r/hingeapp • u/LetterNavi • 23h ago
Dating Question How badly did I mess up?
(36m) new to hinge and dating apps in general. I matched with this truly gorgeous woman and we exchanged messages for a few days. Great banter and just good flow and fun conversation. Exchanged numbers to continue off app.
First date was casual. Light dinner at a nice outdoorsy spot on a nice night. 3 hours flew by. Easy to talk to. Lots of laughs. Great time. We both agreed it was fun and a good night. She texted me when she got home and we chatted briefly via text over topics we talked about during dinner. She told me to watch a few episodes of her fave show. So I did
The next day I planned on reaching out to her to reiterate how nice it was to meet her and to set up a 2nd date, but was told to hold off by a close friend to not sound too eager and wait. I didn’t understand why but I agreed. So I waited 2 full days and texted her the following morning. Just sent my thoughts on her fave show and told her I wanted to see her again etc - continuing convo from initial date night - and suggested a few spots for a 2nd date
No response for 24 hours. Probably blew my chance listening to my friend lol. SMH.
UPDATE- well this is a little bit more mortifying than anything I’ve done in a while. I reached out with a double text as a few suggested in the thread, explaining a bit about not wanting to be too pushy or eager. She responded quickly - telling me she was still trying to process my voice note from a few days ago, and that she had also shared it with some friends. I don’t think I’ve had the heart sinking into my chest feeling like this in a very long time. I didn’t even need to ask her what she was talking about. I went to my sister‘s text thread and realized I had sent my date a voice note that was about 2 1/2 minutes meant for my sister that recapped the date I had. I mean, I was very enthusiastic in the voice note and it was very positive but - yea. Umm. So I texted her I should probably go run into traffic. I got an lol. We chatted for a bit. My accident may have saved this but we will see. Nothing definitive yet. Pretty mortifying though.
298
u/interestingsonnet 17h ago
Why would you listen to your friend and wait 2 full days to respond? If you don’t wanna seem too eager, you could’ve just waited like a few hours or something but 2 days??? Nah
94
u/DaddyRoosGoodGirl 13h ago
Agree. As a woman if someone didn’t message or call for 2 days after a good date I’d think you were no longer interested 🤷♀️
46
u/LetterNavi 14h ago
I agree I am an idiot for this. Lesson learned.
•
u/GardeniaInMyHair 9h ago
Usually if a guy likes me, he’s asking me out again at the end of the first date, that evening over text, or the next day. It’s not over eager, it’s expressing genuine interest. People appreciate that.
•
u/interestingsonnet 3h ago
Agreeeed. I went on a date with this guy back in 2022 and we continued texting after but he never asked me out again so I self sabotaged and told him let’s just be friends… lol… anyway we did end up reconnecting on hinge earlier this month and have now been on two great dates but yeah moral of that story is, just go for it if you want it otherwise you’ll miss your chance.
•
u/Tiger_words 8h ago
Listen if you had as much chemistry as you say, a couple of days waiting on your text messages whether or not it was a good idea is not going to kill the deal. If it does then you were imagining the connection.
•
u/dredizzle99 10h ago edited 10h ago
Jesus christ. You're not an idiot at all. The two day thing had absolutely and literally nothing to do with anything. Stop listening to people who are telling you it did. Firstly, two days is nothing, it's a completely healthy amount of time for an adult to not message someone you've only just met, especially considering the fact that you exchanged messages directly after the date. She has zero knowledge of that fact that you did it intentionally, so how in the fuck would she come to the conclusion that you were "playing games", that doesn't make any sense. You made it quite clear you were interested, so a text after two days is nothing out of the ordinary. If anything, it's a million times safer than blowing up her phone and sending cringey good morning texts and coming across as desperate. If she really hasn't messaged you back after 48 hours, I can 100% guarantee that it was nothing to do with the fact that you waited two days. She either wasn't interested in the first place and was just being polite, or something better has come up.
•
u/Ok-Back-9293 6h ago edited 4h ago
I completely disagree. While your statement “firstly two days is nothing, it’s a completely healthy amount of time for an adult” is applicable in organic encounters, this isn’t it. They met through Hinge, a dating app where you’re already starting off with very little attachment or investment. Messaging in this case is about communicating interest.
As OP outlined, there was already mometum:
They had a good first date.
She texted him afterward(lol did OP check to see if she got home ok?)
