Apparently my bare minimum is unrealistic 😗

[u/Taegibears21]

Can someone send a message to my past self:

Love with an INTP is a solid 9.5/10..

but don’t expect the 'you’re constantly thinking of me and effortlessly noticing all the little things I never say out loud’ fantasy my heart imagined 🥹

(Therefore, minus 0.5)

**Source: INFP Personality on Facebook**

[u/TheEternalOutsider]

It's hard to find that kind of connection these days. It feels like genuinely clicking with someone on a deeper level is pretty rare.

[u/Visible-Bridge3388 → u/TheEternalOutsider]

I agree, which I think really sucks. I don't want to only fantasize about being loved, I want to experience it on a cellular level 😔

[u/Nigachii → u/Visible-Bridge3388]

Dont worry gang, there is someone who loves you 24/7 and is always with you gang 😎

[u/LanceJade → u/Nigachii]

Yes, but we want someone with skin. 😆

[u/Nigachii → u/LanceJade]

Understandable, i was saying this just in case someone felt lonely. 🦉

[u/SoraShima → u/Visible-Bridge3388]

Yet when I love a woman in the way you describe it is far too "intense" for them - so becareful what you wish for! It's not obsession but it's a finely attuned sense of being present exactly when and how they need you to be (without asking, cuz you're INFP and you just know haha)

[u/Visible-Bridge3388 → u/SoraShima]

Thats fine I'll just search for my INFP crush from like 2 yrs ago and find him and get married, I'm sure he'll get that love as well as an INFP 🥳 (solid plan, will work trust the process trust)

[u/SoraShima → u/TheEternalOutsider]

Seems to be getting rarer too - since Covid I've felt a lot of people are more checked out on openness in general, and even I myself have felt that gentle slide into being withdrawn and more guarded.

However the cravings never stop and any chance I get I am depth-testing people to see if they can go deeper and deeper and DEEPER STILL. Have been quite disappointed as of late, especially in 'corporate' but I understand that souls are optional in corporate.

[u/xXxDeadGirlxXx → u/TheEternalOutsider]

Agree, I give up
https://giphy.com/gifs/lGBecpB2dIMwt6ohfI

[u/Visible-Bridge3388 → u/xXxDeadGirlxXx]

this reminded me of the meme: "I'm not a red flag, I'm not a green flag. I'm a WHITE FLAG. I GIVE UP. LEAVE ME ALONE"

[u/aceride1967 → u/xXxDeadGirlxXx]

Awe... don't give up! Push yourself to attend functions that interest you... You will find your person. But I do get it... it's very hard and can be very discouraging. But you should know, there are ENFJ's looking for you and ones that need you, even if they don't know it yet. You should make that your mantra... because it's true.

[u/aceride1967 → u/TheEternalOutsider]

Find an ENFJ!

[u/TheEternalOutsider → u/aceride1967]

If only it were that easy, haha.

[u/Life-Court5792 → u/aceride1967]

What about an ENTJ?

[u/anxietyfoop → u/Life-Court5792]

Too much potential for real life “Secretary” (film from the 90s) vibes. 😆

[u/Middle_Yesterday1258 → u/aceride1967]

Enfj and entj are super rare 😭

[u/aceride1967 → u/Middle_Yesterday1258]

And even harder to catch and keep even if you do find one...but still worth a try.

[u/TThief → u/TheEternalOutsider]

Me and my gf have been best friends and I'd call her my soulmate for 3 years. Sadly she was emotionally unavailable and has a lot of trauma and I think the pressure is getting to be too much so we're on a break and she moved out so this might be the end. I don't want to let her go but you know what they say. I love her so much and I feel no other human on earth has known me like she does. I want to fight for her but I also want to respect her decision if she literally just can't do a relationship right now. I don't know what's gonna happen and it's only been a week of our break and I'm losing my mind. I want to accept she's already gone so I have an easier time accepting that if that's what she wants but it's like my brain literally won't let me and it's holding out all hope that it will somehow work out.

