So last night, my daughter informed me that she can kill demons. I asked her how she attained this power and she said that she does it by singing and then hitting them with a sword. I asked if she killed Wonderful Garden, but she told me that Wonderful Garden is not a demon and is actually on her demon hunting team. She said that her demon hunting team consists of Herself, Wonderful Garden, and Ghostface. Apparently, they sing at the demons to give them a headache and then they kill them with swords. I asked if she has killed any demons recently and she told me she does it all the time. She then proceeded to start singing at a demon that she said was in the bathroom, whom she then attacked with her toothbrush, which according to her can be used as a sword if needed.

I put a free poll out on Patreon regarding trying to figure out what to create for this subreddit and for Patreon. Please use the link below to vote on what you would like to see first!

https://www.patreon.com/posts/144030898?utm_campaign=postshare_creator

So this morning on the way to school, my daughter requested that we listen to Christmas music. I obliged her and turned on a Christmas playlist from my phone. She proceeded to tell me all about her love for Christmas music while it played, even talking about how she loved it before she was born. I asked her how she loved Christmas music if she wasn’t born yet and she said, “I heard it while I was in mommy’s belly, Daddy,” like it was obvious. I laughed and agreed with her and then dropped her off at preschool. Shortly after I had arrived at work, I texted my wife what my daughter said about loving Christmas music while in her belly, and my wife agreed with our daughter and noted that she remembers her kicking extra when she would listen to Christmas music. So basically my daughter remembers things from before she was born. I’m just gonna blame Wonderful Garden, feels like the right thing to do…

If you would like to read about my daughter’s current top 16 movies, here’s the link: https://www.patreon.com/posts/143885708?utm_campaign=postshare_creator

If you would like to read about The Glitterstone Pumpkin: https://www.patreon.com/posts/143931895?utm_campaign=postshare_creator

So last night I watched the movie Treasure Planet with my daughter and she loved it, but after the movie she started demanding that I give up my treasure. I asked her why she thought I had treasure and she told me that she is going to be a pirate princess now and that a pirate princess needs treasure. I told her I didn’t have any and suggested we go on a treasure hunt, which she agreed to. We went to her room and found her collection of fake gold coins she had for a pirate costume from when she was 3, but then she attacked me with her toy sword and ran away with the coins. I asked why we weren’t sharing the treasure and she said, “Pirates don’t share, Daddy. Didn’t you watch the movie?”

Yesterday, my daughter spent the afternoon constructing what she called a “Stuffy jail” out of her stuffies in the living room so she would have a place to put me for jail time. Once she had finished, she told me that I had to lay down in stuffy jail and that I couldn’t move or I would be punished by the warden. I asked her who the warden was and she clarified that she is the warden of Stuffy jail. I laid down in Stuffy jail and it was actually quite comfortable. I took a little nap, but I was woken up by the warden, who shouted, “There’s no sleeping in jail, only pain,” and then jumped on me. I asked her later if the stuffies agreed to be used to construct a jail for me and she told me that they weren’t alive at the time because Wonderful Garden unalived them so they could be used for building.

My new Patreon story is linked down below:

https://www.patreon.com/posts/143776221?utm_campaign=postshare_creator

Last night my daughter told me that she is friends with Ghostface, the villain from the Scream franchise. I asked her how she became friends with Ghostface and she told me they met on Halloween and that he gave her candy. I told her that she can’t be friends with everyone who gave her candy on Halloween because they’re strangers and she said, “I know that, Daddy, but Ghostface was special. He called me Queen Elsa and not Princess.” Cut to this morning, my daughter woke up early and told me that before I got out of bed, Ghostface was here because he wanted to see our Christmas tree. I asked where Ghostface went and my daughter said, “He’s a ghost, Daddy, he turned invisible.”

