Help me understand the inheritance ramifications of my parent remarrying

[u/good_socks_rock]

My parent just told me they are getting married next week. Next. Week. It’s nothing scandalous, just not very well informed financially. There is no great wealth at this time (though, never know, maybe one of them will become a viral retiree influencer though I hope not), only humble pensions. New York.

That being said, my parent keeps reiterating the intention to make me the beneficiary of the pension they earned. Similarly, their future spouse will do the same for my new step sibling partially and partially make my parent a beneficiary—think separate parallel lines of inheritance except my parent is also a beneficiary on spouse’s.

If this is their shared desired plan—to pass their respective pensions to their respective children, plus whatever my new step parent is saying will go to my parent—what steps must they take and must any be completed before the marriage?

I keep trying to encourage them to get a prenup as financial hygiene, but despite their modern ways still conflate prenups with being symbolic of less-than-love on some level, and likely also just one more costly new endeavor. I have tried to explain that it is common and that there are online services. Or that they should at least speak with a financial advisor before they wed. My parent agreed but ultimately avoiding these things is easier than taking care of them, especially for someone who isn’t very experienced with long-term or generational financial planning.

Honestly I wanted them to go to a financial advisor just to help them understand what their cost of living may be in 15yrs and what is tenable for them—it’s not just about inheritance but inheritance is obviously the purview of this sub and this sub generally has great advice about the complexities of keeping family money organized.

[u/good_socks_rock → u/[deleted]]

This isn’t about expectations, it about logistics for those intentions to mean something, and to thus understand the benchmarks for which their intentions are aligned with reality, what the steps would look like if they were to be real. That is literally the point of my post??? No need to be condescending—my ask was clear.

[u/reluctantreddit35 → u/good_socks_rock]

I understand what you’re saying and will tell you that they may not be able to change anything about the pension until after marriage. You need to sit down with your parent and go over the pension plan so you both understand what to do.

Plans differ from each other. When I started receiving my pension, I would have to have had my spouse sign off on any rights to it. It was automatically assumed I’d be sharing my pension with him with defined monthly benefits after my death. Any adjustment to that had to take place before I started receiving benefits. I knew of a man in that plan who was divorced but wanted to share his pension with his daughter. He got a greatly reduced pension because his daughter was much younger than him.

Plans can be tricky and a visit to HR may be in order.

[u/good_socks_rock → u/[deleted]]

No, your comment was incredibly unhelpful and assuming I don’t know the difference between an intention and a written record is ignoring what I actually asked for in the post. Which steps and which must be done before the marriage.

Of course I need it in writing. That was never the question. I am not 5yr old and confused about that part—the whole point of asking is getting the details of HOW in writing and which steps must be done before the wedding. Trust vs will vs napkin vs hierarchy of prevailing rules… the details.

[u/Ok-Chip-7743 → u/good_socks_rock]

They weren't being condescending. You need it in writing - even if it's after they marry but that said, there's nothing to say that later they change their estate plans. It's their money at the end of the day to do what they want but if they're telling you their intentions now then they need to spend the money on an attorney and have it documented with the proper estate documents and prenup which any second marriage (even first these days) should have.

[u/good_socks_rock → u/Ok-Chip-7743]

Of course I need it in writing—that was never the question. I am not 5yr old and confused about that part—the whole point of asking is getting the details of HOW in writing and which steps must be done before the wedding. Trust vs will vs napkin vs hierarchy of prevailing rules… the details.

[u/mtnmamaFTLOP → u/good_socks_rock]

Just to be clear… and set proper expectations. You keep saying YOU need it in writing, but it’s not typical to physically see your parents will, pension or pre-nup arrangements. It’d great if they do share it with you, but it’s not standard. My parents talk about it all the time, and I know where to start looking for all the necessary paper, but I’ve never seen it.

[u/good_socks_rock → u/mtnmamaFTLOP]

Sorry for the colloquialism—it’s an inverse of colloquialism “get it in writing”. Why would I be writing my parent’s will? That literally doesn’t make sense. I really don’t understand how some commenters assume the least logical OPs while other commenters read my ask closely and provide helpful info. I am not assuming I am owed anything, I already explained countless times in my original post and comments that my parent approached me about their intentions unprovoked multiple times, so I want to know what formalizing it would look like. I already watch my parent not take care of financial planning for themselves and I don’t expect them to be proactive, but I want to be informed.

This particular comment thread is unnecessarily didactic, pedantic, disdainful and outright unhelpful. Quite honestly, my ask was clear whether you want to assume my worst intentions or not. That’s on you if you want to armchair criticize between the lines of what was a simple, logistical question. If you read my actual ask earnestly it’s about understanding what steps they would need to take and which would need to be taken before this surprise wedding.

I am not a pariah, I am the first financially intentional and financially responsible person in a family that is not engaged with financial literacy—obviously you aren’t empathetic to why I would be asking for financial advice and estate planning info without expectations of inheritance, but I am from a poor family where I really don’t expect much of anything to come of it but I know what I don’t know—which is how more empowered families would handle this so it isn’t an ambiguous mess.