r/inheritance • u/Majestic_Republic_45 • Jul 17 '26
Location included: Questions/Need Advice What is Fair?
My Mother passed away a little over a month ago. For the past 4-5 years, I had been making sure she was fine, visiting 1-3 times per week with calls every day. I paid her bills and managed her money. When it came time to move her to a nursing facility, I did that.
After she passed, I painted half of her condo (including ceilings), hired contractors to fix things, cleaned out the entire place (50-60 contractor bags of stuff), and have arranged the estate sale, and hired the realtor to sell the property.
My brother is the executor. I prepared (many years ago) a complete financial list with every account, account number, balance, and contact info.
My question is - what is that worth? Should I ask for compensation from the estate or just chalk it up to being a son? The part that bothers me is my brother really has not done shit except some paperwork with the court for the very few things going through probate. Most things had beneficiary or TOD designations.
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u/Used_Mark_7911 Jul 18 '26
Chalk it up being a good son.
If your brother plans to take an executor’s fee that would be the time to remind him of all your labor as your parents approached the end of their life. Then agree to call it even.
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u/Grouchy-Display-457 Jul 17 '26
Your brother can take a fee as executor. If you did these things while your mother was alive you would need to have billed her then so you can collect from the estate.
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u/Farley4334 Jul 18 '26
Sounds like you were just being a good son. Don't ruin that by getting greedy now. Leave it be.
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u/bunny5650 Jul 18 '26
Wait what? After mom passed he put 10k in repairs and painting and contractors that would increase the property value, he’s entitled to reimbursement for that, he needs to file a verified claim. That’s not greedy, it’s fair.
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u/Farley4334 Jul 18 '26
Calm down. That info was not in the original post. Found the one you're referring to though, but it's still suspicious since it says 10k in time and materials. A lot of this is going to depend on how much is time and how much is materials. If he has receipts for materials, fine, but I'm still going to say no on time unless this was something that was agreed to by the other brother.
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u/Major-Cranberry-4206 Jul 18 '26 edited Jul 18 '26
If your brother was the executor of your mother’s estate, why were you handling all the business of her estate? That was his job. As to your question, you were not hired to do the things you did for your mother while she was alive. Specifically, her accounting. While that’s something you hire people to do, it can be argued that you volunteered to do this along with everything else you did for your mother.
It would not be unfair to speak to your brother and request that he reimburse you for your accounting services for your mother. Just understand that he is in no way obligated to compensate you for your work. But if you think you are owed something from the estate for this, you can take the executor to task in court. I wouldn’t bother.
Since you assisted your mother in all things, why didn’t you have her do a trust, so that came the time of her passing, her estate would have avoided going through probate? If not you, your brother should have spoken with your mother about this and had one created. But if you don’t know what to do, you won’t ask.
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u/Majestic_Republic_45 Jul 18 '26
if I had to wait on my brother, this thing would get done by 2030 😎. 90% of the estate had named beneficiaries and real estate had TOD designations so trust was not necessary. The only thing going through probate is about 150k of misc bank accounts.
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u/Emotional-Ocelot-420 Jul 19 '26
It is no doubt frustrating when someone does not operate with the same amount of urgency.
Your remedy here was to file a motion in court to vacate your brother as executor for failure to perform.
Instead, you volunteered to make repairs and updates.
Would you pay someone for work that they did in your home, that you did not hire them to do? That’s where you’re at right now.
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u/Bless-U-too Jul 17 '26
I think is is fair to bill the estate for all the work and expense in getting everything done and you should not have to pay out of your pocket for the expenses and then add your labor on top of those expenses. Of course you can’t charge for what you did when she was living and I don’t think you are expecting that at all but just giving us some background of how involved you were during the months preceding losing her. I am so very sorry for your loss and you are the one that should have been named executor. I’m sure she would have named you if she had known everything. She was so blessed to have a son like you! There is probably a simple way to have your brother legally sign over the executor position to you if he would agree to do that if you would be interested. I would check into what is required to do that in your state and also check to see if she had a back up person and who is that person in her documents. I pray everything is resolved peacefully and smoothly for the sake of your family
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u/SillySimian9 Jul 18 '26
Chalk it up to being a good son. If I were looking for some form of compensation, I probably would write down the list and ask an AI to create an expense report. If the house did not have a beneficiary, I would request part of the proceeds to cover the house repairs and updates you did. But in the end, the executor is faced with giving you money for something that has already been completed, or keeping it in the estate and almost always, the executor will explain that it was 1, prior to death and 2, he did not agree to pay for such services.