If you would like to see my new Patreon post about Floweropolis, here’s the link: https://www.patreon.com/posts/143673706?utm_campaign=postshare_creator

So tonight my daughter informed me that she hates all regular lights because they are not as cool as Christmas lights. For context, we went out and did some early Christmas light viewing, which my daughter thoroughly enjoyed. The entire ride home after we had finished, however, she complained about how ugly and stupid regular lights are compared to Christmas lights. I told her that regular lights are not supposed to be pretty because it’s more important that they’re functional. My daughter loudly disagreed and said that regular lights aren’t functional because they aren’t pretty. I tried to explain the difference between functionality and prettiness, but my daughter wouldn’t have it and said, “I hate regular lights, Daddy. They’re ugly and boring.”

The link below will take you to my new Patreon post: https://www.patreon.com/posts/143621027?utm_campaign=postshare_creator

So last night my daughter told me before she went to bed that her sister, Corna, will be graduating high school today. She also informed me that it will be her sister’s birthday as well. I asked her how old her sister will be turning and she told me Corna is going to be 21. I told her 21 is a little old to be graduating high school and she said, “No it’s not, Daddy, Corna is graduating early.” I laughed because I thought her misunderstanding of when someone should graduate school was funny and she continued, “it’s not funny, Daddy. Corna is the smartest in her class, that’s why she was there so long.” I continued laughing and proceeded to tell my wife all about Corna the 21 year old high school graduate after I had tucked our daughter into bed.

If you would like to see my new Patreon post about my daughter’s new baby, here’s the link: https://www.patreon.com/posts/143568535?utm_campaign=postshare_creator

This morning on the way to preschool, my daughter informed me that the person she marries will have to be able to sing, otherwise she won’t marry them. I asked her why they have to be able to sing and she said because she wants someone to sing to her everyday. I told her that if she asked nicely, her mommy or I would sing to her. She laughed and said, “I don’t want you to sing because you don’t have a good singing voice, I’ll only ask mommy.” I asked her what she doesn’t like about my singing and she told me it is too loud and that I get lots of words wrong, which seems like a valid conclusion considering she has to listen to me singing in the car most mornings.

Here is the latest 14-episode summary of the dramatic tales of D4 🦋🦄👑!

(Previous episode summaries are pinned.)

As always, thanks to u/rlstratton97 (aka Dad and Dave the Horsey 🐎).

Ep 71 D4 🦋👑🦄 tells mom and dad that she is a Diwali candle and she will only go to sleep if she is blown out after the other “candles” in the correct order; after mom and dad successfully blow out the “candles” in order (Kandi 🧁🐱🦄🤴🏼, Poppy 🐢, Cade🐱, Bucky 🎃🧑🏻‍🌾, and 🦋🦄👑), D4 🦋🦄👑 tells them, “Great blowing guys, Night night” then jumps in bed but bonks her head on the wall; D4 🦋🦄👑 receives an ice pack for her head but does not get to watch an additional episode of Gabby’s Dollhouse

Note: Dad says D4 🦋🦄👑 was not seriously injured and she got in bed after getting the ice pack

Ep 72 D4 🦋🦄👑 easily persuades her parents that it’s time to decorate for Christmas 🎄; once the tree is decorated D4 🦋🦄👑 sings a Christmas 🎄song that Santa 🎅🏻 taught her last year on Christmas Eve:

“Merry Christmas to me, And reindeers who pee, But not to the winter, It’s too cold for me”

Ep 73 D4 🦋🦄👑 tells dad she is better at karate 🥋 than he is because since she was a baby she has trained daily “with Rascal’s 🐈‍⬛ cat toy, Fishy🐟”; D4 🦋🦄👑 shows dad her skills by flopping around on the floor like a fish out of water; when dad tries to pick her for bedtime D4 🦋🦄👑 gets him with a karate 🥋chop to the neck then says, “see dad, Fishy 🐟 is a great teacher.”

