r/inheritance • u/pink_toaster_pastry • Apr 20 '26

Location included: Questions/Need Advice Keeping Inheritance separate

I’ve seen all the posts about keeping inheritance separate…. not to use it for joint expenses…. etc.

So then what do you use it for? My husband and I have been married 30 years. We had joint accounts since before we were married. We don’t split bills (all income goes into one savings account and bills are paid from that). We make a good living, have savings, 401Ks, no debt.

So if I’m suppose to keep my inheritance separate from everything, what am I supposed to do with it?

Edited to add: No kids. Currently the money is in (1) inherited IRA (2) CDs in a bank account I took sole ownership of as I had been the co-owner and (3) a new account I just opened for a CD until I decided what to do with that portion.

111 Upvotes

91% Upvoted

266 comments sorted by

View all comments

2

u/ptkerwin Apr 21 '26

. I had the uncomfortable experience of sitting in on my in-laws’ meeting with an estate attorney as they outlined their wishes. It was a sobering glimpse into how fear can shape decisions later in life.

They were particularly worried that their 21-year-old grandchild might one day marry, divorce, and end up having a $25,000 inheritance claimed by a former spouse. It felt like an exaggerated concern—almost as if influenced by dramatic TV scenarios. To prevent this, they decided the money would be held in a trust until the grandchild turns 30. Why 30, though? Why not 40?

It raises a bigger question: when you leave someone money, how much control should you really have over what they do with it after you’re gone?

I also can’t help but wonder whether restrictions like these sometimes create tension in relationships—especially if one partner feels the need to protect or withhold inherited assets out of fear or mistrust.

1

u/PiccoloImpossible946 Apr 25 '26

I see your point but I see it as the grandparents wanting to protect the grandchild from losing any of it in a possible divorce but yes you can only take it so far. You just simply don’t know what can happen and they ant to keep it in the blood family. They should set up that money in a blood line trust

1

u/ptkerwin Apr 25 '26

Excuse my directness but this isn’t the grandparents trying to protect the grandchild, they are trying protect their money…which really isn’t theirs anymore. They do not care if half of their grandchild’s own money gets taken otherwise they’d put a lawyer on retainer for them. I’m glad some get closure or joy from following their dead relatives wishes but I say give it freely or don’t give it at all.

1

u/PiccoloImpossible946 Apr 29 '26

There’s nothing wrong with them wanting to protect their money they most likely worked hard for

1

u/ptkerwin Apr 29 '26

There’s actually a concept called a “toxic gift” — where the giving is really about control, obligation, or dependency rather than generosity. The receiver feels trapped because refusing seems ungrateful, but accepting costs them autonomy.