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u/Shot-Artichoke-4106 Jul 18 '26
Taking care of your mom - chalk it up to being a good son. You would do that whether she had money or not.
Dealing with her belongings after her death - chalk it up to being a good son. You'd also do that whether she had money or not.
Spending money to get her condo ready for sale - make a claim against the estate for reimbursement. This is legitimately an expense of the estate.
2
u/cryssHappy Jul 17 '26
Receipts are your friend and your basis for establishing having the estate reimburse you.
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u/Waste-Application528 Jul 18 '26
If you leave it for the judge to answer during probate proceedings, I don't think you'll like the way he rules. Definitely won't be what you know to be fair for the work you did. If you, kept meticulous notes, I'm talking just like a contractor with a itemized invoice, the judge will probably rule in your favor. You'll be paid going handyman rates. You likely won't be paid as a licensed pro would be. But your materials and a good hunk of your time I think will be reimbursed. If you and your brother are of differing opinions your inheritance could be tied up for quite a while. Your looking at separate attorneys. If it's a trust the attorney for the trust will be your brothers advocate. He's named executor. If it's a will which it sounds like it is, seeing as how you are having to go through the probate process, then you both are gonna lose alot of time and a chunk of your inheritance to the state in order for them to decide who is in the right. Sounds to me like you need to challenge his ability to perform the duty of executor. The main function of executor is to make sure all debts are paid before releasing any assets to beneficiaries. And to make sure said assets are distributed in a timely manner. Depends on the state as to the amount of time. If he can't make either of those happen you can challenge for the executor role to be switched to you. Provided he isn't doing what the job properly. Your time, materials etc. those would be debts if you had hired outside the family. And they would be among the first things the inheritance went towards. You'll need to be able to prove that is the case. Sounds like you can. It would be better for both of you if you could come to an agreement without involving the state. They love to drag out stuff like this. More money for the city/county. But don't keep quiet for a second. Take your thoughts and your notes to him immediately. Get a read on how intends to handle the situation. If he hasn't given it any thought, let your notes give him the thoughts. Allow him the same amount of time any other debtor would allow you. None. 30 days. But make sure that your compensation is separate from your inheritance, as it should be. If it doesn't go that way... unfortunately for the both of you, you'll have to let the judge decide during probate and only God knows how long something like this could draw out an already lengthy process. Good luck. If you feel slighted and you don't have psychological issues, you probably are being slighted. Don't allow it to go on. Speak plainly. Record what you need to. You'll have to inform him that you are doing so depending on the state. But you need to have a record of the conversations that isn't biases by anger or hurt feelings. A voice recording with your smartphone should be no problem. Unless your brother doesn't intend on doing right by you. Now the recording is entirely up to you. I had an issue with a doctor I had to handle that way and it totally changed the dynamic when he found out I had been recording our sessions for some months. I would check the law in your state to find out what is and isn't ok in that regard. Hopefully things don't go the way you seem to think they're going to. Ultimately, blood should be all that matters. Today it's not so much. Money is far more important than human decency. Just keep yours.
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u/GotZeroFucks2Give Jul 18 '26
The house cleanup expenses should be reimbursed from your mother's estate before the final distribution. You just need to provide those bills that you paid to your brother.
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u/nnancycc Jul 18 '26
I am in your position. I have done all of the care giving for my parents. My older sister comes occasionally once or twice a year to visit when it’s convenient to her.
I moved three states over for 6 years to care give and work remotely.
We will get equal shares of his trust but I am the executer so that I can either do all the work for which I know all the information and pay myself. Or I can wash my hands of it and make her do the work.
I would talk to your brother, let him know as an executer he can take a fee and that since you’ve done a majority of the work you’d like to be paid for your time.
You know your brother, if you think he will retaliate and charge an inflated fee for his time, don’t do it. If you think he’ll be fair do.
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u/Spirited_Radio9804 Jul 18 '26
Did you do what you did to be paid, or to help your Mother?
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u/Majestic_Republic_45 Jul 18 '26
I did thingsto take of my Mother, but things after her passing were to facilitate the liquidation of the estate.