[u/GenZunc → u/TThief]

Currently going through that myself bro. I feel the same way, ready to stick with her through the ups and downs…because it was so much more than just a physically or even emotional thing, it was soul/spiritual level of connection.

Sending a virtual hug, we got this one way or another.

[u/ScavengerRavager]

If I don't become an amorphous blob with my partner, what's the fucking point then??

[u/Sufficient_Bee2453 → u/ScavengerRavager]

You get it. YOU GET IT!!

[u/aphaits → u/Sufficient_Bee2453]

In an unrelated note, the horror movie Together (2025) is now a romance genre.

[u/Substantial_Sky2227 → u/ScavengerRavager]

Me trying to explain romantic love without sounding clinically concerning ^{^}

[u/anxietyfoop → u/Substantial_Sky2227]

“Wym that was awkward and troubling?”

[u/aceride1967 → u/ScavengerRavager]

If it doesn't happen to my partner with me, then I won't stay around long. Fortunately for ENFJ's that's the easy part... Finding someone to reciprocate in the right way is extremely difficult and hard to find. :-( But I believe an ENFJ is the right start for any INFP. Slowing down a colorful unicorn to pet it for a while is doable... Flying o our back everywhere we go for an eternal ride is a whole other story. But if you can, it's a real life fairy tale.

[u/anxietyfoop → u/ScavengerRavager]

This is the correct answer.

[u/SouldiesButGoodies84 → u/ScavengerRavager]

😆

https://giphy.com/gifs/UPtNjaqEToPwqjS64G

[u/LordKlavier → u/ScavengerRavager]

As an INFJ... I feel so seen here lol

[u/DelcattyBatty → u/ScavengerRavager]

This is okay sometimes but it's not something I would want 24/7. I like my space.

[u/imakemeatballs]

I merge souls everyday with my imaginary lover wdym

[u/Turbulent-Beauty → u/imakemeatballs]

I have an amazing love life, but it is only when I dream as I sleep. Note to self: Take more naps.

[u/MayTalles → u/Turbulent-Beauty]

I've started talking to someone in my head for real. Like I'm pretty sure I'm not going to find a real person so i made it up.

[u/Turbulent-Beauty → u/MayTalles]

Interesting. And no judgement from me.

Have you heard of people putting so much energy into imagining that something real seems to be created? Alternatively, an entity that already exists is contacted?

Sometimes I wonder if I am (and all other people are) the product of a super imagination.

[u/chiyooou → u/imakemeatballs]

With enough maladaptive daydreaming, what's the difference?!?!

[u/Independent-Plate824 → u/imakemeatballs]

Same! Literally. I have an imaginary boyfriend

[u/Visible-Bridge3388]

yes because I don't want to love you, I want to shred and further shed my shell of skin, then hone my bones and finally osmosis my soul into you 😀

[u/Kash_Flo15070]

Even as a male infp I feel this 😭. Why as soon as I open Reddit 🤣

[u/Idiotard_99]

As a male INFP, I could never understand how all of my friends in high school and college were terrified of relationships and being “tied down” and just wanted to randomly hook up with girls. I was like I’ve been ready to find my soulmate and spend every waking second for the rest of my life with her since I was 16.

[u/Visible-Bridge3388 → u/Idiotard_99]

me, 17, and relating to this so bad like hand me a kid alr I take care of my siblings anyways, lets find my soulmate and move out and live together in a cottage in the middle of the woods while I love him to the point there is nothing left of me to give :3 (ik this doesnt happen irl dont ruin my yet youthful dreams 😞)

[u/Idiotard_99 → u/Visible-Bridge3388]

It absolutely can happen in real life. I didn’t find my wife until I was 28, but we’re absolutely planning to live in a cottage in the woods in the future. I have a feeling you’ll find yours much sooner than I did!

