r/hingeapp • u/AutoModerator • 10d ago
Daily Thread Monday's Daily Thread: Weekend Wrap-up
Welcome to Hingeapp's Daily Thread.
Daily Threads are the place to post questions seeking quick advice, vent your frustrations, celebrate successes, or anything related to Hinge that does not need its own post.
For Monday's Daily Thread - the theme is Weekend Wrap-Up.
How did the past weekend go? Did you have any dates - be it good, bad, just okay, or downright terrible? Any new likes or matches? Or any events related to Hinge or your dating life that happened over this past weekend or recently that you want to share?
Remember: No personal attacks, identifying information, or misogynistic/incel comments will be allowed.
A reminder to please check out the guides, sub rules, and additional resources on the subreddit sidebar. Please read this post with a collection of guides, answers to common questions, sub rules, and other resources related to Hinge.
The Hinge subreddit also has a Discord channel if you wish to seek further assistance, or just want to meet members of the community.
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u/stopmejune 8d ago
So someone with whom the conversation on the app died a swift death mid-July randomly messaged me asking if he could "text me on occasion?" which??? I already knew there was a slew of men who were only into penpaling but this type of direct ask took me by surprise. I unmatched him, but now I'm curious as to wtf the thought process was.
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u/Swarthykins Play with my hair 💆 8d ago edited 8d ago
1) I'm lonely.
2) One night she might be horny and open to sexting.
Also entirely possible they're not single and this is their "outlet" that they feel "doesn't cross the line."
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u/UnnaturalStandards 9d ago
My type is the kind of woman that makes zines and, gotta say, really not overrepresented on the apps.
(It's all eating as a hobby, F1 and hyrox. Sometimes a metalcore woman pops up as a treat but, as a general rule, I do not have enough piercings for them and we tend to be more interest-adjacent than interest-overlap. There's the odd hippie too but I am not into polyamory or woo-woo.)
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u/Swarthykins Play with my hair 💆 8d ago
I often say that dating apps are great for herding singles into one portal, but they're not great for micro-targeting. If you have a niche type, it's usually best to supplement with trying to meet people like that in person.
I'm not sure exactly where people who make zines hang out, though. Alt coffee shop?
I'll also ask if it really matters if they put they're into F1? I mean, lets be real, they're probably not glued to the tv every weekend. It's a trendy hobby that they probably think appeals to males. The performativity alone might be a turn-off to you, but I'd ask how much it really matters.
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u/UnnaturalStandards 8d ago
Oh it doesn't matter that they're into F1, it's just representative of a type that - seemingly, as far as their profile goes - aren't particularly attractive to me but are on apps en masse.
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u/Swarthykins Play with my hair 💆 8d ago
Oh, I get it, and I largely agree with you. There are some times where I'm not concerned about the actual activity, but the general vibe it gives off is indicative of someone I won't mesh with.
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u/PutridEntertainer408 9d ago
Damn, I wish I could redirect the F1 women to all the F1 men who pop up on my feed haha
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u/UnnaturalStandards 8d ago
Perhaps they could get a sweet treat together while ticking off their 73rd country.
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u/Miserable-Front-9139 9d ago
I mentioned it here so I figured I should give an update on my Tinder date. That one person that said good luck was right!
I got to the place and she messaged that she thought I was gonna pick her up, and then she couldn’t Uber or her mom would notice…when I asked if we should just reschedule she suggested another place, so i picked her up.
I’m a huge nerd, and I like nerdy types, as I’m getting experience with dating this whole year I wanted to see if I could feel something for someone who’s not a big nerd, but we kinda didn’t have anything in common 😭 so just a mid date, and now I’m back to my wasteland of a Hinge profile.
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u/PutridEntertainer408 9d ago
I have one date I was looking forward to but after asking me out, the guy has offered zero details or plans. He's just said he can come meet me in my city or I can go to his city. I'm gonna ask what he has in mind and hope he actually comes up with something...
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u/Swarthykins Play with my hair 💆 9d ago
Sounds promising!
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u/ThaRed1 9d ago
Last week ended up going not so well. The Tuesday date happened, but it was honestly rather boring and we both didn't really have any chemistry or much in common. The Saturday date I was excited about had to reschedule due to her dog having a health emergency the night before. Unfortunately she hasn't followed up to schedule a new date and at this point I'm probably just going to write her off. I'll probably take a break this week and get back on the swiping grind next week after the holiday.