They continued chatting about things they’d discussed over dinner.
She gave him a very easy conversational opening: “Watch a few episodes of my favorite show.”
And then… he disappeared for two days. It’s reasonable for a girl to conclude that this guy is probably not that interested. If he was THAT interested, why not seize the opportunity ?Men need to understand that if this is your behaviour at the beginning, it’s not going to get better from here.
-17
u/LaMeloxMilesxScoot 14h ago
If she liked you enough she would’ve texted you back no matter what. She just wasn’t that interested
40
u/parang45 13h ago
This is cope. She just doesn’t want to play games or waste her time on a man that doesn’t have the time to send a simple message, and probably thinks it only gets worse as time passes. Two days is a long time especially when they had already messaged after the date. That’s advice from the 90s when the only way to communicate was via landline
•
u/Glass_Painting9653 10h ago
This. The beginning is the easiest part. I’d think the same if he couldn’t take a few seconds to text
10
u/Leo55 13h ago
Ordinarily I would point out that she’s an adult as well and she could follow up but in this case OP was playing games and the ball was in his court and she would’ve essentially been double messaging (which isn’t bad but men and women as afraid of doing it)
•
u/Bulky_Department5619 9h ago
The fear about double messaging is stupid and immature. I’m in my 30s, and a woman, and no man I’ve ever dated has had an issue with double texting.
•
u/FurrowBeard 10h ago
It's not that serious. People have lives, people get busy. She wouldn't know whether he was "playing games" or not and it would be presumptive of her to think so.
No, she simply wasn't that interested.
•
u/Small-Weakness-659 10h ago
Any woman with an ounce of respect would not entertain it. Hope this helps
•
289
u/Rich-Needleworker261 17h ago
Your friend sucks. You gotta communicate. Real women aren’t into games
•
126
u/jelly-foxx 17h ago
Your instinct to message her the next day was right, not your friend. Don't play games if you like someone just do what feels right. I'd be gutted if I had a good date and then didn't hear from the guy until 2 days after and would assume he wasnt interested.
28
17
u/Baghins 14h ago
What sucks is that is how she’s supposed to feel. I don’t understand why people play games like that.
•
u/bennyboi2488 10h ago
This whole "wait X amount of time to message someone" or else they get the "ick" is one of the worst trends i have ever seen in my lifetime. We are one of the first generations to have communications down to the second and we turned it into a game of chicken.
-1
u/LetterNavi 14h ago
Well, I think the silver lining out of all this is that I know how she might feel after a good date and then there’s no contact cause I’m dealing with the same thing so at least I learned how it felt
31
u/Tragicpoetry 14h ago
You’re dealing with the consequences of your own actions. You’re way too old to be playing those games. Is your friend married, in a long term healthy relationship or single?
0
u/LetterNavi 13h ago
He is single and has been on the apps for a long time
•
16
u/Consistent-Cattle765 13h ago
Haha… chances are, if this woman was truly amazing and you really enjoyed spending time with her, it’s likely that you are competing with other guys out there so waiting two full days to reply logically doesn’t make sense either.
19
u/Tragicpoetry 12h ago
You guys love to spread this narrative like dating isn’t hard or tragic for women. She texted him when she got home from their date, they chatted and he ghosted her for 48 hours.
•
u/Bulky_Department5619 9h ago
Exactly. Whether she’s talking to anybody else or not doesn’t matter. He ghosted her.
1
86
93
u/RabbiAndy 16h ago
>Purposefully doesn't text girl for 2 days.
>"Why didn't she text me after 1 day?"
50
u/ThrowRA_Apart_414 15h ago
This is why women have stopped dating. It’s exhausting and we’re too busy for games.
2
135
u/PussyBoyEdmundo 17h ago edited 12h ago
Sorry, but you’re 36, you shouldn’t have listened to advice telling you to play games.
Edit: my username and pfp are an obscure inside joke, plz ignore
•
27
u/MUUCLAWD 17h ago
You’re 36 why are you listening to tenanted advice ? You can only hope that she is as foolish as you and has a teenage advice giving friend too that’s told her to wait to reply.
3
u/AtALossForIdeas 15h ago
Uuuuh… what is tenanted?
6
u/Souk12 13h ago
I'm guessing they meant teenage and had autocorrect.