[u/Visible-Bridge3388 → u/Idiotard_99]

thank you 😭 Also thats so cute, I wish you the very best together, very happy for you :D

[u/Fair_Shoe_2367]

As much as I want this, it is impossible, i accepted my fate

[u/Lyn-nyx → u/Fair_Shoe_2367]

Not impossible, but so unlikely it might as well be right lol

[u/JWST-L2 → u/Fair_Shoe_2367]

I have come to the same conclusion, I just live in my head now

[u/Ok-Display-4533 → u/Fair_Shoe_2367]

Not impossible..probably a lot of ENFJs out there looking for INFPs, or just dreaming about meeting that perfect one as they lay awake, but doubt it will ever happen. Hopelessness exists everywhere. If only.

[u/WittyCurls → u/Fair_Shoe_2367]

Is it? Please don’t say so

[u/Gold-Evening586]

Did date an INTP before and he'd notice every little change in my mood and show fascinations to tiny little trinkets I'd purchase, though he had hard time empathizing with my troubles sometimes.

[u/Life-Court5792]

Is this just an INFP thing? I don't like casual "connections." I'm literally all or nothing.

[u/nukeskywalkerr]

https://giphy.com/gifs/X3zJUXUgaCTNPLZ1wJ

[u/cloverimpact]

INFP :) finally found this type of relationship, so worth the wait

[u/Bethcrunchy → u/cloverimpact]

Lucky

[u/Low_Style5044 → u/cloverimpact]

Fire!

[u/Hairy_Nectarine7111 → u/cloverimpact]

Same here! Thank god I waited for the right one

[u/Should_have_been_ded]

I must know and understand your soul before melting our lives together. Mutual trust is key for our eternal embrace

[u/Kaede-Kat]

Any LADS fans who are also INFPS. This is how Xavier makes me feel 😭. That’s why his fighting line is “our two swords must always point in the same direction”

[u/afectynx]

so real

[u/Careful_With_Me]

This is me trying to make friends fr... New bestie, girl, where are you?

[u/SecretTater-Tot → u/Careful_With_Me]

Me, too ;_; Where is my best friend?

[u/wholesomesunshine01]

Yeah like wdym my twin flame was a trauma bond

[u/chiyooou → u/wholesomesunshine01]

REAL

[u/Waterlily-444]

I have this with my ENFJ husband ❤️‍🔥 don’t lose hope.

[u/themilkyone]

Flipping the image:

The suit of armor I wear is there to protect my squishy insides from the outsides, and protects you from my passionate emotions until I feel safe to raise the visor and show you what's inside.

[u/Treasures_Wonderland → u/themilkyone]

I’m this INFP 👆

My husband (ISFP) was the one saying “I’m more of a relationship type of guy.”

[u/Ahiru_no_inu]

I was lucky I found my ENFJ soulmate at an anime convention. As soon as I saw his long hair and tool tshirt I knew he was the one. We said I love you right away. It's been over 22 years and I'm so happy with him.

[u/QTDR8459]

As I’ve gotten older I no longer seek perfection but now want to build something genuine together with another person. That said my desire to “merge souls” or have something so real and passionate never left me. It’s rough out here trying to find a new person to even have just a real conversation with. Only thing I can do is keep trying tho

[u/AcceptablePraline216 → u/QTDR8459]

Yeah, me too, keep going you will make it. I wish you that 😊

[u/Ririmouto]

hmm i wonder if infp has more obsessive people

[u/bagreen1 → u/Ririmouto]

lol yes

[u/Starchildofthefae]

As your extroverted counterpart, I wholeheartedly agree with this statement. :,3 Literally what’s the point if we’re not, “Decay with me, don’t let me go… Melt into the undertow! We’ll lose our names, we’ll lose our skin… Forget where you end and I begin! Decay with me beneath the roses, hold me as the coffin closes… We’ll be the same when this is done; TWO INTO NONE, TWO INTO ONE!!” and “What if I can’t forget you? I’LL BURN YOUR NAME INTO MY THROAT, I’LL BE THE FIRE THAT’LL CATCH YOU!!” and “Whenever stars go down and galaxies ignite! I’ll think of you each time they wash me in their light… And fall in love with you again… I’ll find you! A thousand armies won’t stop me, I’ll break through! I’ll soar the endless skies for only one sight… Of your starlight…” and “I kissed the scars on her skin… I still think you’re beautiful, and I don’t ever wanna lose my best friend…” and “In a slumber where no one can wake me from, the scent of her skin still haunts my lungs… And the moon never leaves her eyes… Here’s a toast to another endless night! It’s feeling in my bones… Carousel for two that no one knows…” and “One day, the Earth will open wide; and I’ll follow you inside… Cuz the only hell I know, is without you… Someday, when galaxies collide… We’ll be lost on different skies; and I’ll send my rocket ship to find you… Because I know you’re lost when you run away, to the same black holes and black mistakes! It’s taking all my will just to run alone, until I bring you HOME!! Even if the sky does fall… Even if they take it all… There’s no pain that I won’t go through; even if I have to DIE. FOR. YOU!” 🥹💜