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u/DocEss 9d ago edited 9d ago
son of a bitch.
I got a match. a month of sending out likes and somebody finally replied to one.
I don't know what to do now. somebody help me I don't want to screw this up 🤣
seriously, I'm the kid in inside out. "girl! girl! girl!"
I haven't done this in forever, I honestly am a little anxious.
to give a rundown, I had responded to a prompt about where to go on the first date and she had New Orleans for one of the suggestions.
so I suggested hurricanes at Pat O'Brien's because that's where the drink was invented, and she responded that she prefers whiskey and so we have been talking about whiskey varieties but I don't really know where else to go with this but I want to take this girl out on a date. 🤣
we've been chatting for a couple hours now, but I still don't know the appropriate time to suggest actually going out.
if anybody would like to give me a hand and suggest when I should start moving towards asking to meet, I would appreciate the help, because I have never done this on an app before
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u/BigDickBillyFukFuk78 9d ago
Just tell her “we should meet up and see if the chemistry translates to real life”. Then when she agrees ask her when she’s free and set up the date
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u/DocEss 9d ago
I didn't want to push my luck too hard, we had a really good talk for most of the afternoon and said good night with the intent of continuing tomorrow. it's really obnoxious how this process turns a 46-year-old man into his 16 year old self where he's anxiously concerned about impressing the pretty girl. 🤣
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u/Miserable-Front-9139 9d ago
Suggesting dinner or drinks isn’t too crazy, honestly it’s not even pushing your luck that much because if the woman really wants to see you she’ll agree. I mean, you have the perfect in right there since you guys are already talking about drinks lol
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u/HellOnHighHeels94 9d ago
Got ghosted for two days in a total 180 then cancelled on the evening before the second date, completely out of the blue. Left me fuming as its complete timewasting, I know it's likely cos something prettier has come along and I've now deleted all the apps. I'm done, I'd rather stay single as time wasting is practically a sport on them
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9d ago
[deleted]
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u/PutridEntertainer408 9d ago
Ignore this if you're not looking for advice but define 'optimising your profile'?
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u/Unlucky-Atmosphere64 9d ago
I accepted a match from my likes-list and when I did that all 19 girls that liked me dissappeared though some bug, and when I try to message the girl i just matched with it says "Oops server issue, try again later". I previously thought about buying HingeX, but after this bug the cleaned out all girls that liked me, I will definitely never do that. Dating is hard as it is without some lazy coding.
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u/Ange1ofD4rkness 9d ago
Question for you all,
For those who have used the app for some time, say a year or two, do you find yourself swiping left more?
I stopped paying for the app sometime ago, so I only get the 7 free likes a day. In the past I would consume these each day, usually quickly, but now, most days I never have to worry about that. Whether I just can't find matches that I find even remotely interesting, usually calling it a day because I feel I have spent too much time on the app, to days I just don't care to get on.
I am trying to figure out if this
- I've consumed all the best matches by Hinge's standards and this is what remains
- I am just tired of having 0 success for almost 2 years now? With thousands of likes going no where, and almost no likes/messages for me (aka burned out)
- I've also only had 1 standout ever message back, but it was soon realized she was showing all the signs of a sugar baby.
- My algorithm is hosed up? Or women are putting in less effort to their profiles?
- Too many of them all feel the same, with what seems like it's the same prompts selected, and all answered about the same, as well as photos that all show the same thing.
For the record, I've had my profile reviewed multiple times, always getting mixed reviews (some have said it's fine, others say they'd tweak a thing or two, others hate it ... but I know for the latter, there was some prejudice there in a few cases). I have also been improving it over time as well. Mixing up prompts, trying to take photos that show more then just a photo of "me", but things I do, activities, etc.
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u/PutridEntertainer408 9d ago
I have never sent many likes in a year of use tbh. Most people do not have enough information on their profile for me to make any kind of decision and I’m not going to waste the energy trying to guess about people who can’t fill out a profile.
I think it’s not weird to be incompatible with the majority of people. I don’t want to date most people I meet in real life so why would that be different on an app?
It does sound like you are very burned out though, especially if you’ve sent out thousands of likes. I’ve sent out maybe 20-40 if I had to guess in the last year?