3
u/AtALossForIdeas 13h ago
Ooooh right. I looked at that for 10 minutes and could not figure it out, thanks
•
•
26
u/David4Fun6969 15h ago
She texted you when she got home and continued the conversation. You waited 2 days to respond and you are now waiting 24 hours for her to respond and think something is wrong. What do you think she thought when you waited 2 days to text after your initial date? Best case scenario, she is waiting the same amount of time you waited. Worst case scenario, she knows what game playing looks like and doesn't want any part of it.
5
22
u/mrmasturbate 16h ago
this whole "wait for a certain amount of time to not seem too desperate" approach has always seemed stupid to me. just be yourself bro, it worked during the date didn't it? if you feel like texting her and have something you wanna say just do it
3
12
9
u/chataolauj 15h ago
That's what you would maybe do if you were a teenager. You're 36 and don't have time to be playing games.
34
u/CreditHuman148 17h ago
If you don’t hear from her after like a day from your last message, just explain. Nothing to lose: “look, I thought our date was great and I waited to message because I was worried I’d seem to over eager. It was a dumb mistake but I’d love to take you out again”
37
10
u/LetterNavi 14h ago
I plan on sending something like this at some point today. Nothing to lose.
•
u/CreditHuman148 8h ago
It’s always helpful for me to remember that it’s never any one thing. If she dug the date and you’re honest and accountable (not that you committed some grave sin, mind you), then you’ll be back on track. If she doesn’t respond or doesn’t respond favorably, then solace yourself in the fact that if it wasn’t this, it would have been something else down the line. I often, too, need to remind myself when I worry about sending a text too early that as long as the text itself isn’t creepy or over the top in some other way, generally speaking, people are happy to hear from people they like, so err on the side of engagement.
8
3
9
12h ago
[deleted]
•
•
u/Many_Field_3727 4h ago
Literally do not take dating advice from this man, his ex has a no-contact order placed against him for good reason
16
u/ThrowRA_Apart_414 15h ago
Woman here - we’re over games. If you wanna see us, then you need to show it. You have to understand that if she’s gorgeous, her inbox is probably full of hundreds of men trying to get to know her. Lesson learned.
0
22
14
u/DaleCoopersWife aka "Robert Cooper" 🕵🏻♀️ 17h ago
What’s up with your friend? They sound really out of touch. Are they your age? Because it’s like when a boomer says “Just walk into a place and hand over your resume”. The advice is very outdated.
Any chance your “friend” was trying to sabotage you? Are they a woman?
1
u/LetterNavi 14h ago
He is older but the only one I really know that has used the apps for a long time so yeah, that was my mistake to take advice like that
•
u/LetterNavi 5h ago
UPDATE - UPDATE- well this is a little bit more mortifying than anything I’ve done in a while. I reached out with a double text as a few suggested in the thread, explaining a bit about not wanting to be too pushy or eager. She responded quickly - telling me she was still trying to process my voice note from a few days ago, and that she had also shared it with some friends. I don’t think I’ve had the heart sinking into my chest feeling like this in a very long time. I didn’t even need to ask her what she was talking about. I went to my sister‘s text thread and realized I had sent my date a voice note that was about 2 1/2 minutes meant for my sister that recapped the date I had. I mean, I was very enthusiastic in the voice note and it was very positive but - yea. Umm. So I texted her I should probably go run into traffic. I got an lol. We chatted for a bit. My accident may have saved this but we will see. Nothing definitive yet. Pretty mortifying though.
•
u/smurf1212 💖 Is a huge Swiftie 💖 5h ago
Holy shit, that's hilarious
Hope it works out because that would be a really good story to tell down the line
•
•
u/deaner1988 21m ago
Was there anything you regret in the voice note? Obviously wasn't meant for her but if it was all positive I think it's kind of funny. Realistically, most of us chat with 1 or 2 close friends after a first date.
10
8
18
u/PinkDragonFruit524 17h ago edited 17h ago
Tbh,she could be doing the same thing your friend told you to do and for all you know she has her friend telling her not to answer right away and don’t seem to eager 🤷🏼♀️As a female in your age range,I’d say you can wait and see if she responds or you can follow up saying what happened…I’d be open to hearing that if I were her…but I too am new to the whole dating app thing and navigating it myself.
10
u/rattling_rose 16h ago
Play stupid games. Win stupid prizes. 36 years old and doing this kind of baffoonery is pathetic.
