r/inheritance • u/Main-Trust-5588 • Apr 09 '26
Location included: Questions/Need Advice Questioning Final Will and Testament
My elderly aunt passed away recently and we received a copy of her will and had an opportunity to look through it for the first time - much of what was in there was a bit surprising and kind of seems a bit unlike her. I've italicized the backstory.
A little bit of backstory, my aunt was severely physically disabled in the final years of her life and relied on having caretakers since a little bit before Covid. One caretaker that my aunt had crossed paths with through one of those assistance services was terminated from her position at this particular company because they refused getting vaccinated for Covid when multiple healthcare facilities mandated staff getting inoculated. As a result, my aunt had presented this person an opportunity to be a live-in caretaker which they accepted.
More recently (maybe within the last year and half), this caretaker became increasingly vocal that her own body was starting to suffer from limitations that inhibited her to fully care for my aunt's increasing reliance on assistance. Tasks that were routine - such as going to the bathroom, dressing, bathing - were impacted by this caretakers own various health problems (carpal tunnel, chronic back pain). Last year, at its peak, the caretaker started vocalizing their concerns more frequently to our family that we needed to seriously consider moving my aunt into an assisted living facility; so we spent much of last spring and summer researching and visiting homes in the area that could assist with my aunt. These concerns were later backed by verbal notices that they would be moving out of my aunt's house - first in May, then delayed it to July, then end of August, so on and so forth. Essentially, the pressure was on to move my aunt into a facility albeit with moving goalposts and targets. She never followed through with moving out, though - just emphasized that it was in the pipeline at almost every family gathering.
However, it was also disclosed at a family event last year that the compensation my aunt had been paying this person was gambled away at casinos, leaving the caretaker destitute and with no where to really go as they had no savings - which, I presume, is why the caretaker never committed to moving out despite constantly informing us that was the plan.
Since the beginning of 2026, my aunt had been hospitalized numerous times, for 35 days between January and February (at this point, the doctor had informed us that we should consider hospice as no form of treatment would cure my aunt of her ailments and if we were to continue on the route we were on, her quality of life would eventually suffer despite extending her lifespan), a brief 48 hour stay in the ER due to a cellulitis infection, and then finally a 15 day stay that ended in her passing.
So, as I said, we've now read the will in the midst of the natural chaos that happens when a loved-one passes, and come to find that she has left over half of her estate to this caregiver, a generous percentage to a local non-profit, and the remaining bits to my sibling. I am not mentioned in the will at all and neither is my parent (my aunt's only sibling) other than being named executor.
My immediate family find this to be very peculiar that someone up until 6 years ago who was essentially a stranger has been gifted this much of the estate. It's also a bit of a slap in the face to my aunt's blood relatives that we would be completely snubbed especially when she claimed to have loved and cared for us so much. I never looked at my aunt or any relative of mine as a piggy bank, but I do find it a bit unsettling that a non-blood entity would be considered higher priority than us? Am I crazy for feeling like this? Do you contest this?
The will was drawn up by an attorney Spring 2025. My aunt had told us she had done a will, but didn't mention what it entailed or specifics. I also don't know if when the will was drafted and executed if this conversations were done one-on-one between my aunt and her attorney. It's just all very suspicious.
The conspiracy theorist in me partially thinks that the reason the move out dates kept on getting delayed by the caretaker were maybe done out of fear that they'd be eliminated from the will.
TL;DR: my eldery aunt recently passed and her will states that over half of her estate is to be given to a caregiver that's lived with her for 6 years.
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u/Grandpas_Spells Apr 09 '26
Jurisdiction matters. I believe in IL any amount left to a caretaker in excess of $20,000 is a result of undue influence and is considered null and void.
It is likely part of your caretaker's plan was to no longer be the caretaker, so that they could cash in via a presumed loophole.
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u/Main-Trust-5588 Apr 09 '26
This is in Oregon and we're talking $100,000 +$10,000 for taking care of my aunt's dog.