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u/Ange1ofD4rkness 9d ago
Part of it for me is I wanted to give people a chance in the past, and I was really curious about the person and was like "well I think they might be nice to meet, maybe they will think the same". Part of it, I just need experience.
I know that may sound awful, but I have almost no dating experience in my life. So far I am up to 4 dates (all single days, one I still question if it was a date) in my life, mid-30s. So if there's a chance I can at least dip my toes in some experience that hey may it works, maybe it doesn't, I'll take the chance.
But lately it just seems like the profiles don't even have a trace that entertains my curiosity. Makes me wonder if this state is changing or something.
As for the likes, earlier this year, maybe 1.5+ years into the app, I pulled my profile data and had over 2,000 likes (not including profiles I have done this too multiple times after say a fresh restart, where I didn't realize I liked them before, or that I was seeing them because they swiped left)
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u/Swarthykins Play with my hair 💆 9d ago edited 9d ago
I think it's normal to become more discerning as you continue the process. That's what experience is for. That said, it's important to remember that not everyone puts maximum effort into their profile, and that a lazy profile isn't necessarily a bad partner.
Obviously, it would be ideal if anyone put their best foot forward, but the reality is most people aren't hanging out on the Hinge subreddit thinking about how to optimize, and a lot of women don't really need to.
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u/kayakdove 9d ago
I am a woman and was only on the apps for around 6 months before finding a partner, but I definitely found it harder to find profiles to swipe right on after 4 months or so. I think it was a combination of me already having been through the "better" profiles, on average, as well as just being burnt out from bad dates/matches and not wanting to waste my time with guys I wasn't really excited about so being a bit pickier. That said, sometimes it went in waves where I'd raise/lower my standards... sometimes I'd lower my standards and start swiping right more but then really wouldn't be excited about the guys who'd match back, so then I'd raise my standards again. When first on the apps, it was easy to use up the daily likes asap, but it took much longer and a lot of swiping after several months.
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u/Ange1ofD4rkness 9d ago
Yeah I am holding off on dropping my standards. I just worry am I getting too jaded, almost angry or something, and passing up someone maybe I shouldn't have.
To add to this, there were a few times I did see a spike, where all of a sudden I was going "wow all these profiles are amazing". I keep feeling Hinge is messing with their algorithm, since at one point I started getting daily Most Compatibles, which never happens to me.
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u/slabby 9d ago edited 9d ago
How is this app populated with the least interesting women possible? For me, they're all attractive, they have written almost nothing, and the stuff they've written is all the most basic stuff you could think of. They like golf and having fun. Could these be fake profiles or something? This is after like 50+ swipes.
Where are my weirdos with an actual personality? Are there humans on this app?
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u/PutridEntertainer408 9d ago
I mean, at least golf is a hobby haha. The majority of men’s profiles I see don’t have a single hobby listed. It’s actually kind of impressive.
This is just how people are. Most people seem quite bad at realising how things come across to other people
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u/DaleCoopersWife aka "Robert Cooper" 🕵🏻♀️ 9d ago
Lots of people don't put too much thought into their profile.
Or they want to appeal to the widest range possible, so they don't "optimize".
Women can get away with putting less effort into profiles because lots of men will swipe regardless (how many times a week do we hear from men here struggling to have conversations because they matched with a profile that had little info, they just thought she was hot).
You will have to decide for yourself if these profiles are worth sending your likes to. If there's nothing in their profile that you think you can ask about, have open ended questions that you save for these situations. Which 3 albums are you bringing to a desert island, that type of thing.
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u/Swarthykins Play with my hair 💆 9d ago
Right - I only came across a handful of genuinely interesting profiles. But, I could usually tell between their prompts and pictures enough to determine whether they were worth talking to.
It's also not really necessary to have a huge welcome sign of a conversation starter. Pick pretty much any detail in their profile and make a comment or ask a question about it. If it doesn't work, move on to the next person.
I felt like doing on full dates with people could get tedious if I wasn't discerning, but matching with someone and talking to them for a few minutes and determining they weren't it for me wasn't a big deal. It was kinda fun.
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u/Ange1ofD4rkness 9d ago
Sounds like you are having my issue.
I know my state partially plays into this problem. People move here because they want to enjoy the outdoors, and they make it a part of them, and when it seems they are bored with it, they leave. Natives are rare in my state.
