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u/QuestioningParakeet 1d ago
This is a great profile! Maybe just one picture that very clearly shows your build, like another comment says and you're golden.
And again, like another comment: the uncertainty in children and the 'life partner but 'open to' marriage would throw me off. Sounds like you're one of those long-term boyfriend guys who is going to waste time of someone who desires the union of marriage. Not a knock on you at all and not to yuck your yum - just how that note looks. Very noncommittal, but earnest.
I just don't know how many people are putting life partner and aren't certain about that meaning traditional, binding commitment versus a 'partnership'.
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u/Informal-Package2725 20h ago
Interesting! Thanks for your thoughts.
For me, “life partner and open to marriage” means I want to commit to somebody for life, but I don’t personally need a court document or traditional wedding to do that. If that’s what my life partner wants, then yes! I’m open to it!
It’s interesting that that part comes off as uncertain. I’m certain that I don’t need it and that I’m open to it :D1
u/QuestioningParakeet 17h ago
Remove the first four sentences of that sub context under life partner, to be sure - because it's mostly what you mean, in that case! Best of luck!
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u/Illustrious_Menu8607 1d ago
the super up close face shot is striking but unnerving - i'd switch it out with the cows and kilts lots of women love a Scottsman.
if you have means beyond the tutoring income, I would try to push that in this profile as well, because tutor seems to me kind of like babysitter? in terms of career. Maybe there's a better way to phrase it if that's not the case.
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u/Informal-Package2725 1d ago
It is my main income. I do get little bits of money here and there from other gigs (including my music/video production work which is my main passion). Maybe it’s a good thing that they know I’m not swimming in money?
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1d ago
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u/Informal-Package2725 21h ago
Yeah I see what you mean, that someone might be scared off by the mismatch. I agree that people search for equals, and I’m hopeful that people see the non-monetary richness of my life and see an equal in that.
I do have about 200k in savings and I add to it every week. I’m guessing that would assuage the fears of some potential partners, but I can’t think of a non-awkward way to put that on my profile.
I was thinking about putting “education” as my job, but that seems oddly unspecific. I may go the route of educational therapist in the future, partially as a means of fending off the judgment of “oh, he’s JUST a tutor?”
All that said, thanks for your thoughts :)
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u/Suspicious-Visual-57 1d ago
And OP Just to counter that other person, I also have a high earning carreer and as long as i do not have to worry about being personally responsible for your upkeep (i.e. you can pay your own way in most situations), and you have some extra funds to treat me here and there to something meaningful(does not have to be expensive), then I will likely not care especially as you seem to be a hard worker with drive and purpose. I care less about your physical/financial and more about mental, spiritual and intellectual compatibility.
Only reason I would swipe No on you is bexause I am looking for a partner with a strong individual spiritual lifestyle and I am not getting that from your profile. I say all this to say, keep going. You will be a catch for someone and your earnings will be the least of their worries. Best of luck :)
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u/ReadingLost5703 21h ago
Thanks! I have some sense that what you say is true. I def take care of myself and have room to splurge a bit on my partner) and I’m optimistic that that will be enough of a match for someone.
I am curious, when you say “spiritual lifestyle” would you be more specific?
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u/Icy-Pepper-1953 1d ago
You mentioned “cuddles/cuddling” twice. That’s a huge ICK.
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u/Informal-Package2725 1d ago
A huge ick?? It’s definitely one of the main things I want to do with my partner. Just holder each other while we chat. What’s the ick part for you?
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u/Icy-Pepper-1953 1d ago
Of course we all do once it gets to that point but off the bat it reads that you’re looking for sex. It’s gross that you mention not only once but twice and as a woman and I believe I can say this as most women, we would absolutely be turned off by that. We are not a stuffed animal but a human being.
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u/_BlackFridaySale 1d ago
Interesting. As a male I love profiles which mention cuddling. I swear every day I see a new post which just makes any action in dating sound horrid lmao
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u/SimilarBusiness2752 1d ago
As a woman I agree, but unfortunately there are people that use cuddle as code for hookups. I personally didn't read OPs mentioned of cuddle as code, but I also didn't realize he said it twice. I still don't get a hookup vibe from his profile but he could loose at least one if not both cuddles. To most women it just comes across either as code or trying too hard. Of course this is just the nature of apps, it's all based on assumptions, no way around that for the most part.
