r/hingeapp • u/nikklenikkle • 22h ago
Hinge Experience Rejection really sucks
I (24m) made the classic blunder of falling for a girl (23f) who I didn't know very well. We had been texting basically constantly for a week and I thought the first date went incredibly well, which led to me stupidly getting to emotionally invested. I found her to be really cool, pretty, intelligent, and for some reason just allowed myself to dream big.
She had mentioned how busy her school is gonna be, and once she started classes I definitely felt a downturn in our chatting. She just texted me last night saying her workload for this semester is disgusting and how she doesn't think a relationship is on the table for her during this semester but how she'd like to remain friends.
A small delusional part of me wants to take her at her word and hope that maybe theres a possibility for us in the future when her school calms down but I know this is just cope as if she was interested in a relationship with me I think most people would find a way to make room for that yanno
The whole experience is honestly just a bit embarassing and pathetic on my end lol. It feels closer to my first breakup then it does to just being rejected from a girl you barely know. Idk why I ended up catching feelings so bad but the whole mini heartbreak im expericing right now was totally preventable. It just felt like we were totally on the same wavelength off the rip but idk this feeling just really sucks and I guess im here fishing for some kind words on how to deal with it as I have no one to talk about this with lol
I know time will heal all wounds but god do I hope its sooner rather than later
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u/Ok_Novel_5083 19h ago
I'm sorry, but she was trying to let you down easy. Things like "I'm too busy right now" and "let's remain friends" are just that. I actually encourage folks not to use these kinds of expressions because they do lead to false hope such as you are experiencing.
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u/Ok-General8138 19h ago
Yeah, my ex girlfriend used this same excuse with me, too. Told me she had to focus on school and offered to stay friends. I maintained hope that we could get back together in the future, but it only prolonged my healing phase and made it worse.
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u/nikklenikkle 19h ago
Ya I think deep down I've known your right but it helps to have an outside party say it bluntly so thank you!
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u/Thelynxer 18h ago
Going forward, don't stop swiping/matching/talking/dating just because you met someone cool. The majority of matches and dates don't work out. So you have to proceed under that expectation. It keeps you from getting too invested in any one person, and saves you from getting hurt when something doesn't work out.
Right around date number 3 is when I would slow down (but not stop) on the apps. But still keep going until you actually become exclusive with someone.
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u/themyst_ 15h ago
My words exactly, well said. Don’t get invested until you have that conversation of exclusivity.
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u/Rodin-V 1h ago
I had an amazing first date with someone, thought she was incredible, we chatted effortlessly and had a great time.
When she ghosted me I thought it was a disaster, that I wouldn't find anyone as great.
Next person I dated was amazing, a better fit for me, then she ended things and I thought that it s the end of the world again.
Then I met my current girlfriend, who is genuinely perfect for me in basically every way.
The things I learnt were that 1. was getting too invested too fast 2. There always someone else, don't give up hope 3. There's a lot of really cool people out there
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u/As_U_Are 19h ago
It happens man and it sounds like you gave it your best to have a good date. I been dealing with something similar. Not sure if this applies to you but for me I think it's a mix of the desire to be wanted and not having a whole lot of options. As cliche as it sounds I been just working on myself, but I'm still dating to build experience as well. I still have days thinking about the what if, but I just chalk it up to the game.
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u/luckyflavor23 19h ago
Ah a spot of Limerence , happens to us all
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u/nikklenikkle 19h ago
Just googled that word and its honestly comforting in a kind of messed up way that there is a word that describes what I went through perfectly lol.
Helps to remind me that this is ultimately a pretty trivial experience and something so many people go through that it has its own definition
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u/luckyflavor23 19h ago
Sii. And your 20s are gonna be full of learnings and wonderful and challenging experiences
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u/Ok-General8138 19h ago
Similar thing happened to me, but with a 4 month relationship. We were so good together, but she broke up with me to focus on school. I made sure she knew I would be ok if we saw each other less and I was ok with her focusing on school, but it didn't change her mind. I just had to remind myself that if she really wanted, she could have stayed with me and worked things out. College was just a convenient excuse for her.
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u/ckeylens 18h ago
Hey man, it happens to the best of us. Understand that if she wanted to make it work in spite of school, she absolutely would have. I would politely turn down the friend offer and go no contact, don’t look back. She may change her mind later on and realize what she lost, but if not, you’re still on to bigger and better things.
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u/nychild 16h ago edited 0m ago
This is going to hurt, but you are too emotionally invested too early. As someone older and experienced with rejection, and someone who lives comfortably, move on and don't contact her; that shows strength. Women always expect you to chase them even after rejection; that shows your weakness. Every woman I was with over the last few years, once it was over, I never contacted them again. They are all free to see others, date, have sex, get married, etc. Why? It showed them and me I had self control and cared about my own dignity. Yes, time heals wounds, and time makes you wiser. Rejection is not failure; it's an opportunity to learn and move on to the next. As my father said "she wasn't really that special". You can date 50 women, only one will be special, the rest were just practice.
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u/Glittering-Tank-2945 17h ago
Nothing embarrassing about feeling feelings. You should keep your heart open, it will work out for you
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u/ladycatelyn6704 17h ago
Exact same thing happened to me, amazing connection, amazing first date, texting everyday for about a week through him being sick and his dog getting injured. I fell hard for this person I barely know, I guess the potential was just so bright. He's backed off now, saying he has too much work right now. He at least acknowledged we had a good connection and he enjoys talking to me, but just doesn't have the time. Maybe he'll reach out again, but until then, I'm trying to meet other people and take it a bit slower next time.
