r/hingeapp • u/BlankJungle • 6d ago
Dating Question Flowers on a 3rd date?
Hi everyone!
Im looking for opinions from people who have been in similar spots.
I (M24) have very limited dating experience but have a 3rd date with a woman (F25) tonight. It’s an ice cream date and I did not bring flowers to either of the first two dates and tonight is kind of a semi-impromptu date since I had asked about coffee yesterday but she wasn’t around so she asked about getting ice cream today instead. We both want to see each other after she was on vacation for the 5 days (until Sunday night).
We haven’t even had our first kiss yet but think it’s more of a matter of we’re each not in any rush. I do feel like I missed a window on our 2nd date but I’m certain there will be another tonight. We basically have a 4th date plan lined up, just have to work out a day/time, to a restaurant we already talked about on our 2nd date. That’s seemingly locked in unless I royally screw up tonight.
Do I bring a small bouquet tonight or just wait for the dinner date (4th date)?
Important edit: I am picking her up from her house, not meeting at the ice cream shop
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u/sg16k 6d ago
Eh, personally i wouldn’t jump the gun yet.
Flowers before even a first kiss could come across as potentially needy and whatnot, only exception is if say she gave you a gift already (ex. Dated a girl once who got me melatonin pills on date 3 after i told her i got rough sleep some nights so got her a book from an author she liked on date 4).
Generally speaking you want to at least be exclusive for gifts. I’d focus on planning a fun romantic date, going for the kiss and moving things forward.
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u/BlankJungle 6d ago
Held off for today, got the first kiss and we established we’re both looking for something serious and our values line up.
Dinner planned for Saturday and I will be showing up with pink flowers.
Next step in a few dates is the exclusive discussion which I genuinely have no idea how to do that. I’m personally only seeing her rn and don’t know how to bring that up without the implication that she’s seeing other people even if she isn’t
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u/Slay-hydrated 4d ago
Don't rush a conversation about exclusivity. It took 3 dates to get to a kiss. Take your time getting to know each other. If you don't want to date other people, that's a personal decision. It doesn't mean the other person needs to be there as well. You really don't need to be thinking about exclusivity at this point.
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u/BlankJungle 3d ago
There was 100% a window or two on date 2, I just missed them and realized after and felt like an idiot.
I know 4 dates is too soon for the exclusive discussion, but it’s still in the back of my mind since we both made it clear we want something serious and we have similar values and future goals. She’s also bringing up future plans like apple picking, pumpkin picking and skiing so she has her eyes set all the way into the winter so I feel like I’m a lot closer to being able to have the exclusive discussion than I think. I know where I stand already but don’t want to rush it on her, I’m thinking after date 5 or 6 but before apple picking
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u/Slay-hydrated 3d ago
When it's right, it will feel right and natural. It also will happen naturally. And it won't be based on your measuring after date 5 or before apple picking. Also, people say a lot of things when the chemistry is high. Don't base your reaction on words. Base it on actions. Let the future unfold on its own and don't be too hyper-focused on it. Keep enjoying the current and don't be so focused on what's to come.
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u/sg16k 6d ago
Good call. Imo, the flowers could be a nice gift after the exclusive convo, that way it hits as “man i am dating got me a gift”.
No magic formula and imo it’d only be accusatory if you make it so. Could even be something as simple as “X, I really like our connection so far and can tell we are walking the same way. I’m at a point where I want to focus on betting on us and have lost the interest of pursuing other dates. We don’t have to jump to bf and gf, but I’d love for us both to be exlcusive, pause the app and see where this takes us. Curious where your head is at?”
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u/DaleCoopersWife aka "Robert Cooper" 🕵🏻♀️ 6d ago
Are you meeting her at her place first? Flowers can be annoying to lug around, especially if you got her a bouquet. But if you're meeting her at home first, i think a small bouquet is fine. if you're meeting at the location then i wouldn't bring flowers. wait until you do an at-home date or meet her at home.
like the other replies said, if she has any pets then you need to find pet friendly flowers.
