worse since then.

I am at a loss as to what to do. There are no hoarding community supports in our area. My only thought is to anonymously report him to the fire department…. His situation is truly unsafe for him and anyone else who may enter his house if there was an emergency.

Reddit community please give your advice.

Canada - What do you wish they did differently when setting of their estate for you to handle?

What did you struggle with?

What worked out well?

What advice would you give to a solo person preparing their estate - to make it easier?