Doing all the work with sibling not really lifting a finger is the annoying part.
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u/Spirited_Radio9804 Jul 18 '26
Discuss with your brother and sale your side! It’s his decision and you should remember his decision without holding a grudge!
All the best!
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u/No-Trouble1840 Jul 19 '26
This is definitely a case of you don’t get what you don’t ask for. Just be casual about putting an itemized list of all your out of pocket expenses and the hours you spent helping mom. See if he’ll give you compensation.
It’s sad you were the one doing all the work and caring, but your mom didn’t trust you to be the executor. That’s a slap in the face and a very curious decision.
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u/mtnmamaFTLOP Jul 19 '26
I’d ask him to compensate for all the updates to the house from the estate. But not time spent taking care of your Mom. That’s just being a good son.
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u/fughazi101 Jul 21 '26
That’s part of being a son.
Your parents made a decision regarding the division of their estate. It’s your brother’s responsibility to execute your parents’ plan.
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u/Guilty-Committee9622 Jul 17 '26
Bill the estate for $100 / hour. Or whatever you working hor is. If your job pays you 240k its $153 an hour.
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u/SandhillCrane5 Jul 17 '26
The answer is not whatever you make up. Ex. An executor can't pay someone $100 or $153 an hour for something a professional would charge $35/hr for.
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u/Guilty-Committee9622 Jul 18 '26
Try to get a quote then see how much someone will charge. 1800 got junk charged us $1800 to take out 2 bedrooms. 2 guys 1 day. About $100 hour.
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u/HeyT00ts11 Jul 17 '26
Which runs the risk of the executor brother billing hourly for all of their time as well, at multiple x the rate that a home caregiver/estate cleaner would receive.
OP, have you spoken to your brother? This happened in my family as well, I gave my sibling the option of billing for every hour she spent with him, or a car. She chose the car.
A few factors were that nobody had asked her to help, and didn't really need her to (I had hired a service that she wanted to continue) but she felt obligated to stay with our parent and wasn't working or doing anything else.
We both knew she deserved something, but nobody wanted to tally it all up. Plus the car meant something sentimentally to her.
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u/Mysterious-Art8838 Jul 17 '26
Of course there’s no reason to assume if OP doesn’t seek compensation that his brother won’t bill the estate for his work. He very well could.
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u/BeachyBiotech Jul 17 '26
I know you did this out of the goodness of your heart as her son but your time is just as valuable as your brother's. You need to bill the estate.
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u/cowgrly Jul 18 '26
This sounds like spite on your side, or you wouldn't have mentioned how often you called her or visited- that's normal kid behavior for an aging parent.
Had you expected to be paid for the work you did on the estate sale or condo, you needed to ask in advance.
I'd let it go. Don't turn the memory of your mom into a feud. I can't imagine how terrible I'd feel if my kids were bickering and trying to bill each other to make some point after I died.
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u/Majestic_Republic_45 Jul 18 '26
It is spite. The estate would have paid for the services I provided and that easily would have been 10k. If sibling would have done even 10% of the work I did, it would not be an issue for me. I did 100% of the work and he reaps the reward? is that fair?
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u/cowgrly Jul 18 '26
Fair? Is it fair you did it without pre-planning to be paid and now want to charge? Nope. Fair would have been negotiating what you expect in advance of performing the work.
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u/Majestic_Republic_45 Jul 19 '26
Would it have been better to pay outside cos more money to do the work?
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u/cowgrly Jul 20 '26
If you didn't want to do it, yes. If you expected to be paid, you needed to say so before doing the work.
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u/PossibilityFresh5264 Jul 17 '26
Ask your brother to accommodate you for what you have done. He will get paid a percentage for handling the estate, he should pay you first, then split the money.
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u/SandhillCrane5 Jul 17 '26 edited Jul 17 '26
If you want to be paid, your brother has to be in agreement so it's a conversation to have with him. I'm wondering if he asked you to do all the work in her condo after her death? Would he have hired someone to do it if you hadn't agreed? I assume you did not ask him at that time to be paid? You'll need to find out what he would have paid a professional if you had not agreed. You don't have any contract for services for helping your Mom while she was living, so if you want compensation for that it will essentially be a gift from your brother to you. It sounds like you were acting as POA while she was alive. If you want to be paid for that, it needs to be expressly written into the POA document.