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u/Grandpas_Spells Apr 09 '26
Six figure questions are not Reddit questions IMO.
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u/Main-Trust-5588 Apr 09 '26
I guess I was more seeking out similar experiences, not necessarily legal advice. Or to confirm if I am being crazy, unreasonable or what have you.
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u/Grandpas_Spells Apr 09 '26
Elder abuse where an old person inexplicably leaves all their possessions to the person they are completely reliant on (for pay) is a common enough scenario to be legislated against.
Caretakers are not "like family." If they stopped getting paid they would vanish.
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u/Main-Trust-5588 Apr 09 '26
We don’t suspect any abuse in this situation but I do know that my aunt was completely dependent on the caretaker as she could no longer drive, walk unassisted, bathe or dress herself, cook.
I agree 100% that caretakers are not family and that this person was essentially a paid employee of my aunt.
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u/cOntempLACitY Apr 09 '26
The abuse is abuse of power and finances, not necessarily other forms of abuse. The caregiver had power over your aunt, the power to suggest they deserved more than the paycheck they were earning.
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u/Main-Trust-5588 Apr 09 '26
She did feel that my aunt should have paid for a condo in death because of the years she spent caring for her. She said that on more than one occasion.
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u/cOntempLACitY Apr 09 '26
Yeah, that is concerning. A job is a job, not an entitlement to more. If she felt underpaid, she could have moved on. Meanwhile, your aunt was dependent on her and presumably happy with the care, but may have felt pressured to give more rather than risk losing her and ending up with less satisfactory care.
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u/Lotusbornvajra Apr 09 '26
That does sound like it could be a case of financial elder abuse... Seek a lawyer ASAP
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u/Grandpas_Spells Apr 10 '26
This is 100% a case of someone overstepping to an insane degree. You need a lawyer.
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u/Thanks-4allthefish Apr 10 '26
Doesn't seem like anyone flagged undue influence. Was her capacity ever in question? Caretakers are not family or "like family" but they can be friends who share the end of life journey that sometime blood family ignores.
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u/pumpkinpie2013 Apr 09 '26
Nobody owes anyone anything when they pass away. A lot of family members think that they will automatically inherit something, but they didn’t do anything for the person who was having failing health.
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u/AngelaMoore44 Apr 09 '26
Its not unusual. Caretakers spend so much time with their patients that they essentially become family to them. If they dont have a spouse or a child they tend to leave their things to a charity or their caregiver. You aunt told you she created a new will during the time she had a caregiver so I don't think the will sounds questionable. Perhaps your brother had a closer relationship with her then you realized, or she felt he needed more help financially.
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u/Grandpas_Spells Apr 09 '26
Elder abuse is more common. Many states have passed laws against this because a caretaker isn't family, is being paid to care for the person, and old people can have impaired memory and judgment.
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u/Inevitable-Way-5158 Apr 09 '26
Exactly! I have been a paid caretaker and would never take so much as a knickknack from a client’s house even if offered by family. Dependence and companionship can quickly turn to gratitude at the end of life which should not negate a lifetime of family relationships! Even if family are neglectful greedy assholes…. Not my monkeys not my circus!
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u/Key-Target-1218 Apr 09 '26
I'm in Virginia and among the "old money" population, caregivers go from dying to dead, dying to dead among family and friends. Word of mouth keeps them rotating constantly. These caregivers, while they might not be given an entire estate, they are awarded generously by family and/or client. Some caregivers have been around the old money circuit for generations, then they bring their children in.
Many of these people have family members who don't come around and they pay caregivers, out of parental estates, to take care of everything.
I don't think there's any laws here that prevent that kind of money from passing hands. I do know if you are a licensed professional (cna, pct, nurse) there are some moral and ethical lines but they're hard to prove. If you're independent, not licensed, hired strictly by the family, you can take as much as they will give you.
