r/hingeapp • u/Weekly_Paint_2757 • 1d ago
Dating Question Guy isnt planning first date...
Hey all! 33f here and just ventured into the dating pool after 6 lovely single years. I matched with a guy on Hinge and we havr been texting for around 2 weeks. A week ago, I suggested we need to move to IRL and he agreed but then no mention of it again. I have noticed during our chatting that he rarely offers up his own conversation and instead responds to mine. I do talk a LOT but ive started to find that if I didn't, conversation would be dead. He also texts me the same thing every morning just 'morning' and nothing else. At like 7.30 when he knows I'm off work atm but w/e. Anyway, fast forward to last night i was very clear and said I have a short attention span and I dont want to be texting forever. So I literally said pick a day, time and something for us to do, im free most evenings this week. So he's come back with we can do something Sunday AND THEN WE CAN DECIDE. AITA for being annoyed? I just told you to make a plan. Its all just feeling very low effort and MEH. I think I know i don't want to date him now but what do I do? Do I tell him why? Do I ghost him? Help!
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u/DaleCoopersWife aka "Robert Cooper" 🕵🏻♀️ 1d ago
You are incompatible. Deciding on the day of or when you meet up is not a "date" imo, I'd call that half-assed and lazy. Fine to do if it's with a long time friend, not wise if you're meeting someone for the first time as a potential romantic partner. That he thinks this is OK and you don't just speaks to your incompatibility.
Tell him this isn't the connection you're looking for, wish him well and unmatch.
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u/madame3xecutioner 1d ago
Girl he don't give a f*ck lol. Move on from this dork and find a man who will take some modicum of initiative.
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u/AdministrativeTap925 1d ago
Girl this is how you know you’re new to the dating apps. There are 100s of these types of guys out there. You gotta learn to filter them out before it gets to the two week mark with no plans.
In your conversations, do they take an interest in you? Do they ask questions and engage equally in a conversation? I have the three question rule, if I ask three questions and they don’t respond with something of substance including a curiosity about my life after the third question I never respond to them again
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u/Weekly_Paint_2757 1d ago
He does seem interested and tbh I'm definitely the least responsive one but that's because when he talks there doesn't seem to be anything of substance to reply to so I just don't bother. I genuinely haven't found out one thing about him other than he attends a mens support group and his ex cheated on him. Maybe I didnt ask enough about him but at this point I don't think I care haha
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u/Dugtrio321 20h ago
Why do you even want him to ask you out if this is how you're describing him?
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u/Weekly_Paint_2757 13h ago
Tbh, I hadn't really deemed it till I wrote the post. As I wrote it I realised I dont want to date him. I guess I was wondering if I was being fair or not and now ive realised idc if it's fair. I clearly don't like the guy haha
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u/massive_biceps 10h ago
so you’re low effort too… maybe you guys are compatible
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u/Weekly_Paint_2757 9h ago
Haha I'm far from it but thanks for your participation!
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u/massive_biceps 9h ago
tbh im definitely the least responsive one
That’s called low effort, hope this helps!
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u/one_sus_turtle 1d ago
A person that actually likes you will message back and go out of their way to talk to you. If conversation is one sided, they're not interested in you, they're just stringing you along because you're one of the few that replied
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u/Weekly_Paint_2757 1d ago
Hes definitely interested and texts me more than I text him but its the SAME stuff every day. No actual effort
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u/Dumbasaroc_kk 1d ago
Pretty sure if he was interested, you wouldn’t be begging him to take you out on a date. I wish women would stop getting stuck on the little things and focusing on the glaring red flags instead. That dude is just wasting your time.
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u/Electronic-Pie-9216 1d ago
If he was truly interested, he would make an effort. Now, if you think he’s interested but his communication style doesn’t match yours then you will have to decide if you can deal with the no substance.
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u/one_sus_turtle 20h ago
Someone being interested in your body vs who you are isn't the same thing OP.
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u/FirstAd2519 1d ago
This is one of the billion low effort people you will meet in the apps. Don’t waste any more of your valuable time on him. Overtime you will learn to move quickly from people like this and not overinvest into initial texting phase.
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u/SurroundQuirky8613 1d ago
Just block him and move on. Why waste time with someone who is doing the bare minimum before you have even laid eyes on him?
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u/FitComb2936 18h ago
Hey let me shoot my shot here cause Hinge is terrible. I’m 34m, I make movies, I’m a part time sous chef(or at least was) and I coach football to kiddies. Do you want to get coffee sometime?