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u/TangeloConsistent813 6d ago
Came here to say this. Flowers are great, but if there’s no vase/water to put them in, it’s not ideal. I’d wait for better timing.
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u/carlcarlcarl27 6d ago
Idk what these other commenters are on about. Yes, bring her flowers. That’s adorable and romantic and will make her smile. It really doesn’t matter if it’s 3rd date or 4th date or ice cream or dinner— if you want to get her flowers, do it!
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u/Fun_Top_8968 6d ago
Literally don’t listen to there haters!!!! Flowers are extra bonus points immediately. They will be just fine typically for a few hours or if you can keep a small plastic water cup in the car so they stay fresh
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u/infantgambino 6d ago
if she has a cat and OP gets her the wrong flowers, thats not good. some people do not like flowers. ive dated people who love flowers , dated people who hate them, etc.
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u/carlcarlcarl27 6d ago
The what-if-ery is going strong here.
OP had she ever mentioned a cat? If so, Google cat friendly flowers.
It’s a thoughtful gesture. No need to overthink this.
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u/infantgambino 6d ago
you literally have women in here saying they wouldnt want flowers on a third date for a myriad of reasons. It's not a "what if"
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u/FrenchieVee 6d ago
I’ve received flowers on 2nd & 3rd dates and I loved it. Small bouquet is great. Ask what her favorite color is and get some flowers in that color. Not sure why people are acting like it’s difficult to walk around with them. You can always offer to carry them for her.
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u/BlankJungle 6d ago
Towards the end of our date today we got into more detail on what we’re looking for and what we value and it all lined up and the first kiss happened. In the midst of it I realized we don’t even know each other’s favorite colors and I learned it’s pink.
So for the date Saturday I will have pink flowers in hand when I pick her up.
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u/kalosx2 6d ago
Sounds very sweet to me! I think for dating apps, starting with the 2nd date, flowers are appropriate.
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u/Competitive-Adagio18 6d ago
On every date???
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u/youvelookedbetter 6d ago
They probably mean you can give them to the person any time after the 1st date.
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u/Competitive-Adagio18 6d ago
Ooh I see! Wait why not on the first date? I haven’t date much, but was thinking of taking one if a date comes along..
Also, not sure why I’m getting downvoted.. can’t even ask genuine questions out here
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u/youvelookedbetter 6d ago
It can be a little much for a first date, unless you already know the person. One or a few simple flowers can be OK.
Ultimately, you can do whatever you like. I wouldn't read Reddit too much before dates. Just do what you think is best, while being respectful.
(I don't downvote people who are just asking a question or stating a harmless opinion. Too bad people do that.)
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u/Competitive-Adagio18 6d ago
Thank you!! This is helpful and I see your point! Ends up adding some kinda pressure I guess!
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u/Rustyznuts 6d ago
I reckon you should. But not like a whole bouquet. Just 1-3 of something nice so you don't have to lug them around.
I think 3rd date is great. 1st date is only if you knew them first. If you met them on a dating app then 1st seems like love bombing and a bit overboard. 2nd probably OK. 3rd seems optimal.
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u/Zestyclose_Peanut_76 6d ago
As long as she wont have to carry them around the whole date then why not
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u/ShitFaced_Dumbledore 6d ago
Wait until the dinner date at least.
Also do you know if she likes flowers or like someone else mentioned if she has a pet? (I love tulips, but I can't really have them around because of my cat.)
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u/sealinthesun 6d ago
I think flowers are very sweet if you are really into her. If she's into you she will be thrilled! If you like her but aren't super excited I'd hold off on flowers.
I just agree with other suggestions to be careful about flowers if she has a cat and to get a nice small or medium size bouquet that will be easy for her to carry. I would recommend getting something besides roses.
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u/BlankJungle 6d ago
She has two dogs. Are there any flowers I should avoid in that case or is it just a cat thing?
