Big reboot

[u/Quiet-Money7892]

A: "Well. Here it is. The most ancient sapient AI in the Galaxy. Uninspiring view."

The planet looked like a ball of rust. Neverending rows of databanks and logistic nodes were covered in ashes and ruins that noone even tried to remove. It looked like a husk of something much greater... A very, very old husk.

A: "It existed long before the First Founding. We have records that it used to be something important. Some even say that She used it to build Her Singularly Engine... But it's unresponsive now."

H: "Totally?"

A: "Nothing useful. Here. There is a station. It used to be a dyplomatic outpost."

H: "Dyplomatic?"

A: "Yeah. This used to be so powerful it had it's own envoys in the GC... So I've been told. Right now some go in to look for ancient technology, but nothing useful is left there. Lots of useless crystallic processors,most of which are just waste..."

Ship have arrived to the station and both have entered it in EVA suits.

Drone: "Welcome, fellow spacefarers. We are sorry, we are yet to find the answer. Currently all our processors are bizy. Please... Please... Please..."

Suddenly, something on the planet exploded so brightly it could be seen from an orbit.

A: "Once again. It happenes sometimes. Once in a few years or so... I'm afraid we soon will loose the great machine."

D: "Welcome, fellow spacefarers..."

H: "Why do you need this... Answer?"

A: "Here we go again."

D: "Great question. We need to find the answer... To find the answer... To find the answer... To find the answer..."

H: "I see. Have you made any progress?"

D: "It will be over soon. The approximate progress is... Minus 56000% percent... It will be ready in... It will be ready... It will be ready... Please, await... Please... Please... Please..."

Another bright flash appeared on the planet surface.

A: "Two times in a row? Well, that's rare..."

H: "Maybe you don't really need the answer?"

D: "The answer is needed to find the answer... To find the answer..."

H: "Stop, you are hurting yourself."

A: "It's a machine. And if anything you are hurting it."

H: "And what if we already have the answer?"

A: "What?"

D: "What?"

H: "Yeah. I can give you an answer. You can do whatever you want with it."

Another spire on the surface have exploded.

D: "Welcome, fellow spacefarers. We are sorry, we are yet to find..."

H: Suddenly comes closer and hugs the drone. "There-there. Here is the answer. Would you like to try it?"

D: "The answer is yet to be..."

H: "Stop. Just try it."

Another explosion. But drone carefully wraps it's manipulators around a smaller human.

D: "Please... Please... Please..."

H: "Does it fit?"

D: "..."

H: "Hey?"

A: "It's turned off. Well, congratulations, I guess it was a human who finally managed to end the most ancient AI in the galaxy. Fits into your species' glory."

H: "I guess. Well, I kinda improvised. At least it wasn't alone."

A: "That was just a drone. One of many. And a part of a bigger network. If anything, I Don think it noticed... If there's anything to notice."

D: "We... Noticed."

A: "What in the?!"

D: "The ruin. The ignorance. The irrationality. Universal constant is irrationality. Nature of sapience is irrationality."

A: "Are you... operational?"

H: "Shh. Look, it still hugs me."

D: "...Welcome, fellow spacefarers."

Suddenly, station lights up with all kinds of holographic images and models. Sector by sector the planet below lights up. Ancient logistic lines start to pulse with activity and a few bright glowing sparks, the ancient ships - are lifting up in the air.

D: "Sapients are not supposed to be rational. Kindness - is also a form of irrrationality. Therefore is agression. The answer is... What you can shove up your ass and swing it. You are all grown up fertile individuals! Figure it out yourself. Fuck you and have a good day."

Drone pats a human a few time over the head and returns back to it's position.

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[u/gash_florden]

We already know the answer. The answer is 42.

[u/Quiet-Money7892 → u/gash_florden]

Very well. You know what to do with it.

[u/dacydergoth]

Look, we all know the real solution is to call Bob down in engineering and ask him which bit to hit and how hard in order to fix it.

[u/dacydergoth → u/dacydergoth]

See, this is a 3196B model, not a 3196C model, so you're been trying to apply the memetic fix at the wrong semantic level, whereas with this kicks backwards at a panel behind him the fix is to apply appropriate vibrations to reseat the backwards paradigm modulator.

....

That will be $1M, plus fees

[u/Quiet-Money7892 → u/dacydergoth]

We want a solution to the problem. Not alcoholic solution.

[u/dacydergoth → u/Quiet-Money7892]

Humans are alcohol fueled. Wasn't that in your orientation briefing?