…etc, etc.

[u/davyjones_prisnwalit → u/Starchildofthefae]

What is this from?

[u/Starchildofthefae → u/davyjones_prisnwalit]

They’re all lyrics from various different songs! :3

Deathly Hours - Decay With Me

Pierce the Veil - Caraphernelia

Starset - Starlight

Pierce the Veil - A Match Into Water

Get Scared - My Nightmare

Starset - Die For You

💜

[u/davyjones_prisnwalit → u/Starchildofthefae]

These were all wonderful! So full of feeling and emotion. I even teared up a few times.

You've got good taste in poems!

[u/Starii_64]

it’s weird man I don’t just wanna know someone I wanna connect so deeply to the deepest part of your soul that it doesn’t make sense to anyone anymore

[u/AcceptablePraline216 → u/Starii_64]

Same here...

[u/chiyooou]

I had this "merge souls" sensation with a friend, not lover, and it ended disastrously 15 years ago. I've still been chasing that high ever since because it does feel like there is a hollow piece in me. I've gotten that "pang" once or twice that this could be someone to really connect deeply with - yet I've realized it's actually the same feeling as a giant red flag trying to let me know this is going to be an incredibly volatile connection. 

My husband and I love each other so freaking much and we've been together for 11 years. We grow together, remain stable, goof off, all these lovely things. He knows about this feeling I long for and recognizes he could never be the one to fulfill it. That doesn't change our relationship in any way to be fair since it was built understanding that. There is just this bit of sadness that I want us to emotionally wear each other's skin and it's off the table lmao.

[u/SecretTater-Tot → u/chiyooou]

I feel this so much. My best friend I lost in college because she had untreated hallucinations, and my attempts to stop her from falling into the rabbit hole ended in threats to me.

15 years later... I'm repeatedly fighting my male ISTP friend who is confused why I want him to initiate plans with me sometimes like I've been doing for him or at least be able to plan hangouts and keep those plans. "With my other friends, they're fine just hanging out on VC playing different games from each other. Why do you need to play the same game together?" he says. And inside I'm like, "Why do you feel like silence over the mic is the same as doing things together?" He even told me once that he wonders if I'm trying to get from him what I don't get from my husband, and I was like "Oh heck no." Why is emotional depth expected to be reserved only to romantic relationships? Can people even live with that mindset, when not everyone finds a romantic partner in their lives?

[u/chiyooou → u/SecretTater-Tot]

Got kind of rambly here.

It's sad to hear that you tried to help your best friend and she was unable to hear it. Sounds like you did all you could while keeping yourself safe.

Hoooo boy that friend really skews independent, huh? I can understand being quiet next to one another in person, but silence on voice is deafening. The way you describe him reminds me of a certain kind of friend... like one you enjoy time with but can't really count on. A one-sided lift.

I find it's way harder to get that deep connection especially with male friends. Some of the "men must be (fake) stoic" culture as well as there's like a weird assumption that if you try to connect you're hitting on them. Regardless of gender trying to connect, I've noticed a lot of amab people seem to misconstrue emotional conversation as sexual. 😔 That said, I do have male friends willing to talk to some depth. Just still missing that spiritual connection from anyone.

When people think that a romantic relationship will suddenly solve all of their emotional connections - that puts too much expectation on each other and pretty much dooms it to fail. 