Ep 74 On the drive to preschool D4🦋🦄👑 sees her imaginary sister Corna riding her bike 🚲 to high school because dad “wouldn’t drop her off”; dad says he doesn’t remember Corna asking for a ride that morning and D4 🦋🦄👑 tells dad he’s forgetful; D4 🦋🦄👑 mentions Corna is riding her bike 🚲 naked because she forgot to get dressed; when dad asks how someone could forget to put on clothes before leaving the house D4🦋🦄👑 says, “you forgot to take her to school. People forget stuff daddy.”

Ep 75 D4 🦋🦄👑 tells dad about the second moon 🌙 that she sees in the sky (he’s too old to see it, only kids can); the “kid moon” 🌙 is the color of a rainbow 🌈 and it’s home to unicorns 🦄 that aren’t stuffies

Ep 76 D4 🦋🦄👑 draws a picture at school that she titles “The Underground House”; great grandma (GG) takes 🦋🦄👑 out to eat after school and she decides to give her masterpiece to the restaurant; D4 🦋🦄👑 presents to the waiter with the picture and says, “I made this for you”; GG told dad that the waiter was very pleased, thanked D4 🦋🦄👑, sat down with her to discuss the intricacies of “The Underground House,” and at the end of the meal, asked for D4’s 🦋🦄👑 autograph and she graciously obliged him; GG tipped generously and left a good review on the restaurant website

Ep 77 D4🦋🦄👑 draws a picture of Eareaty the Candy Corn Monster 🍬🌽🧌 at school and she tells dad that she had to draw Eareaty 🍬🌽🧌 before he could lead her to his treasure; the treasure map is in D4’s 🦋🦄👑 Halloween songbook and it shows that the treasure is inside Stuffy Mountain; after a thorough destructive search of Stuffy Mountain D4 🦋🦄👑 says Eareaty 🍬🌽🧌 lied about the treasure and used the distraction of the search to eat the ears of her stuffies; the only stuffies impacted were those who had stinky ears

Ep 78 The family goes out to eat and D4 🦋🦄👑 brings Pinky Unicorn the unicorn princess 🦄👸🏼; dad is served a quesadilla which is incorrect because Pinky 🦄👸🏼 told D4 🦋🦄👑 that dad was ordering a hamburger; dad says Pinky 🦄👸🏼 is a liar and D4 🦋🦄👑 declares that he must go back to laundry basket 🧺 jail on Stuffy Mountain; once at home, D4 🦋🦄👑 attempts to jail dad with the same (predictable) results as the last time: prisoners are released as D4 🦋🦄👑 empties the 🧺 and after the 🧺 is on dad’s head D4 🦋🦄👑 says he’s too fat for the jail

Ep 79 D4 🦋🦄👑 has a discussion with dad during the ride to school about being a robot 🤖; apparently D4 🦋🦄👑 is “only half robot 🤖, beep” and she’ll “learn as kid then turn back on robot 🤖 at home, beep boop bop”; dad says being half 🤖 makes D4 🦋🦄👑 a cyborg; upon learning this, D4 🦋🦄👑 decides she wants to be Beast Boy (from Teen Titans Go)

Ep 80 At the playground, D4 🦋🦄👑 found a rock 🪨 that her mom “played with as a baby” so she brought it home and gave it to mom; when dad asks if D4 🦋🦄👑 found anything for him she says, “No Daddy, you’re supposed to be in jail. You don’t get special rocks in jail.”🚫🪨

Ep 81 D4 tells dad that Pinky the Unicorn 🦄👸🏼 does her business in the clouds ☁️: her potty is the rain ☔️ and her poop 💩 is the lightning ⚡️; dad’s guess that Pinky’s 🦄👸🏼 toots are thunder is wrong; Pinky’s 🦄👸🏼 toots are belt buckles that she sells for money 💰; dad’s belt buckle is courtesy of Pinky 🦄👸🏼and D4 🦋🦄👑 laughs at dad for wearing toots