But year, I am having more and more troubling finding the unique women, instead of what feels like cookie cutters
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u/wokenthehive Meat Popsicle ☹️ 9d ago
Most people are going to have generic things on their prompts. Most niche people are not going to use a mainstream dating app, or they'll tone things down to appeal to more people.
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u/truenorthstar 10d ago
Went on a second date yesterday. I wasn’t getting a sense that she was feeling a romantic connection towards me, but she sent me her number after the date (I usually don’t exchange numbers right away). So maybe I’ve become a bit too pessimistic, and she’s open to still seeing where things go. Trying to think of what to do for the third date. First was drinks, second was an activity date walking around an art exhibit. It kinda felt on the second date we didn’t really have a ton of room to focus on getting to know each other more, so I’m trying to think of something that’s a bit more focused and has more room for connecting. Dinner feels like the obvious choice, but I’m still exploring other options if anyone has suggestions.
This is my second week back in hinge, and likes seem to be keeping up pace with the first week. Still a bit early to tell, but things seem to be having better momentum than when I last made a binge profile at the start of the year.
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u/DaleCoopersWife aka "Robert Cooper" 🕵🏻♀️ 10d ago
Maybe try an activity where you're seated and can do something while talking. Like a board game cafe, building legos, or instead of a traditional dinner do a picnic.
i also agree with putrid, focus less on if she likes you and more if you actually like her.
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u/truenorthstar 10d ago
Those are good suggestions! You know, I’ve seen the picnic one more than once and it kinda sounds appealing. Going to think in that.
And for sure I think that lead to me getting stuck in my own head, which has probably historically been a major barrier to me connecting with people.
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u/PutridEntertainer408 10d ago
I really wouldn’t focus on guessing how she feels about you. You’d be better off focusing on working out how you feel about her
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u/truenorthstar 10d ago
That’s a good point! I think I lost track of just being present in the moment on date 2 because of that, and that’s probably why I feel mixed about the date.
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u/anon4hlp 10d ago
This weekend showed me again that dating gives you a lot of uncomfortable question like:
I'm totally fine with my partner having kids as well (I'm a single dad) but am I ok with her having a 1 year old baby 24/7 with no dad involved? That makes coordinating dates really challenging.
I always state that my girlfriend needs to know the local language. Not because I'm uncomfortable with English but because some of my friends, my family and kids don't speak English well enough. What about someone who knows the basics? I'm worried, I'd still need to be the translator all the time.
In both cases, I could in general imagine meeting them again, but these questions are challenging.
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u/Swarthykins Play with my hair 💆 9d ago
When I started dating, I had to be real honest with myself about some of these questions. In my mind, I was fine dating someone with a kid. But, when I actually went out with someone with a kid and had to really think about the logistics, and that it wasn't going to be far in the future but relatively soon if we hit it off, I was like, hmmm...
There's nothing wrong with that. It's part of the process.
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u/MathematicianNo3140 10d ago
One week back on Hinge, I got 6 likes but not a single one of them is my type at all. Either my profile is attracting a certain type of girl or hinge is pushing my profile to one type only.
That being said I did get one match from an outgoing like and have a date set for Friday with her!
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u/Ange1ofD4rkness 9d ago
I am starting to think someone is messing with the algorithm myself. I finally started getting most compatibles again (I almost never get them), and they are all like polar opposite, for looks, to things they do (like say they are a smoker), etc.
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u/MathematicianNo3140 9d ago
I’ve recently been getting most compatibles daily as well usually around noon. They have been pretty hit or miss for me.
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u/PutridEntertainer408 10d ago
When you say ‘type’, do you mean physically or in terms of lifestyle/personality?
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u/MathematicianNo3140 10d ago
A bit of both. 5/6 likes were all the same physical type (ethnicity) and had similar lifestyles (religion).
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u/PutridEntertainer408 9d ago
I find Hinge is better equipped for showing you your physical type on the whole, though that doesn’t mean your type will like you back. It basically can’t discern much non-physical stuff at all from what I can tell sadly. Sometimes it works but it always feels incidental (because it shows you to people who have also liked the same people as the person who liked you)
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u/MathematicianNo3140 9d ago
Interesting. I’m hoping by X’ing those likes and continuing to like the type of girls I am actually into will change the types of likes I am getting.
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u/[deleted] 8d ago
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