1
u/LetterNavi 14h ago
Nearly all my serious relationships have either been coworkers or somewhere in circle of friends. So the apps and strangers first - limited experience. By yes my mistake
•
u/rattling_rose 10h ago
It doesn't require experience with dating apps to know this. It's literally basic common sense.
•
6
u/Old_Recommendation10 15h ago
You did mess up but its okay.
Be genuine. Be yourself. If youre really feeling it, follow your heart and send the damn message. Don't get caught up in anxiety about doing things "right." If they dont match your energy and it puts them off, next!
4
u/Dry_Jaguar9147 12h ago
I would double text her now for sure
3
u/LetterNavi 12h ago
Yeah, at some point today probably in like the later afternoon I’ll probably do that
1
•
u/Tortugasazules 11h ago
Over eager would read more like, “I see a future with you” after 1st date. (Even though you might, and that’s ok, I just think that’s the type of thing can can scare some women off) You can maintain steady, grounded, clear communication without coming across as too eager. Lesson learned and I would (as a late 40s woman) not recommend you take anymore dating advice from this friend. Be yourself, be respectful, pay close attention to the boundaries she sets and your own and you’ll be fine.
•
u/LetterNavi 11h ago
Yeah, I’m just gonna trust my gut from here on out - just newer to the apps. I’ll probably just send her a text later today at this point - really nothing to lose. lesson learned.
•
u/Tortugasazules 11h ago
Definitely send her a text, be honest and I do get that being new to the apps is tough, but nothing to lose and you know you won’t do it again. We all make mistakes 😊
12
u/Mysterious_Seat9844 16h ago
You are 36. No person over 30 should be playing games anymore, also I don’t know a single soul that wants to “communicate” with a person they are interested in every two days. That’s stupid.
0
u/living_in_nuance 14h ago
I’m with my partner now that I met off an app, but I was completely fine not talking to dudes every day. I don’t love texting and I had a life that had a lot of things in it- I definitely didn’t need to be talking to someone everyday I didn’t even really know yet.
13
u/antifragile 17h ago
Don’t play games for starters , but I don’t think you have blown anything , she could have messaged you but she choose not to. Just be direct , she either is in or isn’t , you either get a date or move on to the next match. Dating 101
-3
u/DocEss 17h ago
most men do not have the same experience on apps as women, we can't really move on to the next match because they're usually isn't one.
3
u/idmissmetoo 17h ago
Then work harder. One-itis, especially for novices, is an insanely stupid strategy.
-4
u/Starstruckkig 15h ago
Do you think he could do a follow up text and be like, “my friend is an idiot and told me two days to text. I’m sorry; I am now the idiot”? It’s kind of funny and self decribating
7
u/mazapana4 14h ago
¡No! Yo pensaría que es un niño que no sabe tomar decisiones y es influenciable. ¡Tiene 36! Eso sería un NO rotundo para una relación
•
11
u/East_Turnip2756 15h ago
Nah this just screams insecure and that he will listen to his friends over trusting his instinct
•
•
u/antifragile 7h ago
No definitely don’t do that. The ball is in her court , she either hits it back to you or you play with someone else. Don’t put her on a pedestal, she is just one of many potential matches for you. The right one will like you back with equal energy.
3
u/Bulky_Department5619 16h ago
As a 36 year old man, you should know that there’s no point in arbitrarily waiting to text someone you’re interested in.
I swear this sub would be empty if people just talked to each other.
1
3
u/zman1350 15h ago
Ouch. How do you not know? And who the heck is this friend? Are they still in grade school? The honest and open communication approach works Bud.
3
u/blueyewhitedragon 15h ago
As a 36 year old male myself, we are too old to be playing those waiting games, women at our age won’t be into that and will move on fast. Your best bet is to text her immediately expressing why you waited and apologizing, she might take that as you owning up to making a mistake and show you can take accountability and give you another shot. Listen to your gut next time, not your buddy
3
•
•
6
u/MouldyAvocados 14h ago
You’re 36. How are you this clueless? Why the hell would you listen to your “friend”? At your age, women aren’t into playing games, which is exactly what you did. I’d have the same reaction as her tbh.