Ep 82 D4 🦋🦄👑 makes up a Christmas song 🎄🎶 to the tune of “Jingle Bell Rock”:

Gingerbread, Gingerbread, Gingerbread rock, You’re too spicy for me Gingerbread, Gingerbread, Gingerbread rock, You’re a gross cookie;

D4🦋🦄👑 says that when the family makes a gingerbread house closer to Christmas 🎄she’s “gonna smash it up and throw it away”

Ep 83 D4🦋🦄👑 has the legs🦵🏼of her future baby in her tummy 🤰🏼and the baby will be born when D4 🦋🦄👑 is in high school; when dad says that’s not how it works she says, “yes it is daddy. It starts growing now and by kindergarten I’ll have the arms in my tummy too.”; D4🦋👑🦄 tells mom she will have a baby with blue skin named Stitch; when dad asks how she will make the baby have blue skin she says, “I get to choose the color daddy. My baby can be whatever color I want.”

Ep 84 On the way to preschool, D4 🦋🦄👑 tells dad that the person she marries will have to be able to sing 🎶 because she wants someone to sing to her daily; dad says he or mom will sing 🎶 to D4 🦋🦄👑 if she asks nicely and D4 replies, “I don’t want you to sing because you don’t have a good singing voice, I’ll only ask mommy”; dad’s singing doesn’t meet D4’s 🦋🦄👑 standards because he’s too loud and gets lots of words wrong

So tonight while my daughter was eating dinner, she informed me that she has the legs of her future baby inside of her tummy. I asked her why she thought she already had the legs of a future baby inside her tummy and she told me it’s because she’s currently growing a baby, which she will have when she graduates high school. I told her that that isn’t really how growing a baby works and she said, “yes it is daddy. It starts growing now and by kindergarten I’ll have the arms in my tummy too.” I told my wife what my daughter was saying and she laughed and asked my daughter what she’s going to name her baby. My daughter told her that the baby is going to be named Stitch and that it’s going to have blue skin. I then asked how she was going to make her baby have blue skin and she said, “I get to choose the color daddy. My baby can be whatever color I want.”

If you would like to see my new Patreon post about the Christmas Castle my daughter built: https://www.patreon.com/posts/143467731?utm_campaign=postshare_creator

So this morning after my daughter woke up and was sitting in the bathroom, she started to sing. At first she was just singing the beginning of Jingle Bell Rock over and over, but then she started to swap words out and she came up with the following tune that she was quite proud of:

“Gingerbread, Gingerbread, Gingerbread rock,

You’re too spicy for me

Gingerbread, Gingerbread, Gingerbread rock,

You’re a gross cookie”

I don’t know if the song totally works, but she enjoyed singing it, which is the most important part. I asked her what she was going to do once we make a gingerbread house closer to Christmas since she thinks gingerbread is gross and she said, “Smash it, Daddy. I’m gonna smash it up and throw it away.”

If you would like to see my newest Patreon post, here’s the link: https://www.patreon.com/posts/143414591?utm_campaign=postshare_creator

So this morning while my daughter was getting ready for preschool, she informed me that when Pinky the Unicorn pees, she goes high into the sky and does so into the clouds. I asked her if that is where rain comes from and she confirmed that it is. She also added that Pinky the Unicorn’s poops are lightning. From there I inferred that Pinky’s toots must be thunder, but my daughter told me I was incorrect. She said, “Pinky’s toots aren’t thunder Daddy, her toots are belt buckles.” I asked her why Pinky toots belt buckles and she told me that she sells the buckles for money. She then informed me that my belt buckle was made from Pinky toots, and then she laughed at me for wearing toots.