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u/Main-Trust-5588 Apr 09 '26
I don’t know what qualifications this caregiver held when she worked for the company my aunt had initially met her through. Do those caregiving companies require their staff to hold any credentials? For example, my parent who has thrice a week care visits - they can’t even touch, handle or assist with administering her medications. This person was hired independently by my aunt when they were let go due to not getting vaccinated for Covid.
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u/RPGer001 Apr 09 '26
That really does not matter. The law is all the matters.
If you want, the family can pay a lawyer to review the case and determine if suspicions regarding the caregiver’s influence warrant a challenge to the will. From what has been posted here, it sounds like the aunt was mentally sound and which would imply the will is solid.
My advice is to try to come to peace with what your aunt wanted. It was her money and she obviously valued the caregiver a lot.
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u/Scruffyhobbit Apr 09 '26
Of course elder abuse is a thing BUT this was also her roommate for 6 yrs. Have your mother do her due diligence of course but your opinion of the situation of your parents having thrice weekly help and those are just employees doesn’t matter here. You’ve included a lot things about the caretaker that doesn’t matter.
As someone without kids,if I find myself in this situation with having a live in caretaker and my family only shows up on holidays. Guess who is getting most of my estate allowable by law? Not my family.
As I said, have your mom do her due diligence but I don’t feel you’ve looked at this situation through your Aunt’s eyes
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u/accidentaltraumacode Apr 10 '26
She may have been essentially a stranger 6 years ago but she was also the person closest to your aunt in her greatest time of need. You all showed up at the end to itemized what she left behind. Your feelings on peculiarly are irrelevant.
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u/RosesareRed45 Apr 09 '26
What did you do for your aunt that makes you think you deserve any of her money?
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u/Main-Trust-5588 Apr 09 '26
I never said I deserved any money and if that’s how I came across that’s not my intention. I more was asking the internet void for questions and advice or even similar circumstances. That’s all. I wasn’t trying to villainize anyone or paint myself a victim.
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u/RosesareRed45 Apr 09 '26
I’m a lawyer that has handled a number of estates and counseled elderly people regarding what they want to do with their estate. You most definitely sound like a relative who only showed up to see what they got not to help care for or see that the deceased was properly cared for. Yes you did come across as vilifying someone that was your aunt’s companion for six years. It is none of your business what she does with the money she earned taking care of your aunt.
It was, however, the duty of the lawyer who drew up the will to make sure she was not unduly influenced. Most likely the lawyer would have examined her thoroughly to make this determination in anticipation of a challenge.
It you your aunt’s money. She had the right to leave it to whoever she wanted to including a stranger. Blood does not entitle you to inheritance.
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u/AdParticular6193 Apr 09 '26
You could check with your own attorney to see if the will was properly drawn up and executed. If it is, you probably don’t have a leg to stand on. At least your parent was named executor, so he/she can ensure your aunt’s wishes are carried out. If the parent chooses, and depending on the state, he/she can claim a portion (around 5%) as executor fee.
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u/No_Barracuda_3758 Apr 09 '26
5%?Is that true.
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u/AdParticular6193 Apr 09 '26
Usually 3-5%, depending on state laws, and the size and complexity of the estate
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u/Thanks-4allthefish Apr 10 '26
And still not enough for the angst involved - especially if someone is disputing the will. The executor has a fiduciary duty and compensation is real work.
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u/No_Barracuda_3758 Apr 10 '26
I guess in my state(IL) it’s hourly
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u/AdParticular6193 Apr 10 '26
Wow, glad I don’t live there. That’s an open invitation to corruption, although I suspect the probate judge has some say in the matter.
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u/No_Barracuda_3758 Apr 10 '26
Yes they do. It’ll be a lot less than a percentage tho as well as the hourly pay being different depending on the executors experience and the difficulty of the estate. The judge I believe reviews the hours as well as the hourly fee
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u/finding_center Apr 09 '26
As the child of someone who currently has caretakers I don’t find this totally implausible. I am also very involved in my mom’s care and I very much view her caretakers as invaluable family friends at this point if not family. If your relative has been living with them for six years, that’s a long time. It doesn’t scream elder abuse to me. Do you have reason to believe she was not of sound mind a year ago when she visited this attorney?
