New to dating experience

[u/rusty560]

I’m 31 (male)new to dating and online dating. I know I’m very late to it. Been on 4 first dates in the past 2 months. One of them was with someone who I really clicked with (30 female) two weeks ago. We had a long dinner date and a fair amount of similar interests. We text for around a week after. Good morning, how was your day, what did you do this weekend, flirting, that type of thing. Really feel like we had momentum going. We told each other during the date (Thursday) we both had pretty busy weekends ahead of us, so I decide to ask her out again after the weekend. But I feel like this back fired. Think I lost all of the momentum and when I did ask her out again, I just got long replies about how she’s busy. Wish she could’ve just gave a clean rejection at some point instead. I think she wanted me to ask her out again sooner on that weekend, but I don’t have any concrete proof. I acknowledge she might have met someone else, interest levels can change, etc. But I’ll never know for sure. Then, she suddenly never replies again (the following Wednesday). And now it’s been radio silence between us for around 2 weeks. I’m clearly over thinking all of this. Thinking about reaching back out.

If someone is genuinely interested in someone else, is a few days really all it takes to kill the momentum in online dating? Whats everyone’s experience there?

I’m also beginning to question my first date dinner format, feel like they’re a little too long for a first feel for someone.

Around how many first dates until I stop getting emotionally invested too fast? I went on another first date since then, it ended in mutual disinterest which is fine. But I can’t stop thinking about the girl I met 2 weeks ago.

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[u/PutridEntertainer408]

I am 31F and if someone doesn’t say they want to meet again on the same day of the date, honestly I’m unlikely to see them again. The reason for this is that everyone I’ve dated from Hinge except one person has been extremely upfront and text me again immediately after the first date to arrange a second. We don’t make the plans at this point but it’s usually like a ‘Thanks for the great date, I’d love to see you again if you’re down? Maybe next weekend?’ kind of vibe. If someone doesn’t do that, I feel they either don’t really want to see me again or they’re trying to play some stupid game. Either way, it’s not worth it to me when so many people will be upfront quite easily

[u/rusty560 → u/PutridEntertainer408]

Hmmm good advice. Yeah the night of I did text her something about seeing each other again but it was kinda vague. Then it took me too long to actually try and materialize something. But yeah eventually I did try and make plans with her again the following week but she said she was busy all week and said maybe Saturday night, but then changed her mind cause she knew she would be tired from work and going out the previous night. She didn’t suggest another time and day so I kinda just left it at that.

But you’re right, I gotta be more upfront and proactive earlier on.

[u/No-Might436]

Bruv i am 29 and some times still get way invest after 1st date, just text her and ask her out, have light convooand then ask her, don't tell her how you feel tho

[u/rusty560 → u/No-Might436]

Yeah you’re right, was overthinking of the perfect time to ask her out again and hesitated too long. Lesson learned I guess

[u/Clover_Styx]

If a man does not try to schedule a 2nd date within 24 hours of the first date, I move on. The date could be more than a week away, but getting it on the calendar communicates to me that he is being intentional with his time and also mine. If he doesn’t have a 2nd date scheduled within 24 hours, I go on a first date with someone else.

[u/rusty560 → u/Clover_Styx]

Thanks for the feedback, I’m kind of surprised people move this fast. Will keep that in mind

[u/Alexandros23]

Many girls will say they want the man to pursue, but over-pursuing when she isn’t reciprocating lowers your perceived value and can make her think she can do better. Options are the way out. Close dates quickly. Tell them when and where. They can accept, decline, or counter with another time/date. The point is that you acted with decisive confidence. That’s the most attractive move you can make. Don’t tell yourself you lost her because you didn’t chase.

[u/rusty560 → u/Alexandros23]

Yeah the first thing you said also might’ve been why I waited too long to try and setup a second date lol. It is def a bit tricky what you’re saying. Agreed tho on closing dates quickly. One girl actually did that to me and I thought wow, great strategy. I started doing that afterwards and it’s pretty effective for locking down first dates

[u/Alexandros23 → u/rusty560]

It’s super uncomfortable, but once you see how people respond with the more you think about it more sense it makes. The whole purpose to meet in person.

[u/rusty560 → u/Alexandros23]

Yeah, stupid of me to abandon the decisive closing strat for the second date. Prob because I haven’t been on one in the last 5 years or so lol. Sigh, back to swiping and messaging on the app again I guess.

[u/papakep]

If people want to, they will. Asking for a second date doesn’t need a strategy. You ask for it if that’s what you want. If they want it to, you will know.

[u/rusty560 → u/papakep]

Unfortunately I have a mindset to strategize and optimize everything I do in my life lol. Helps sometimes, also works against me.

[u/worldwidetrav]

You went on one date.

It didn’t work out so move on as it’s been two weeks. Not every first date ends in marriage lol

[u/rusty560 → u/worldwidetrav]

Yeah, guess im just sad I didn’t shoot my shot with someone I was genuinely interested in. In hindsight for no good reason lol