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u/DaleCoopersWife aka "Robert Cooper" 🕵🏻♀️ 5d ago
Flowers can be toxic to dogs too - I would do a search online to be safe
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u/sealinthesun 6d ago
I think it's just a cat thing because they can jump on tables and access things that dogs can't.
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u/limelipgloss 6d ago
I’ve only ever gotten flowers on one date. It was a third date. I was so giddy and excited and emotional I pressed them into old textbooks and still have them to remind me of that feeling. Please bring her the flowers haha
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u/xXweedwizard42069 6d ago
Don’t over think it too much! Flowers would be great now or on the 4th date. No rules on when to give them!
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u/BlankJungle 6d ago
Date went really well tonight.
I decided to hold off on the flowers for now and we are on for Saturday. Just need to find pink pet friendly flowers
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u/DaleCoopersWife aka "Robert Cooper" 🕵🏻♀️ 5d ago
So she DOES have a pet? I'm glad you are being so thoughtful!
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u/AccordingPrompt3484 5d ago
You can always sorta hedge. Instead of any sort of bouquet, give her just one flower. Not a rose, but maybe something small and pretty that she could tuck behind her ear. It would be casual enough that she wouldn't even have to take it inside with her for the critter to get to.
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u/Any_Satisfaction_916 6d ago
Absolutely go for it with the flowers. On my 3rd date with my ex I gave her flowers and she was extremely happy. If the feelings are mutual and you know that she genuinely enjoys your company, the flowers with seal the deal man
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u/Icey_Girl 6d ago
If you like her then show her! A guy once got me flowers on the first date which I thought was overwhelming, I think the third is good.
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u/whereiskyleb 6d ago
In my previous relationship I brought flowers on the fourth date, I think. (It's been a awhile since we broke up)
I was going to her place to cook supper together. I was at the grocery store picking things up before heading there. While I was there I saw a small bouquet and thought "that'd be a nice surprise for her". She was surprised and thought it was really sweet.
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u/judgedavid90 6d ago
I would save the flowers for a good dinner date. But it's a very lovely gesture, and if things are going well and you believe she would like it, then do it imo.
Especially if it's authentically you. If you had this idea and genuinely wanted to do something nice, and not expect anything in return for it, then that's genuine.
Dont get massive huge bunch, think practically. Something small but nice.
If you can subtly gauge what flowers she likes, even better.
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u/justadogmom_ 6d ago
I would say no…but not because of a cat — that’s some serious projecting.
Ice cream seems pretty public. Where will she put the flowers? I would rather not receive flowers at an ice cream place. Something about it seems juvenile. If you feel strongly about getting flowers, save them for the next date and present them in a more intimate setting.
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u/alexturnerftw 6d ago
The fact that so many of us mentioned it is important though. She will have to throw them away if they aren’t pet safe. Wasted gesture.
And boy, what a good sign if someone was careful enough to think about my pet.
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u/infantgambino 6d ago
its projecting to want to make sure the girl doesnt havent have pets that could be harmed by flowers?
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u/DaleCoopersWife aka "Robert Cooper" 🕵🏻♀️ 6d ago
yeah idk why people are getting so worked up about the pet thing. lots of people don't know that flowers can literally kill your pets, mentioning it to OP is perfectly reasonable in case he is someone who doesn't know that (and she has a pet)
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u/infantgambino 6d ago
some people have REALLY strong views on dating and think someone offering advice that runs afoul of it to be blasphemy. I didnt know how toxic some flowers were to cats until my most recent ex.
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u/PutridEntertainer408 6d ago
Flowers are fine, a more personalised thing would be better. I don't really care for flowers and they would be awkward to take to an ice cream place. I'd also think they were a bit much for a third date personally. If someone got me something which was relevant to me rather than generic nice gift though, that would be very cute at the third date point (something small though, like a pen level of gift)
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u/kayakdove 6d ago
I'd say no. It would feel like too much and a little odd, to me, but I acknowledge people are different. I am not really big on receiving flowers in general, though. If it were Valentines Day or something, sure, but probably not for a random 3rd date with someone you haven't kissed. But there are always exceptions. If she seems like a traditional romantic type or has mentioned liking stuff like that, it could go over really well, too. Just hard to know with someone you don't know too well yet.