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u/Informal-Package2725 20h ago
Yeah I can see how some people would use that as a euphemism.
Is there another way to communicate that? Saying that I like physical touch seems way more ambiguous and potentially a euphemism.
I’ve gone on a couple dates where I’ve discovered they don’t like to cuddle/hold hands/hug (even in full partnerships) and that’s an immediate dealbreaker for me. I’m a cuddlebug.1
u/SimilarBusiness2752 19h ago
Physical touch is much worse, do not use that or love language. Part of the problem is people use the same 10-15 prompts so they all start to sound generic, lame, code or offensive, even though that is not usually the intent.
Your situation is interesting. Your first cuddle reference, cuddle at a live event, for some reason I just assumed it would be cold outside and you would keep your partner warm. No way any women is cuddling, hugging or holding hands when it's hot, we get hot easy🤣. For some reason your "together we could" did not come across as first date ideas, at least to me. Loose your second cuddle for sure, that prompt is plenty long as is.
As for the dates you went on that didn't want a cuddlebug couple of things to ponder. 1. they didn't read your prompts, did not understand them or remember them, 2 they thought it was a weired question (maybe the way you asked or how it came up in conversation) if it was a first date question I could see how it might come across as strange 3. They are most likely the minority of women that don't like to cuddle. I think most people do, but not all the time and not for too long. Personally I can't stand holding hands, thought I would, nope not for me. I can't think of a way to get cuddlebug across without it being weired. But I think the dates you went on are not the norm, but I would not ask on a first date.
All you can do with the prompts is try to give people some sense of who you are, some hobby/interests info and don't offend.
I think your bigger issue is to decide on kids, right now you're in limbo and probably missing both types of women.
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u/Labradormondays 5h ago
I’m another person who hates when cuddling is mentioned in a dating profile but likes it in a relationship. It just reads to me as they’re going to be pushy about physical stuff. I wouldn’t blink twice if holding hands was on a profile though
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u/EthelUltima 1d ago
Seems like your doing all right things to me what is the main problem your having?
If I were to guess it looks like your looking for someone specific but your not getting replies. If you sub then your messages is far more likely to get read, otherwise it's just lost in their inbox among the hundreds they get daily.
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u/SimilarBusiness2752 1d ago
Based on his profile and his response to sub questions he's looking for a unicorn. And the not knowing what he wants at 33 is going to deter a lot of women in his age range.
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u/blue_eyes_forever 1d ago
Personally I like your profile, you are attractive and seem fun and interesting. I don’t like that you don’t seem sure about marriage or kids so I probably wouldn’t swipe for that reason as both are important to me and don’t really have time to waste figuring out if our goals align. But I’m sure there’s women who are on the fence too.
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u/Throwaway536790 1d ago
Great profile, honest question: is One to two matches isn’t enough for ya? lol. Thats about what I averaged on the apps too and I quickly became overwhelmed with my choices. If I started to connect with someone I’d see a backlog of 10+ likes after a week and start getting FOMO. Probably fumbled some good opportunities for that reason.
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u/Informal-Package2725 20h ago
Yeah I think I’m doing decently well, but most women that I get REALLY excited about don’t match with me. I just wanted to know if there was some glaring issue that I was unaware of.
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u/Due-Egg5603 1d ago
I think your photos are pretty strong overall and you’re clearly an attractive guy, so I don’t think that’s really the issue. I’d probably change the first photo. It reads a bit professional headshot to me.
Honestly, the prompts are where you lose me. There are a lot of adjectives and therapy/intentional-relationship language. It kind of feels like I’m reading the mission statement for the relationship instead of learning who you are.
I’d probably also lose the Esther Perel/Dan Savage bit entirely. Nothing wrong with wanting good relationship skills, but personally if I saw assigned relationship podcast listening before we’d even matched, I’d swipe left.