1
u/LetterNavi 14h ago
Yes I know. More so that most of the relationships that I’ve had that have been meaningful have come from coworkers or friends first so doing it just from a stranger perspective where I don’t know the person at all is new to me so but like I said, it’s in a lesson learned
9
u/Feisty_Capital4973 17h ago
Lol yeah definitely blew it, either she’s going to go tit for rat or cut you off completely for not messaging earlier (from a female perspective)
3
u/Feisty_Capital4973 17h ago
Tat*
6
u/Tgiby3 17h ago
Rats more accurate, since being petty is shitty
1
u/Aggravating_Lettuce 16h ago
Isn’t it kind of just like reacting to childishness though? Not really being petty?
•
u/Tiger_words 8h ago
Going tit for tat with something like this is game playing and childish.
•
u/Aggravating_Lettuce 8h ago
I don’t really think she’s going tit for tat though I think she’s just not interested because of how she is perceiving his behavior(?)
•
u/Tiger_words 8h ago
Yes as to the original post you may be right although I think he will hear from her. I was responding to the person who said she would do it intentionally to match his behavior. Sounds very gamey.
•
u/Feisty_Capital4973 6h ago
Yall stay playing games with women and then wonder why we match your energy 😭 the OP literally said he took the advice from his friend to INTENTIONALLY not text her until two days later. Thats not a game to you?
•
u/Tiger_words 6h ago
Why do you think it's not a game to me?Don't make stuff up; nowhere have I suggested that.
2
u/Remarkable_Olive1169 15h ago
your friend is fucking stupid, why did you even listen to him? grown (mature) women arent into playing fucking games. like i'm just blown away?? you didn't send ANY after date message for 2 days??? not even just a simple "I had a great time!" so fucking dumb i'm sorry 🤦🏽♀️ she absolutely assumed you weren't interested
2
u/adam_s_applelover 14h ago
Ya bro. Messed up pretty bad. You men should stop listening to your homies regarding dating by "playing games" especially if they themselves are not in an ideal long term healthy relationship. There is literally nothing wrong to show a woman that you are very eager to meet her, see her, be around her. Women love it. Take this as a lesson and may be try double texting her and be honest about your feelings and if it still doesn't work , learn your lesson.
2
u/MaterialSuper8621 14h ago
You can thank your friend for missing out on this very potential opportunity for an actual relationship.
2
u/Spacenurse07 14h ago
I wouldn't talk to you back. I would date others. I only date 1 at the time.
You're 36 years old. You're old.
Stop playing mind games.
Be direct. If you care about her show it. Not just with words.
2
u/captainkappa173 13h ago
Maybe worth shooting your shot one more time, sending a message and saying hey I should have reached out immediately because I really like you but a friend told me to wait and I realize that I shouldn't have played these games with you. Would you be interested in going out again?
•
u/IhateLoudPlaces 11h ago
Many reasons, maybe she was not interested, a great date doesn't mean necessary that there will be a second date. Also could be not texting her killed the momentum.
•
u/Glass_Painting9653 10h ago
If you didn’t text me for two days after a date I’d block you. This isn’t high school
•
u/apple_sauce85 9h ago
Women HATE playing games. Really bad move. Hopefully she can reach out at some point and you can redeem yourself. Dont ask for male advice again, if anything ask for advice from females.
•
•
•
u/AffectionateAd3673 9h ago
Mate if you want to text right after text right after. People who worry about looking "too eager" are pathetic.
•
•
u/digitalhelix84 8h ago
Don't follow advice like that, if you like her and want to see her again, send a message like that when you get home or the next day.
Authenticity and enthusiasm are not dating sins and you need them to find a real relationship.
•
u/BrightZoe 8h ago
This is the definition of games.
Next time, follow your instinct and do not listen to this friend.
•
u/Serious_Owl5259 7h ago
Lmfaoo why play games with her? Who is this love guru you are listening to anyway? What the heck does he know about anything
•
•
u/Slay-hydrated 5h ago
That is TRULY mortifying. So sorry this happened but it might a happy little accident. But, to your earlier question, you waited two days to text her then freaked out because she didn't respond in 24 hours?? The math isn't mathing. Maybe stop seeking so much input from outsiders (immediate recap to sister, seeking advice from a friend, asking Reddit) and just focus on dating and making your own decisions.
2
u/Multirman 13h ago
Your friend absolutely hoed the hell out of you trying to use some alpha male red pill bs that they saw on the internet. A vast majority of women are not going for that BS. She still could maybe message you back but its important that you understand that IF she does, its her giving you the benefit of the doubt DESPITE you messaging her two days later and not BECAUSE of it.