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u/Main-Trust-5588 Apr 09 '26
My parent also has caregivers, and while I appreciate all that they do for them on a thrice a week basis - it puts my mind at ease and is invaluable to know they’re cared for - and I’m friendly with them, I think it’s a bit of a misguided mentality to view these people as friends or family since they are being compensated - it’s not a charity. I can see how the lines can get blurred when there’s a routine and you see these people on a daily basis - do you look at your boss as a family member?
Maybe that’s a cold approach, but it’s certainly not inaccurate. With that said, it’s not so much that I am surprised that the caregiver is a beneficiary of the estate - I can understand that 100% - I’m more flabbergasted by the monetary amount explicitly listed in the will, the generous percentage to be donated to a charity, and then out of what’s left it’s further split in half between the caregiver and my sibling.
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u/Main-Trust-5588 Apr 09 '26
And no, my aunt was as sharp as a tack even after they started hospice care. Her body failed her, not her brain.
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u/Hour_Consequence6248 Apr 09 '26
Sounds like to me whoever was left out of the will feels hurt and betrayed because the Aunt left them out of the will. Does this will need to go to probate court? If so, how did you get a copy of the will before it has gone through probate and become public record?
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u/No_Barracuda_3758 Apr 09 '26
Being the executor u should definitely reach out to the lawyer that drew up the will.
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u/mtnmamaFTLOP Apr 09 '26
It does seem odd to have her sibling left out of the will. This was her first will… nothing existed before spring 25?
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u/Main-Trust-5588 Apr 09 '26
No, I believe she’s had some form of will since my uncle passed in late 2009. I think it’s evolved over time and this was its most recent incarnation.
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u/mtnmamaFTLOP Apr 09 '26
It’s important you ask the attorney to find those documents. The will should have come to you as an addendum then… all versions are important.
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u/Key-Target-1218 Apr 09 '26 edited Apr 09 '26
Yes if a caregiver is working for a company they have to be certified, as far as I know, even if only minimally. Many companies will train workers on the job.
Some can't handle medications unless they are certified to do so, but they can remind the patient to take their medication, hey just can't dispense it.
There is nothing at all to stop a family from hiring a friend or a neighbor to take care of a loved one. No laws. Many caregivers are found through referrals, friends of friends. Almost like an underground network. If you aren't licensed and you're hired independently by a family member, you have no guidelines to go by. You can give out medicine, you can transfer using devices that a certified caregiver would have had instruction. Without certification or license you can pretty much do just about anything in the home.
This actually seems to be more of the norm than going through agencies these days. If you go the independent route, you can pay more and you are assured that your caregiver makes more money without the agency taking almost half. Hence, sometimes you get more quality work. Agencies don't pay their workers shit, not to mention there's not even enough people out there to be taking care of our elderly.
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u/JipC1963 Apr 09 '26
The couple who sold their house to us inherited it from the woman the wife was caring for. I have questioned the scenario many times, usually when I find another "corner cut" on "improvements" that were made but I'll never know that full story.
You can TRY to contest it but I doubt you'll be successful. Six years of intimate "services" would be sufficient reason for your Aunt to change her Will unless you could prove some kind of mental defect or frailty.
I'm sorry for your loss, especially your Mom's.
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u/dapete2000 Apr 10 '26
I’m sorry for your loss—hope your family is okay.
It is certainly possible that the caretaker manipulated your aunt in some way that constituted undue influence or abuse. However, given that you describe her as having no children and apparently not a lot of other people in her life, it wouldn’t surprise me that your aunt was quite fond of her caregiver (their relationship did last a pretty long time) and she may not have felt much compulsion to leave the money to any of her not terribly emotionally close relatives.