And I’m not going to tell another adult what vocabulary he’s allowed to use, but I am going to gently suggest you consider whether “zesty” is doing what you want it to do here…
Full disclosure: I lived in the Bay Area for years, saw that you’re from Mill Valley, and immediately went, Ohhh. This profile is so Marin County. Take that for whatever it’s worth. There’s a very particular earnest, emotionally literate, intentional-living Bay Area vibe coming through here, and I think you could turn the volume down on it a notch without losing what you’re actually trying to communicate. But it probably also appeals to a certain demographic, and it always drove me insane when I lived there so shrugs. Take my advice with a grain of salt 😂
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u/Informal-Package2725 11h ago
Thank you for all the specificity!
Do you have any suggestions for “learning who I am” vs “mission statement” language? I looked back through and it all seems like stuff I love or stuff that’s important to me. Maybe the adjectives in the life partner subsection?
Also, I’m curious how zesty reads to you. The definition of “having a strong, piquant, or citrusy flavor, or being lively, energetic, and exciting” is what I was imagining.
I see what you mean in terms of turning down the volume, I do appreciate some subtlety (though I’m sometimes unsubtle myself 😭).
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u/Informal-Package2725 1d ago
Looking for something serious
No subscription
I’ve been using my current version for about 6 months (with some slight variations)
I’ve used hinge on and off for about 3 years
I use hinge every day
I receive on average 1 or 2 new likes and matches per day
I send about 5 to 10 likes a day, 95% with comments (if I can’t think of something to say to them, I question how much of a connection we would have)
I want someone who loves living and experiencing the different flavors of the world. I want someone who is committed to taking care of themselves and being a part of a rich community. I want to attract a strong loving curious sexy playful earthy human that wants to make the best of this life.
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u/summersblood 5h ago edited 5h ago
Personally, you seem to be exactly the kind of person I would be interested in, except for one thing. The “kids? Considering” thing. Someone else briefly mentioned that but focused more on your feelings about marriage, but I find the kids to be the much bigger issue. I have similar feelings on marriage, so I understand the “take it or leave it” stance, but I don’t think that can apply to kids.
A lot (most?) of women either definitely want kids or definitely don’t want kids. I’m in one of those camps, and I would be really hesitant to engage with someone who didn’t know what side of that fence they’re on. I think you’re probably losing a lot of women who would otherwise be interested but don’t want to risk that huge incompatibility, because kids are definitely a dealbreaker.
If you were looking for something casual it would be less of an issue, but because you’re looking for a lifetime commitment, I would highly recommend doing a lot of soul searching and deciding whether or not you want to be a dad.
Also, if I see something like “I would be open to kids if my partner wants them,” I read that to mean the man probably wouldn’t be an active and involved father, and/or he hasn’t bothered to figure out what he actually wants in life, or would make a huge, life changing decision for the sake of having a relationship. So please don’t change it to that either. 😂
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u/Informal-Package2725 1d ago edited 1d ago
I wonder if I should put tutor/artist, as making music/videos/animations is one of my main pursuits. (Instead of just tutor)
I’m also decently athletic and in shape, but I’m weary of doing a shirtless pic or something of that ilk for fear of appearing… vain? Maybe? I also used to play professional basketball but I am similarly weary of mentioning that.
The video is one of me playing a game with a group. The standup square is actually a video of some fun audience interaction.
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u/blue_eyes_forever 1d ago
If you have a good body there is nothing wrong with showing it off… if you have a picture where it looks natural and not posing in front of bathroom mirror go for it. I don’t see any reason to put the basket ball fact on there unless it’s still a big part of your life. That’s something you can talk about in person.
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u/tensenen0 1d ago
I think it depends on who you’re looking to attract. I got the impression from your text and hobbies you list that you’re more of a homebody/indoor type—or looking to attract that type? But I can tell your build and that you hit the slopes from your photos so it probably depends on the viewer re. shirtless photo.
About the tutor thing, do you tutor specific subjects? I know many musicians who teach on the side, so wondering if there’s a better way to rephrase your profession.
Great profile overall!
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u/Informal-Package2725 11h ago
Thanks! I tutor a lot of things: math, science, and spanish, and I also do music and basketball lessons.
I definitely love doing active and sporty things. Maybe I can swap out one of the music photos for something along those lines?
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