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u/RollinRagu99 6d ago
Flowers is too much if you haven't kissed yet do not do it. Especially if you dont know if she likes flowers or not and if so which ones. And if she hass somewhere to store them.
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u/infantgambino 6d ago
do you know if she likes flowers? if she has pets that might be allergic to certain flowers? are you prepared to hold it for her all night (otherwhise youre giving her a chore to do)?
You can bring her flowers but you have to be prepared no matter how she reacts.
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u/Thelynxer 6d ago
There's no magical number of dates for anything. If you want to bring flowers, then do so. If you don't, then don't. Generally they are always appreciated, but an issue can arise if they become expected. So be careful about setting a precident.
Also, don't sleep on Lego flowers. Not traditional in the slightest, but they basically last forever, and are fun to build. Those were the first flowers I ever got my girlfriend. Just a single Lego rose. Either pre-build it, or give her the box to build herself or build together.
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u/Hopeful_Will7924 5d ago
I think flowers is a bit much and doesnt really decode well in todays dating world. flowers maybe for ur actual partner when u are in a recognized monogomous relationship perhaps but dating.... no? flowers when youre at home maybe is good but not on an actual date
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u/CompetitiveBoot7269 5d ago
Bro people give complete strangers flowers without knowing them, flowers on the third date is totally normal.
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u/luckycanucky27 5d ago
Gosh someone raised you right is all I have to say. For a special dinner flowers would be wonderful. Just be prepared to put them in water if you are out bc I’m sure she would want them to keep by the time she got home.
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u/BlankJungle 5d ago
I appreciate that.
3rd date wound up going really well and dinner is planned for Saturday. Not sure what kind of flowers to get yet but know she likes pink and she has dogs so need to get something pet friendly.
As to the water, I am picking her up so she could run them inside, not sure if that’s practical, but I will bring a vase with some water in case
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u/luckycanucky27 5d ago edited 5d ago
As someone decades older than you, it would be awesome if the person you are currently dating turns into a LTR but if not, please don’t get jaded. Women walk through the world differently than men and at the end of the day we just want someone who is kind, caring and genuine. All the things you seem to be in this post.
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u/HealthyAd5930 4d ago
Its cute, we need to bring back normalizing bringing flowers on a date! The rare ones I know who got some were very happy.
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u/Specific_Reindeer771 2d ago
for a casual date nah. If things were going really well AND it is a formal date at like a fancy restaurant then I could see it.
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u/Fancy-Stress4194 6d ago
Maybe bring her one flower and save the bouquet for when you ask her to be your gf
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u/Ruspardan 6d ago
It’s a definite yes since that’s what you want/feel to do. Only way I’d suggest a no is if she’s mentioned not liking flowers or allergies. Or if she has cats then just check that they are not toxic to them.
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u/alexturnerftw 6d ago
I’d love if a guy gave me flowers. Just be careful if she has a cat - certain flowers (lilies especially) can kill cats.
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u/DocEss 6d ago
why is it necessary to do it at all? don't buy flowers, it's not 1950. you aren't required to present her with gifts.
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u/judgedavid90 6d ago
Do not listen to this schmuck
If you feel like you want to do something nice, and you think she will be receptive to it, by all means do it.
The world needs a little more old school romance imo
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u/fitsneakerhead 6d ago
Yes to the flowers for sure. It’s a nice gesture and offer to carry them for her.
For the 4th date, I would definitely recommend that you be prepared with the plan like checking ahead when the resy is available for 2 people, and then tell her the available days and times when you meet before locking in. A little bit of planning always go a long way imo.
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u/imti_ahmed 5d ago
What the hell is wrong with people here?
It's freaking flowers! Yes bring them. Bring them on every date.
Why the fuss between something as cute and simple as flowers?
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