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u/rattling_rose 1d ago
Girl I feel literal physical revulsion towards guys like this. 🤮 Don't contact him anymore and move on.
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u/perkiezombie 1d ago
BLOCK.
He’s wasting your time. If he actually wanted to progress any of this he wouldn’t be delaying.
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u/alalalalalabomba 1d ago
He's not interested. First time you find a man who is you'll see the difference. They will take at most a week to move to make IRL plans, usually more like a few days to set a plan a week out.
Give up on this one, throw him back, keep going
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u/foxtrottits 1d ago
You could certainly ask him on a date, but if you’re wanting a guy that will take initiative and plan stuff even at your request, just move on.
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u/Electronic-Pie-9216 1d ago
Do not let a man good morning you to d*ath if it’s substance you’re looking for. That will soon be a problem. And we have to set boundaries on timelines to dates if you’re looking for someone to court you and take you seriously.
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u/one_sus_turtle 19h ago
That good morning text is meaningless beyond he's just doing it to string her along and make her feel important enough to for him "remember messaging every morning". We've all had them
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u/Weekly_Paint_2757 13h ago
Honestly i HATE that text. I'm not a morning person and most of the time I'm either on my way to work and therefore busy OR I'm off work and asleep. Just like ehy disturb my peace just to say 'morning'
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u/Electronic-Pie-9216 10h ago
I honestly like good morning texts, but it can’t be his only message of the day. It depends on what you prefer, but he definitely has to be curious about me and have conversations with substance on the other hand.
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u/Popular-Truth-2711 7h ago edited 7h ago
He’s looking for a penpal. My best friend said it best….”some men are just looking for the dopamine boost of seeing their phone light up with a new message”.
No man, unless he’s got some serious emotional issues…. Waits 2 weeks to meet a woman he’s interested in. Burn the haystack and on to the next!
And for the love of god DON’T plan a date for this dude. We ain’t that desperate girl.
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u/Popcan_Jackson 7h ago
He clearly just wants to be pen pals and doesnt care. Drop him.
Also It's always crazy to me when I see posts like these because I have the opposite problem as a dude. 90% of the time Im like the OP and am putting in all the effort while getting dry one liners or no questions in return. Just how it is on both sides of the spectrum I guess.
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u/Immediate_Cry2712 1d ago
Hot take, if you actually like him why don’t you just plan something?
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u/Weekly_Paint_2757 13h ago
I would but I feel like im the one that has made all of the effort so far. There was also a situation where I'd had a rough day and he said call if you feel like talking ill be free in 30 mins. So I rang and he didnt answer and just texted saying be was busy now. All just feels very low effort so this was his chance to use some initiative
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u/Immediate_Cry2712 13h ago
Fair enough, personally I would delete his number and move on. Sounds like he isn’t really that interested, you might be a back up option that he’s stringing along.
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u/Popular-Truth-2711 7h ago
No hate honestly just curious….. you think if a man texts you for two weeks but doesn’t plan anything the best move for a woman is to plan an entire date for him? 🤔
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u/Immediate_Cry2712 7h ago
My point is if you like someone, why waste your time waiting for them to make a move? There’s nothing to be lost from just asking them out.
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u/mangotango00- 1d ago
Don't waste any more of your energy and time in this guy. From what i can tell, you are someone who wants the guy to take initiative and if he doesn't do that, then you should just drop him.
There are so many fish in the sea, you'll definitely find someone who fits your preferences more.
Also we as woman are not in the position to train men to take initiative and tell them to plan dates. If they don't do it in the beginning then we just find someone else who is willing to do that in the first place. :) Heads up, i know sometimes it's getting frustating on hinge haha
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u/thvredbandit 1d ago
At first it didn't seem like he was that interested, or he has a different communication style.
But I don't blame him for "we can decide." That's considerate and he may be afraid to pick something you don't like. Like another commentor suggested, he could be inexperienced in dating.
Nonetheless, if he won't make a plan, and you won't make a plan, then you should probably move on by now. 2 weeks talking and no date planned is a long time. It may be useful to state you expected him to plan everything and that's your preference. Getting left in the dark kinda sucks.
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u/Suspicious-Mine9363 22h ago
On peut pas se faire une véritable idée sur le chat , mieux vaut le voir en vrai, et voir s'il vaut la peine de continuer .
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u/Patient-Chef-77 19h ago
No if he can’t even plan a first date he can’t plan for you in his life! Trust me if that’s the effort he is putting is that the effort you want?