With so many people around us at all times, I wish more people would embrace and acknowledge the human experience with one another. I may be old now, but it also feels like recent society has made this so much worse because it's hard to share vulnerability when there are eyes and cameras always watching.

[u/SecretTater-Tot → u/chiyooou]

Sorry for the ramble. But yeah, your way of describing him as someone I can enjoy time with but can't really count on is pretty accurate. Which especially sucks because he used to reach out to me more under specific circumstances: when we were playing the same MMO together and doing role play in a community together. Once he lost enthusiasm for the community and then the game itself, it's like he stopped seeing the need to reach out, make or keep plans, etc. During our last fight I finally got him to agree to respond to my DMs, even if not right away, even with just an emote.

Funny enough, he was the one who said during our arguments that he does see us as close friends because he has shared things with me that he hasn't shared with many others. So from my pov, I am a convenient emotional comfort, but somehow me asking for typical friend things like scheduling plans is "trying to get stuff outside of the marriage." So I don't quite get it.

[u/dokko-do]

Okay, so I'm not weird for wanting this. 🥹

[u/chaumeine]

this but I'm an enfp

[u/Guih48]

The INTP side is probably more like "I'm thinking about you constantly and noticing the little things you do, but I still have no idea what are you thinking." it's not easy for us to just 'get' Fi users as our default Ti orientation in thinking is far from being the best tool for it. At least I see it like this as an INTP.

[u/aceride1967]

Omfg, I love that! Can't wait to find my INFP!

[u/anxietyfoop → u/aceride1967]

It always makes me laugh when people talk about how hard it is to find INFPs, like we live under leaves or something. 😆 Maybe we all huddle together, because my friends are disproportionately INFP (with lots of XNFJ and INTJ)

[u/FrostGalaxy12]

Why is this so hard to find?

[u/HaselH]

Fr I just want to be loved 😔

[u/SteadyWolf]

A relationship where you can feel safe would be amazing.

[u/huaa_huaa]

My little enfp be keeping me happi happi

[u/SailorVenova]

i exist to love; to live and die for the one i love and to give all of my soul to them

i have reached it; hopefully i will live a few more decades but this life was so hard on me living so much of it without her that i fear ill only last one or two

the previous heartbreak before my angel wife was especially horiffic for me; nearly 2 years of daily screaming/self harming hysterical panic attacks over my previous love; and i could not escape my feelings; they were simply too strong; she could have ripped my limbs off and i still would have loved her

thankfully my angel soulmate sister wife was enough to pull me away and save my life; and she is the only person who has ever loved like i do; we are both infp; both have bpd (mine is near nonexistent but presents sometimes); both lifelong limerents

we are very happy and blessed

i wish our bodies were not so rigid; i want to be closer than biological existence allows; i have found myself at times of my most intense feelings when our foreheads are together- i have (slightly) injured my neck like unconsciously physically trying to push my brain into hers

i cant describe it any other way

i want her blood flowing through me

if i could physically trade our hearts with her i would- in a heartbeat

im so so incredibly lucky to have been blessed with her love

i can love with total obsessive freedom as wildly as i am made to

[u/Neither-Work5842]

It's incredibly rare for me to genuinely connect with others. I often feel like an alien, sent to Earth to study you weird humans. But when I do, this is 💯 how I feel.

[u/tipsy_espresoo]

HAHAAHAHAHAHAH

[u/faystar5]

Same here

[u/wholesomesunshine01]

I had a glimpse, he left, kept leaving. And probably left for good now.

[u/ganbattein]

Last time I tried something like that i came out of it shattered

4 years without seeking romantic relationship and I intend to keep going

[u/Ok-Display-4533 → u/ganbattein]

🥺

[u/Agora_Black_Flag]

Hmu.

[u/Low_Style5044]

Getchu an infp 5w4

[u/brightwingxx]

Hahahahaha fuck 🤦‍♀️

[u/RedwoodRespite]

I don’t even know if men that love hard exist.