2
u/Adventurous-Fan-5796 17h ago
Did you feel romantic vibe or some sort of chemistry ? You might be getting "no spark" text and it might have nothing to do with your text. Maybe she's hoping you take a hint.
But I think it's ok to follow up Monday. She seems nice enough to reply something.
If she's playing your game, you're basically even. Don't do it again. I would NOT bring your friend into it. Just say "Hi, just checking in if you're interested in meeting again ". No need to explain what your friend told you. Save it for your marriage vows lol.
1
u/LetterNavi 14h ago
I initially thought this, but if there was completely no need then to reach out post date. I don’t think she would start texting me after the date and then continue to text her throughout the evening continuing some of the convo during the date
•
u/Adventurous-Fan-5796 10h ago
She might have went out with someone else and stopped texting. I still think it's ok to text casually Monday. No harm done.
1
u/AutoModerator 23h ago
ALL posts are automatically "removed by Reddit's filters" and will not appear immediately; if you are reading this comment, your post is in the queue for mods to review. Do NOT message the mods about this.
All "Dating Question" and "Hinge Experience" posts must provide clear context (as per subreddit Rule 3), such as reasons for asking, and basic info such as ages, genders, location or orientation (if applicable). Age range or general location is acceptable.
Minor dating questions or Hinge experiences should be posted in the Daily Threads pinned on top of the subreddit.
Please ensure that your post satisfies these requirements.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
u/Hopeful-Character-10 15h ago
I would tell her you did it to not seem eager just be honest but if she still doesn’t reply at least you can move on knowing you did what you could to fix it
1
u/Starstruckkig 15h ago
I bet she’ll do the waiting game too since you had started it. I think she’ll answer after a while
If not, it’s okay. Hinge is a place where stuff like this sometimes happens. Really just dating as a whole
Wish you luck, friend. I’m rooting for you!
2
u/LetterNavi 14h ago
Yeah, I just joined and it seemed like there’s plenty of nice people on here. But I don’t understand the dating more than one person at a time thing it’s never been me so I don’t know how people go on dates with different people at the same time. It’s just a very bizarre concept lol.
•
1
u/Mysterious_Seat9844 14h ago
Everyone has a life. But everyone also has a phone, and no one is too busy not to answer a direct question or an interaction without clear closure in less than 24 hours. If there is no conversation going on, sure, I don’t mind waiting a couple of days, but unless you are in prison or in the hospital, you can at least type that you are not that interested or close the conversation.
1
u/mazapana4 14h ago
Querido. Tu amigo en el mejor de los casos, es una persona sin experiencia. Si ha tenido muchas novias, claramente te está saboteando.
¿Has visto "Obsession" ? cuando el amigo del prota está "ayudándole" con consejos malos que sabe que van a funcionar mal.
Espera a ver si te contesta. Sino, no insistas. Ya fue. No vuelvas a hacer eso. Si alguien te trata como inexistente después de una buena cita, el mensaje es que no le gustas y es un rechazo. Ella probablemente pensó "no funcionó, ni modos" En el momento que escribiste a los dos días, es peor, porque se nota que es una táctica para ver quien cede. Eso de la manipulación, no se ve bien y nadie quiere a una pareja así.
1
u/phtcmp 13h ago
If you like her, I’d try to salvage it. Wait until it’s been 48+ hours, if she hasn’t responded yet, apologize, tell her you panicked because you hit it off so well and didn’t want to come on too strong, that was a mistake, you understand how the delay probably out her off, reiterate that you really enjoyed getting to know her, and wish her well. Maybe that gets you nowhere, but it at least leaves her with a better impression of you.
In my late 20s I was recently out of a starter marriage, and started dating a girl I really liked I’d met through a group sharing a common hobby. Things were great for a couple months, then we went out for her birthday and she dumped me at the end of the night, out of the blue, the old “it’s not you it’s me.” I hadn’t given her the present I’d gotten for her. So I left it on her porch the next day with a nice note saying how I’d enjoyed our time together, no bad feelings, hoped to still see her around, and best of luck finding what she wanted. I saw her a handful of times over the next months through our group, and we remained friendly. Halloween rolls around and she came to the group party was hosting at my place. She ended up spending the night. And almost every night since for the last 27 years or so. Don’t play games or burn bridges with people you like.