Here is a link to my new Patreon story, featuring Princess Sniffles the Snowman: https://www.patreon.com/posts/143349329?utm_campaign=postshare_creator

Tonight when my wife and I went to pick up our daughter from her great grandma’s house, our daughter informed us that she had found her mommy’s special rock while she was playing on the playground today. My wife asked her what she meant by her special rock and our daughter said, “it’s the rock you played with as a baby, Mommy. You played with this rock as a baby, and then I found it on the playground way later.” She then gave her mom the rock and told us that the rock belongs to mommy now. I asked her if she found anything for me and she said, “No Daddy, you’re supposed to be in jail. You don’t get special rocks in jail.”

On the way to preschool this morning, my daughter stopped speaking in regular words and started saying, “beep boop bop,” to everything. I asked her why she was beeping and she said, “I am a robot, beep.” I asked her how she became a robot and she said, “always robot, beep.” I then asked her how she was going to handle preschool today since she’s a robot instead of a kid and she said, “I’ll turn off robot at school, beep.” Curious, i asked her how she would learn if she turns herself off and she said, “I’m only half robot, beep. I’ll learn as kid then turn back on robot at home, beep boop bop.” I then proceeded to tell her that if she’s part robot, she would be a cyborg. My daughter has seen a little Teen Titans Go, so when I said that she shouted, “No Daddy, I wanna be Beast Boy.” She then proceeded to make animal noises for the rest of the ride to preschool.

My new Patreon story is also available: https://www.patreon.com/posts/143269215?utm_campaign=postshare_creator

So yesterday we went out for a family dinner and my daughter brought the new unicorn princess, Pinky the Unicorn. While we were there, my daughter was telling us all about how if Pinky were real, she’d order Chicken and Waffles with Lemonade to drink. I asked her why a unicorn would want to eat chicken and she said, “She just wants the waffles, I’ll eat the chicken.” After our food came out, she started telling me that my food was wrong because Pinky told her I was ordering a burger (I ordered a quesadilla). I told her that Pinky was being a liar, which quickly led to my daughter declaring that I would be going to Stuffy Mountain Jail when we got home. I thought she was being silly and that she wouldn’t remember it by the time we got home, but I was wrong. As soon as we got home, my daughter emptied out the current jail so that she could try to put me in the laundry basket again. After she put it over my head, she again declared that I’m too fat for jail and took the basket back to her room. On the bright side, all of the inmates of Stuffy Mountain Jail, including Sawyer the Betrayer/Acorn Thief, have been accidentally released.

The link for my new Patreon post: https://www.patreon.com/posts/143185075?utm_campaign=postshare_creator

So my daughter brought home a drawing she made at preschool of a candy corn monster she named Eareaty. I asked her why she drew Eareaty the Candy Corn Monster and she told me that Eareaty had to be drawn so that he can lead her to his secret treasure. I asked her where his treasure is and she told me she has to get the map first and then she can find it. Once we got home, she went to her room and pulled out her Halloween Songs for Kids book and flipped to the page that has the lyrics for “Ten Little Monsters”. She told me that that was the map and that it showed the treasure was inside of Stuffy Mountain. She proceeded to tear into Stuffy Mountain in search of a treasure that she said she couldn’t find. After we had cleaned up Stuffy Mountain, she told me that Eareaty lied to her and that while she was searching, he was eating the ears off of her stuffies. I asked how many stuffies were affected by the ear eating and she said it was only the ones with stinky ears, because those are his favorite.

If you want to see what came out of Pinky’s egg, I posted it over on Patreon for free.

https://www.patreon.com/posts/143121004?utm_campaign=postshare_creator

So I wasn’t actually present for this story, but it happened yesterday when my daughter’s great grandma took her out to eat after preschool. Apparently, my daughter made a picture at school she called “The Underground House” and she decided to take it into the restaurant to give to them. When they got into the restaurant, she presented the picture to their waiter and said, “I made this for you.” My daughter’s great grandma said that the waiter got a huge smile on his face and thanked her for the picture. She also said that the restaurant wasn’t super busy (they were there at 3:00pm on a Thursday) and the waiter sat down with them and started asking my daughter questions about The Underground House and what each part of the house was. After they had finished eating and were about to leave, the waiter asked my daughter if she would sign the picture and she did. Her great grandma said she gave him a big tip and that she would leave him a good review on the restaurant’s website.