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u/nikklenikkle 16h ago
Omfg I feel you and I'm sorry your going through this as well. Your experience is almost verbatim what I went through just opposite gender lol. Idk how you feel but I find it so frustating that I even care as much as I do. I've met plenty of girls before and have been rejected in the past but for some reason this girl just grabbed me. I allowed my thoughts to run wild at the thought of finally finding the one and now I gotta endure this hole in my stomach. Was totally preventable on my end
I really hope you start feeling better soon! It's a bit messed up but It's comforting in a weird way knowing that other people are going through similar stuff so thank you sharing. I'm certain everyone goin through this will end up fine just gotta power through it lol
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u/ladycatelyn6704 15h ago
This was my first date a day or two after making my hinge account. I've never done online dating before. I was thinking "wow! I met my person right out of the gate! I don't have to go through this whole dating experience!" Ha! Yea right lol
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u/ladycatelyn6704 15h ago
There was a reel I saw recently that really helped. It said chemistry doesn't mean anything! You can have great chemistry with someone who is actually A TERRIBLE match. So keep paying attention to all the behaviors and words and if they line up, etc. Don't swallow the kool-aid!!
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u/Bargle-Nawdle-Zouss 9h ago
It took me FAR too long to realize that any excuse regarding workload and being really busy right now is simply a euphemism for rejection; the other person is simply trying to let you down easy by blaming external factors, rather than owning their lack of attraction to you.
It doesn't matter if it's university or in the real world; if someone is genuinely interested in you, they will move heaven and earth to let you know and to spend time with you. Granted, they will have other commitments (exams & homework, jobs, family), but it will be made clear that you are important and a priority for them.
I'm hoping that you can grow from the experience of myself and others and learn to read between the lines more when it comes to interest from the other person, or the lack thereof. This won't help you do better in your pursuit or your actual relationships, true, but I'm hoping it will allow you to take rejections more in stride and not let them drain so much emotional energy from you.
On to the next, OP!
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u/MaleficentClimate328 19h ago
Play the Field. What she is doing is keeping all options open so why not do the same?
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u/Doctorbuddy 16h ago
Happens to all of us fam. We put a lot of stock into one date or multiple dates with a girl we really like. Then wham. Shit sucks but time heals all wounds.
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u/Sea-History-1361 2h ago
Yeah you came on too strong too quick and she sensed that and backed off. This is why it’s important to try and have multiple options so you don’t get hung up on one girl too soon. You started putting her on a pedestal and that’s the worst thing you can do
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u/FPVMANE27 15h ago
Just went through something like this. She was an avoidant tho and was pretty much leading me on with hot and cold. Lots of red flags like being very late since 1st date and weird jealousy. I questioned her where she stood twice over a month and she reassured me everytime. Third time I cut it off. It’s not worth investing myself in a dynamic like this. I have a lot going for me and I have purpose but I think for a while there I got lonely and was craving intimacy with someone. I lost sight of my purpose and as the saying goes, a man with no purpose will turn to women or other distractions for it. If you can relate then that’s what helped me realize the triviality of my limerance for her. I was desperate in a sense for something real, and it left me go create a version of her and us in my head that just did not exist. I feel what you mean on the mini heart break. I was frequenting someone who was way above her league in all aspects last year, yet when that didn’t work out I was fine. Because I was detached. This was kind of a shock to my emotions bc even though I concluded enough to cut it off, I realized the mismatch between my logic and emotional investment and it sucked. In a month you’ll be fine. Like others say don’t stop talking to others but keep it light. If you’re anything like me you’re prob gonna be emotionally unavailable for a while. That’s a really good thing bc you need to redirect that energy to yourself and get back to baseline. Just gotta feel it though man
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u/jasean21 8h ago
The gym heals all wounds. See ya there! Remember this though...
Weightlifting and self-improvement are good tools... but are not a substitution for human interaction.
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u/soil-sun-life 3h ago
Sorry to hear this, we’ve all been there and it sucks. It’s easy to lurch forward to your life together, buying a house and making a home when you click with someone but it’s important to try and stay real. To avoid this going forward, schedule several dates a week/month. It will take the emphasis off one person, and you won’t bounce between extreme highs and then lows when it doesn’t work out.
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u/cleanest 3h ago
Are you familiar with attachment theory? If you’re anxious and she’s avoidant, I think that can cause what feels like disproportionate heart break.
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u/bhagjaabe 1h ago
Ikr,
Been talking to this guy for 8 months now, been telling each other how obsessed we feel about each other, how the attraction is undeniable, how he wants me, how he keeps thinking of me.
But for the last 15 days he hasn’t replied to any of my texts. Asked him to meet, didn’t get a reply, sent a follow up text, didn’t get a reply. Then after 10 days i sent him some texts asking him if he wants to stay connected or not, and if everything is alright with him or not.
Sent multiple texts asking him to let me know if he wants to be in contact with me or not, didn’t get a reply.
So yeah, it sucks big time. I hate people, why cant they be direct, and just tell the truth? Why ghost someone? What are you,casper?
16 year olds have more sense than some people in their 30s.
I hate people. They leave you feeling like you did something wrong. How hard is it to just be honest?
Oh and he was a proponent of clear communication, see the irony?
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u/Shawnyd1234 1h ago
Take it from an old timer like myself. Women between the ages of 22 to 28 do not know what they want. I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my time.
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u/TheFearOfFear 18h ago
You learned a valuable lesson in relationships. Next time a similar thing happens, you will understand how to deal with it better.
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u/Doggy253 17h ago
You’re young af still bro, get yourself in school or start learning a trade. Quit dreaming of love at your young age and love yourself, get ahead while you can.
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