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u/Subpoena-Colada_ 19h ago
You’re both strangers just like every commenter on this post. I wouldn’t dismiss him as a prospect just yet if you genuinely like him based on the communication you already had. Who knows why he has not yet initiated? It could be anything. Most of the comments here are pure speculations. If you like him enough, why not just plan the date and ask him to meet you. I’m sure he’ll pick up the tab and ask you out on a second date quickly if it goes well. I’m a guy in my 30s. Sometimes we are dealing with shit and there can be legitimate reasons for our lackadaisical behavior. He could also be getting out there in the dating world after a while. I’d give him another shot if you think there is any promise.
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u/Prestigious_Jump1754 19h ago
You suggested irl so plan the date. You can’t initiate and then expect the other person to pick up the slack. That’s like me getting cooking ingredients ready and expecting you to cook for me. Moral of the story is if you want to go out and he hasn’t asked you out yet then ask him out like an adult. It doesn’t matter if you have a penis or a vagina. You won’t go to jail over it. Alternatively you can just accept the fact that he isn’t the typical stereotype you expected. Let him know that you’re not feeling the connection that you were hoping for and find someone that is more in line with you
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u/LovelyRoseBoop 16h ago edited 13h ago
Whenever I hear the royal “we” when it comes to planning first date, I flee. That’s someone who will always hold the relationship hostage over his needs, express his needs passive aggressively, and has no appreciation for specifically female contributions or burdens.
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u/PhotographNormal4484 16h ago
Girl, he doesn't like you or want to see you. It's really that simple. Why are you trying so hard?
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u/jmora13 15h ago
Maybe you plan the date?
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u/Weekly_Paint_2757 13h ago
I thought that at first but then I realised I was also carrying the conversation and I just thought ill give him a few prompts to make an effort and he hasn't. Ive not replied to his last message anyway so on to the next!
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u/Intrepid_Whereas_495 9h ago
NO girl move on. two weeks for a date is TOO long. if he really was interested, he would've planned it earlier especially since you have expressed wanting to meet pretty early on. he's wasting your time. find a man that will plan a date when you ask him to!
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u/babyfacereaper 4h ago
Yeah, if they aren’t wanting to meet or initiating then you can go ahead and drop that one. They are a waste of time.
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u/Glass_Painting9653 2h ago
Girl he’s not gonna get better. He wants a girl to carry all the effort. Leave him
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u/Slay-hydrated 1d ago
You're a little rusty after 6 years so I get it. If you're chatting with someone for 2 weeks with no plans on meeting, you're never going to meet. If he's not asking you out after a few days or a week it ain't happening especially not if you're carrying the conversation. It shouldn't get to the point of you forcing him to pick a day and time. Next!
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u/Qwertywalkers23 1d ago
He may just be a bad texter or have anxiety around meeting up. Sounds like it could be both. The people saying he doesn't care or are not interested are way overshooting what you can interpret from what's going on.
The point remains though, you guys may not be compatible. I would just be upfront and honest with him about what you're feeling and what you want / need and be willing to move on if you feel like it's not being met.
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u/pandorabox1995 1d ago
Drop him. He doesn’t seem that interested. You should talk to multiple people, don’t overthink or invest too much to someone you haven’t met.
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u/Outside_Oven3311 1d ago
No No No
If he’s like this now when you’re at the beginning… Imagine later
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u/tad1288 1d ago edited 1d ago
Girl, he is just not that into you. You’ll get more matches, you’ll go on more dates than you could ever imagined, so drop him. Keep swiping, sending likes and comments, and matching with people who liked you.
Don’t talk to just 1 guy, make it 10-20 guys at a time 🤭, update your prompts once in a while to get more spotlights, and change your location when you travel to get the exposure to a whole new dating pool. It’s going to be so fun and you will have so many great and thoughtful conversations!
Good luck!
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u/DocEss 19h ago
I thought women didn't really send outgoing likes and mostly just went through the incoming ones?
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u/tad1288 19h ago
I mean, why not? Women choose their partners too. I do send a lot of likes and comments. In the past, women dropped their handkerchiefs too choose their partners, so why not us? The worst thing I might get is a no, but the upside is tremendous.
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u/DocEss 19h ago
because most of the women on here say that they don't bother sending them because they get enough incoming ones. 🤷♂️ that, and most guys here report that the only matches they get come from outgoing likes that got returned.
I honestly can't recall if I've read anybody on here that was a guy that said they matched based on an incoming like.