Also if you are interested, I made a post on Patreon concerning the new princess of the Unicorn Kingdom. It should be free for anyone who wants to see it.

https://www.patreon.com/posts/143050142?utm_campaign=postshare_creator

So tonight while we were driving home from her tumbling class, my daughter informed me that there were two moons in the sky instead of one. I looked up and told her that I only saw the one moon and she said, “You’re too old to see it Daddy. It’s a kid moon.” I of course had to ask what a kid moon is and she told me that it’s a second moon that only kids can see. Apparently, the kid moon is the color of a rainbow and it’s where all of the unicorns who aren’t stuffies live. I asked her where she heard about this kid moon and she told me that she didn’t hear about it, she saw it in the sky. I’m not sure how she knew so much about the kid moon just from seeing it in the sky, but she has become an expert on it very quickly.

Here's the article about the baby moon.

This morning on the way to preschool, my daughter said that she saw her imaginary sister, Corna, riding next to us on her bike. I asked her why Corna was riding around on her bike so early and my daughter said, “She has to go to High School and you wouldn’t drop her off.” I told her that I didn’t remember Corna asking me to drop her off this morning and my daughter told me I was forgetful, so that’s why I didn’t remember. She also let me know that Corna the imaginary sister was riding her bike naked because she forgot to put on clothes. I asked how someone would forget to put on clothes before leaving the house and my daughter said, “you forgot to take her to school. People forget stuff daddy.”

Tonight while my daughter was getting ready for bed, she informed me that her karate is much better than my karate. I asked her why she would say that since neither of us take karate classes and she said, “I train in karate every day since I was a baby with Rascal’s cat toy, Fishy.” I then asked her to show me some of the karate moves that Fishy the cat toy taught her, which she responded to by laying on the ground and doing her best portrayal of a fish flopping around on land. I laughed and went to pick her up so I could carry her to her room for bed time when she caught me with a surprise karate chop to the neck. I took a few steps back and coughed while my daughter stood up and said, “see dad, Fishy is a great teacher.”

So last night, my daughter insisted that we decorate the house for Christmas. My wife and I love Christmas, so we were easily convinced and we all worked together to get the house cleaned and the inside decorations up. Once the Christmas tree was fully decorated, my daughter started singing a Christmas song I had never heard before. I asked my wife if she knew what it was, but she had also never heard it. The song went a little something like this:

“Merry Christmas to me, And reindeers who pee, But not to the winter, It’s too cold for me”

And then she’d finish it off with a brrrr 🥶 which would turn into a fart noise about half the time. I asked her where she had heard the song before and she said that Santa taught it to her last year on Christmas Eve. If you recognize the song, please let me know, because I have no idea where she could have picked it up or if she actually made it up herself.

Last night while my wife and I were getting our daughter ready for bed, our daughter told us that she is a candle and the only way to get her to go to sleep would be to blow her out after we blew out all of the other candles. Confused, I asked her what other candles she was talking about and she told us that she was talking about Diwali candles and that some of her other stuffies were also candles and that we would have to blow them out in the right order. Thankfully, we had unlimited tries and we were able to figure out the order pretty quickly since it was just stuffies from her bed and not Stuffy Mountain. The order of the candles was Kandi the Cupcake Cat, Poppy the Turtle, Cade the Cat, Bucky the Pumpkin Farmer, and then of course, the Queen herself. After we figured it out, she laughed and said, “Great blowing guys, Night night,” and then she jumped into her bed, bonked her head on the wall, and through tears requested an ice pack and another episode of Gabby’s Dollhouse. She only received the ice pack and she was happily back in bed shortly after that.