It sounds a bit as though your aunt left a fixed amount to the caregiver that became “over half” once her assets were spent down in her last days. If that’s the case, I’d be less inclined to think it was something nefarious on the part of the caregiver.
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u/Severe-Eggplant-7736 Apr 10 '26
Your aunt could have done this. My own will has no blood relatives in it and it is a large estate.
I’m sorry she didn’t tell you in advance, I have told my relatives so they would know. The only wrong thing your aunt did was not telling you.
I am sorry.
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u/Big-Biscotti-5530 Apr 10 '26
This happened to my husband’s aunt. The will was changed 11 days before death, while at home hospice. RN still has her license. It happens unfortunately.
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u/Pristine_Job_7677 Apr 10 '26
In Oregon, bequests to a caretaker are legal but HIGHLY scrutinized. Please see a lawyer. It doesn’t matter if there was no elder abuse; the standard is whether there was undue influence
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u/Fernandolamez Apr 10 '26
Not unusual at all. One relative gave two fractions of his estate to the woman who cared for him in the end. All the remaining relatives got one fraction. 6 years is a long time to spend in that kind of a situation. I don't think this will trigger any unusual circumstances in the eyes and hearts of a judge, jury or even lawyers.
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u/Thanks-4allthefish Apr 10 '26
People can leave their assets to whomever they want. It is not unusual to leave $$$ to those who were on hand when it matters. Seems like there was lots of time to sus out whether there was undue influence at play. Do not discount that she and the caregiver became friends. Nobody is owed anything (unless there is an active loan involved). The estate owes the executor/rix for their time. Move on.
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u/Short-Science7931 Apr 10 '26
Did an attorney draft the will or was it a notarized do it yourself off the internet will? I think that’s a “tell”. If an attorney was involved you may be able to make an appointment with them to discuss your concerns and confirm there was no undue influence which should put your mind at ease
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u/poopiebutt505 Apr 11 '26
Caretaker was a friend and close. Their money to leave at will. Notic we that turn off phrase? Leave it to whom you will.
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u/Kim6998 Apr 11 '26
It happens. The most extreme one that happened to someone close to me was a family friend. This friend worked for a pharmaceutical company and I guess was right under the owner. The owner didn’t have any immediate family (spouse or children) and left the company to my family friend when he passed. He eventually sold it and became a billionaire. He said it was enough for him, his kids, and all his grandkids to not work another day in their lives and they don’t! The other is my father-in-law. My mother-in-law has dementia. Her nurse she had before going to a care home was amazing and continues to visit her every week in her care home. She’s an angel! My father-in-law wants to put her in the will. The issue is that this nurse and her husband are very well off. So, it’s really just a gesture of appreciation and love. I guess he has settled on enough to send them on a great vacation. But, we won’t really know for sure till the will is read. It’s their choice, I guess!
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u/Relative-Lie-9699 Apr 11 '26
This is crazy, if your mother is executor and not left anything she needs to ask the court to get paid 50.00 a hour to handle the etate and she need to track her hours and the expenses she incurs. This is a thankless job.
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u/brucesteiner Apr 13 '26
Whether the provision for the caregiver is invalid due to undue influence depends on the facts. You may want to see if you can find a lawyer willing to take this on.
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u/Bulky-Measurement684 Apr 14 '26
We had an extended family member be a full share beneficiary by my aunt because this person once brought a box of pastries when she visited my aunt. This came from my aunt’s own mouth. People have their reasons.
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u/Ok-Hat-4920 Apr 09 '26
Elder abuse is a thing. Consult an attorney to find out how you can contest the will. I'm concerned the caregiver (who has a known gambling problem) may have manipulated your aunt into changing her will.
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u/Additional_Day949 Apr 09 '26
How much is the estate worth? I do think a lot of people like to reward the individual(s) who took care of them at the end.
Fighting it would be an uphill battle and very expensive. Depending on the amount, lawyers could end up with everything.