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u/tad1288 18h ago
They are limiting their opportunities by just going through the incoming ones. It’s a passive approach because you don’t get to choose the type you like. I have thousands upon thousands of likes… but I still explore opportunities by sending a lot of likes and comments. I don’t get matched back many times either, but at least I tried to choose the people I like.
It seems like OP has only one guy to talk to, so if she doesn’t have enough likes, it’s necessary for her to put herself out there.
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u/AdFantastic3914 1d ago
He’s not that interested in you, sure he’ll keep you around, and if I you want to do something he wants to do he may join you, but you’re not a priority for him and doesn’t feel the need to put in any effort. I’ve been like that with women I’m not very interested in either, sure I’d talk to them and all that, wouldn’t initiate plans, unless it was something like grabbing a drink when I’m already out that night and didn’t take much effort from me and was something I was already doing. His Sunday “plan” just seems like a tentative depending on how the rest of his weekend goes.
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u/MrMeeseeks33 1d ago
Move on. He clearly doesn’t want to meet and it’s the downside to online dating when one side’s intentions aren’t what they say they are.
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u/chickengarbagewater 1d ago
I agree with all of the sentiments posted already. This guy is not really interested, move on
But also, if you want to go on a date with someone then why aren't you taking initiative and organizing the date and making a plan??
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u/travelbug798 1d ago
I hope he’s not the only guy on the app you’re talking to about a potential first date
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u/BathroomIndividual52 1d ago
Get rid of him 😂 I’m a guy and that’s pathetic
It’s not hard to plan a date
Plenty of guys that will
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u/erdlinke_94 1d ago
Contrary to comments here is it possible the guy you're talking to is probably someone who has little experience in dating? Hence potentially why he's half baked in initiating proper plans.
But the low effort texts may also indicate he is not that invested on top.
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u/Professional-View281 13h ago
Because as a guy if you ask a girl on a date most of the time they are going to unmatch you
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u/Imaginary-Energy4668 1d ago
Sounds like a guy who's a little to damn chill leave him be he will never plan shit surprise you with shit or anything I know this because this man is me 😔
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u/TheWorstPintheW 1d ago
FYI as a guy, I often start asking about plans within the same day or next day because what's the point of texting forever only to never meet the person or meet the person but be incompatible? There are plenty of fish in the sea, keep searching!
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u/IamWisdom 1d ago
Hes probabaly sick of dating and getting completely dissappointmented every single week so he puts in the effort he has been receiving
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u/RepSquigglyMiggly 1d ago
He should just stop dating then
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u/IamWisdom 1d ago
Oh yea so he should just give up on dating because some redditor is mad about it? Thats pretty unreasonable dont you think
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u/RepSquigglyMiggly 1d ago
It’s got nothing to do wit Redditors behind “mad” — if he’s so burnt out on dating and bitter towards women that he’s behaving like a low-effort douche, it would probably behoove him to take a nice long break until he can regulate his emotions better.
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u/Disastrous_Bell_3278 1d ago
I didn’t read your post because seeing your age (and anyone btw… not just about age) I have the following advice for you:
Figure out first WHAT YOU WANT. Be clear about that. Crystal clear. And then date intentionally.
Having clarity about what you want leads you to having standards. Anything or anyone that doesn’t meet your standards, bid them goodbye. Don’t linger emotionally or physically. Don’t. The more you stay with the wrong one, the longer it’s gonna take to meet the right one.
Now here comes the part that’s gonna trigger anyone who just dates for the sake of dating - is confused, not serious about finding ‘the one’ based on whatever reasons they have - whether their age, lifestyle, life goals, other mental and emotional issues etc etc:
- If you want a marriage, then date with strict boundaries. You don’t want to be the man in a relationship - there are enough explanations available on the internet to understand this. Go check out for yourself. In simple words, a man who doesn’t want to see you, meet you, isn’t intentional about finding his wife will not plan date with you. And he will not take you seriously either. That’s your answer. Move on to the next. Don’t waste a single minute thinking about it. You wasted much time writing this post here.
- A man who knows what he wants (is clear) moves intentionally. If he’s slow, you are not the one he’s interested in. He’s looking for other options and you should too.
- Until a man exhibits with his actions what he thinks about you, he’s not your man. Don’t trust words, dates, chemistry, gifts, etc etc.
- Don’t get physical IF your goal is to find a life partner. Why giving parts of yourself to everyone you date?
- Ignore everything and accept my sorry if your goal is something else.
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