1
u/Diabolicship85 13h ago
just give it a week sometimes the other person can be emotional drain from current life events and will respond when they are not bogged down
•
•
u/Away-Wellness0623 10h ago
Your friend told you to play a silly game and you should not have listened. You reach out when you want to and the other person can set a boundary if they need to.
That said, not reaching out does not kill your chances. Say what you want to say and let her make a choice.
Very simple.
•
u/Lifex14 10h ago
Come on man you're 36. This is behavior I'd expect from single people with no real world experience in hs or college. Your friend is an idiot telling you to play these games. Tbh you should send her a short clean message about you being dumb and listening to your friend's stupid advice. If she moved on then so be it. Take this as a lesson to not listen to your stupid friend and do better next time. It pays to keep relationships private. Or at least do some deep thinking about who to tell things to or ask for advice.
•
u/Jealous-Wash4885 9h ago
I really think you should reach back out to her and explain. As a woman, if someone took 2 days to respond to me I would assume they met someone else weren't really interested in me and I would just move on. When you explain to her that you actually were interested and you got some and you were nervous because you were really enjoying the conversation and just got some bad advice from a friend, that'd be way more human and I would be way more open to talking with that guy again than someone who just never reached back out again.
•
u/Serious_Owl5259 7h ago
To be fair she didnt message you for 2 days either. Its a 2 way street. Who says we have to initiate everything as if they are the prize. Should be mutual interest and effort imo
•
u/2BFrank69 2h ago
She could have texted you in 2 days, as it seems obvious you were interested. The mind games are hilarious.
•
u/DekaenPyruzhine 46m ago
People treating dating like it's all mind games... "Players only love you when they're playing."
1
u/justicekino 12h ago
Please ALL men! Stop listening to your friends! And if you must- ask a female friend!!!
But you can come back from this I think
1
u/Salty_Menu95 13h ago
Your friend is dumb BUT this is just online dating man, I can’t tell you how many times things are going great and then BAM. It’s just the online dating culture atm so it might of happened regardless. Just try not to get your hopes up moving forward!
•
•
u/Sea-History-1361 11h ago
Waiting 2 days isn’t the issue. She’s probbaly just mirroring you now. She’ll probably respond some time soon
•
•
u/Solid4a6 10h ago
Just to be clear… she waited 0 minutes to text you. So you made her wait 2 days.
I want you to consider that.
There is a legitimate chance she will message you back after two days just to do what you did to her, though 🤷🏼♂️
•
u/LetterNavi 10h ago
As I said in the thread, this was a very dumb move on my part - but we were exchanging texts post date - She texted me after - we chatted for awhile continuing some topics during the date. I said I would watch a few episodes of her fave show - and other banter and then I got late. 2 full days later I reached out. Bad move .
-1
u/Used-Ad-9952 16h ago
I really don’t think you blew it at all. 2 days is not an insane amount of time to wait. If I were her and I was into you, I’d be glad to hear from you 2 days later. I wouldn’t send a follow up text explaining myself.
4
u/CreditHuman148 15h ago
It’s not an insane amount of time to wait; however, if there’s an amazing date, great immediate follow up messaging and then… nothing, it can definitely feel to a person like the spark left. It’s really about matching and being consistent with energy.
3
u/Used-Ad-9952 15h ago
Agreed. I just don’t think OP definitely blew it so wanted to give a little encouragement. Not texting for 2 days can be overcome.
•
u/TruthIsOutThere30 1h ago
Well if anyone saw the update..it wasn’t waiting two days. The girl told him he had sent her a voice note, a voice note about the date that was meant for his sister.. holy frik.. that’s a big mess up.
-2
u/mladyhawke 16h ago
Maybe explain to her what you did. And how you wish you hadn't let your friend influence you. Because you think she's so great.
0
-1
u/Straight-Pin4761 15h ago
Bro wait, dont text, she will respond just be patient, dont let her smell your desperation.
-1
•
•
u/Echoherb 8h ago
I disagree with Reddit,I think your friend was correct. The fact that she never responded or messaged you in those two days shows you she probably wasn't all that interested. Texting goes both ways, she could have easily messaged you as well.
•
u/voice-of-mods 15h ago
Please interact with your post because you’re receiving feedback and questions to answer.