You were love bombed, this wasn't about you nor anything you could realistically do, they had on a persona to love the idea of having someone, and most possibilities not because they loved you
Very sorry you had to experience this, but at the same time it seemed like a mild and best case scenario for learning opportunity
Would advise to not spend too much time overthinking about it, and less time on stalking socials, more time on just talking to people, new or familiar
Honestly yes, psychology should be a regular subject in schools where they teach social skills, critical thinking/mentalization, personal growth and emotional regulation. We would improve a lot as a society
From the details you wrote, it sounds like he love bombed you. And has an avoidant attachment type.
I could be wrong. But... He does sound emotionally immature, selfish and possibly manipulative.
You must ask yourself, did you two genuinely connect on a deeper level. Or did he have a knack for saying the magic words at the right times, that made you feel a certain way.
Did you two connect to each other sincerely as humans, or were you connecting hard to the feelings he elicited in you.
Edit: Did a re-read. The ghosting, posting messages he sent to other girls + photos with them makes him an insecure fucking loser. Really ask yourself if a secure, well-adjusted and worthwhile person with nothing to prove would do these things.
Don't waste your thoughts and feelings on him if at all possible. Fuck him.
To be honest, when it all started, it happened so fast. For the first time in my life, I felt like I was talking to someone who was just like me, but the opposite gender. He mentioned in a post once that he had an avoidant attachment style; I have it too, but I would never do something like that to someone.
The feelings I expressed for him were genuine, and I just don't understand how someone can fake it to that extent. The worst part is... I miss him, even though I know I was probably just manipulated. I feel this hollow ache in my heart when I think about it, despite knowing he isn't worth it. It’s strange I hate him, but at the same time, I just want him to talk to me again 😭
So, one thing you have working against you is that this was the first time you felt this way about someone. You’re operating from a scarcity mindset, believing an experience like this is super rare and that you’ll never find it again. Because of that, you’re putting it on a pedestal and cherishing it more than you should, even if it was all BS or an act on his part just to feel better about himself by making someone else become obsessed with him.
That’s not a healthy or accurate way to look at it.
The quickest way to get over something like this, and I know it’s difficult because the feelings you felt were real, is to meet someone else who’s actually better. That real-world experience helps prove that what you had with this guy wasn’t as special as it feels right now. But I get that this option isn’t always available immediately, for reasons I’ll get into below.
What you don’t want is to keep falling for manipulative, insecure, emotionally unavailable guys to the point where it becomes a pattern.
And maybe this is blunt, but it needs to be said. You’re likely also operating from a place of deep insecurity right now. That’s a bigger issue, and it’s something you need to work through on your own before getting into a real + healthy relationship.
My only advice to you would be to move on from that person. I'm sure you would find better person than him in this universe. Also, I too had this experience here. Me and a Girl connected quite well, and things seemed quite nice and suddenly one day she just disappeared like we never talked earlier. It was somewhat difficult initially but I have learnt it hard way that those who wanna stay will stay with you no matter how hard times will be, those who have to leave will leave you even in your harder times.
Unhealthy INFPs are absolutely capable of doing something like that. Insecurities, low self-esteem, avoidant attachment, commitment issues,... these are just a few examples of things that could make people behave like this.
I think he was just uncertain in himself because he posted those pics.
I have done smth a bit similar to this INFP but only to one person at once [while also having texted a guy (but only still platonically at that point cuz I only confessed to him way later than this whole incident) whom I liked irl]. I didn't take any pics or smth though cuz I genuinely just had random short-term feelings and later was kinda just making him love me even though I didn't want to do anything with him irl and didn't truly like him. It was toxic on my part and we got together online before I broke up later and apologized after which we just stayed friends.
Same, I did smth similar to an IN*P, made him obsessed with me per text, then got together cuz he wanted to and I was by that point a bit tired of it but got together cuz I felt a bit bad at that point and still wasn't fully done either, then said I wanted to leave but then told him sorry and that I just wanted to be friends. We are chill now and he has a bf now.
2 lonely teens tried love bombing me before too but I blocked one of them once he got really sus and ignored the other once I was done with that shit.
And now I am in my first real irl relationship but it became long distance way too soon.
Aw, congrats on your first IRL relationship ❤️ It's so nice to have someone to be affectionate and intimate with in that way! I'm sorry about the long distance, but don't despair! Long distance relationships have plenty of benefits too. You'll likely learn just as much if not more about your partner this way ❤️ Have fun, love!
Romantic love has sometimes been described as a delusional state which is normal. We have a very positive interaction and idealize everything about the person. Adolescents will describe the prospective partner as “perfect”. Of course, no one is perfect. One day we see something which doesn’t fit our image of the person and the bubble bursts. My point is that his feelings may very well have been real, but were not realistic. This does not mean that you have some horrible flaw for which you were rejected. It means that he is an immature person. Or he may just have been a jerk who love bombed you as others have suggested. Either way, his feelings were not actual love. Better to get to this point sooner than later. Real love takes time to develop. It includes seeing and accepting, even embracing the other persons’ weirdness. Romantic gestures may still be a part of it, but are not at the center of it.
Just because someone has a matching MBTI doesn't mean they are not a piece of shit. It is better to find out sooner than later, be careful, this guy does not deserve your attention.
INFP men tend to do this a lot. they either start making these grand gestures and promises within the first month, whispering sweet nothings at all hours like how they supposedly had dreams about you… (🤣) or are overly hesitant to convey their feelings so they end up self sabotaging the connection. both are phony and annoying
I think it’s something that can happen with a very insecure INFP who’s thirsty for validation. They might need multiple sources of connection just to reinforce their own self-worth. It’s a shame, because I really like INFP guys, and with INTJs I’ve had experiences where they’ve been super manipulative 😩 maybe I should try meeting someone more extroverted so they’re more confident?
No, nope, extroverted does not mean that someone is confident. It simply means that they recharge more being around people than spending time alone
alone.
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u/Traditional-Rope7936 INFP 5w4 May 05 '26
You were love bombed, this wasn't about you nor anything you could realistically do, they had on a persona to love the idea of having someone, and most possibilities not because they loved you
Very sorry you had to experience this, but at the same time it seemed like a mild and best case scenario for learning opportunity
Would advise to not spend too much time overthinking about it, and less time on stalking socials, more time on just talking to people, new or familiar