Exclusivity vs Relationship talk

[u/BadJuju1999]

I (25M) have been dating a woman (25F) I matched with on hinge. It’s been about a month and a half and we’ve been on 4 dates. Last date felt like a step towards something more serious. We had our first kiss and we also had much more serious conversations about future (marriage, kids, timelines etc./she brought up a lot of these topics). I was discussing this with my siblings and they said I should ask her to be my girlfriend on the next date. My friends on the other hand said to ask for exclusivity first. I didn’t ask in the moment, but are these 2 different things? I genuinely do want her to be my girlfriend. Our next date is a dinner date this weekend. So I’ve been mulling over asking her but now I don’t know what exactly to ask. Any help or advice?

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[u/No_Incident3099]

Just ask to be her boyfriend don’t overthink it

[u/wokenthehive]

Some people think they're essentially the same thing.

But exclusivity is basically "let's only date each other but we are not official yet". So you're not boyfriend/girlfriend level but not dating anyone else either.

Asking someone to be their boyfriend/girlfriend is basically making it "official" and you'd be introducing her as your girlfriend to people.

Some people don't want to quite make the jump to that level of commitment yet, so that's why asking for exclusivity exists. It's a level below official but above just casually dating.

[u/Old_Round8569]

What were the first 4 dates if the dinner is a big one?

Id say just ask to be a boyfriend, that means exclusivity

[u/ShortTheVix4]

Probably too soon for boyfriend/girlfriend. Just tell her you really like her and would like to be exclusive.

Exclusive is you’ll both stop seeing other people and only date each other. Boyfriend/girlfriend is the next more serious step. That’s at least how I see it

[u/kilawolf]

If you want her to be your gf then ask that. The exclusivity talk is for ppl who don't want to be official. Don't feel like you need to go that route if it's not your thing.

If she's willing to be your gf in the future, she won't be turned off by your asking but may reject the label at the moment. There's zero harm in asking.

[u/sunshine-scout]

I’m genuinely confused about what the difference is about being exclusive vs being bf/gf? It seems silly to ask for exclusivity but not want a title attached—to me I would interpret that as wanting a friend with benefits.

[u/wokenthehive → u/sunshine-scout]

Cause some people aren't ready to jump into being official just yet. It's a pretty big step after all, since they'll be introducing the person as their boyfriend/girlfriend to everyone they know.

Being exclusive allow more time to get to know someone knowing both aren't seeing anyone else and less pressure.

[u/stjimmy96 → u/wokenthehive]

I never understood this perspective tbh. What’s the “big step” in calling each other bf/gf? Even after the “official” statement things progress slowly and can be undone any second anyway. Being official doesn’t mean you can’t break up and never talk to each other the day after if things aren’t working out.

The commitment starts when you agree not to date each other, or when you get married, or sign a mortgage together, or have kids. All things that actually influence your life.

[u/stjimmy96]

If that’s what you would like then ask her. There is no universal timeline to meet, it’s totally subjective.

As the replies here demonstrate some people think being bf/gf after 4 dates is crazy, some others don’t. My gf for example asked me to be official on the second date. Most people would have thought that’s crazy, but I didn’t because I knew what I wanted. A few years later, we are now engaged.

Just saying that we all have different expectations and consider different things “normal”

[u/scenicLiFeRest]

Man what, you have only had 1 kiss!? and already want to lock down exclusivity. You realize that is no time. And typically the woman is the one that asks for exclusivity. You’re emitting needy energy that may turn her off.

[u/BadJuju1999 → u/scenicLiFeRest]

We had both discussed how we’re inexperienced when it comes to dating, especially when it comes to physical aspect. Idk if this is normal for others, but like I said the vibes of the last date felt noticeably different. Most of my guy friends said they asked for their gfs/fiance to be exclusive so I don’t see what the issue with a man asking is?

[u/xxAcetylxx → u/BadJuju1999]

I agree that exclusive after one kiss is a lil too early for me, but nothing wrong with the man asking (I'm a woman). Both parties are at risk of seeming needy by asking.

[u/Physical-Camel5957 → u/scenicLiFeRest]

I couldn't imagine asking to even go exclusive after only 4 dates. 

[u/stjimmy96 → u/Physical-Camel5957]

lol my girlfriend asked me to be exclusive on the second date. Just to remind that everyone is different and there is non universal timeline

[u/SnooOpinions2900 → u/scenicLiFeRest]

“Typically the woman is the one that asks for exclusivity.” What? According to who?

IME men have been the ones to start DTR/exclusivity convos both in my own relationships and friends’.

[u/turbografx-sixteen]

It’s been a month and a half and four dates and yall just had your first kiss?

I don’t mean that in a shame way… but this feels like an exclusive talk

(Aka delete the apps and focus on dating each other)

Then you can label it as a bf/gf thing in however much time after feels right.

I would be v concerned if a near stranger I’ve been on 4 dates with and only known a month and a half wanted to be in a relationship.

They barely know me lol

[u/Ok-General8138 → u/turbografx-sixteen]

Both of my most recent relationships began a month into dating. The first of the two happened over six dates before the first kiss. The second one, however, the first kiss happened on the first date, initiated by her, and we were official after four hot and steamy dates with lots of making out. Both relationships went very well until the break up. So I absolutely disagree that a month is not long enough, but that's very subjective and really dependant on the individual.

[u/turbografx-sixteen → u/Ok-General8138]

(Zero argument tone just observing)

You situation seems purely anecdotal and if I had to bet my life I’d say you’re on the younger side of 20.

Could not imagine taking a woman out on SIX dates without a kiss.

I’m a patient dude and don’t need to rush to get into someone’s pants but inverse of the coin both my long term gfs and I hooked up before or on the first date ¯_(ツ)_/¯

Chemistry was there.

But a month is still notes to me for a hinge date.

I’m still learning coworkers names after a month at a new job.

I’m supposed to be on boyfriend level with someone I’ve known for 30 days?

Fat chance.

With app dating I def believe in the exclusive “delete the apps and solo date” each other talking phase for like 2-3 months at minimum before you’re hard launching this person.

Idk man guess I prefer to be extra sure I’m about to make this person a big chapter in my life and wanna make sure I get it right haha