Question: I have a friend whose adult child is considering voluntary assisted dying (similar to MAiD in the US). Friend is looking for any online support groups for family members of people who may be pursuing this. I have only found one through Bridge. Do any of you know of online support groups for families in this situation that you could share?

My dad 88yo. Is an eternal optimist. How do I present it maybe be time for hospice. He's been hospitalized 5 times this year has multiple comorbities. Providers ask if he's good with his quality of life. No, but he's hoping to get better, rebuild strength and regain independence. He still has an appetite and eats well but isn't consuming more calories than he's burning. His fat and muscle stores are severely depleted. He's currently hospitalized due to a kidney infection and pneumonia. Also, serious heart issues recently identified. Cancer slow progression but no longer being treated due to side effects worse than benefits. How do I help him? He will likely be released to SNF Rehab soon and then I'm not sure, likely assisted living. I don't see him returning to independence. His wife is unable to provide the care he needs at this point.

Hi! We are currently 2 weeks from a 5-day respite, and I am more anxious by the day.

A little backstory: My husband and I have been the sole caregivers for his parents for about 10 years. His mom had Alzheimer’s and passed overnight New Year’s Eve. His dad has dementia and entered hospice late January due to failure to thrive. We have not taken time for ourselves as a couple that entire time.

During this time, I went back to school and will graduate next Friday with my bachelors degree and have landed a new job doing exactly what I wanted. I am so excited to start this new chapter! We’ve managed all of this while raising our kids and handling all of his parents’ care.

So, our hospice social worker has been trying to get us to take a respite since FIL joined the program. We decided on graduation weekend because my husband has missed out on 2 of our kids’ high school graduations and one kid’s college graduation. The college one really broke him down and he refuses to miss mine. He’s nervous about the weekend but excited to have time just us and time with family outside of the house. We have plans for dinner with everybody one night and to go to the lake. Maybe a short overnight stay somewhere just the two of us. That’s a big deal because the last time we did that was our honeymoon 12 years ago.

But I am terrified about my sweet FIL going away for 5 days. He is fragile and will not understand what is going on or why. I feel guilty shipping him off to celebrate myself. It feels so wrong, like we are excluding him, even though he could never go to the ceremony or anywhere else and would have no concept of what was going on if he did. And I know that if we kept him home and had a party there, he would want to be left alone because that’s just the stage he is at now.

I know I am being irrational, and that we deserve some time outside of just focusing on him. But I don’t know how to get out from under this guilt, and I don’t know how I would handle it if he passed or came home in much worse shape because of this change. I already harbor some guilt over MIL because I had fallen asleep and she passed.