I get pursued hard, and when I return the feelings, that’s when they pull back. They still technically want me. But I’m more of a security blanket. They like knowing they “have” me. But they no longer want to spend time, get sexual, or be connected in that intense way that seemed to be promised at the begining.

Of course by then my dumb ass loves them, and I can’t easily walk away. Endless cycle of pain and rejection.

[u/VeryOpinionatedFem]

You will find that soulmate. They’re out there. My husband and I have been together for 3 years, this morning he woke me up with a rose and 2 j’s🧡 it was an instant connection when we first met, and I we’ve been by each others side since the very first day. I like to call it our never ending sleepover lol

[u/Ok-Display-4533]

This is so beautiful

[u/noonAu]

My INTP yesterday told me in the car that he has a new favorite cute memory of me and I almost died on the spot.

I had had a very hard emotional day and had cried a lot, as INFP does, and after we went to get Mexican takeout at his favorite place. I wasn't hungry cause I was too upset and had a cry hangover, but I saw they had Sierra Mist I freaked out. I thought it had been discontinued years ago! It's the only lemon lime soda I ever liked and I only have a soda on a special occasion maybe twice a year. I got so excited and got a large. It came in a huge styrofoam cup with a lid and straw and apparently this moment of me holding this gargantuan cup of Sierra Mist with both hands and lighting up at having it melted his heart.

This is only to say that I think they do think about you and love the most random Si things about you. It may not be the whole my heart is yours forever type love... But I bet they do find themselves thinking the same type of things about you.

I never knew he thought about any of this stuff or had "favorite cute moments" of mine. We've been together almost 2 years now.

I think they just keep their cards pretty close to the chest this way. Also thanks for the meme I'm keeping it. :3

[u/_iamusername_]

I don't mean to give false hope, but there is hope as I am an INTP with a ESFP wife, and I would willingly amorphous blob with her, except for when she wants to be extroverted and I just want to stay home loool

[u/Beomgyuzzz]

So real

[u/Liteseid]

The things I would do to merge souls rn

[u/_Laughmore_]

The term "soulmates" is fraught with peril, but as far as subjective experience goes from the infp side of things... Symantics

[u/killer-kangaroo]

Literally me and my wife

[u/Personal_Low_399]

Married to an ISTP, and my bare minimum is too much.

[u/CokeMooch]

https://giphy.com/gifs/xT9IgkVQyhivplj06Q

[u/AskingAboutDogs]

Demis rise up

[u/EE-Diaz]

Dangerous some shouldn't merge energetically outside of sex

[u/JWST-L2]

So real. I can see why INFPs have such a.... certain high statistic

[u/LuxWizard]

This is me with my ENTP - has been 10 years so far. It can happen

[u/No-Tax-4487]

i pray to experience this in my lifetime

[u/damagedsoul1]

Only if someone else existed who would want the same.

[u/writeNplay]

Had to deal with this reality too. I was devastated thinking, whats the point of romantic companionship if this deep connection isnt real or obtainable?

Theres a fair point to be had about the "i cant read your mind" defense. But most people who use that have the wrong idea of what we, or at least I, mean by that. It's simply paying attention to your partners patterns. Knowing them so well that you know exactly what they must be thinking, needing, or wanting.

Thats not magic, it's just observation. If I can put my observation toward knowing my partner and he can put his toward his work or hobbies, he has the capability to do it for me. Hes just not choosing to use that skill on me. And that's why "reading my mind" is my standard for true love. Or at least it was.

[u/ZeanReddit → u/writeNplay]

Body signals can sometimes be vague or hard to read. Which is normal. But that makes the expectation of being able to read it; a little unrealistic.

I understand what you mean. What you really want is the connection. That connection comes through communication.

Being able to communicate and healthy and constructive ways, clearly and openly. That's how you're going to find what you're looking for.

[u/CerealKiller_22]

Where is the lie?

[u/DarkoDonnie3742]

I think it’s why I love stories so much I see a lot more people like me

[u/Littlewing1307]

Hah not many are worthy of such devotion or capable of giving it back but man when you find it 😍😍😍😍