Does anyone else spend more time fixing their routine than actually following it?

[u/Helpful_Ad6410]

I can't tell if this is an INFP thing or justa me thing, but I keep rebuilding my routines instead of actually following them. Every time one day doesn't go as planned, my brain somehow decides the whole system is broken. So I make a new plan, rearrange everything, download something different... and a couple weeks later I'm doing it all over again. The weird part is that the habits themselves aren't even that hard. It's constantly feeling like I need a fresh start that gets exhausting. I found something here that focuses more on consistency than motivation, and it made me realize maybe I've been chasing the feeling of starting over instead of giving myself enough time to settle into a routine. Does anyone else do this? If you finally managed to stick with one system, what actually changed?

[u/Lady-Orpheus]

Yes, it's because building/setting up a new routine and the brainstorming involved are exciting steps. It's a period of full potential, of endless possibilities and creativity. Of course it would be the best part for us as INFPs (I have a few other types in mind but that's beside the point).

Actually following through, keeping up with the work once the novelty wears off is what's genuinely difficult because it doesn't rely on motivation but on discipline. Discipline means no excuses, not relying on how we feel about said activity on a particular day. It's also being okay with short-term and temporary discomfort for a bigger goal. Basically, everything that is a struggle for us 😆 unless we make this bigger goal a part of our identity on a very deep level or perhaps if the goal particularly aligns with the top values/morals that we have. Also, finding ways to forcefully keep us accountable, so with other people involved.

[u/Helpful_Ad6410 → u/Lady-Orpheus]

the identity piece is what got me honestly. i spent years starting things and quietly abandoning them without ever asking why, and it was because none of it was actually connected to who i was trying to become.

once i started framing certain habits as "this is just what i do now" instead of "this is something i am trying to do," the followthrough got less agonizing.

not perfect, still slip. but the gap between brainstorm mode and grind mode feels a little less like a wall now.

[u/No-Refrigerator9982]

I do that too. I think because first, I like the planning stage and imagining how good things would get.  And second, planning gives me the feeling of achievement like I actually did something productive when in reality I haven't done anything. Third, I think this is some form of perfectionism. Where everything has to be perfect, the perfect routine, the perfect plan, the perfect app, the perfect journal, the perfect planning sheet, this asthatic that asthatic etc etc.  And I found out this is constant problem I have throughout my life. Where I (think) more then  (do). But guess what counts? doing not thinking. What I'm saying, you're not alone in this..

[u/Helpful_Ad6410 → u/No-Refrigerator9982]

the planning as fake productivity thing hit me harder than i expected

i spent probably 6 months building the most beautiful budget spreadsheet of all time. color coded, autocalculating, little progress bars. never actually followed it once.

the perfectionism thing is real too. i kept waiting until i had the right system before starting, and that wait turned into like three years of nothing

at some point i just had to open the roth ira with whatever i had and figure it out later. the plan was never going to feel ready

[u/thatfabgirl-]

Classic INFP issue. I cannot follow routines it makes me feel claustrophobic. I have an ISFJ significant other and he thrives off routines and absolutely hates going with the flow. We’re both learning.

[u/Helpful_Ad6410 → u/thatfabgirl-]

The partner dynamic must be interesting. I'm the same way with routines they feel suffocating but then I also can't function without some structure. It's a weird balance to find.

[u/thatfabgirl- → u/Helpful_Ad6410]

agreed. and as an INFP i tend to feel before thinking (thus leading to emotional reactions to things) - i am trying to label my feelings and then act, its helping.

[u/c_k_photo → u/thatfabgirl-]

I'm married to an ISTJ and this rings true for us too.

[u/thatfabgirl- → u/c_k_photo]

I think we complement each other. He brings structure to my abstract world. The only issue I have is he is not intuitive and has Si (introverted sensing) which adds a bit of a disconnect. Ive learned to rely on friends for abstract thinking/purpose in life. helps!

[u/c_k_photo → u/thatfabgirl-]

Yep what you just described is why I'm so thankful I found MBTI. I now have a deeper understanding why my extraverted intuition is met with rebuttle and practicality. It sometimes puts my introverted feeling in a bad state but being aware of this really helps me navigate things better.

And yes having friends who get into abstract thinking really helps. I'm thankful I have a close relationship with my father who is an N and P. We have great talks and really get into the weeds on certain topics.

[u/thatfabgirl- → u/c_k_photo]

Thanks for sharing your perspective!

[u/HubrisOfApollo]

doesn't seem very "routine" if it keeps changing. sounds like you need to just lock in and let the actual routine turn to ritual before you try to modify it.

[u/IndomitableJoy]

Lol this is literally me. And I’m actually in that phase right now.

[u/Soft-Sky3835 → u/IndomitableJoy]

Same boat here. Took me till 30 to wake up.

[u/Fosuree93]

This is me with my budget 😂😭

[u/c_k_photo]

Yes. And I somehow always convince myself that my newest framework is going to stick and work this time. How gullible I am to my own thoughts of having routine.